Burghers, please meet your newest Bucco of Suckitude, Akinori Iwamura, a second baseman acquired from Tampa.
Researching this man in preparation for meeting him at the airport with a giant banner that says, “WELCOME TO THE SUCK!” I found this picture:
And I thought, hmm, not bad looking at all. He could be my Asian eyecandy replacement for Byung Hyun Kim, who I sorely miss.
Then reader Carpetbagger sent me this picture of Akinori:
And I had three thoughts:
1. We have a new contender for the Quadzilla moniker.
2. Somewhere, LaMont Jones just gave this outfit two thumbs up.
3. I can’t decide which song now running on repeat in my head is more annoying: “She’s got legs … and she knows how to use them.” or “We wear short shorts. If you dare wear short shorts Nair for short shorts.”
Either way, I’m poking my eyes out.