Via reader Charles:
In other news, I have free grass clippings. All the free grass clipping you could possibly want. You just need to come here, cut my grass and buddy, that grass is yours to take with you.
I also have free dog poop if you scoop it, free dirt in my house if you’d like to vacuum it up, free dog hair if you’d like to groom it off and free dirty soapy water if you’d like to do my dishes.
There might even be some free mold in the basement! Yay for you!