For those of you no longer living here, NEENER NEENER NEENER, yesterday was a perfect fall day here in Pittsburgh — blue skies, chilled air with warm sunshine, burnt red and orange leaves, pumpkin carving.
Perfect day for Steelers football.
This game, more than any other game this season, was one I REALLY REALLY wanted to win for several reasons, but the biggest of which was spoiling Granddaddy Brett Favre’s perfect season, because if there’s one thing I love, it is squashing the spirits of the elderly.
(Holy crap, I’m joking. Please don’t email me about your grandparents.)
Let’s talk Vikings:
1. Our defense is back and in a big way (NOT COUNTING SPECIAL TEAMS). Thanks to our D, my fantasy football team Skippy’s Sluts earned over 33 points off of their performance alone.
Apparently, they got what they needed, which was a giant kick in the ass:
Welcome back! Now please go have a chat with Special Teams.
2. God bless Mike Wallace for that ass-kicking touchdown, especially considering he too is on my fantasy team. However, I would like to state publicly that I could do without his flipping-into-the-end-zone showboating. Take a lesson from Franco Harris now or take a lesson in the future from a blindside tackle at the one-yard line that causes you to fumble. Just cross the goal line and THEN have yourself a little celebration.
Speaking of showboating, would someone tell the man tied for the most dropped passes in the entire NFL that we have seen his bicep before and we don’t need him to flash it every single time he gets a first down?
And then also tell him that his porn ‘stache is the nastiest thing I’ve seen since Casey Hampton’s gaping maw of a navel.
3. How about Jeff Reed’s failed tackle on the kickoff returned for a touchdown? How about that tremendous display of athleticism? How about next time, Jeffy, you try that tackle again but THIS time with your eyes open?
It has to be said. Daniel Sepulveda would have PULVERIZED that guy.
4. First, I would like to say that seeing Granddaddy Favre sprint down the field to check on his rookie receiver after a particularly brutal hit, well, it warmed my heart. Second, I would like to say that Brett Favre is old.
5. This game was a nail-biter and I loved it that way. Nervous right up until Granddaddy’s final turnover, allowing us to win the game and allowing Matt Spaeth to start the celebrations early.
Also, Granddaddy, I have just the workout to help you get in better shape for your next game — guaranteed to strengthen and tone your frail body:
I know, what you’re thinking, “Who is that hot mama in the pantyhose and how can I get into those sexy sexy shorts?!”
Oh, Grandpa. Ask Jeff Reed. I’m sure he’s already been there.