While you’re waiting …

Five minutes ago.

My phone: “RING RING, BITCH!”

Me: “Hello.”

Mom: “Ginny.  I’m on my facebook and what do I do with this privacy thing that just popped up?  The settings or something?”

Me: “Yeah, they changed the privacy stuff.  Just click all the bullets over to ‘Old Settings’ so no one can see your stuff.”

Mom: “Bullets?  I don’t have any bullets.”

Me: “Bullet points.  On your screen.  Click ’em.”

Mom: “I just see a window telling me they changed the privacy settings.  What do I do?”

Me: “Click the button.”

Mom: “The continue button?”

Me: “The continue button.” [facepalm]

Mom: “Okay.  ‘Continue’.  Okay.  Okay.  Okay.  Now what?”

Me: “Now click all those bullets over to ‘Old Settings’ and that way no one can see your stuff.”

Mom: “Ok. Hang on.  Old settings. Old settings. Old settings. Old settings. Old settings–”

Me: [headdesk]

Mom: “– settings. Old settings.  Old settings.  There we go.  Now what?”

Me: “Click the button.”

Mom: “Save settings?”

Me: “Save settings.”

Mom: “‘Save settings’.  Okay.  Oh, crap. Crap.  I need to go back.  I missed the ‘Political and religious views’ one. I don’t know how I missed that one.”

Me: “Who cares if anyone sees your political or religious views anyway?”

Mom: “Yeah, besides I never filled those out.”

Me: “There you go, then.”

Mom: “Oh, look!  It says if I ever want to change anything, I can go to my privacy page and do that.  So I’ll just go to my privacy page!  Where’s my privacy page?”


God help me if she ever decides to upload pictures to a photo album or if she starts playing Mafia Wars.

I will never answer my phone again.


  1. Al
    December 12, 2009 11:44 am

    they’re so cute at that age

  2. Paul
    December 12, 2009 11:56 am

    I know how you feel on this one. Just hope and pray she never gets the “blue screen of death” lol

  3. Jim
    December 12, 2009 11:59 am

    From my mother – “On my Mac, I could drag things to the trash and delete them. I can’t do that in Windows.” Then in the next breath she asked if I could get her a copy of Photoshop. Ummm, no.

  4. bluzdude
    December 12, 2009 12:18 pm

    Don’t let her play Farmville either… There are days where Farmville updated make up 80% of my page.

  5. butcher's dog
    December 12, 2009 12:26 pm

    You could always switch to an unlisted number. Or screen the calls and always be “out” when she calls. Or celebrate the fact that your mother is taking her first baby steps into the 21st Century.

    Or pad the top of your desk well.

  6. No Princesses Here
    December 12, 2009 12:55 pm

    I’m very fortunate that my mother has no interest in joining Facebook, mostly because she would first have to learn how to “work the computer” as she calls it. It once took me over a half an hour on the phone with her to help her type in the URL for the Food Network in the correct place. It was exhausting.

  7. MamaBear
    December 12, 2009 1:13 pm

    Once my mom told me, “I can’t figure out how to LOAD DOWN pictures from THE Flickr.” My husband and I looked at each other and howled. She is afraid of Facebook, so I only have to deal with my mother-in-law there. Word of advice: NEVER friend your MIL.

  8. Lisa G.
    December 12, 2009 1:53 pm

    Yes, I understand your frustration completely. My mother once bugged me at least a dozen times asking me how to cut and paste–and I even showed her several times in person–before she finally got the hang of it. Exhausting, indeed.

  9. Pa-pop
    December 12, 2009 2:02 pm

    God bless my sainted mum. She didn’t even drive a car.

  10. Margie
    December 12, 2009 2:53 pm

    sounds like the conversations I have with my Dad.
    Dad: Margie, how do I open an attachment in AOL?
    Me: Dad, I don’t know, I won’t use that POS software package.
    Dad: What do you mean? How would I get on the internet?
    Me: You open up Internet Explorer and do things that way.
    Dad: But all my friends are on AOL.

    While this conversation is taking place, I am texting my brother “you’ll never believe what YOUR father is asking me” and banging my head on the desk.

    Oh, and the hour long conversation on how to hook his computer back up? He doesn’t understand the color stuff on the back of the computer. It would have been faster to drive to his house, hook it up and drive home – doh…

  11. Silica
    December 12, 2009 4:16 pm

    I am lucky with the old people and computer department – my mom’s parents keep a “manual” (notebook) with questions they keep to ask me any time I go up and visit them, and then when I show them how to do something, they write it down and never ask me again, because if they forget they just look it up in their manual.

    This is in stark contrast to my future father-in-law, who doesn’t know how to turn a computer on (though he manages to do complex electrical work in his house. You’d think there’d be some overlap in the kinds of thinking required to be successful at that and at using a computer.)

  12. Jen
    December 12, 2009 4:38 pm

    My mom is pretty good with the computer, but she managed to get the bookface virus from facebook on Thanksgiving (it posts malware links to your page and your friends’ pages.. she clicked on one of those links and clicked OK when it asked her to update Adobe. headdesk)

    When I posted a warning to her friends not to click on her links until the virus was cleared up, one of my brother’s friends from high school replied “oh, that’s why she sent me a message about my fine ass… I thought maybe she just had too much thanksgiving wine.”

  13. Three
    December 12, 2009 11:00 pm

    Just like Greg and Donny’s first video…(if you haven’t watched the Greg and Donny skits, you’ll cry laughing). “Dah Norton’s goin’ off all over the place!”


    Personally, I’ll be writing a blog about my mom calling me at 8am this morning (therefore waking me up since I work nights) because of her keyboard. That was a pure clutching my head moment.

  14. Cathy
    December 13, 2009 8:28 am

    My mom called me at work because the software that has her name on the patent was broken. The reason it was broken? The cells in excel all had all # signs. Sigh….make the cell bigger mom. Ohhhh…..that works great. Yes…Microsoft is very smart.

    This was also followed by explaining how copying pasting a file to a jump drive made it “magically appear”.

    Love her but glad I live 5 hours away.

    Computers are not her friend!

  15. Heather
    December 13, 2009 12:22 pm

    Moms are the best! Mine sent a mass email about 2 weeks ago to regretfully inform everyone that she is quitting email because she keeps having problems with getting things from all kinds of people who she doesn’t know.

    Dads are good, too! My dad calls me at least once a month to find out how to change line spacing in Word. This coming from the same man who has a portable wand document scanner and knows how to upload the files to his laptop. Funny!

  16. Nick
    December 13, 2009 1:16 pm

    I know exactly how you feel. My mom calls me at work all the time and asks mr how to do every little thing on her computer. I’ll be explaining then say some thing like “copy” and she’ll be like what? Then I’ll say right click, and she’ll be like “what does that mean?” Even though I explain these things to her at least once a week. Ahhhh, so frustrating, why can’t she ever remember?

    And I love how she things I know how every piece of software ever written works just because I am in IT!

  17. tat2dsteelergal
    December 13, 2009 5:06 pm

    Bwahahaha I’ve denied my mother’s “friend request” about 748239479254 times for this very reason! Ahh old people and technology… She double clicks everything too. “um mom, just click that ONCE, ONCE…um mom…ONCE! That’s a link only ONE click…jus…one…jus…oh forget it.” Now you’ve made me angry.

  18. AmyLa
    December 14, 2009 11:02 am

    My mom has turned into a Facebook stalker. We live 500 miles away, so I couldn’t really deny her friend request. But she feels the need to comment on every status I put out there. It’s sweet, but I feel like a teenager. Aw, c’mon mom. It’s not like we never talk on the phone!

  19. JenniferK
    December 14, 2009 1:06 pm

    Oh I feel your pain. I go through this every time with my mother. I wrote her a list of all the basic stuff she does and the commands or icons to click in a specific order. The other day she had me how to do something for the billionth time and I said where is your list of steps I made you for you. She said ‘Oh I can’t use that stuff’. Which basically meant it was easier to bug me then read the detailed list.

  20. Chris T
    December 14, 2009 9:53 pm

    Tell ur mom 2 friend me, I needs mo mafia warz!!!

  21. Beth
    December 15, 2009 7:35 pm

    Does your phone really say “Ring Ring Bitch?”