First, let’s get the Jeffy updates out of the way. Go here to read all about the incident that now involves Matt Spaeth, public urination, Jeff’s parents, and “a fighting stance.” Awesome. Also, Jeff is contesting it, claiming he did nothing wrong. More awesome!
Now, let’s talk about the Brownies.
Bearing in mind that I wrote in the previous post that “my dogs and a team of half-trained monkeys could beat the Browns,” and we did, I’m amazed that we didn’t win in a more commanding fashion.
I’m also very sad that I don’t get to murder Steely McBeam. Twice.
1. The Duke of Fug, the Earl of Gross, and the King of Quarterbackylonia continues to rule his kingdom like no other, except maybe Tom Brady, but we will not speak of the Devil in this post [ptewie] [ptewie] [throws salt over shoulder] [stabs needle into crotch of Tom Brady voodoo doll].
417 yards. Crap, next year I’m drafting this beast to my fantasy football league if I have to show boobs to do it. He’s mine.
2. I had forgotten how ugly the Browns’ uniforms are. I mean seriously. Uh-gly.
3. Was it just me, or did the Brownies drop more passes than they actually caught? Ball after ball smacking their hands and tumbling to the ground uncaught. Perhaps they’d have better luck if they tried to use something other than The Force to catch balls.
The Force is not strong with this one, no?
3. Or maybe they misunderstood their coach’s instructions.
4. Troysus played without a knee brace and managed to pull in one of his signature interceptions.
But then after that he kind of didn’t do very much, but we’ll not talk of that in this post. [ptewie] [ptewie] [stabs needle into the crotch of Tom Brady voodoo doll for no real reason other than HEE!]
5. It appears that the Steelers were awarded a first down because the referees haven’t yet mastered the complex concepts of more and less.
Can we have these refs forever and ever? Then next time Jeff Reed misses a field goal by just an inch or so, these guys will be all, “Eh. Close enough!”
I’m not so stupid as to look at that and try to deny that it was a royally mucked up call.
6. Hines Ward caught a pass, landed in bounds, rolled out of bounds, bobbled the ball a bit, stood up and had a touchdown called back. What the hell?! How long does a player have to hold on to the ball in order for it to be a touchdown? Do they have to stand up, shove the ball in their pants and walk around with it for a few hours? Take it to practice next week? Buy it dinner? WHAT?
7. I’m a little worried about the running game, considering we finished with 140 whole yards against the Browns and we’ve got the Vikings and their Norse God Brett Favre to deal with next week. I’m worried that the offensive line didn’t offer enough protection for them. I’m worried that Troysus needs more time. I’M WORRIED ABOUT NEXT WEEK!
Sorry so late today, peeps. I’ll try to get the post up sooner after we crush the Vikings [stabs pin into right arm of Brett Favre voodoo doll and then stabs another pin into the crotch of Tom Brady voodoo doll … because it’s there].
Also, I make you this promise. If it is cloudy and cool one more day this October, I will kill Steely McBeam. Three times.
[stabs pin into the eyeball of Steely McBeam voodoo doll. Three times.]