You remember when the Post-Gazette revealed their Plush section, right in the midst of economic turmoil, right?

The Plush section’s motto is “Your guide to gracious living” where “gracious” means “HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A LOT OF MONEY TO SPEND!”

Plush revealed their Holiday Season fashion guide yesterday. In it you will find such gems as this:

Plan intimate dinner parties and impromptu cocktail parties at home, and be sure to do it with high style. Light the candles, dim the chandelier, build a fire and pop the cork of that great champagne you’ve been saving for a special occasion.

“Impromptu cocktail parties?” What do the rich do? Wait until 20 of their friends unexpectedly show up in their finest attire and then have the chef whip up some hors d’oeuvres and cocktails? (I’m a little embarrassed to admit how many tries it took me to get hors d’oeuvres close enough to correct so that spell check could fix it for me.)

Gem #2

Submit to underwear as outerwear.

Kinky!

Gem #3:

• Sharp shoulders — Back to the future, the sharp-shouldered jacket is at its best paired with slim pants or leggings and a confident attitude.

Here’s an example of such an outfit put together by the P-G:

The P-G describes this outfit as this:

Tuxedo jacket, $1,950, and draped pant, $965, by Balenciaga; shoes and gold and silver cuff bracelets from the Balenciaga fall/winter 2009 runway collection, courtesy of Emphatics, Downtown.

“Draped pant.”  I can’t even tell you how hard I laughed at “draped pant”.

Now, regular people don’t describe this outfit as tuxedo jacket and draped pant, we describe this outfit as:

“What in the name of the love child of LaMont Jones and Julie Bologna are you wearing?  Is this outfit your interpretation of what Joan Crawford would wear if she was captain of the Starship Enterprise? And while I appreciate the Steelers theme of your … well … I don’t know,  I can’t call them SHOES, that’s for damn sure,  I gotta tell you that you seem to have gotten a fabric softener sheet stuck in the back of one of them.  Also, I took some messages for you while you were out.  Christopher Walken wants his hair back, the entire female cast of Dynasty wants their shoulder pads back, MC Hammer wants his ‘draped pant’ back, and Tom Brady would really really like his shoes back.”

So if you’re walking downtown one evening in the cultural district and you see a scarily dressed woman with severe hair, pointy shoulders, and a bra over her sweater, stumbling about on shoes that would kill a sex-enraged rhino, never fear.  She’s not drunk or crazy.

She’s just rich.

Category: Eye rolls, LaMont Jones, Local media, Steelers | tags: LaMont Jones, Pittsburgh Steelers | November 19, 2009 | |

75 Responses

1. Atomic John Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 9:41 am

   Somebody get that chick a case o’ Twinkies!!!!

2. TK Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 9:54 am

   dim the chandelier (in your 3 bedroom ranch), build a fire (nevermind that you don’t have a fireplace, just build it in the middle of the living room) and pop the cork of that great champagne (that you had to sneak over state lines since you could not purchase it at your local state store)you’ve been saving for a special occasion

3. TK Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 9:57 am

   “Plan intimate dinner parties and impromptu cocktail parties at home”

   And isn’t planning an impromptu cocktail party an oxymoron?

4. Jenn E Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 10:04 am

   I’m a fan of the Wonder Womanesque Bangle Bracelets myself. Those would make be feel empowered…

5. Jenn E Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 10:04 am

   And by be… I mean… me.

6. Chris Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 10:05 am

   Build a fire – on the back 40 because, hey, its time to burn trash again anyway….

7. Robert E Hunt Jr Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 10:09 am

   I think I saw those shoes in a movie once. It was more like a movie clip. Actually, it was an online video clip. I may or may not have paid a small monthly membership fee to access that site.

   Anyway, I seem to remember seeing those shoes in that clip but I can’t be sure because I may not have been paying all that much attention to her shoes. I seem to recall though that she wasn’t wearing much else besides her shoes.

   I may have also seen the shoes at a dance club where the men seemed to show their appreciation of the ladies’ dance moves by giving them numerous $1 bills folded in half.

   But then again, who knows? I may have just dreamed it all up.

8. Norm Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am

   Don’t rich people shop in NYC and Paris anyway? Why does the PG even need to offer fashion advice?

   I just listened to an interview with this blogger. http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

   I bet this guy gets more hits per day than the PG, what did you call it, “Plush section” does in a week.

9. Jessica Says:
   November 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am

   That outfit is hideous. It looks like something my mom was wearing in the 90s. That is one decade of clothing that does not need to return.

10. Jagoff Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:18 am

    That chick looks like she should be a Bond villain’s girlfriend.

11. spoon Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:20 am

    The reason why I walk around with a hockey stick is so I can check and trip people like this walking around downtown.

12. Magus Patris Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:21 am

    Eye makeup by Home Depot, blue paint no one would buy department; Shoes by Transvestite Supply Co., Model supplied by “Skeletons ‘R’ Us Modeling Agency. Double Yoi!

13. Annie Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:25 am

    That outfit was totally reminding me of an 80s movie villain, but I just couldn’t place it. I think I pulled it, but honestly, dressed in all black with huge shoulder pads could be a number of 80s villains. Superman II – check it out: http://www.bbc.co.uk/coventry/content/images/2006/12/14/sarah_douglas_body_470x333.jpg

14. Donncha Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am

    She looks like a doodle.

15. Bojack Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:34 am

    ??? Who the F**K are they writing for????

    The 17 actual idiots who overpaid to rent downtown??

    Do they think there is a cadre of idle (boozing) rich hanging out in Pgh waiting and hoping to get caught by the paparazzi so they can be in the “Seen” column??

    Manhattan cafe society??

    Or just another campaign to bolster burghers stupid city-insecurity of somehow not matching up?

    The idle rich in Pgh ARE boozing it up!! But not in Pgh!! LOL

    Sanibel, Clearwater, Palm Springs,…….LMAO

    AND they are NOT dressed like that freak!!!!!!

16. Still A Fan Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:36 am

    Draped Pant is an awesome band name.

17. Dan (Not Onarato) Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:44 am

    wait….are those shoulder pads? BAHAHAHAHAHA

18. Carpetbagger Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:50 am

    I’m sure your butler would roll his eyes at the whole “impromptu cocktail party” thing. Not when he plans your parties for weeks. You just can spring something like that on the staff. It’s so hard to find good help.

    She’s striking a pose that says, “Yes, I just tumbled down these stairs, but I popped back up and I’m looking fabulous. Wait, my bra’s not showing is it?”

19. bucdaddy Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:52 am

    whores doovers!

    Also, ladies, all you ever need to look great anywhere, anytime, in three words:

    Little. Black. Dress.

20. Bojack Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:53 am

    I do believe the last time I planned an “intimate,” “impromptu cocktail party” with women wearing shoes like that it was a splurge after a particularly rewarding weekend of football betting and they were from an escort service I found in the City Paper!!

    (great escort service BTW!!)

21. chrys Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:01 am

    this just goes to show you can’t buy taste.. but if you’re rich you can buy expensive crap. Oh boy! Glad I am not rich. LOL!

22. Brother Anthony Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Who would pay $965 for pants that don’t fit?

    Also: “sharp-shouldered jacket is at its best paired with slim pants”

    They didn’t even take their own advice.

    // this fulfills my fashion-thinking quota for the year 2009 //

23. Pensgirl Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    “What Joan Crawford would dress like if she was captain of the Starship Enterprise” is the kind of writing that brings me here day after day. That description is not something that just anyone is capable of dreaming up, and its unexpected-but-absolutely-perfect nature makes it the quintessential example of successful humor-writing. I guffawed.

    Ginny, someday people will place you with the likes of Dave Barry (I already do). You are a witty, fabulous writer and I am so, so happy you came back to blogging.

24. toni Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:26 am

    Are those straps at the BOTTOM of those hideously ugly shoes???? Guess they had to strap her to the floor to prop her up. Where’s JR Ewing when you need him?

25. Tinare Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:33 am

    You could seriously kill someone with those shoes.

26. Jim Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:46 am

    Is there a law somewhere that requires the PG to inform us when an article they’ve written is actually a thinly disguised advertisement? If so, they broke it. If not, there should be. And give that girl something to eat.

27. Beatrice Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:49 am

    I had the same problem with the word hors d’oeuvres yesterday when I was putting together invites for our office holiday party….spell check would not pick up whatever I was typing in, I was so frustrated. I should have just wrote, “Snacks and booze”.

28. bucdaddy Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 11:56 am

    I bet if that woman opens her mouth she has fangs — and a thirst for blood. I think I saw her on the label of a bottle of Great Lakes Nosferatu, can I get a witness, spoon?

    Wait … I recognize her. It’s 1970s David Bowie.

    Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

29. chrys Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    LMAO bucdaddy!!!

30. Nate Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    “What in the name of the love child of LaMont Jones and Julie Bologna are you wearing?”

    You officially won the day with that.

31. Clementine Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    “Submit to underwear as outerwear.”

    Okay! Okay! I submit! I’ll wear my Spanx on top of my draped pants from now on.

    I’m sure that model could gouge an eye out with her bare “sharp shoulders” – she only wears the jacket to protect her impromptu party guests from impromptu blindness. Have a cheeseburger, lady.

32. Wormy Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Will some please shove a box of snickers bars down that woman’s throat!!!

33. Marcy Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    I was just about to say exactly what Pensgirl said…your descriptions are delightful.

34. Monty Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    She looks like a parallelogram. I’ll be damned — I never thought that word would come in handy after junior high.

35. Moe the Dog Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    As a favor could you change that to “What in the name of the love child of Moe the Dog and Julie Bologna are you wearing?”

36. Pa-pop Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    “Draped pant” is what my dachshund did when – after consuming too many weenies at an impromptu cocktail party – she’d drape herself over the top porch step and pant. And pant. And pant.

    BTW, the Walken and Brady references were LMAO priceless.

37. Ug Lee Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    This is why I will never be “fashionable.” I’ll keep my $4 Goodwill jacket and pants that actually fit—not ones that make me look like I took a dump in them and are now weighing them down.

    Too legit to quit!

38. ErinM Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    “Love Child of LaMont Jones and Julie Bologna”
    Oh god, I am wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. That quote just made my day!

39. Bob Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    I don’t think that is a real person in those clothes. That has to be one of those mannequin things. Right?

40. Carie Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Is that a man?

    …seriously…?

41. Chris Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Okay, I just realized I totally know said model. I won’t out her here but suffice to say she is one of the most normal people you could ever meet and she has an unholy obsession with donuts…trust me she eats…damn her metabolism!

42. unsatisfied Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    ok, usually, I like me some julie bologna. but, lately, WTF? for a while there, she had hair that would have made a crack whore from the hill proud — good thing she got it cut.

    but, srsly, who the hell is her clothing stylist? she’s been looking rather — hmmm — is “matronly” the word I’m looking for?

    as for this model above — yes, totally the “thin white duke”.

43. TheBurghDude Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Julie Jumbo could rock out those kickers on the 5:00 and 6:00 newscasts. At 11:00 underwear as outerwear. I smell ratings goldmine. It is sweeps month.

44. Duncan Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Impromptu cocktail parties? hors d’oeuvres and cocktails? What, you don’t do this all the time.

    I do – difference is it canned beer and bags of chips after some kid’s sporting event, birthday party, or bowling. (Ain’t I classy with my beer in a can? I could be sure to hold my pinkie out. Do you think I would fit in with that intended crowd?)

45. Heather Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    @Carie – I totally agree! The hands and feet!!! Man hands and huge feet!!

46. Greg Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    I do the “Impromptu cocktail parties” everyday after work… it’s also called “Happy Hour” at my local hole-in-the-wall dump bar….

    1/2 mile from home is the only way to fly!!!!

47. annietiques Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Ginny, you’ve made my day!!!!

    Love your blog, love you!!!!

48. LisaC Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    hors d’oeuvres… had that problem once too. For future reference, hors d’oeuvres comes up if you type “appetizer” then use the Thesaurus!

49. Greg Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    I just read it again… you said “Plush”… the first time I read “Blush”…. sorry, my bad.

50. bluzdude Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    The problem with getting to the commenting party late is that by the 49th comment, all the good ones have already been taken.

    All I’m left with is a reference to Carol Burnett with the curtain rod left in the shoulders of her Scarlett O’Hara dress.

51. one-eyed dick Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    Awww, yinz ‘burghers ain’t so “plush.”

    Last night, one of our Sarasota city commissioners suggested piping in opera music to a downtown park to chase out the bums. Our “plushies” have complained that they don’t like having to view the homeless on their way to dine, to shop, to see and be seen.

    Hey, maybe yinz can try ‘at opera music on dem pigeons you got up ‘ere, an ‘at…..

52. butcher's dog Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    Ditto Pensgirl and Nate. You’re the best, Ginny! Although the Dave Barry reference was a bit modest. I’d rate you higher on the satire scale than that. If anyone remembers TW3 (That Was The Week That Was) from back in the day, you’d fit right in there. Except you’re a bit too literary for that.

    Anyway, impromptu cocktail parties happen all the time. Most of us refer to them as “the times my freeloading friends/family showed up unannounced and wanted to drink my stash.” Don’t have to be rich to have freeloading friends and family. Maybe you have to be rich to plan when they’ll drop by.

53. Deby Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    I think that this is a perfect example of what I think you called, in an earlier post, the “Scroll-Down Fug.” The hair is hideous and, let’s be honest…she’s not attractive. And then, there’s that trailer-park eyeshadow. But, really, I don’t hate that jacket, although the shoulders are extreme. The top of the pants, not so bad. But as I kept going…good God. Before I read your comment about the fabric-softener sheet, I thought, “Did she tie a spare pair of knee-highs around her ankles?”

54. Novos51 Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    I’m convinced that high fashion consists of throwing anything together and when the designer looks at it and is convinced that nothing matches, then they sell it.

    Talk about a scam. I’m sure many on here paid for pre-torn jeans. (I’m self admitting by the way)

55. BagitTagit Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    Did someone really say “that looks like something my mom used to wear in the 90′s” in the comment section???

    I’m F’n old dude.

56. Lisa J Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Bagittagit…I must be old, too. I’m all like “huh?”.
    Anywho, I’m sitting at work reading this on my iPhone laughing so hard, there are teardrops on my phone. Thanks Ginny. And these comments?? Oh crap!! I’m dying here. Truely made my day.

57. Cassie Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    OMG. That’s just…beyond wrong. Where does it say that if you’re rich you have to look like a douche bag?

58. MN Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    There are just some things that should never come back in “style”, no matter what designers try to sell! I’m waiting for a combo of “draped/stirrup” pants now!

59. gunnlino Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    I’m thinkin’ Drag Queen from the Goodwill Store on Carson St.

60. Sooska Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    That woman looks like a humanized chicken, another beastie that I hate right along pigeons and sea gulls.
    What concerns me most are the shoes and ankle decor. Very dangerous. Then I realized this has to be a scene from some new S&M vampire movie being filmed here.

61. beaner Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    I do like the steps. Is that what plush people call a staircase? Pretty sweet.

62. L-A Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    @BagitTagit. I thought the saaaaame thing. yikes.

63. Shibori Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    It’s nice to know that if Lady Gaga visits Pittsburgh, she’ll have fun shoe shopping. But if this chick is typical of a Pittsburgh “model”, It’s no surprise we’re not a fashion mecca- she looks about 60. I bet I could come up with something at least this “fashionable” from any of the Gabe’s in town.

64. northern girl Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    Very funny commentary and very sharp to catch this in the ppg and have fun with it as well! smile
    But what saddens me is that it was written for people with chandeliers and the best champagne…when there are so many people in this community struggling to put food on the table and to pay their light bill…nothing against said wealthy folks…but just another example of how out of touch newspapers can be…how about ways to save money during holiday gatherings with friends and family…or how to put that perfect holiday outfit together on a shoestring budget…but those people don’t have money to pay for the advertising…sigh…

65. Virginia Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Laughing out loud at SO many of these comments.

    Pensgirl, Nate and ButchersDog … you flatter me too much.

    Go on.

    I kid.

66. NW Joe Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    Wait a second. According to a Pittsburgh Business Times article (link: http://pittsburgh.bizjournals.com/pittsburgh/stories/2009/07/13/daily5.html), 4.66% of all PA households are worth 1M+. According to Census data, there are approximately 130,000 households in the Pittsburgh Metropolitan area. Assuming that Pittsburgh is representative of the state, we have

    130,000 X 4.66% = 6,058

    So there are 6,058 households worth 1M+ in Pittsburgh. According to the Census, each household has 3 people…..So, this article was apparently written for 18,174 people.

    That will teach you to question the PG’s editorial choices!!!!!

67. Clementine Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    Whoa. I just looked at the other photos… that is some srsly ugly, pretentious crap. And it looks even worse against the “old money” background.

    I do like the “one shoulder dress.” Although, it would be completely laugable on anyone not going to prom. But I think it’s pretty. Don’t judge me!

68. Bojack Says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:51 am

    NW Joe wrote: Assuming that Pittsburgh is representative of the state,…

    HAHA!!!

    $1M doesn’t even decorate Romoff’s office, or pay the jet-fuel tax when he jets down to Jupiter Island EVERY THURSDAY and back on Monday!

    Oh yeah, I LUV the number Lukey is lamenting will cause the shortfall in public services, parks, no library, etc..

    $16M !!!!

    Sound familiar G20 fans??

    Anyone seen the “reimbursement?”
    Anyone seen an audit of the expenses??

    Don’t hold your breath and get chains for your tires cuz there will be NO plowing or salt!!

69. red pen mama Says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:01 am

    @MN, I saw stirrup pants at a department store not two weeks ago. I had flashbacks to sixth grade. Eeek.

    ciao,
    rpm

70. Steverino Says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:51 am

    That model looks like she’s thrown up everything she’s ever eaten.

71. The Model in the Photo Says:
    November 23rd, 2009 at 11:59 am

    Thanks for putting my picture up on your site, lovely!

    And I’m also very appreciative of everyone’s remarks about me. I DO need a Twinkie. AND a cheeseburger. And Steverino–your comment about me looking like I’ve thrown up everything I’ve ever eaten? Awesome. Because jokes about bulimia are ALWAYS hilarious. And we all know that all models are anorexic or bulimic, right? I mean, my thin frame wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that I recently lost someone very close to me and, through the grieving, lost some weight, would it?

    No, of course not.

    Sure, I realize that by being in a public forum like a newspaper, I risk criticism. It’s cool. And, hey–I’ll even join in. I’d never wear a suit like that. But truly, I’m just a Pittsburgh girl, putting food on the table. I’m sorry my image has disgusted so many of you.

    I still had fun that day at the shoot. It certainly took my mind away from my grief for a few hours.

    And it helps pay the rent.

    with love from Pittsburgh,
    Laura (the “thin white duke”)
    p.s. Chris (comment #41): Thank you. Big hug.

72. Noelle Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 8:12 am

    That picture is going to give me nightmares, especially her “confident attitude” (a.k.a. her woefully misguided sneer of superiority). Before yesterday, I would have said Tom Brady wouldn’t be caught dead in those shoes, but I think he was wearing them last night.

73. That's Church » Early 2000s Olsen Sisters Homeless Couture Says:
    January 12th, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    [...] bothers me is how the P-G portrays fashion in Pittsburgh — as either $3,000 of the fuggest, sternest, harshest clothing ever to be sewn together, or some random crap I found in the trash. Why is it either Ivana Trump meets Mad Max of [...]

74. That's Church » Random n’at Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    [...] Boy Meets Girl series has intrigued me, particularly because I noticed the lead female looks a heck of a lot like this model.  Also, now I want new [...]

75. That's Church » Random n’at Says:
    July 26th, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    [...] revealed herself on Saturday to be Laura from With Love From Pittsburgh, and the model from my $3,000 Worth of Fug post. She is also the Most High Priestess of Stickers, as well as the Eyetique girl! When does she [...]