The Torontoist recently Googled various Toronto searches to see what Google would suggest and the results were fun. Reader Charles suggested I see what Google Suggest has to say about Pittsburgh.
Let’s have a look:
Nothing too out of the ordinary there, and rest assured that I’m sure Lukey’s tuition tax will do wonders to combat that pesky “losing population” thing.
Let’s try another:
Only one negative search suggested in the list. Bravo.
Next, what are people ASKING Google about Pittsburgh?
and …
BOO HEATH MILLER?!?! Who has ever booed Heath Miller and WHY would you boo Heath Miller?!
Or maybe this is because whenever Heath does something awesome, the entire crowd screams, “HEATHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I guess to an outsider, it could sound like booing.
It’s not, world! We love Heath Miller.
More Steelers:
No, and we don’t NEED no stinkin’ cheerleaders.
Let’s stick with the Steelers theme:
I had to Google wigger.
Did you just learn what I just learned? That Benny is the douche and Skippy is the bag.
I give the Internets three weeks before we can get Jeff Reed is a fat gerbil on that suggest list. Then I can die happy.
That’s right. He’s dirty and thuggish. Or as I call him, “Thugalicious.”
Mmrow.
Moving on:
Whoa. Look at that. Luke Ravenstahl PittGirl is a suggested search.
Your goal: Luke Ravenstahl is secretly in love with PittGirl. Make it suggest!
How ’bout them Suckitudes?!
Joke implies the presence of a funny punchline. There is nothing funny about the Buccos of Suckitude’s 17 years of suck. Let’s try to get “The Pittsburgh Pirates [gag]” to suggest.
And the best for last:
Douche!
Which would you think is worse? Being the douche or being the douchebag?
Answer, NEITHER.
Because if you’re Tom Brady, you’re actually both:
Finally, way up top when I clicked on “Pittsburgh is a dump” I stumbled upon a suggested “Pittsburgh Dump Truck” search which led me to Urban Dictionary which led to me an entire list of –
Well. I’m not even going to tell you. Just trust me when I say DON’T GOOGLE “PITTSBURGH DUMP TRUCK!”
Ah, why’d you go and do that?
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Magnus Patris Says:
You told me not to, but I had to Google it anyway. What’s wrong with me? WHy don’t I listen? I will listen to you unquestioningly in the future. Anyway, shouldn’t that be named more after Cleveland or Philthadelphia?
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bluzdude Says:
1) Is Pittsburgh as STATE?????? Really? Someone had to Google that? Someone needs to go over and confiscate a computer.
2) Pittsburgh Dump Truck (see Davenport, Najee)
3) Congrats on making the Lukey search list.
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Megrcam51 Says:
Of course I had to google it! BEEP BEEP BEEP. Made my day!
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Jessica Says:
This is great. I can’t believe people googled what country is pgh in. WTF?
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mis Says:
laughed out loud when I got to Benny
this is too funny – thanks! -
Brother Anthony Says:
Don’t take urban dictionary too seriously, it exists just so people have an outlet to write things like “…another participant, willing or non…”
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JenEngland Says:
Did you happen to read any entries around Pittsburgh Dump Truck? The preponderance of scatological sex acts suggests that someone with a dislike for Pittsburgh had some fun making up a bunch of entries for the Urban Dictionary.
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Cassie Says:
You should only reserve it for holidays or anniversaries!
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butcher's dog Says:
Well, this seems to perfect time to add to what I said yesterday about Ginny and satire. I dug through my CD collection (so shoot me…I’m no mp3 person!) and found one titled “An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer”. Interesting on many accounts: it was first recorded in 1959, it shows there can be really funny stuff without being scatological or obscene, and the first cut on the album will undoubtedly be played at Ginny’s second wedding (if such a thing occurs). The first cut is entitled “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park”. My other favorite is a piano rag presumed to be the title song for a movie on Oedipus Rex. Good stuff; you can probably find a copy of the CD somewhere. Lehrer was a part of TW3 and Ginny would fit right in.
OK. That’s the end of the love letter for today. Please resume normal commentary.
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REARless Says:
My kids asked the same question about Heath Miller. It does sound like “boos” on television.
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Pa-pop Says:
From now on I will trust you. I will trust you. I will trust you. I will always, always, always trust you. For my penance I am now going to clean the entire house for my wife – something I usually reserve for holidays and anniversaries. Dear God, I will never ignore your trust and advice again. Crap … I can’t get that image out of my head and NOW I’M CLEANING BATHROOMS! *sigh*
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Carpetbagger Says:
Thanks for making me waste more of my day. Some other top responses:
PIGEONS4sale
PIGEONS from hell
STEELY MCBEAM arrested
TERRIBLE TOWEL curse
MIKE TOMLIN omar eppsawesome
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GoBobbo Says:
beep beep beep!
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Mayor Luke Doggy Dogg Says:
Whut up baby? You know you iz a dime piece! Your constant hatin’ on me turns tha Lukey on girl…!
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Virginia Says:
Mayor Luke Doggy Dogg makes me laugh. I can’t help it.
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Beth Says:
Me too, Ginny. Me too!
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Lesley Says:
Yeah I googled it. Thanks for the laugh today.
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Sofa King Says:
Magnus, please see “Cleveland Steamer.”
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ErinPatricia Says:
*snort*
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
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Annie Says:
@Jessica – they asked what county Pittsburgh is in, not country. The “is Pittsburgh a state” question is ridiculous.
Also, I’m from western PA and currently live in DC. Multiple times I’ve had people tell me that Pittsburgh is part of the Mid-west, which I deny. Typically, a very heated debate follows. When I say that Pittsburgh is in a Mid-Atlantic state, I usually hear some combination of the following: Pittsburgh isn’t near the Atlantic Ocean, Pittsburgh isn’t uber-cool like NYC, Boston, Philadelphia, DC and is therefor lame like Cincinnati or Cleveland, etc. These are typically the same people who assume our air-quality is still awful. Whatever; they don’t know what they’re missing.
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chrys Says:
Thank you for the laugh! I had to call my husband and share. LMAO!! And it is true.. Tom Brady is both douche and douchebag! And Skippy, well he is a douchebag drunk! But the negatives about Sidney Crosby?? BAH!! All of the other cities and fans are just jealous.
I also googled Pittsburgh dump truck, and all I can say is.. ewwwwww. The visual alone will give me nightmares.
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Glowczewski Says:
Virginia,
At the end of the post you reminded me of Grover in ‘There is A Monster at the End of This Book’ where he goes on “DON’T TURN THE PAGES”…
Well I turned the pages, I looked up Pittsburgh Dump Truck, and that’s just brimming with potential. I can see the head lines now…
“MAYOR HITS STUDENTS WITH PITTSBURGH DUMP TRUCK, MAKES THEM PAY FOR SERVICE”
and so on and so forth…
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dand Says:
I embarrassingly asked my Philly friend the same thing about the “Rauuuuuuuul” thing sounding like boos when the Pirates played (and beat!) the Phillies this summer. Yeah, there were way more Philies fans than Pirates fans at PNC Park…
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Vivian formerly NYLuvsPitts Says:
Looks like just about everyone is a douche or a douchebag exept Troy. And Tom Brady is both a douche and a douchebag. LOL
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DaleyT Says:
I think we need to work on getting “Luke Ravenstahl is a douche” on the list.
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Bojack Says:
Curious now about the Pittsburgh Dump Truck t-shirt!! LOL
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Pensgirl Says:
Well, Pittsburgh is a state of being.
Yeah, I know, that didn’t work. I got nothin’.
I’ll bet the vast majority of those Crosby searches originated in Philadelphia and DC. Talk about douches.
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Carpetbagger Says:
Wow. Not only did I have to read the description, but I looked on the sidebar and saw the Pittsburg (sic) Splatter and the Pittsburgh Cumberbund. That was unnecessary.
But, since the dump truck “should only be reserved for holidays or anniversary’s”(sic)–Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Beep, beep, beep… pass the stuffing!
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eric Says:
pittsburgh is racist and is a dump and jeff reed is a douchebag that’s afraid to tackle..google is showing the truth
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Bojack Says:
>>>Eric
So, what part of Cleveland are you from/live Eric??
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andrea Says:
I’m just happy that Magnus Patris is back with his name spelled right. For so long, he’s been MAGUS Patris, making me wondering is he the Great Father or Magic Daddy or what???
It also made me think that he had entered a new name to leave a comment at some point — double-dipping!! — and then when he went back to being Magnus Patris he just mis-typed.
Am I Right??!! I bet I am.
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eric Says:
bojack – born and raised here..I know of what I speak
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Alethea Says:
@ bojak – your response to eric made me LOL
Secondly, I think douche NOZZLE is waaay worse than either plain ole douche or douchebag. I mean, seriously, the nozzle is the part that gets inserted into many gonorrhea/chlamydia/syphilis, etc. ridden vaginas.
So, next time Brady does anything decent and/or Reed sucks ass, we should all refer to them as Douche-Nozzles!
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steeler_tom Says:
Oh… My… God!…
What a hilirous post!
Until I got to the end…. now I need a pencil or other sharp instrument to stab out my mind’s eye after reading the warning not to Google Pittsburgh dump truck…… -
Nicole Says:
Annie,
My hubby is working with people from Michagan who also insist that Pittsburgh is part of the mid-west. I just ignored it, but I really thought they were dumb, not that it was a wide-spread epidemic… -
Bojack Says:
>>>Eric-
OK Eric, if you are over 17, which enlightened, urban paradiso would you prefer to live in, have ever actually been to, lived in, and why aren’t you there now???
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Bojack Says:
>>> Nicole-
Perspective, perspective, perspective…..most New Yorkers view anything west of Teterboro Airport as “midwest!” LOL
I have many friends in MI and they suffer from a state-wide version of the Burgh’s low self-esteem and want everyone else to
be grouped in with them!! -
red pen mama Says:
Am I the only one comfortable not googling Pittsburgh Dump Truck. Because I’m not going there. Nope.
Surprised about all the negative searches for Sidney. I think our job needs to be to raise Sidney’s profile on google searches. I’m going to see how many times I can type “Sidney Crosby is hot” or “Sidney Crosby has a pretty mouth” now.
What?
Ciao,
rpm -
Lisa J Says:
Anyone who knows me from facebook know that along with apple crips and lobotomy, I just couldn’t help myself. I googled it. I’m sorry I googled it. I think I might throw up now. Thank you, now I know WAY more than I ever needed to.
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bucdaddy Says:
Pittsburgh may not be midwest but you can probably see Ohio from there. Literally.
You think YOU have problems, my entire state doesn’t fit in anywhere. Part of it is north of Pittsburgh, but it’s mostly southern. Part of it is south of Richmond, a capital of the Confederacy, but it’s mostly northern. It stretches almost to D.C. and almost to Columbus, but when people think about it at all, they think it’s Virginia (not the PittGirl kind either).
And you wonder why we act the way we do, with an identity crisis like this. Burning couches is the least of our problems.
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spoon Says:
rpm, Sid has so many negatives because of the classy fans in places like philly who are hellbent on being nasty to make up for the fact that their team can’t win the big game and Sidney does in fact make them his bitch.
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northerngirl Says:
Haha…when we had sexual harassment training they taught me many words I never heard of before, one of which was wigger. In fact I was overwhelmed by all the words I never knew!…but i will tell you a fun game the kids played this past summer was to google your own name with is…eg. ginny is … and all kind of funny and strangely somewhat relevant things came up as well. Kind of creeped me out like big brother was watching. Great topic out of google btw!
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butcher's dog Says:
Agree with spoon on the anti-Sid stuff. Put the douche-nozzles from Washington in there as well. You know…the kind who passed out pacifiers during the playoffs.
Red Pen Mama…I also did not google the dump truck and have no intention of doing so, drunk or sober, in this lifetime.
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Pensgirl Says:
Thinking Pittsburgh is Midwestern, is, sadly, an epidemic. I keep telling people 1) look at a damn map, and 2) if it’s part of the “original 13″ territory it can’t be Midwestern. I usually get met with get blank stares. Sigh.
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CPG Says:
@Annie/Nicole
Being a midwestern transplant, I absolutely believe Pittsburgh to be a midwestern town in denial! I’ve always said that Pittsburgh spends all this time and energy trying to recruit people from the Northeast/Mid-Atlantic regions only to have those people arrive, hate it and bolt the first opportnuity they have. I recognize that geographically speaking, it’s a stretch to consider it a part of the Midwest, but the overall feel of the city is that of a midwestern one. How many times have you heard outsiders comment on the niceness of the ppl here? Complain about the slower pace (as compared to it’s eastern counterparts)? Those aren’t necessarily traits endemic to Pittsburgh, that’s the Midwest part of the ‘burgh.
Of course, there are always the exceptions to the rule, but by and large the transplants I’ve met from the east coast hate it here and those from the Midwest? They love it because it reminds them so much of home. I’m just sayin’ …
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red pen mama Says:
@spoon, yeah, I kinda figured that about other cities’ fans. Jealousy is so unbecoming!
@butcher’s dog: Stay strong!
ciao,
rpm -
Bridges and Bites Says:
Aaaaawwww……. that’s nasty. Bleck.
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Magnus Patris Says:
31. andrea; Me no type so good sum times.
“Big Daddy” ;-}
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Pittsburgh Tom (now back in da burgh) Says:
I’ve always thought of Pittsburgh to be a hybrid of midwest and mid-atlantic. It doesn’t really fit exactly into either category.
If I were to choose, I’d say mid-atlantic. It’s in Pennsylvania, a mid-atlantic state, which has a atlantic seaport.
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Glowczewski Says:
Uh, Pittsburgh Tom, where is the seaport exactly? But I agree with you about the hybrid part.
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Pitt Pygmy Says:
@red pen mama: I’m glad someone besides me has a thing about mouths, and agrees that Sid’s lips should be carved in marble somewhere! His whole face is just yummy-looking.
Not really related to this post, but it’s the most recent one, so whatever: I’m succumbing to Hizzoner Mayor Lukey’s rhetoric! I’m writing reflection papers on my progress through a master’s program for my graduation portfolio, and I’ve already used some form of the phrase “move forward” several times. EVERYBODY DRINK!
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tw Says:
Rearless – I totally agree about Heath Miller. I’m a huge Steeler fan but since I got transplanted to Philly country i don’t get all the little daily happenings. So whenever I watch a game (if they graciously put it on the tube which is not always) I swear I hear “boo’s” for Heath and I keep telling myself “how can cheers for Heath possibly be sounding like boo’s….but they do!”.
btw…Great blog Ginny…too funny. Except I was a little disappointed in the Sidney googles…
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northerngirl Says:
Actually let me correct…the fun game that my nieces, etc. played this summer was to google their name (for example amy) and the word needs…so Amy needs…and then they would either laugh or get creeped out by what came up…so i did this with Pittsburgh…and here are the top ten…1. Pittsburgh needs eated. 2. Pittsburgh needs a hostel. 3. Pittsburgh needs new leaders, new ideas. 4. Pittsburgh needs a sports pope (?) 5. Pittsburgh needs to encourage entrepreneurs 6. Pittsburgh needs help. 7. Pittsburgh needs cool heads to prevail. 8. Pittsburgh needs new nickname. 9. Pittsburgh needs big draft … and the tenth thing Pittsburgh needs???…to march to city hall and demand that the chief of police and mayor resign today…like i said…funny, yet eerily accurate as well…
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Bojack Says:
Pittsburgh needs to:
REPO PNC PARK FROM THE THIEVING, GREEDY,
MARROW-SUCKING VAMPIRES, THE NUTTING FAMILY!!!!!!I hope the whole family dies hideous, torturous deaths all at the same time so that the Pirates can be owned by ANYBODY who cares about baseball, not their offshore bankroll funded by a public-owned venue!!
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lovesthenorthside Says:
what bojack said!
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Matt Says:
A good blogger always drives traffic to their website through Google. But a really good blogger drives their blog traffic to Google and back. (e.g., google “Jeff Reed + docuhebag + thatschurch”). Bravo! Just please agree never to discuss reusable tampons again.
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abeautifulmess Says:
We know that at Heinz Field the “Heath” chants are not ‘boos’ but when the Steelers are playing away and Heath makes a play, are the rival fans booing him or are whatever Steelers fans that have traveled for that game or live locally, loud enough to make the “Heath” chant heard?
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Scott Says:
The “Pittsburgh Dump Truck” is nearly as funny as the timeless classic, “The Rusty Trombone”….
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unsatisfied Says:
watching heath let that pass go through his hands for an interception, I can assure you that I was booing.
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Joelene Says:
I wager Luke will have a new one soon. “luke ravenstahl divorce” – a shame.
Anyway, off to google Pittsburgh Dump Truck. As if I could resist.
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Karen Says:
Wigger? Hilarious! And the fact that you googled it is even funnier…obviously Ben is alot of things but a wigger is not one of them…My teenage son is bi-racial and he told me to tell you if you come to Bellevue or Coraopolis you can see a whole bunch of ‘em and he’d kick a few of them for you! LOL
