Random n’at

1.  One morning about a week before Halloween, my son, who had decided to be Darth Vader, got into a heated discussion with me and his father about whether Darth Vader was good or evil.

My son, who has not yet really seen much by way of the Star Wars movies, and therefore has based his entire impression of Darth Vader on toys and commercials, refused to believe my husband and I when we explained to him that Darth Vader started out good, then became very very evil, and then ended his life with a good moment.

He wouldn’t hear it, insisting that Darth Vader was just as good as Luke Skywalker and as he presented his case (“… AND HE WEARS A VERY COOL MASK!”), my husband and I glanced over our coffee mugs at each other all, “OMG. WE ARE ARGUING WITH A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD OVER THE MORAL TURPITUDE OF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.  IS THE SCHOOL BUS HERE YET?!”

After my son left for school, I returned to the kitchen to find he had left me and his father a note stuck to the refrigerator with a Florida magnet, something he must have scrawled quickly before leaving:

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God bless the phonetic spelling lessons given in first grade, because Dork Fader is the best thing ever.

2.  An email I received from The Mario Lemieux Foundation at about 2:00 p.m. informed me that the Make Room for Kids has secured over $1,600 in donations already.  We’re on our way!  My butler Mike is working with their people to get a tracking mechanism set up.  More soon.

3.  Another awesome way to give back this year is to the Kiss Morning Freak Show’s Stuff a Bus campaign.  I’m predicting that between awesome Burghers, Super Grover (REALLY! Super Grover stopped by today!), and Burgh Baby’s Christmas Crazy fund, they’ll fill 20 buses this year.

4.  The Pirates signed … uh, whatever, who gives a crap?  They signed some players who will inevitably make a fantastic contribution to the suck.

5.  Speaking of the Pirates, know who DOES give a crap, Bob Smizik:

According to Stark, teams like the Pirates receive about $80 million in revenue before they sell a ticket.

That’s a figure that had not previously been reported and it’s one that has to make any Pirates fan wonder where all the money is going because it’s certainly not going toward payroll.

Bob asks the Nutting family to show their books, which is like asking a nun to show her boobs.  Never going to happen.

(h/t Toni)

6.  SO many of you have sent me this link, and of course, I’m just now getting around to posting it.  Kelly Frey’s interview and follow-up in which we get to meet Baby Bennett.  Watch it here and uh, have tissues or something handy.

Or just be Brett Favre and shoot your snots across the room. That’s hot.

7.  Lots of you have also sent me this link in which the show House makes a Mike Tomlin reference:

YouTube Preview Image

Now, if you’ll excuse me, typing Mike Tomlin’s name reminds me that I have a What They’re Really Thinking post to write and that I need to find lots of words that can properly express my frustration, otherwise, the post will just be one giant picture of Bruce Arians with a caption reading, “SON OF A BITCH!”

Because THAT game? Enough to make me go Dork Fader on someone’s ass.

[impressive lightsaber moves]





50 Comments

  1. Carpetbagger
    November 30, 2009 3:56 pm

    I’m sure you’ll be keeping that scrap of paper at least until your son’s wedding reception. I’m in my forties and still reminded of the made-up language I used at that age. The two words that have survived: A “potty toe” was a fire truck, and a “buddy towel” was a peanut butter sandwich. Wonderment.

    I hope your What Were They Thinking includes the Ravens mascot. It looked like a cross between a black moth and a locust.



  2. butcher's dog
    November 30, 2009 4:01 pm

    I hope the WWTT includes a suggestion that the d-backs at least look for the ball while it’s in the air. Couple of knockdowns and we’re all smilin’ like a….well, you know. This particular butcher’s dog didn’t smile much today.



  3. butcher's dog
    November 30, 2009 4:02 pm

    But, speaking of the Pirates, Danny Murtaugh is up for Hall of Fame consideration again. Back when they were the Bucs, not the Sucks, he was the man. He deserves selection. Any way we can help persuade the voters?



  4. Pitt Pygmy
    November 30, 2009 4:08 pm

    As much as I wanted to crawl under a rock and die after the final Pittsburgh loss of the weekend (good going, Pitt, and I’m looking at you, too, Penguins- the Islanders? Really?), I consoled myself with a very good point.

    The Ravens BARELY beat a team that featured a third-string QB who had completed ONE NFL pass in his life, and a defense missing Polamalu (and Smith, and whoever else). They can squawk all they want, but they played a piss-poor game too.



  5. Pitt Pygmy
    November 30, 2009 4:08 pm

    ALSO! Jeff Reed made a tackle! I almost fell off the couch when that happened, and it wasn’t because of the beers I’d imbibed.



  6. -T-
    November 30, 2009 4:12 pm

    I used to be a House addict and I SWEAR to you that when they first brought Mike Tomlin in I thought of Omar Epps. Swear, really!



  7. Ruby
    November 30, 2009 5:19 pm

    I am reading your blog for the first time and am pretty shocked at your poor writing skills, lame attempts at wit, and unoriginal references. You are neither clever nor interesting. May I suggest you take down this blog, as well?



  8. hypocycloid
    November 30, 2009 5:46 pm

    Ruby, most of Ginny’s devout readers would advise that you simply click elsewhere next time you decide to fire up your computer. Or, you could BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP to another site, if you prefer.



  9. MizzPenz
    November 30, 2009 5:52 pm

    Question for Ruby: Was someone holding a gun to your head while you were reading this blog? Otherwise, I would suggest you show some self respect and stop torturing yourself by coming here. It’s bad enough that we have to put up with Ginny’s lame wit, poor writing skills and unoriginal references – no need for you to have to do the same! Be gone with you! Run now before it’s too late!



  10. unsatisfied
    November 30, 2009 5:55 pm

    put the troll treats away, peoples…..



  11. Sooska
    November 30, 2009 6:11 pm

    I suspect someone was eating his UPMSees for lunch today.

    1. Anyway, Dorck Fadir is fabulous. That should be Hines Ward’s new nickname.

    5. I heard that stuff about the Suckos’ revenue a couple weeks ago. Pocket change apparently. To hell with Pirate fans.

    I suspect BA wouldn’t know a full back if he ran up his ass. Kerry Davis, you say? He was on the roster all this time? son-of-a-bitch, indeed.



  12. SpudMom
    November 30, 2009 6:13 pm

    Ginny, my 4.5 year old is Star Wars OBSESSED and I am giggling insanely at Dork Fader. BTW, if it’s of interest to you, Build-a-Bear is selling Star Wars bears this holiday season. Our kids are young enough that this is cool so they will be receiving 1 Jedi Knight bear (for the elder – he was Luke for Halloween) and 1 Darth Vader bear (for the baby who was Dork Fader for Halloween).



  13. SpudMom
    November 30, 2009 6:21 pm

    Oh and your son is going to be one sad panda when he finally sees the Star Wars films. :P



  14. Cassie
    November 30, 2009 6:21 pm

    So glad to see Baby Bennett!!!



  15. Carie
    November 30, 2009 6:37 pm

    Ruby:

    May *I* suggest you link your blog (or wherever you may compose your thoughts) here so we may go there and critique it, since you think that is an acceptable thing to do to other people?

    I’ll be looking forward to that link!

    Until then, STFU.



  16. Lisa J
    November 30, 2009 7:06 pm

    I’m with Sooska. Dork Fader should be Hines’ new name. Too funny. My 5-year-old still says tenchimer instead of temperature. And I have to be honest, I don’t correct him as often as I should.



  17. bluzdude
    November 30, 2009 7:17 pm

    Dork Fader should be the next big Goth Band.

    My nephew was obsessed with Star Wars when he was 5 or 6. One time my mom asked him, “so what’s this Star Wars all about.

    He took a breath then talked for the next half hour, describing, in rapid fire succession, one scene after another from all 6 movies in random order.

    Poor Mom never knew what hit her. I learned then that linear storytelling is not a 6-year old’s stong suit.



  18. KGC
    November 30, 2009 7:22 pm

    @Lisa J..

    My daughter used to say “keputch” when she was very young.. she grew out of it.. she’s now 20… your’s will, too.. I’m hoping the ValleyGirl blonde-ditz phase passes soon… Please?



  19. mfj
    November 30, 2009 7:36 pm

    Ruby, why don’t you just take your love to town and leave us the hell alone?
    (Unoriginal reference circa 1967).



  20. Bojack
    November 30, 2009 7:40 pm

    The Nutting family is pocketing $80 millions from the PUBLIC- OWNED & FINANCED PNC Park!!!

    GEE LUKEY, why not get your $16MILLION from those despicable rodents???

    Oh?? What’s that?? You are a well-paid whore and can’t comment????????????????????



  21. bucdaddy
    November 30, 2009 7:51 pm

    Smizik somehow forgot that the Pirates spent about $10 million on each of the past two drafts, that they built a $4 million baseball academy in the Dominican, that unlike many teams they get no revenue from parking, that they …

    *sigh*

    Aw, forget it. This is like arguing with a 7-year-old about Dork Fader’s morality.

    Pitt Pygmy,

    Yeah, but I saw Sepulveda get turned inside out trying to make a tackle on a punt return. He’s lucky he didn’t break a leg.

    So it evens out.



  22. Bojack
    November 30, 2009 7:52 pm

    >>>Ruby wrote-

    “May I suggest you take down this blog, as well?”

    Why don’t YOU learn about PUNCTUATION!!!

    BITCH!!!!



  23. Bojack
    November 30, 2009 7:56 pm

    Bucdaddy, please tell me you’re not defending these thieves???



  24. Jsgurl
    November 30, 2009 7:58 pm

    OMG I am having parenting flashbacks about arguing the morals of fictional characters. I’m pretty sure it was about Darth Vader too! Sad part is my son is grown! Oh and you didn’t want to ask him about what Star Wars was about when he was a kid but then again even know he’s not so good at linear story telling.
    What is up with Ruby that she needs to be so evil? Is she off her diet? Did she lose her show? Did the scale lie to her again?



  25. Bojack
    November 30, 2009 8:10 pm

    Here’s a simple question which will NEVER be answered-

    exactly how much $$ do the Nuttings pay the citizens (taxpayers)
    of Pittsburgh and Allegeheny County for the use of PNC Park?????

    Answer THAT Lukey and Dan-hoe!!!!!!!!!!!



  26. Bojack
    November 30, 2009 8:13 pm

    Anyone seen that G20 audit yet?????



  27. Mike
    November 30, 2009 8:14 pm

    I was at Star Wars in concert last night when I grabbed the iPhone out of my brother’s hands, booted up the lightsaber app and quickly swung it around, producing the sounds to the epic battle in my head.

    Now that I know, I was fighting Dork Fader.



  28. Bojack
    November 30, 2009 8:15 pm

    OK, Maker’s shot + Xanax :-)



  29. Burgh Baby
    November 30, 2009 8:24 pm

    Dorck Fader is the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. For reals.



  30. Pensgirl
    November 30, 2009 8:37 pm

    1. Someday, your seven-year-old will learn that it’s ALWAYS the bad guys who have the cool masks.

    7. Your short-version WTWRT is an apt post if you ask me…it’s exactly what we’re all thinking anyway.



  31. Ashley
    November 30, 2009 8:56 pm

    I have a 5 year old who argued with me that Anakin is Darth’s son because Anakin is good and Darth is bad they can’t be the same..I then called my friend who convinced my son that they are in fact 1 in the same. I am still shocked that I got in an argument (and lost). Their reasoning skills are impeccable. At least I know it’s not only me lol. :)



  32. kelli
    November 30, 2009 9:26 pm

    Pitt Pygmy,

    But the Pens made up for it the next day.

    And if things continue in this manner, tonight too.



  33. Cathy
    November 30, 2009 9:30 pm

    Hey Ruby… go Suck it…



  34. LuAnn
    November 30, 2009 9:31 pm

    @KGC
    My daughter ALSO used to say “keputch”. She is 25, and we occasionally annoy her with that.

    My nephew, when he was quite young, call Darth Vader “Dark Yader”
    He is 17, and we occasionally annoy HIM with that.



  35. HollyT
    November 30, 2009 9:31 pm

    As to the guy the Pirates signed today; read this: http://raisethejollyroger.com/2009/11/pirates-sign-a-pitcher-who-ate-his-own-hat/

    The man eats hats.



  36. KGC
    November 30, 2009 9:49 pm

    @LuAnn

    My daughter is well beyond the “keputch” phase.. it’s the blonde-ditz phase that worries me! :)



  37. Vivian formerly NY Luvs Pitts
    November 30, 2009 10:01 pm

    Ruby, Stop sippin’ on that hate shake!!!!

    Ginny, How cute is your son. I just love it.



  38. Still A, Fan
    November 30, 2009 10:20 pm

    I haven’t watched Star Wars with my daughter yet as she thinks it’s a “boy” movie. I can’t wait until she’s ready. I would like to watch all three (I’m 41 and don’t recognize the second trilogy. It’s like he never made them in my house) some rainy or snowy day with her. For funny things kids mess up with words – one day she came home from daycare when she was around 3 or 4 and was telling me about dinosaurs. “They all stink”. I thought about this a second and tried not to burst out laughing as I realized she was telling me they’re all extinct. We like villains in our house. When she was his age we LOVED Dr. Drakken on Kim Possible. I laughed out loud several times at his antics.



  39. Magnus Patris
    November 30, 2009 10:42 pm

    Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the best villain name ever. My kids LOVE him. Hey, maybe this is also a good nick name for Hines Ward. Also,we won’t let the 6 year old watch “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Nerds” or whatever it is, not only because the movie stinks, but the whole Anakin into Vader thing is too much for him. “Empire Strikes Back” was the best. The George Lucas lost his friggin’ marbles with Ewoks, Episodes I, II and III and The Clone Wars. Dork Fadir would have been an improvement.



  40. Scott Simmons
    November 30, 2009 11:12 pm

    One night when I was but a tyke, the waiter brought out my meal of fish & chips but forgot to bring silverware and ketchup. I had a slight speech impediment so my request for “the fork and ketchup” sounded more like “the f**k’n ketchup”. True story.



  41. USCMike
    November 30, 2009 11:18 pm

    I too think that Ginny could save her time and effort on the next WTRT by merely posting a picture of our fine offensive coordinator with a caption of “Doofus”. You’ve basically got a rookie QB, you need a run game and extra blockers, yet the only time I saw Carey Davis was on special teams and don’t even get me started on how ‘special’ they were…

    As for the DBs, I think that the jerseys of Gay and Clark should have the word Toast on them instead. Other teams have DBs that actually try to intercept a pass rather than let the receivers catch it and then try to tackle them. It’s like without Troysus, these guys have no brains of their own to follow the ball and possibly get the pick, instead of a completion for the opposition.

    Oh well, I hear that margaritas in quantity will relieve the pain of Steeler games these days!



  42. bucdaddy
    November 30, 2009 11:29 pm

    Bojack, Bob Nutting is a cheap miserly bastard who runs newspapers that suck. He has, however, been the only guy calling the shots with the Pirates for only two years. Two tears ago the team was terrible, David Littlefield was the G.M., the farm system was empty, the drafts were awful, there were ancient free-agent stiffs playing right field and third base, there was little or no presence in Latin America or Japan or just about anywhere else … I could go on.

    This year the team was terrible, and everything else was better, in some cases much better.

    Bob Nutting has said that when the team has a shot at making a big jump forward by paying for free agents he’ll open his wallet.

    So … thieves? I’d say the jury’s still out.



  43. Bojack
    December 1, 2009 5:51 am

    B-Daddy, while I truly admire your “let’s wait for the coroner” optimism, waiting for, as you put it, “Bob Nutting is a cheap, miserly bastard…” promise to “open his (cough, cough) wallet” is right up there with other West Va promises:

    1) The trailer is paid for!
    2) I didn’t know she was my cousin!
    3) I was just helping that sheep over the fence, honest!



  44. Bojack
    December 1, 2009 5:58 am

    PS- Didn’t I see something in the news about Nutting trying to get in under the IRS deadline for the offshore tax-cheat amnesty, where did you say, Dominican Republic?



  45. Bojack
    December 1, 2009 6:01 am

    [Bojack] adds “fork ‘n ketchup” to vocabulary!! LMAO :-)



  46. Karen
    December 1, 2009 8:49 am

    My 11 yr old daughter calls Tomlin “Foreman”. There is a resemblance! Hilarious!



  47. Betoon
    December 1, 2009 9:47 am

    Had Sister Thaddeus in first grade and also had no front teeth, so spent 3 months calling her Sister Faddya**.



  48. bucdaddy
    December 1, 2009 9:53 am

    Bojack, I didn’t say I didn’t have my doubts about the open wallet (moths fly out) promise, just that we’ll find out when the time comes whether he’s to be trusted or not. This team and this free-agent class, BTW, wil not be the time to test it.

    And you made me laugh, but really, you can’t say anything about West Virginians that we don’t say among ourselves :-)



  49. toni
    December 1, 2009 11:20 am

    My son had a 1 word stop shop. Dippit. If it was breakfast time dippit was an egg with a runny yolk to dip in toast. Dippit at lunch meant ketchup for his fries. Dippit at dinner was gravy. Short, sweet, and to the point.

    The winner tho was “weedy balls”….that meant he wanted peas ( little wee balls). I think Arians has weedy balls…and not the kind you serve on a plate.



  50. butcher's dog
    December 1, 2009 12:33 pm

    Sorry I came in at the end of the party. Ruby, if you’re as stupid in real life as you are in cyberland, how do you find your way home at night? Or don’t you ever leave the couch in Mommy’s basement?