Naked Pittsburgh athletes.

I purchased a subscription to ESPN Insider for the sole purpose of seeing if Bill Guerin was in fact featured naked in The Body issue as was previously reported.

I’m here to tell you that he is not.  He is mentioned in one tiny caption about OTHER NHL players and their exercise regimen. Boo and hiss to you, ESPN.

I did however stumble upon ANOTHER naked Pittsburgh athlete. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Casey Hampton, AKA Cabbage Patch Baby Cici Donna.

First, YOU ARE WELCOME, Loves!

Second, because I want to know the MOMENT some sicko Googles this, I need to type it so the search engines will find it: “CASEY HAMPTON NAKED”.

Finally, that is supposed to be a picture of a scar of some sort on Casey’s body, but I don’t see a scar. I see a very pregnant black woman.

Oh! “PREGNANT NAKED BLACK WOMAN”.

Just in case.





35 Comments

  1. Lauren
    October 23, 2009 2:00 pm

    Well, any thought of lunch has just gone out the window. In fact, the idea of eating anything ever again really isn’t too pleasant right now…



  2. Bulldog
    October 23, 2009 2:05 pm

    Ouch. So I came “back” to the main page of “That’s Church” after reading the column and see this picture. I’m scarred. for. life.



  3. Burgh Baby
    October 23, 2009 2:07 pm

    The Google bots need a few more things to latch onto. How about: “Cabbage Patch doll fetish,” “big bellied boys naked,” and “fuzzy cellulite.”

    You’re welcome.



  4. L-A
    October 23, 2009 2:08 pm

    that’s a whole lotta chocolate



  5. unsatisfied
    October 23, 2009 2:13 pm

    all of a sudden, I feel much better about my beer belly. thanks!



  6. butcher's dog
    October 23, 2009 2:14 pm

    Ewwwww! Can we please go back to picture of drunken placekickers?



  7. Elmer Palmer
    October 23, 2009 2:17 pm

    Ken,

    This is a picture of a man who has two rings that you will never has. Respect the buddha belly



  8. Amanda
    October 23, 2009 2:17 pm

    It looked less scary as a 2 inch photo in the magazine. Thanks for the trauma.

    Also- looking forward to meeting you on Monday!



  9. Jaime Marie
    October 23, 2009 2:26 pm

    WOW! excuse me while i go search for my eyeballs that are now lost somewhere inside of that giant belly button hole



  10. ErinPatricia
    October 23, 2009 2:44 pm

    I think i threw up in my mouth a little.



  11. Summer
    October 23, 2009 2:49 pm

    What did we do to deserve that? Or is it for the Haters?



  12. Lori
    October 23, 2009 3:04 pm

    SO GLAD you found this….read about it in today’s PG and, after the following quote from Casey, was truly wondering what this picture was:

    Hampton weighs 350-something and took issue that his photo might have been air-brushed.

    “They didn’t do no fudging! That’s all me, all natural.”

    Read more: http://postgazette.com/pg/09296/1007715-66.stm#ixzz0UmsFDsNV



  13. toni
    October 23, 2009 3:21 pm

    Well….if given the choice between CeCe Donna or Schlongtonio…I’m going with the jelly belly



  14. Bojack
    October 23, 2009 3:24 pm

    And we’re not supposed to pick on fat women cuz..??????



  15. carnegiegrl
    October 23, 2009 3:24 pm

    Can’t help but love him!



  16. chrys
    October 23, 2009 3:33 pm

    ewwww…. WTH!! Why would anyone take a picture like that??? “Athletes naked” means hard bodies with 6 pack abs.. not a naked furry beer gut. yikes!



  17. Stacey
    October 23, 2009 3:34 pm

    Please tell me this is not the new “smoking hot ‘burgher” that you promised via Twitter.



  18. papergirl
    October 23, 2009 3:34 pm

    Naked people look so much better covered up. . .



  19. Pa-pop
    October 23, 2009 3:52 pm

    1. Just sprayed my eyes with Clorox Clean-up. Didn’t work. Now I have two problems.

    2. #7-Elmer: A cross-section of THAT would reveal, like a mighty redwood, more than two rings.



  20. Monty
    October 23, 2009 3:54 pm

    That tummy looks surprised.



  21. bluzdude
    October 23, 2009 4:46 pm

    If you look deep into that belly button, I think you’ll find Baby Jessica.



  22. Bob
    October 23, 2009 4:52 pm

    And that, my friends, is the body of a PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE.



  23. Ang
    October 23, 2009 5:21 pm

    Sigh. We might as well be known as the naked team. Steelers=nakedness, nudity, birthday suit. We in Pittsburgh enjoy being NAKED. ALOT. apparently.



  24. Paul
    October 23, 2009 5:45 pm

    um…why in the name of all that is good in the world, would ANYBODY ANYWHERE publish a naked photo of Casey Hampton?!?!? I love Lunchbox! But not enough to see that!!! Good thing I ate just before I saw that…oh wait…I gotta go throw up now. I loved the article. It makes me happy to know that Pittsburgh has some of the greatest people in the country :)



  25. USCMike
    October 23, 2009 8:31 pm

    All I can say is that’s one belly that’s never missed a meal, nor passed up a buffet line… But at least it’s proven its’ place on the D-Line!



  26. bucdaddy
    October 24, 2009 1:09 am

    HELLO … hello … hello … lo … lo … lo …



  27. Vivian formerly NYLuvs Pitts
    October 24, 2009 3:48 am

    I couldn’t go to sleep so I decided to visit That’s Church and WTH!!! Now I’m afraid to go back to sleep. Oh the nightmares I’ll be having after seeing this!!!



  28. Still A Fan
    October 24, 2009 6:59 am

    3 cave explorers went inside of that navel 5 months ago and havent been heard from since



  29. Vivian formerly NYLuvs Pitts
    October 24, 2009 4:59 pm

    I was thinking, with all the bodies in the Steelers lockeroom why did ESPN choose this one to represents. How sick!!!!



  30. La Reina
    October 25, 2009 3:52 pm

    I suddenly feel so good about my body.



  31. CarolineFB
    October 25, 2009 4:50 pm

    He’s human. He’s unashamed. That’s fantastic!



  32. Scottie
    October 25, 2009 8:55 pm

    Ginny,

    As much as I hate you right now for burning the image of casey’s fupa into my brain, I love you at the same time. How is that possible??



  33. Jen
    October 26, 2009 1:11 pm

    I just keep hearing John Mayer… “Your body is a wonderland…”



  34. Pingback: That's Church » Fantamatasticitude

  35. Pingback: That's Church » Amen!