I would like to apologize in advance that I’m about to use even more Internet space to write about the stupidity that is Jeff Reed and Jeff Reed’s agent, but some stupid is just too stupid to be ignored and Jeff Reed and his agent seem to be the Most High Muckety Mucks of Stupidville. I promise the next post won’t have anything to do with football other than the fact that I’m going to namedrop one Mr. Franco Harris.
Today in the locker room, Jeff Reed spake thusly:
I decline to discuss the charges, but I want everyone to know that I have the most respect for this community and this organization.
Reed added that he has spoken with Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, team president Art Rooney II and director of football operations Kevin Colbert, “and it was not negative,” Reed said.
It was not negative? Well, by my math book here, not negative means that it was positive then? Did they call him in the office and say, “Jeffy! Got yourself arrested again, did ya? But we heard you kept your shirt on and that’s commendable. Keep up the great great great positive work. We don’t have a negative thing to say about you, your problems, your continued shenanigans, or your insistence on drinking your life away. Effin’ A. Hit the shower.”
I refuse to believe it wasn’t a negative discussion. I will lose all respect for Coach Tomlin, Art Rooney II and Kevin Colbert if they didn’t get a smidgen negative with Jeff Reed.
Let’s continue on:
“I apologize for this being a distraction to the team,” Reed said.
And from Spaeth:
“I apologize for the distraction that it caused to both the organization and my teammates,” the third-year veteran said.
OMG. I have had it up to here with the Steelers and their stupid “distractions.” It’s never that they did something “wrong” or God forbid “unlawful” or “made a poor choice” or “forgot that I am a role model for young children” or “exhibited questionable judgment,” it’s always always always “I’m sorry I have distracted you from the game of football.”
“I went to the (Penguins) game last night and everybody was real complimentary and real nice to me. They know that I love this community and I love Steelers Nation so if I need to apologize to them I do apologize to them and I would never let this city down.”
What the hell, Pittsburgh?! Coach Tomlin won’t say anything negative and the fans are being “real complimentary”?! Am I the only person in this city who when she sees Jeff Reed next will say, “When are you going to pull yourself together and grow up a little bit?” Complimentary?! I think my brain is going to explode.
“For me, I can move on. There’s been other players that have done this and have played well, so it’s no excuse.”
I don’t even know what he’s trying to say here. I think I caught some of his stupid or something. Shit. Is stupid contagious?
If it is, stay the hell away from Jeff’s agent, because then you will DIE from the stupid he’s puking all over the place:
“You think he put his hands up to fight a police officer? You’ve got to be kidding me,” Reed’s agent, Don Henderson, told WTAE Channel 4’s news exchange partners at the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. “That’s ridiculous. Jeff Reed wouldn’t fight anybody, so we disagree with the police.”
Yes, Mr. Henderson, it is such a stretch of the imagination to believe that your client, who previously kicked the shit out of a paper towel dispenser because it dared not contain paper towels, and who then angrily cursed out the employees for not having had that dispenser stocked with paper towels, and who after exiting the store CONTINUED to curse them out … it is unbelievable, nay inconceivable to think that he might have an anger problem and that he might in fact have drunkenly put his dukes up with the cops.
Don’t act so flabbergasted, Mr. Henderson. And please, cover your mouth when you sneeze. I don’t need to be fighting your stupid on top of the H1N1.
But at least if I get H1N1, I’ll still know the difference between right and wrong.