Here comes the middle-aged bride

84 Lumber bamillionaire Joe Hardy, AGED 85 86!!!!,  has finally finished mourning his divorce from that 26-year-old he married in 1997 and his divorce from the 23-year-old he married in 2007, and his breakup with the 22-year-old he rebounded with thereafter, because over the weekend, he married AGAIN.

All 84 Lumber will say about his latest wife, Rebecca Davis of Florida, is that she is “middle-aged.”

This is Joe Hardy, AGED 85 86!!!!, we’re talking about, a man who has for the past decade or so not so much as made eye-contact with a woman unless she is at least 60 years his junior, so I’m guessing “middle-aged” means “39-year-old former beauty queen currently sporting large fake breasts.”

If however, it comes out that by “middle-aged” they mean “35-years-old,” then THIS 35-year-old spring chicken will choke a bitch.

Either way, Joe Hardy needs his own reality show because I will watch that train-wreck religiously.  Bonus points if Hugh Hefner pops in on occasion for Viagra parties with Joe while their women take turns practicing using a defibrillator.





31 Comments

  1. Greg
    December 21, 2009 9:42 am

    God Bless Joe… he is my hero.



  2. spoon
    December 21, 2009 9:53 am

    You figure his kids have to be saying “Who pissed off dad so bad that he’s giving our inheritance to these hookers”

    Joe, you sir are da man!



  3. newetiquette
    December 21, 2009 9:56 am

    After being repeatedly reminded of my “advanced maternal age” on every hospital and insurance form as I prepared to have a baby at the geriatic age of 35, I will also choke a bitch if someone dares call me middle-aged.



  4. SpudMom
    December 21, 2009 10:02 am

    @newetiquette – Jeebus Kwist! That’s obnoxious! It’s not like you’re 52 and having a baby. Yeesh.



  5. Cnik
    December 21, 2009 10:20 am

    ….and there are those that still worry that gays and lesbians will ruin the sacred institution of marriage.

    LOL!



  6. chrys
    December 21, 2009 10:22 am

    at newetiquette

    I am currently pregnant with my third at the age of 38.. at my very first appt my DR suggested that I have my tubes tied because I am “getting up there in age”.. Now I wanted to choke that bitch!! LOL!

    And for the record.. this was a surprise baby.. but she is very much wanted.. my older 2 daughters (10 and 7 yrs) are thrilled.. :)

    As for Joe Hardy.. he is a man-whore. And a disgusting one at that! And at 38 I don’t think of myself as middle aged either.. but that’s just me. ;)



  7. bluzdude
    December 21, 2009 10:34 am

    And I’m sure they all loved Joe for his sparkling conversation!



  8. tolnski
    December 21, 2009 10:50 am

    @Cnik – love it!

    And, I would totally watch the Joe Hardy Show too. Am dying to see a photo of the so-called middle aged Mrs.!



  9. CriticExtraordinaire
    December 21, 2009 10:52 am

    I’ll bet that Joe is a freak in the sheets. That would explain his success with all those twentysomething lasses…



  10. bucdaddy
    December 21, 2009 11:09 am

    Joe goes through women the way I go through socks.

    Joe wins.



  11. Bojack
    December 21, 2009 11:19 am

    >>>Chrys-
    Just WHO is (are) the whores here???????
    Not Joe!

    JOE ROCKS!!!!!!!

    HE’S MY HERO!!!! SO IS HEF!!!!



  12. Magnus Patris
    December 21, 2009 11:52 am

    I’m sorry, but if I was 85, a Bazillinaire, and didn’t wear Depends, I think even I could wrangle up some better looking 20-somethings. Not at all impressed with any of his “babes du jour”.



  13. bucdaddy
    December 21, 2009 12:00 pm

    Magnus,

    The one on the left up there looks pretty good. The one on the right, not so much. Looks like she got cut from the cast of “The Jersey Shore.” Is her name Snooki?

    But hey, the man’s 85, after all, and still scoring tail at an age by which I hope I’ll have been buried for 10 years. I really don’t want to live forever.



  14. Carpetbagger
    December 21, 2009 12:04 pm

    Well, when a man has that much wood… I’m just sayin’.



  15. ErinPatricia
    December 21, 2009 12:07 pm

    Why….why are they both orange?



  16. Matt
    December 21, 2009 1:30 pm

    Sorry guys, no matter how much money or sexual prowess I possessed, it would be difficult to service one of these young ladies without being reminded of my granddaughter. That’s just wrong. But good luck to his estate planners.



  17. Lauren
    December 21, 2009 1:58 pm

    And people give me crap because I married someone 14 years older : )



  18. Sooska
    December 21, 2009 3:52 pm

    …and people in this country say GAY marriage is an affront. I (female) find Joe Hardy and his wish to be “married” offensive. My husband (male) thinks Joe’s “middle age” is 24-1/2 YO.

    what’s the over-under? I say 31.



  19. Sooska
    December 21, 2009 3:58 pm

    ..thank you CarolineFB. a silk purse from a sow’s ear?



  20. red pen mama
    December 21, 2009 4:01 pm

    These comments are funnier than the ones for WTRT.

    @Carpetbagger wins, IMO.

    I cannot wait until I have to opportunity to use ‘choke a bitch’.

    ciao,
    rpm



  21. Monty
    December 21, 2009 4:14 pm

    Good question from #15. And why buy the orange girl when you can get the orange juice for free?



  22. Donncha
    December 21, 2009 4:31 pm

    When do I get to marry Joe Hardy?



  23. Donncha
    December 21, 2009 4:49 pm

    And, hey, Mrs. Donncha had our last child at 38 and turned 39 two months later. Don’t let anybody give you any rubbish, Chrys. I well remember being at the grocery store with my third when he was but a wee hellion, and he was fussin a bit and some woman sidled up to me and grinned and said — I’m not making this up — “snip, snip.” People take all sorts of liberties. Have your baby, God bless you and tell your docter he/she is there to deliver your children, not cancel them.



  24. Still A Fan
    December 21, 2009 4:55 pm

    Ummmm does he have 85 Lumber?



  25. LaReina
    December 21, 2009 5:34 pm

    I overheard some great scandalous stories about wife #2 or #3 or one of those 20-somethings, I can’t remember which, at the beauty salon. One of the hairdressers knew the ex-Mrs. Hardy in question from her hometown. Coke is it, so to speak.



  26. bucdaddy
    December 21, 2009 5:49 pm

    Why orange? Maybe fluorescent lighting?



  27. Trish
    December 21, 2009 6:39 pm

    Wow, Chrys, I had the opposite problem–I wanted to get my tubes tied when I was thirty-five because my husband and I decided we didn’t want kids and no one would do it because I didn’t have kids and “might change my mind.” So we got the husband fixed instead.



  28. Cassie
    December 22, 2009 9:37 am

    Wonder if they signed a pre-nup?



  29. Kathy
    December 22, 2009 10:10 am

    I just wonder if the “spokesperson” from 84 Lumber is still employed after calling the new Mrs. Hardy “middle aged.”



  30. Mike Mixa
    October 14, 2011 4:35 pm

    Worked with Joe 1969-1989 56 stores to 400 +- He had an unwritten policy, preferred hiring married men back then, made them move, and stated if they couldn’t stay commited to their marriage how could they possibly run one of his stores as a Manager. Mrs. Hardy Joe’s first wife was a GEM, and the Mother of his children. She was also the breath beneath his wings. Joe is truly lost in the wind, and that is truly a shame!