What They’re Really Thinking: Frownie Edition.

First, let’s get the Jeffy updates out of the way.  Go here to read all about the incident that now involves Matt Spaeth, public urination, Jeff’s parents, and “a fighting stance.”  Awesome.  Also, Jeff is contesting it, claiming he did nothing wrong. More awesome!

Now, let’s talk about the Brownies.

Bearing in mind that I wrote in the previous post that “my dogs and a team of half-trained monkeys could beat the Browns,” and we did, I’m amazed that we didn’t win in a more commanding fashion.

I’m also very sad that I don’t get to murder Steely McBeam. Twice.

1. The Duke of Fug, the Earl of Gross, and the King of Quarterbackylonia continues to rule his kingdom like no other, except maybe Tom Brady, but we will not speak of the Devil in this post [ptewie] [ptewie] [throws salt over shoulder] [stabs needle into crotch of Tom Brady voodoo doll].

417 yards. Crap, next year I’m drafting this beast to my fantasy football league if I have to show boobs to do it. He’s mine.

2. I had forgotten how ugly the Browns’ uniforms are.  I mean seriously. Uh-gly.

3.  Was it just me, or did the Brownies drop more passes than they actually caught? Ball after ball smacking their hands and tumbling to the ground uncaught.  Perhaps they’d have better luck if they tried to use something other than The Force to catch balls.


The Force is not strong with this one, no?

3.  Or maybe they misunderstood their coach’s instructions.

4.  Troysus played without a knee brace and managed to pull in one of his signature interceptions.

But then after that he kind of didn’t do very much, but we’ll not talk of that in this post. [ptewie] [ptewie] [stabs needle into the crotch of Tom Brady voodoo doll for no real reason other than HEE!]

5.  It appears that the Steelers were awarded a first down because the referees haven’t yet mastered the complex concepts of more and less.

Can we have these refs forever and ever? Then next time Jeff Reed misses a field goal by just an inch or so, these guys will be all, “Eh. Close enough!”

I’m not so stupid as to look at that and try to deny that it was a royally mucked up call.

6.  Hines Ward caught a pass, landed in bounds, rolled out of bounds, bobbled the ball a bit, stood up and had a touchdown called back. What the hell?!  How long does a player have to hold on to the ball in order for it to be a touchdown? Do they have to stand up, shove the ball in their pants and walk around with it for a few hours? Take it to practice next week? Buy it dinner? WHAT?

7.  I’m a little worried about the running game, considering we finished with 140 whole yards against the Browns and we’ve got the Vikings and their Norse God Brett Favre to deal with next week. I’m worried that the offensive line didn’t offer enough protection for them. I’m worried that Troysus needs more time.  I’M WORRIED ABOUT NEXT WEEK!

Sorry so late today, peeps.  I’ll try to get the post up sooner  after we crush the Vikings [stabs pin into right arm of Brett Favre voodoo doll and then stabs another pin into the crotch of Tom Brady voodoo doll … because it’s there].

Also, I make you this promise.  If it is cloudy and cool one more day this October, I will kill Steely McBeam. Three times.

[stabs pin into the eyeball of Steely McBeam voodoo doll. Three times.]

You’re welcome.


  1. pghgeorge
    October 19, 2009 8:02 pm

    What a good surprise post before calling it a night.

  2. Magus Patris
    October 19, 2009 8:31 pm

    After seeing Ben’s goofy looking self again, I really do think he’s from Bedrock. http://twitpic.com/m7gsj

  3. bucdaddy
    October 19, 2009 8:51 pm

    I really don’t get all the Tom Brady hate. He’s handsome, married to a (fugly, IMHO — she gets huge mileage out of just being Brazilian, for some reason — but still a) supermodel, wins with astonishing regularity and kicked the crap out of the team that desecrated the towel (in a blizzard — there ought to be a rule that all football games have to be played in a blizzard).

    Can’t you give the poor guy a break?

  4. Bram R
    October 19, 2009 8:55 pm

    From now on, all Steelers receivers have to do what Santonio Holmes did when he won the Superbowl. Catch the ball, sit right down with your butt on the ground, hug the ball with both arms, and rock back and forth like you’re praying, “I do believe in fairies! I do I do I do!”

    Close enough BWAA!

  5. matt pritt
    October 19, 2009 10:23 pm

    This isn’t the first time this season that the officials made that ruling on the Hines Ward catch/no catch bit in the endzone. Earlier this years Louis Murphy appeared to catch a pass for the Raiders in the endzone, came down with both feet and possession of the ball, but because his motion was taking him to the ground and hitting the ground caused the ball to come out, it was ruled an incomplete pass. (video evidence here..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnBS8tTsnWE) Not that I agree with the call on Ward or Murphy, but it does have precedent this season.

  6. Pa-pop
    October 19, 2009 10:42 pm

    I was watching the game in the middle of Browndom at my son-in-law’s home near Cleveland, proudly wearing my Troysus jersey. Yeah, like the pleasant close-ups of the Brownie’s offensive coordinator, he was all WTF over the phantom phirst down. I likewise cringed … at first. Then we ran an experiment on the kitchen counter in which two items were placed nearly side-by-side, and, by gawd, depending on the angle, one thing looks like it’s in front of the other. Given that the TV camera position was probably between the 20 and 30 yard lines, I maintain it was not a bogus call. Upon further review, Pa-pop says, “Cram it, Brownies!” It’s a call that can be legitimately defended.

  7. Oddmanout
    October 19, 2009 11:29 pm

    bucdaddy, I have no problem with Brady, other than he plays for SATAN himself, that little hoodie wearing troll BiliJERK. I don’t care what level of football your playing you do NOT go into the 4th quarter up by 59 points and throw the ball, run the ball every down, you jackass and let the clock run to mercifully end the game. But what the little jerk fails to remember is… what comes around goes around…. someday the Patriots will be down and teams will remember what HE did (because the head coach controls the game) and lay it on them. It showed what a low class poor sport he is, you do not kick a wounded opponant when they are down, So when Brady gets injured and people cheer he is reaping what the troll has sown.

  8. Bojack
    October 20, 2009 4:03 am

    Did you know??

    -On a DUI charge you are REQUIRED to get a blood alcohol level test,


    -on a “Public Intox” charge you are prohibited from getting a blood alcohol test?? You can not prove your level (or not) of alcohol! How convenient for a cop!

    Instead it’s a “judgement” call by Pgh’s finest! You know, the same
    like they used to WAIT exactly 90 minutes too long to administer a blood alcohol test to their fellow officer, the armed, drunken thug Pgh Police Officer Paul Abel; who after getting hammered in the Town Tavern, got in his car and drove around the block and pistol-whipped, then SHOT the wrong guy!! A guy he mistook for insulting him a few minutes earlier—

    not only did he beat all charges (think OJ hereJ) he’s BACK ON DUTY!!

    So keep your sheep blind faith to yourselves!!!
    Do some preaching where it’s real!!

  9. Bojack
    October 20, 2009 4:18 am

    PSS- Brady SUCKS!!
    Patriots SUCK!!
    His wife is a strap-hanging Ho (and obviously sucks!!)
    Patriots and Brady deserve what Oddmanout says!!! In SPADES!!!

    ok, Oh Miss? Please cancel that 2nd 5-shot espresso…..

  10. red pen mama
    October 20, 2009 4:34 am

    Honestly, when an official blows a call, I think they make it a point to blow another one so as not to allow a blown call to “favor” one team or the other.

    That said, Pa-Pop does have a point, and that is exactly what the referee told the press after the game (re: camera angle).

    As for Hines’ touchdown, it’s like they change up the rules whenever they feel like it. “Do they have to stand up, shove the ball in their pants and walk around with it for a few hours? Take it to practice next week? Buy it dinner? WHAT?” Don’t give them ideas, Ginny.

    Also, another week, another mom moment: Benny, get a haircut.


  11. Carol
    October 20, 2009 5:14 am

    OK this is my nerdy contribution to the first-down controversy. It’s called parallax as referenced in No.6 I just had to post this since I was so proud of recalling a term I learned in high school physics in 1974!!! Thanks Bernie Lapinski (aka Bunson Bernie) Penn Hills High School physics teacher.

  12. Bojack
    October 20, 2009 5:22 am

    You WANT Skippy, Ben, & Santonio on the Church Lady couch!!!!

    You NEED Skippy, Ben & Santonio on that couch!!!


    Gotta luv Sean Penn:


  13. Burgh_in_DC
    October 20, 2009 5:46 am

    Ginny- you forgot how ugly the Browns uniforms are because they’ve only worn the brown pants one time (a preseason game last year) before this year. Those pants are a new phenomenon . . . definitely a downgrade for an already painful wardrobe and franchise

  14. L-A
    October 20, 2009 5:47 am

    I hate Tom Brady because he’s good. Even worse, he’s all ho-hum about being good. I hate all good players. That’s how I picked my Fantasy Team – who do I hate the most out of who’s left? We definitely should have scored a million more points against the Brownies and it definitely makes me nervous for next week. I would love to see a Woodley/Harrison sandwich on Farve. And a Troysus pick. And a 60 yard field goal by the Skeevy One.

  15. Ferd
    October 20, 2009 6:03 am

    I’ll hate on Brady for that whole dumping-the-pregnant-girlfriend thing, since no one’s adopted that reason for hatin’ today.

  16. Pa-pop
    October 20, 2009 6:05 am

    @Carol: Great recall. “Parallax View” was also a mediocre thriller starring Warren Beatty about a political assassination conspiracy theory. In this case it’s a conspiracy that condemns Cleveland to perpetual self-immolation. Let’s call it “Soylent Brown.”

  17. chrys
    October 20, 2009 6:23 am

    There is no geting around it.. Tom Brady is a pretty boy- douche bag! That’s all there is on that!

    As for the Browns.. I can’t completely hate them. We lived in Cleveland for 2 years. We’d watch their games and pull for them.. when not playing the Steelers of course. LOL! And for your information, there are a lot of Steeler fans there.. they might be closeted, but they are there. LOL!

  18. PittinDC
    October 20, 2009 6:33 am

    I ended up picking up Ben as my second quarterback in fantasy football because no one was picking him and I figured I’d see what happened with him this year. He quickly became my starting quarterback. I also picked up Hines because everyone else was fighting over Santonio Holmes. Best picks I’ve ever made.

  19. Patrick
    October 20, 2009 6:42 am

    The vegas line was 10 points I think. Hmmm. The Steelers are starting to look like the team we all love. Slow to start till the middle of the 2nd quarter then on fire afterwards.

    There are plenty of good kickers out there on crap teams that would love a shot at a shot for the trophy.

    Thank God for the win, otherwise I would have to endure my Dad’s taunts at a, [shudder], Brown’s victory.

  20. facie
    October 20, 2009 6:58 am

    Ginny, loved the comment about the ball. I can just see someone next week refusing to give the ball up to a ref after they think they scored. And yet the ground cannot cause a fumble. Sheesh. I also was thinking the refs felt bad for giving the Steelers the first down, so they had to take something away.

    I have Big Ben on all three of my fantasy footballs teams. No idea how that happened, and considering the last time I had him on my team, he had that appendectomy and then ended up sucking the rest of the year, I was worried. Keep on trucking, Doughy!

  21. Schuyler
    October 20, 2009 7:29 am

    My sister and I were driving home from Michigan and could only hear the game on the Cleveland radio station … it was so funny! Every time the Browns would drop a pass, the announcers would say (in a very resigned manner), “Well, he dropped another one.” The announcers have basically given up on the team … which I found hysterical. But they certainly wouldn’t give up on the ‘bogus first down’ as they kept calling it. I couldn’t wait to come home and actually see it! They also pronounced Troysus’ name “Paul-a-moo-loo” – not because they were kidding, because they couldn’t say it right … for the entire game!

  22. bucdaddy
    October 20, 2009 7:46 am

    That’s interesting. L-A wants the Steelers to run it up on the hapless Brownies but Oddmanout thinks Belichick is an SOB because he runs it up.

    For the record, while I think there’s a point where you really should let the other guys play, I have no problem with running up the score because I don’t believe you tell those other guys, “The good news is, you bench warmers are going in. The bad news is, you have to kneel on the ball.”

    Maybe biddy league and church league and elementary school teams shouldn’t do that, their games should be more about teaching fundamentals and sportsmanship, but around about high school, if you can’t put up a defense, get out of the game. That’s your problem, not mine. And if what goes around … well, good for you!

    And I say this as someone who was on the losing end of a 157-51 score in an intramural basketball game in college.

  23. L-A
    October 20, 2009 8:01 am

    If you suck badly enough to lost by 59 (or a million) points, then so be it. I think it was dumb for them to keep Brady in, just because one of the Titans could have gotten pissed and taken out his knees. The Titans definitely did their part in losing that badly.

  24. L-A
    October 20, 2009 8:02 am

    *to lose* not to lost, obviously

  25. Pensgirl
    October 20, 2009 8:03 am

    Blech, Brady’s chin looks like a butt and when he smiles he looks constipated. He is Fugly with a capital GROSS. (And I thought that from the first second I saw him in 2001, waaaay before the Patriots became the Evil Empire.)

    ‘Course, I can’t think of a football player who does anything for me in the first place, so there is that.

    Didn’t see the game but for a couple plays, but I definitely buy that the camera angle was deceptive on that first-down call. Perspective is everything. Hockey players use this same concept to their advantage to obtain false penalty calls…Kris Letang actually did it recently, snapping his head back to make it look like an opponent high-sticked him. A replay from a different angle showed the guy’s stick never actually touched Letang…but the ref was at the proper angle to be deceived, and we got a power play out of it.

  26. carnegiegrl
    October 20, 2009 8:14 am

    I hate Brady for more reasons than I have fingers.
    icky icky
    My favorite line on Entourage yet:
    Brady (to Turtle): Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?
    Turtle: I don’t know, were you at the Giants victory parade?

  27. bucdaddy
    October 20, 2009 8:32 am

    I enjoy that in football the near end of the chains gets set by where the guy holding the … whatever it’s called sets it down in the approximate area that an official has his foot pointing. It’s funny that they’re so imprecise on one end while at the other an inch or two difference can mean million$ for who makes the playoffs and who doesn’t, who goes to the Super Bowl and who doesn’t.

    Look, NFL, I’m sure laser and/or GPS technology is available that would allow y’all to get this simple thing exactly right, but cheap-ass is what we should expect from a multibillion-dollar organization that still hires game officials on a part-time basis.

  28. Vivian formerly NYLuvsPitts
    October 20, 2009 8:38 am

    The Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, North Carolina has usurped the duties of St. Peter and declared Brady’s eternal damnation.


  29. AndyTheo
    October 20, 2009 10:23 am

    Apparently, the voodoo doll has done some good, but is powerless when attempting to overcome the supernatural forces inflicted by Angry Disrespected Towel Karma. Is the Brady doll wearing the hideous retro uni or the hideous contemporary version?

  30. unsatisfied
    October 20, 2009 10:31 am

    @ carnegiegrl — nice usage of the entourage quotes!

    of course, turtle ends up like brady at the end, sothereyago….

  31. unsatisfied
    October 20, 2009 10:32 am

    errrr, that’s “turtle ends up LIKING brady at the end….”

    my fingers must be on lunch break. sounds like a good time for the rest of my body to catch up….

  32. steelersfan
    October 20, 2009 10:42 am

    The touchdown recall nullified the ‘damn, we really blew that first down’ call. It was what sophisticates call ‘applied kharma’ and what ‘burghers call … CYA.

    I wish Brett all the success that Fran Tarkenton had in Superbowl IX.

  33. carnegiegrl
    October 20, 2009 10:49 am

    @ unsatisfied

    True, but Turtle tried really hard NOT to like him!!

    My hatred of the entire Pat’s organization comes from the random comments that the Steelers should have an asterisk next to their SuperBowl win because Brady was injured. (among other indignities!!)

    I kind of think CHEATERS should have asterisks next to their Super Bowl wins!

    It’s not like injuries aren’t part of the game!

    And Ben still gets to wear the Rodney “I get no respect” Dangerfield hat. *sigh*

  34. butcher's dog
    October 20, 2009 1:18 pm

    Let’s all remember as we savor Ginny’s post that what makes her demonic is playoff hockey. Not a Browns game in the middle of October. Playoff hockey. Yet another reason to wish spring would hurry up and get here.

  35. Jen
    October 20, 2009 2:20 pm

    @ L-A, keep in mind that Brady didn’t play the whole game, he was pulled after the first series in the 3rd and the rookie took over. 52 points were scored in the first half alone. I can’t blame NE for totaling dominating a crappy team. But i agree that Tom Brady is the devil and Belichick makes my blood boil.However, they are off to face yet another winless team and Tampa Bay kicking their ass would be the greatest thing. Not likely but it might bring that asshat down off his self created pedestal.

  36. CriticExtraordinaire
    October 20, 2009 3:55 pm

    How does the Duke of Fug manage to ALWAYS have that same unkempt stubble look? I mean, geeze, he has to shave SOME time. But you never see him clean shaven.

    Does he have a stylist who comes over to his crib every day to carefully style his grubby look?

    By the way VM… Mr. Spaeth’s nickname from here on out should be “The Urinator”.

  37. Different Brian
    October 20, 2009 3:55 pm

    It sounds stupid but its really quite simple. On touchdowns you must maintain control the entire time through your fall. Getting up and walking != fall. As youre rolling around, even though its out of bounds, its still part of your fall. “But he’s out of bounds then” Yes, but he was in bounds when he started. He could have rolled off to the stands and it still woulda been a catch if he kept possession.

    Totally the correct call. I don’t get the outrage over it. IT WAS THE BROWNS, PEOPLE. At least be outraged if they make the right call during the Vikings game.

  38. Different Brian
    October 20, 2009 3:58 pm

    @Simul-posting Critic – as someone who rocks the subbled gruffy look, the answer is clippers. Shaving takes way too long. Get a beard trimmer, get the clippers, clip away. Takes all of, oh, 45 seconds.

  39. matt pritt
    October 20, 2009 5:55 pm

    Different Brian, you are correct, the NFL rule regarding such plays is Rule 8, Section 1, Article 3, Item 1 from the NFL Rulebook which states
    “Player Going to the Ground. If a player goes to the ground in the act of catching a pass (with or without contact by an opponent), he must maintain control of the ball after he touches the ground, whether in the field of play or the end zone. If he loses control of the ball, and the ball touches the ground before he regains control, the pass is incomplete. If he regains control prior to the ball touching the ground, the pass is complete.”

  40. Beth
    October 20, 2009 6:16 pm

    I hate Tom Brady because he’s a smarmy bastard.

  41. unsatisfied
    October 21, 2009 5:56 am

    @ critic — speaking of facial hair, how about tomlin’s? that beard is effin’ tight. amazing.

  42. Leah
    October 21, 2009 7:15 am

    You are brilliant and hilarious and DON’T let anyone tell you differently :)

    PS. I hate Tom Brady and always will!