Many readers have sent me emails about interesting things they’ve discovered on Regretsy.com, a site dedicated to the ridiculous shit people try to sell on etsy.com, which is basically eBay for homemade stuff.
I was hunting around etsy today (BAD IDEA!) when I did a search for “Pittsburgh” and boy, did some ridiculous shit pop up, in addition to some majorly awesome things that I’m adding to my Christmas gift list (PAY ATTENTION, HONEY!).
1. This is the “Dammit Doll” which at first glance appears to be a voodoo doll for non-Pittsburgh sports fans to use to hex our teams, but in actuality it is for you to grab by the feet and smack around in rage when your black and gold team member does something stupid.
I need one of these so the next time Skippy tries to tackle with his eyes closed or the next time Benny throws an interception or the next time the Pirates are on my TV just existing, I can wail this thing against the pointy edge of a table all, “YOU SON OF A MOTHER-LOVING STINKING NO GOOD PIECE OF CRAP-POOPING KNOWING BASTARD HELLSPAWN!”
I feel better already.
That is quite possibly one of the best Pittsburgh shirts I’ve ever seen. (UPDATE: that link will show that shirt as having sold, however, the seller has already re-listed the shirt, so you can still buy it if you visit the seller’s page here.)
(Update: The necklace sold and no more are currently available. Here’s hoping someone bought if for me for Christmas … HONEY!)
4. My next office will have this badboy hanging on the wall. You can be sure of it:
1. I’m just saying that it doesn’t seem like a capital L would give someone that much difficulty.
2. I’m sorry, I can’t type right now. I’m too busy having a seizure over the fact that this seller wants $160 for an old ballcap bedazzled out the wazoo.
3. Maybe it’s the grammar of the thing. I don’t know.
I think I was expecting it to say, “Steelers rescue dogs … not cats.” or maybe “Steelers rescue dogs … and then let them eat miniature ponies.” I don’t know.
Not exactly the kind of yarn I want within five feet of my ticklish toes.
5. “Trust me. It might look like any old water, but those are real live Allegheny River ripples. It’s a fine art print! And it will only cost you $25.00!”
And the naughty.
Why don’t you just click here, okay? I wonder if it comes in XL black?