That's Church

I bet you thought I forgot all about our sick kids at Children’s Hospital, didn’t you?

I bet you thought I gave up on giving the older patients there a gaming room in which they can spend a few hours on Super Mario Sunshine, forgetting for a moment that they’re really sick.

You would be wrong.  I NEVER FORGET ABOUT THE KIDS!

Since that contest ended in which Children’s did not win a $10,000 gameroom courtesy of Microsoft and the Children’s Miracle Network, I’ve been hard at work emailing and shenanigana-ing with the greatest group of people in the Burgh … Pittsburgh’s Social Media crowd.  Bloggers, twitterererers, podcasters, etc.

Not only that, thanks to reader Sooska for the suggestion, I went to the Mario Lemieux Foundation and asked if they would serve as the middleman between us and Children’s Hospital and they said yes! and then FLIPPED  A FEW CARTWHEELS! and maybe even threw us a party in their heads.  Mario Lemieux’s foundation has a division called The Playroom Project that places playrooms in local hospitals.  To my knowledge, this will be the first big-kid playroom they’ll donate, on our behalf.

In addition, I have other BIG GIANT NEWS about an INTERNATIONAL company that has proactively contacted me to offer to help with this and golly boy howdy gee, it is awesome.  Just need to work out a few details before I announce that, but a hint:  FURNITURE!

So, our goal? $10,000 for our sick kids.  That will be enough to buy some sweet LCD TVs, awesome gaming systems, awesome mind-numbing, addictive, forget-you’re-sick-for-a-while games, computers, computer games, AND even a bit left over to purchase some hand-held gaming systems for those children too sick to or unable to leave their beds. We’ll bring the games to THEM!

High-five, Burghers!

Now, you ask, can’t UPMC just fork over a quick 10 grand and do this themselves? I don’t know.  Maybe they could.  The point is that you and me, WE are giving this room to these kids as a gift and we’re essentially letting them know that there’s a whole city of people that would really like to see them kick the hell out of whatever it is they’re fighting at the moment.

Why gaming, you ask? I’m an amazing mind reader.  You girls are also thinking about Daniel Sepulveda shirtless and you boys are also thinking about beer.  Moving on.  Little story.  When I first made the decision to come out and reveal my identity, my butler Mike Woycheck and I began planning a charity reveal that would have taken place at Diesel and would have been a butt-kicking good time complete with celebrities and auctions and booze, etc.  The goal was to raise $5,000 for a local charity, but I wasn’t sure which charity I wanted to raise it for.  I considered the John Challis Courage for Life Foundation, but I wondered if there was a more direct way I could help sick kids.  Then the next day at church there was an announcement that a young boy named Genre Baker, a church member, was fighting leukemia and in doing so was raising money not only for the medical bills associated with the next several years of treatments (as it stands right now, his blood counts are low and that’s not good.  More tests this week.) and also because he wanted to be able to give the gift of gaming to other patients that didn’t have a hand-held gaming system like he had to pass the hours in the hospital.

I ended up nixing the fundraiser idea because it got too big and I got scared because I’m little old me, and I’m a writer.  I should use my words to reveal myself.  And I did.

Combining what I had learned about Genre Baker with the contest to bring a gaming room to Children’s Hospital, it felt like I found a way to use what little bit of notoriety I have to do some good for our local sick kids.

Bring them some gaming, FTW!

Now, next Monday is your first chance to make a straight donation to this effort (kickass name and logo to be unveiled soon), and those donations will be turned over to Mario’s foundation for safekeeping until we have given them $10,000.

However, this week is Thanksgiving week and while you and I might be enjoying our families and friends and the love we’re surrounded with every day, we are obviously aware that there are those who are suffering, who are in hospitals, orphanages, missing their loved ones, and on and on.

My plan is that this Saturday, after we’ve had a few days to be thankful for what we have, that we use our Saturday night out to give to those that DON’T have.

You have two choices if you’d like to help.

1.  This Saturday from 6-9 is Mariachi Night at my husband’s restaurant Las Velas.  There will be a real live Mariachi Band and also $5 margaritas!  My husband has generously agreed to donate 15% of all of the sales from that entire day to my effort.  I’ll be there with my whole family for dinner.  Every sister except Tina Fey will be there with their families and we are going to have a grand time eating and drinking and spending our money (yes, my husband makes us pay, too).  Please come out and JOIN US!  Maybe you can come down and go ice skating across the square and then head over for some dinner and fun with me.  From now to Saturday, I’m going to try to come up with some extra incentives for you to come out because the more money we all spend, the more money goes into the pot toward the $10,000.  I’m hoping to get a few local celebrities there as well.  Wish me luck!

2.  Ti Kanaval benefiting the BRESMA Orphanage.  This takes place at the Altar Bar in the Strip also from 6-9 this Saturday.  This event supports two local sweethearts and is only $12 at the door.  Ali and Jamie McMutrie have dedicated the last several years of their lives working at an orphanage in Haiti.  Let me tell you something — they are risking their lives every single day doing what they’re doing for over 100 orphaned children.  They have an AMAZING story and this is their one event here in Pittsburgh to help raise funds for their efforts in Haiti.  There will be loads of fun there as well.  After I spend a few hours at Las Velas, I’m going to ALSO head over to this fundraiser for a bit to give these girls my support.  I’ve never been to the Altar Bar, so you guys can all be my date for my first outing there, since my husband will have to stay back at the restaurant.  Here are some pictures of Ali and Jamie:

(source)

Amazing girls.

There’s no reason that BOTH Of these events shouldn’t raise money for their respective causes because either way, in the end, it is the CHILDREN that matter.

This week, I’ll be providing more details about the Las Velas fundraiser and on how the donations will be taken and processed come Monday.  PLEASE NOTE:  If you cannot make it to the fundraiser, you will be able to donate directly via the mechanism we will set up on Monday.  Everyone will have a chance to pitch in.  We’re going to keep at it until we reach our goal.  My butler, Mike, also is generously donating a portion of the sales of all shirts sold at www.wearpittsburgh.com until our goal is reached.

This is the kind of group effort it will take to get us the money we need to allow the foundation to get started on that gameroom.

This is the best of Pittsburgh, my friends.  I hope you all can pitch in and help.

More details every day!

Now, Burghers far and wide, if we do this thing … if we raise this $10,000 for our sick kids … you will not only be richly rewarded in some fashion at some point in your life, you’ll not only feel a great sense of satisfaction that you gave back this holiday season, I will also … oh, my … reveal my space-themed high school graduation picture.

It’s on.

The Torontoist recently Googled various Toronto searches to see what Google would suggest and the results were fun.  Reader Charles suggested I see what Google Suggest has to say about Pittsburgh.

Let’s have a look:

Nothing too out of the ordinary there, and rest assured that I’m sure Lukey’s tuition tax will do wonders to combat that pesky “losing population” thing.

Let’s try another:

Only one negative search suggested in the list.  Bravo.

Next, what are people ASKING Google about Pittsburgh?

and …

BOO HEATH MILLER?!?!  Who has ever booed Heath Miller and WHY would you boo Heath Miller?!

Or maybe this is because whenever Heath does something awesome, the entire crowd screams, “HEATHHHHHHHHHHHH!”  I guess to an outsider, it could sound like booing.

It’s not, world! We love Heath Miller.

More Steelers:

No, and we don’t NEED no stinkin’ cheerleaders.

Let’s stick with the Steelers theme:

I had to Google wigger.

Did you just learn what I just learned?  That Benny is the douche and Skippy is the bag.

I give the Internets three weeks before we can get Jeff Reed is a fat gerbil on that suggest list. Then I can die happy.

That’s right. He’s dirty and thuggish.  Or as I call him, “Thugalicious.”

Mmrow.

Moving on:

Whoa. Look at that. Luke Ravenstahl PittGirl is a suggested search.

Your goal:  Luke Ravenstahl is secretly in love with PittGirl. Make it suggest!

How ’bout them Suckitudes?!

Joke implies the presence of a funny punchline.  There is nothing funny about the Buccos of Suckitude’s 17 years of suck. Let’s try to get “The Pittsburgh Pirates [gag]” to suggest.

And the best for last:

Douche!

Which would you think is worse? Being the douche or being the douchebag?

Answer, NEITHER.

Because if you’re Tom Brady, you’re actually both:

Finally, way up top when I clicked on “Pittsburgh is a dump” I stumbled upon a suggested “Pittsburgh Dump Truck” search which led me to Urban Dictionary which led to me an entire list of –

Well.  I’m not even going to tell you.  Just trust me when I say DON’T GOOGLE “PITTSBURGH DUMP TRUCK!”

Ah, why’d you go and do that?

So many things I’m going to try to get to today, if I can.  First of all, though, I wanted to thank those of you that reached out to Amy, the author of the heart-wrenching Callapitter blog.

You must go read her latest post and see that it really did make a difference and at a time when she most needed it!

A snippet:

I need to take a few moments to sincerely thank Ginny and everyone who has taken the time to read my blog, look at pictures of my kids and write a few kind words. You have absolutely no idea how much each comment, even the smallest ones, means to me and how much you have all helped me get out of my latest funk. When I truly did not have the strength or energy to cope another day, all of you “internet strangers” and “virtual friends” have carried me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you!

Well done, Burghers.  Let’s keep Amy in our thoughts, let’s continue to visit her blog, and let’s continue to offer her encouragement especially as she nears her first Christmas without her children.

I heart you all.  And my gosh, I MEAN that.

You remember when the Post-Gazette revealed their Plush section, right in the midst of economic turmoil, right?

The Plush section’s motto is “Your guide to gracious living” where “gracious” means “HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A LOT OF MONEY TO SPEND!”

Plush revealed their Holiday Season fashion guide yesterday. In it you will find such gems as this:

Plan intimate dinner parties and impromptu cocktail parties at home, and be sure to do it with high style. Light the candles, dim the chandelier, build a fire and pop the cork of that great champagne you’ve been saving for a special occasion.

“Impromptu cocktail parties?” What do the rich do? Wait until 20 of their friends unexpectedly show up in their finest attire and then have the chef whip up some hors d’oeuvres and cocktails? (I’m a little embarrassed to admit how many tries it took me to get hors d’oeuvres close enough to correct so that spell check could fix it for me.)

Gem #2

Submit to underwear as outerwear.

Kinky!

Gem #3:

• Sharp shoulders — Back to the future, the sharp-shouldered jacket is at its best paired with slim pants or leggings and a confident attitude.

Here’s an example of such an outfit put together by the P-G:

The P-G describes this outfit as this:

Tuxedo jacket, $1,950, and draped pant, $965, by Balenciaga; shoes and gold and silver cuff bracelets from the Balenciaga fall/winter 2009 runway collection, courtesy of Emphatics, Downtown.

“Draped pant.”  I can’t even tell you how hard I laughed at “draped pant”.

Now, regular people don’t describe this outfit as tuxedo jacket and draped pant, we describe this outfit as:

“What in the name of the love child of LaMont Jones and Julie Bologna are you wearing?  Is this outfit your interpretation of what Joan Crawford would wear if she was captain of the Starship Enterprise? And while I appreciate the Steelers theme of your … well … I don’t know,  I can’t call them SHOES, that’s for damn sure,  I gotta tell you that you seem to have gotten a fabric softener sheet stuck in the back of one of them.  Also, I took some messages for you while you were out.  Christopher Walken wants his hair back, the entire female cast of Dynasty wants their shoulder pads back, MC Hammer wants his ‘draped pant’ back, and Tom Brady would really really like his shoes back.”

So if you’re walking downtown one evening in the cultural district and you see a scarily dressed woman with severe hair, pointy shoulders, and a bra over her sweater, stumbling about on shoes that would kill a sex-enraged rhino, never fear.  She’s not drunk or crazy.

She’s just rich.

1.  I don’t know who kidnapped Old Pittsburgh November and replaced it with This Pittsburgh November, but that kidnapper can go ahead and torture Old Pittsburgh November and chop it up and bury its remains scattered across the mountainside and I won’t say a word to Mother Nature about it because I approve of This Pittsburgh November and it can stay New Pittsburgh November forever.

2.  As you know, Lukey served on a panel that debated who should be Time Magazine’s Person of the Year for 2009.

Let me repeat that. Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.

The New York Post says:

The front-runners for Time’s “Person of the Year” award appear to be Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke — and Twitter. At Thursday’s annual debate leading up to the announcement, panelist and 2001 winner Rudy Giuliani nominated Bernanke, and also said he’d start using Twitter, even though he doesn’t even use e- mail. “Top Chef” judge Tom Colicchio also went with Ber nanke, though Gayle King and Barbara Walters both opted for the micro-blogging service. The choice of Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravensthal (sic), on the other hand, was more political: the unemployed worker.

Um, dear Rudy, Gayle, and Babwa: Twitter, in all its awesome tweety gloriousness, is not, in fact, wait for it … a person.

Nominating and electing Twitter as Person of the Year is like choosing Taylor Swift as Zoo Animal of the Year or choosing a green apple as baseball’s Rookie of the Year or choosing the Roberto Clemente Bridge as Playmate of the Year.

Gawd.

Celebrities really are stupid.  Bravo to Lukey for having the ONLY semi-decent suggestion.

(h/t Dawn)

3. The tuition tax was kicked in the donkey omelets by the ICA and for now, Lukey cannot use it to balance the budget.

This is me, high-fiving you.

Let’s hope it dies in the courts.

4.  Sidney Crosby is filming a commercial tomorrow in Pittsburgh and Nancy Mosser casting was looking for bunches of paid extras.  I don’t know if they’re still looking, but if you’re interested, email mosserextras@gmail.com.

Somewhere, my sister Pens Fan just plopped her baby in the crib and ran to email Nancy.

5.  Reader Laura visited New York City recently and sent me back some Burgh love.

Spotted in front of FAO Schwartz:

Spotted all over town courtesy of the NHL store:

And spotted in Little Italy:

Respect the Parking Chair, yo.

6.  Bengals fans burned the Terrible Towel.

And the soul of Myron Cope shrieks, “Curse them!”

(h/t Mikey and Big Bob from their site)