You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have Luke Ravenstahl

Two Lukey posts in a row. I apologize.

The Post-Gazette asked the three candidates for Mayor to submit a letter of support from a supporter (which, who else would write a letter of support BUT a supporter and OMG this is the dumbest sentence I have ever written ever and I can’t stop writing it).

Kevin Acklin had his uncle write a letter, which, hee.

Dok Harris had a local entrepreneur write a letter, which, ok.

Hizzoner Master Lukey Ravenstahl had … wait for it … HIS MOTHER write a letter.

Thoughts:

1.  Here’s a tip.  When you’re regularly fighting the perception that you are too young to lead a major city, having your MOM write this letter is so ill-advised that I want to meet the genius that suggested this to Lukey.  I suspect it is a her.  A specific her.  Who shall not be named. Joanna Doven.

I could be wrong.  Maybe it was the Dread Lord, which, SABOTAGE!

2.  Would we have taken Dan Quayle more seriously if only he had gotten a letter of support from his Mommy?

Here’s a snippet:

I have no doubt my son was born to lead.  From the time he was young, he always amazed me. Luke started walking when he was only nine months old.

O.M.G.

O.M.G.

Because he was walking at nine months, he was born to lead.  Coincidentally, my son took his first steps late in his eighth month of life, so I expect him to one day grow up to be President of the World.

From the time he was little, Luke has known the value of money. When I would give him a dollar to go to the candy store, he didn’t waste all of it getting candy for one day, he would stretch that dollar so that he could have candy for a week. I’ve watched proudly as my son carries those same principles into running the city.

Coincidentally, my daughter likes to make her dolls fight until one of them eventually loses a head at which time my daughter will say sorrowfully, “Oh, head falled off.”  I expect her to use this same principle when she’s President of the WWE or President of Future Pigeon-Assassins of America.  Why isn’t that a thing?

Now, regarding the candy thing, Bram goes ballistic that it’s not possible to stretch candy for a week with a dollar because there were no candy stores around and here I am about to come to Lukey’s Mom’s defense and I can’t believe it and here I go.

When I was younger, 10-12ish (1984-1986) [sigh], my sisters and I used to regularly walk to a local candy store called “Ann’s Candy” and we would each be given a dollar from my mother along with explicit instructions that under no circumstances were we to get kidnapped or hit by a car along the way or we would be IN BIG TROUBLE, SISTER.

The store was less than a mile away and was run by a sort of scary old lady named Ann who lived above the candy store and who had a cat that sometimes roamed the shelves and boy if Cat Flu were a thing my sisters and I would be dead and I just changed my mind, THIS is the dumbest sentence I’ve ever written. Ann had shelves and bins of dirt-cheap penny candy and for one dollar, we would each get a brown sack of candy that could easily last us the whole week.  I’m going to ask my sisters to corroborate this story in the comments.

So, yes, I believe Lukey’s mother on this.

I do not however believe that she thinks telling us that her son started walking at the age of nine months and that he knew how to make his candy money last, is going to convince us he’s a natural-born fiscally-responsible leader.

All this aside, I’m pretty sure my kids are going to take over the world someday.

I ought to write a letter for them.

Also, this is all for naught because the only way Lukey isn’t winning this election is if they cancel the election. True story.





35 Comments

  1. Burgh Baby
    October 30, 2009 3:32 pm

    Well, crap. My kid didn’t walk until after her first birthday. Clearly she is a complete idiot and will never amount to anything.



  2. Carpetbagger
    October 30, 2009 3:35 pm

    If Lukey wore a helmet and was connected to a jungle gym with a bungee cord, does that make him the safest mayor ever?

    My dog could walk right out of the womb. She’s going to be Pope or Sec General of the U.N. or that pigeon killing thing. She’d opt for the later.



  3. andrea
    October 30, 2009 3:37 pm

    Did Lukey’s mom also breast-feed him and is that why he was destined to hang out in strip clubs?



  4. Sexy Jesus
    October 30, 2009 3:40 pm

    Can we hope that he will learn to talk sometime before he turns 30?



  5. PSUmama
    October 30, 2009 3:47 pm

    So he’s been moving forward since he was 9 months old. This explains so much.



  6. Jagoff
    October 30, 2009 3:54 pm

    I started reading this, hoping you would say that he asked you to write the letter for him. Reality was such a downer.



  7. Bojack
    October 30, 2009 4:06 pm

    When they announced to the White House Press Corps that the G20 was going to be hosted by Pittsburgh (read pay $$) the journalists all broke out into laughter!!

    Not at the city itself, but at the 2 idiots (Lukey and Dan-hoe) who agreed to it!!

    Nuff said.



  8. Valerie
    October 30, 2009 4:24 pm

    Did you grow up in Washington? I swear you just described to a T a candy store that my brother and I used to walk to after church on Sundays!



  9. Annie
    October 30, 2009 4:31 pm

    I’m updating my resume to include the fact that I started walking at 9 months under the heading “Proven Leadership.” Thanks for the inspiration Cindy!



  10. Glowczewski
    October 30, 2009 4:31 pm

    But the question remains, how much did he drool? Because we all know what that’s a sign of…



  11. MN
    October 30, 2009 4:39 pm

    Wow. Just wow. I’m going to go puke now!



  12. Pensgirl
    October 30, 2009 4:43 pm

    Not to further back Lukey’s mom, but I can also speak to the existence of the penny-candy store in the 1980s. There was one two blocks down from my best friend’s house in Wilkinsburg, and we definitely could use a dollar to buy a week’s worth of candy.

    I now work in a job that has a lot to do with budgets. Maybe I should put “stretched a dollar into a week’s worth of candy as a grade-schooler” on my resume.



  13. bluzdude
    October 30, 2009 4:51 pm

    One more thing to consider… when I was a kid we used to walk to the drug store and blow our meager allowances on candy. It may have technically been a drug store, but it was the candy store to me and all my candy-loving little friends.

    Walking at 9 months is all fine and good, but when was he potty trained. I put forth that it’s possible that a few extra months there cound negate the extra months of walking. Unless he was walking early so he could get to the potty.



  14. Tina Fey
    October 30, 2009 4:55 pm

    Ginger, remember the time I needed to pee and she wouldn’t let me use the bathroom? She really was a crazy, old bat. Good times.



  15. Pens Fan
    October 30, 2009 4:58 pm

    Gin remember the time a bird pooped on Ohio sister while walking to Ann’s and we wouldn’t turn around cause we wanted our candy before the after school special was on! Good times…good times!



  16. Carie
    October 30, 2009 5:02 pm

    Just realized what a slacker my walked-at-9.5-months-old daughter is!



  17. mis
    October 30, 2009 5:07 pm

    Don’t you wish we still had that option as parents? “Here’s a dollar – go buy some candy.” The kids are happy. Mom gets some quiet time.

    There is still a store around where I live with penny candy and my kids love it ( and so do I).
    Red Hot Dollars!



  18. Sooska
    October 30, 2009 5:13 pm

    I found red wax lips for my neighbor’s daughter. Cool. They were 59 cents at Giant Eagle. sigh.



  19. T3chb0y
    October 30, 2009 5:59 pm

    Ginny. You had to go bring the memory of Ann up… Now I am craving all the good treats that she used to provide us :) When I drive by there, I always think about all of the goodies we’d get for a dollar! I’d walk home from school just to stop by (and I wasn’t that close!). And I remember the bathroom is off limits policy too!



  20. Michael
    October 30, 2009 7:38 pm

    Don’t worry, Franco Dok Harris is going to win Tuesday so this will all be moot by Wednesday. You can thank me then.

    I wonder how many people are mad at our campaign that his Dad did not write his note for class? Sorry for that.

    Michael
    Dok’s Campaign Manager



  21. Ohio sister
    October 30, 2009 7:53 pm

    You all were so cruel when that bird pooped on me! I remember crying and you all LAUGHING! Mean Mean. Thanks for ruining my trip to Ann’s that day.



  22. Bram R
    October 30, 2009 8:05 pm

    Hey! I missed this. Until now. Because of the two Lukey posts in a row factor, I guess.

    I must have missed the existence of penny candy stores as a child, because if I ever had money in my pocket it went directly into a video game like Punch Out!!! or The Black Knight at Eddie’s Newsstand. Because that’s what future blogger children do.

    And Andrea – so WRONG! Awesome.



  23. LH
    October 30, 2009 9:10 pm

    My cousins and I used to go to a place called “Riddles” down the street from my Grandma’s. We would each get a dollar in change. My oldest cousins and I tricked my youngest cousins into trading their dimes for our nickels because we told them they were bigger so they were worth more. What does that say?



  24. Big John
    October 30, 2009 9:47 pm

    That sounds exactly like a candy store in the town of Saltsburg, PA where I grew up. There was a little candy stor run by a little, old, bent-in-half with a huge back bump lady named Annie. She had the same little bins of Swedish Fish and those little Hugs in an old cooler for 15 cents. She was a sweet lady though… always gave me a few extra swedish fish on my paper route.



  25. red pen mama
    October 31, 2009 11:22 am

    Both my girls walked at 10 months old. It made me cry, not speculate what leadership position they would someday hold. (Although Kate will easily lead the mischief-making in high school someday. She’s trouble all over.)

    As far as candy stores (and the luxury of being able to walk to them on your own), I miss them. I used to pick one type of candy and binge on it for weeks. I can’t eat giant sweet tarts (they were chewy!) or Skors bars to this day.

    ciao,
    rpm



  26. one-eyed dick
    October 31, 2009 11:34 am

    Is anyone else getting creeped out this Halloween by the number of similar commenters who went to candy stores run by little old hunchbacked ladies, several of them named “ANN” or “ANNIE”, but were located in different towns like Saltsburg, Wilkinsburg, Washington?

    Do any of you remember going to this candy store with friends and NEVER SEEING THEM AGAIN???



  27. Still A Fan
    October 31, 2009 1:38 pm

    Mine was in the 70’s and called Whitey’s but I’m not sure if that was official. We used to walk empty pop bottles down and get 10 cents for them which we would spend on candy. I rerember looking in the weeds under train trestles for bottles. When I got a paper route I picked up my papers there and it was nicks cut rate by then. It was there where we would peruse the porn which wasn’t far from the candy. Then I would spend most of my money playing Tron. I am friggin old!



  28. chrys
    October 31, 2009 9:30 pm

    hmm.. I remember penny candy too. :) Dells is Castle Shannon. We called it Dells, so I assume it’s what is was called. LOL! We used to go to buy swedish fish and those horrible tooth picks that had the cinnamon taste to them. God knows why.. they were awful. :P The store is no longer there.. completely torn down. :( I remember the couple being nice. As long as you were nice and polite to them. :)

    As for Lukey being qualified to be mayor because he walked at 8 months.. My 10 yr old walked at 8 mos too. I suspect she will be running the world any day now. I am sending Lukey’s mom one big cyber eyeroll!!!!!!!!! Why would he ever agree to have his mother write that letter?? He truly is an idiot!!



  29. Carol
    November 1, 2009 4:02 am

    After a nap, my son pulled himself up in his crib at 5 mos & 1 week. It startled the hell out of me and I just closed his door, backing away carefully.



  30. papergirl
    November 2, 2009 1:25 pm

    This is so hilarious and pathetic at the same time, my mind is just vacillating. . .



  31. eileen
    November 2, 2009 1:27 pm

    As my mother used to say, “With all the genius babies in the world you have to wonder, where the hell did all the dumn ass adults come from?”



  32. eileen
    November 2, 2009 1:29 pm

    I guess we know where the dumb ass adults come from.
    Dumb, I meant dumb.



  33. Ghost of Mayor McCheese
    November 2, 2009 2:27 pm

    Can we all just get behind Bill Peduto now so in four years Pittsburgh will finally have the 21st century mayor this great city deserves?



  34. Sleepgh
    November 2, 2009 4:24 pm

    BTW thanks for getting the Facts Of Life theme song stuck in my head.
    When the world never seems to be livin’ up to your dreams….



  35. J Dizzle
    November 3, 2009 10:38 pm

    Don’t know if anyone has noticed, but as long as you are a Democrat, you can be Mayor of our fair city. It’s really that easy! We haven’t had a
    non-Democrat as Mayor since 1934. Luke will be Mayor as long as he wants the gig.