What They’re Really Thinking: Depends Edition

For those of you no longer living here, NEENER NEENER NEENER, yesterday was a perfect fall day here in Pittsburgh —  blue skies, chilled air with warm sunshine, burnt red and orange leaves, pumpkin carving.

Perfect day for Steelers football.

This game, more than any other game this season, was one I REALLY REALLY wanted to win for several reasons, but the biggest of which was spoiling Granddaddy Brett Favre’s perfect season, because if there’s one thing I love, it is squashing the spirits of the elderly.

(Holy crap, I’m joking.  Please don’t email me about your grandparents.)

Let’s talk Vikings:

1.  Our defense is back and in a big way (NOT COUNTING SPECIAL TEAMS).  Thanks to our D, my fantasy football team Skippy’s Sluts earned over 33 points off of their performance alone.

Apparently, they got what they needed, which was a giant kick in the ass:

Welcome back! Now please go have a chat with Special Teams.

2.  God bless Mike Wallace for that ass-kicking touchdown, especially considering he too is on my fantasy team. However, I would like to state publicly that I could do without his flipping-into-the-end-zone showboating.  Take a lesson from Franco Harris now or take a lesson in the future from a blindside tackle at the one-yard line that causes you to fumble. Just cross the goal line and THEN have yourself a little celebration.

Speaking of showboating, would someone tell the man tied for the most dropped passes in the entire NFL that we have seen his bicep before and we don’t need him to flash it every single time he gets a first down?

And then also tell him that his porn ‘stache is the nastiest thing I’ve seen since Casey Hampton’s gaping maw of a navel.

3.  How about Jeff Reed’s failed tackle on the kickoff returned for a touchdown? How about that tremendous display of athleticism? How about next time, Jeffy, you try that tackle again but THIS time with your eyes open?

It has to be said.  Daniel Sepulveda would have PULVERIZED that guy.

YouTube Preview Image

4.  First, I would like to say that seeing Granddaddy Favre sprint down the field to check on his rookie receiver after a particularly brutal hit, well, it warmed my heart. Second, I would like to say that Brett Favre is old.

5.  This game was a nail-biter and I loved it that way.  Nervous right up until Granddaddy’s final turnover, allowing us to win the game and allowing Matt Spaeth to start the celebrations early.

Also, Granddaddy, I have just the workout to help you get in better shape for your next game — guaranteed to strengthen and tone your frail body:

I know, what you’re thinking, “Who is that hot mama in the pantyhose and how can I get into those sexy sexy shorts?!”

Oh, Grandpa. Ask Jeff Reed. I’m sure he’s already been there.

Twice.





49 Comments

  1. Dan (Not Onarato)
    October 26, 2009 2:26 pm

    You know if Skippy knew that #12 was in charge of filling the paper towels at Sheetz he would have leveled the guy.

    Any by the way, I dont think the Pittsburgh Police have to be worried about…I wonder if he closed his eyes before he got into his “fighting stance”?



  2. spoon
    October 26, 2009 2:31 pm

    Jeff was heard screaming as he fell to the ground “He stole mah ho! he stole mah ho!”



  3. bluzdude
    October 26, 2009 2:33 pm

    At least it was a bicep that the Asshat was flashing. It could have been worse.



  4. L-A
    October 26, 2009 2:39 pm

    As always, you hit the nail on the head. From the show-boating from Wallace (which can be forgiven in this particular circumstance) to biceptonio, to brett favre being cool for checking on his receiver, to him on his ass to sit and be fit. you da chick.



  5. Magus Patris
    October 26, 2009 2:58 pm

    OK, so WTF is 662 on his arm supposed to be for? His area code? His Cub Scout Pack? Lucky Lotto number?



  6. LH
    October 26, 2009 3:25 pm

    Skippy must have also had his eyes closed when he kicked the ball off DIRECTLY TO Percy Harvin… could’ve prevented the whole thing!



  7. Colin
    October 26, 2009 3:26 pm

    662 = # of baby mamas?



  8. Brother Anthony
    October 26, 2009 3:33 pm

    The title of this post makes me think of Infinite Jest.



  9. unsatisfied
    October 26, 2009 3:34 pm

    colin shoots and scores! (oops, wrong sport.)

    skippy should at least get a couple of sluts for the FG’s he made….c’mon, anything so we can stop him from getting all daniel larusso on a towel dispenser or a laughing pittsburgh police officer…..



  10. L-A
    October 26, 2009 3:37 pm

    662 = # of blunts smoked before caught by Pittsburgh Police (lifetime, not that day) ?



  11. Jcubed03
    October 26, 2009 3:42 pm

    Thank you! A wonderful laugh for a Monday afternoon.



  12. Pa-pop
    October 26, 2009 3:48 pm

    Hey! Why is that house-arrest device on Sepulveda’s right leg? Shouldn’t it be on Skippy’s ankle? Oh, wait. That’s just a brace. Never mind.



  13. Novos51
    October 26, 2009 3:50 pm

    You are overlooking Skippy’s plan. By showing that he is definitely not tough enough to tackle a kick returner how can he be vicous enough to try to fight a Pittsburgh Police officer. This was all part of the plan.

    Then again if Spaeth had pee’d by Percy maybe Skippy makes the tackle.



  14. red pen mama
    October 26, 2009 3:53 pm

    Hilarious. Can’t wait to read it again!

    I want to take minor exception to “Favre is old” theme, as I’m in my late 30s, BUT I think in football years Favre is about 70, so we’re good.

    ciao,
    rpm



  15. butcher's dog
    October 26, 2009 3:54 pm

    Santonio’s only in the dropped-pass lead ’cause Limas Sweed’s been serving Gatorade on the sidelines the past few weeks. Let’s not annoint ‘tone too soon here.

    And Ginny…some of us here are older than Grandaddy Fav-ruh. Cut us some slack on the Depends jokes, please.



  16. Pensgirl
    October 26, 2009 4:04 pm

    Boy, when they said Skippy fell asleep on that play, I didn’t realize they meant it literally.

    While the Fox announcers were up Favre’s ass as much as all of those national morons are, I found them to be generally better than CBS in one respect: they praised Childress for going for it on the 4th-and-1. The CBS announcers are hyper-conservative pantywaists who always think punting is the only sensible option. No matter what, they’re like “NO, NO, YOU DON’T GO FOR IT HERE!”



  17. unsatisfied
    October 26, 2009 4:18 pm

    oh, c’mon, butcher’s dog — don’t be that guy/gal on here.

    we old people just gotta suck it up.

    which reminds me, gotta go change my depends…….



  18. MN
    October 26, 2009 4:35 pm

    With the $1.4 mil he makes a season, you’d think Skippy could pay someone to teach him how to tackle! Makes it look easy to come up with a few reasons not to renew his contract, hmmm?



  19. Still A Fan
    October 26, 2009 4:58 pm

    Get off my lawn…LOLOLOLOL



  20. PotStirrer
    October 26, 2009 6:02 pm

    I didn’t think I would laugh any harder during this post then I did at “Everyone get the hell off my lawn!!”…and then you busted out the Sit and Be Fit lady and I totally lost it. Lmao, great post!



  21. cmd_45
    October 26, 2009 6:08 pm

    The first thing I thought when I saw Skippy’s pathetic tackle attempt (if you can call it that) was how you would skewer him today.



  22. Paul
    October 26, 2009 6:19 pm

    First of all…DAMN!!! Why can’t we see more of Sepulveda kickin ass like in that youtube video! That was AWESOME! Secondly, I’m with cmd_45. I couldn’t wait to see what you said about Skeeve after the failed tackle. I didn’t get to see it, but I heard all about it from the DVE announcers. I don’t believe I’ve ever yelled at a stereo before. Lastly, way to nail Favre. The get off my lawn thing was fan-freakin-tastic!



  23. Sono Innamorato
    October 26, 2009 6:51 pm

    Stop rubbing it in, Ginny. I really miss Fall in the ‘burgh. I stopped the DVR at a point where they were showing a panoramic view of the stadium, the point, the colored leaves, etc. and made my wife take a good long look. It sure was a glorious day weather-wise and game-wise.

    But I’ll get back at you. I’m saving my Neener Neeners for February.



  24. stephanie
    October 26, 2009 7:21 pm

    i woke up to this horoscope yesterday:

    Someone you know who has a huge ego is going to get knocked down a peg or two today — and you are going to find the spectacle exceedingly entertaining.

    who says this stuff is fake? now get off my lawn!



  25. Monty
    October 26, 2009 7:43 pm

    MP — he has “inches limp” tattoed on his armpit.



  26. Three
    October 26, 2009 7:50 pm

    @Sono Innamorato: A friend of mine who is a Pgh cop took a little video of the North Shore while the Steelers game was going on. I threw it up on my blog because it really captures how beautiful the day was. Here’s a link: http://sheepthemoon.wordpress.com/2009/10/26/if-you-havent-been-around-lately/

    (And my apologies for posting a link in your comments, Ginny … I really loathe doing that.)



  27. bucdaddy
    October 26, 2009 8:17 pm

    15.butcher’s dog Says:
    October 26th, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    And Ginny…some of us here are older than Grandaddy Fav-ruh. Cut us some slack on the Depends jokes, please.

    And Daddy’s had cataract surgery, which is a bitch. Takes a man. Not a douchebag like Fav-er-uh. Biggest douche in sports, that guy.



  28. MiamiShyner
    October 26, 2009 8:52 pm

    I was literally startled by the first line as Neener is the nickname I went by when I was in Pittsburgh, before I moved away.

    After a couple moments of recovery, I snickered, giggled, and guffawed until my fiance looked at me like I was insane. Then I shared with him and he joined the party.

    The ticking on Skippy’s “time I remain a Steeler” clock has to be loud enough for even him to hear it now.



  29. Tom
    October 26, 2009 9:09 pm

    Baylor TV? Wow. Posting closed circuit tv clips from Danny’s college days. That’s kind of stalky, isn’t it? What’s next? David Conrad’s appearance in Jr High glee club?



  30. Bojack
    October 26, 2009 9:12 pm

    Mary Ann Wilson, RN……..hmmm……I’d hit it!! :-)



  31. Virginia
    October 26, 2009 9:16 pm

    Tom, that clip has almost 750,000 views on YouTube and is actually quite famous, so no, not “stalky” at all.

    Now, about David Conrad …



  32. Christine
    October 26, 2009 9:21 pm

    Monty…you’re killing me.

    I kept thinking thank God that’s the only thing Santonio is trying to flex.

    Skippy….that was pathetic. I know some midget football players that would have done better. AND they would have kept their eyes open.

    Ginny…fabulous post as usual. The captions on Grandpa’s pics are hilarious. Sit and be Fit! HAHAHAHA!!



  33. Steelman
    October 26, 2009 9:48 pm

    There are two plausible explanations for Skippy’s wimpy attempt to make the tackle:

    1. He had a semi- alcoholic blackout and thought he was still in grade school playing tag football. or
    2. He deftly analyzed the speed and size of the approaching runner and knowing the law of physics (ha) about movable and immovable objects, he decided not to risk breaking some part of his anatomy and ruin any leverage in contract negotiations at the end of the season.



  34. Summer's Kiss
    October 26, 2009 10:10 pm

    Oh my goodness – this made my day. First, the ‘get off my lawn’, and then the ‘Sit and be fit’ lady. Thanks for making me laugh so hard I cried.



  35. troysussaves
    October 26, 2009 10:12 pm

    Tunch Ilkin casually referred to Jeff Reed as “Skippy” during the broadcast, yesterday, when he missed that tackle.



  36. Kelly
    October 26, 2009 10:34 pm

    I’m sitting here, laughing, gasping for air while eeking out the phrase, “OMG, she’s so mean!!!!!”



  37. PittCheMBA
    October 26, 2009 10:48 pm

    # 3. So if Skippy is drunk, he can put his fists up and get ready to take on an armed police officer. But when he is sober at work, he is afraid to make a tackle?



  38. Elmer Fudd
    October 27, 2009 12:46 am

    If you punch up Jeff Reed’s name on Wikipedia it comes up with his nickname as Skippy. Ginny is like everywhere..



  39. Sooska
    October 27, 2009 10:47 am

    In all fairness to Skippy (he should just go all the way & play drunk each week), here is a photo of what I think is a more egregious miss by Le Grandpere that resulted in a touchdown too. La Favre



  40. Sofa King
    October 27, 2009 11:30 am

    I saw Jeff Reed leaving the Pens game Friday night. In his car were 3 fairly-attractive girls who looked to have an average age of about 19. I wasn’t sure whether to be disgusted or envious.

    Right now, I’m leaning toward envious…



  41. andrea
    October 27, 2009 11:55 am

    Um, I’m not a hater, but I think it’s only fair to point out that “Skippy” has been Reed’s nickname for at least 7 or 8 years. Ginny just brilliantly added the Skeeve part.

    See:

    http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/s_105213.html



  42. Virginia
    October 27, 2009 11:59 am

    Yep, Andrea, I regularly have to remind people that I had nothing to do with the Skippy nickname. I’m all about the “Skeeve”. ;)



  43. Andee
    October 27, 2009 12:47 pm

    Ginny, these are too funny!! The hold me pic and the Pee Party at McFadden’s made me LOL.



  44. Pa-pop
    October 27, 2009 12:55 pm

    The exchange between Skippy and Fu contained in the link provided by #41-Andrea reminds me of a Cope story.

    Myron was beat and going to retire to his room from a bar at the Steelers hotel in LA the night before a game against the then LA Rams. He only got as far as the elevators when huge and occasionally menacing Ernie “Fats” Holmes convinced the diminutive Myron Cope to join him for a Courvoisier.

    Phil Musik of the PG spotted Cope re-entering the bar and said, “I thought you were tired and going to bed?”

    Cope said, “I am tired” and related Holmes’ invitation, adding, “If Fats had said to me, “Cope, let’s go down to the bar and have an enema,’ I’d be down here having an enema!”



  45. bluzdude
    October 27, 2009 1:17 pm

    Coach should tell Skippy to pretend the runner is a slut that was getting away.

    Didn’t know that about the nickname, probably because I first saw it here. I assumed it was Ginny’s. I have heard that he’d denied it before.

    I miss Fu.



  46. andrea
    October 27, 2009 5:32 pm

    @Ginny — “I’m all about the Skeeve.” That’s priceless.



  47. Summer
    October 27, 2009 7:05 pm

    @Bluzdude — It wouldn’t have worked. Inexplicibly, in Skippy’s world, another slut’s aways around the corner. That, or one of your teammates urinating and about to get cited.



  48. Vivian formerly NYLuvsPitts
    October 28, 2009 12:59 pm

    Luv it. Especially the “holde me” pic. Where do you get these. Too bad it’s the bye week. :(



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