The Steelers might have too much free time

I’d like to think that the Steelers are practicing, studying, eating, sleeping, drinking, and pooping football (ew.), but that would be erroneous of me, because they’ve also been busy filming Christmas videos for the enjoyment of Steeler Nation.

The first video you need to watch is of Dick Lebeau in which he begins by sitting in a giant Steelers-themed Santa chair holding a copy of The Night Before Christmas.

Doesn’t that sentence look like I just took a bunch of words from my grab bag and threw them behind a period?  Dick Lebeau.  Santa. Chair.  Book. Period.

First, I love how he says, “Merry Christmas” and then you can clearly see his brain fart, which stuns him silent for a few moments before he continues with, “I’m Coach Lebeau.”

Then, he goes blah blah blah for about three minutes.  I don’t know.  I was all bloop bloop bloop I HAVE THINGS TO DO, DICK!  THESE CHRISTMAS COOKIES WON’T BURN THEMSELVES AND I’VE GOT SALAD AND ROLLS TO BUY AT THE STORE!

But then he gets into the actual recitation of the poem and WHAT? Dick Lebeau does it with feeeeeeling.

And from memory.

And my love for embattled coach Lebeau grew with each passing moment.

The man pours his big heart into the poem, goes Shakespeare with the dramatic gestures, and practically hacks a lung up when he imitates a belly- jiggling ho-ho-ho.

I will never look at Coach Lebeau the same again.  I think he might be Santa.  What’s your favorite color?!

The other video you should watch is of various Steelers singing Christmas carols in the style of third-grade Christmas pageant.

But Hines Ward eschewed the third-grade style and sang in the style of drunk guy at the office Christmas party who spends a great deal of time rubbing his own nipples.

Then of course Mr. Nom Nom gets paired with Mr. Skeeve and I’m all, CRISS-CROSS!

But then, A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

Thank you, random person who didn’t want the fug tainting the perfection.

Max Starks appeared, too.  Here he is thinking about what he’s going to do to my father for those mean things Dad said about him.

Watch out, Daddy.  That giant man will totally sit on your head and kill you with one butt cheek.

Which gives a whole new meaning to the term brain fart.

(h/t AG and Traci)





13 Comments

  1. butcher's dog
    December 23, 2009 3:39 pm

    If the Steelers have too much time on their hands now, just think what the month of January could be like.



  2. LaReina
    December 23, 2009 4:02 pm

    I’m glad they’re enjoying themselves, I guess.



  3. Pensgirl
    December 23, 2009 4:09 pm

    Huh…I figured the secondary must be Santa what with all those extra yards they like to give away.



  4. Amy
    December 23, 2009 4:13 pm

    Did ya catch the outtakes at the end? HILARIOUS! More nipple rubbing and drunk singing from Ward, but also some hip action from Sepulveda (though he’s blocked from full view!)!!



  5. Magnus Patris
    December 23, 2009 4:44 pm

    What I thought was most annoying was having to watch a commercial for a friggin’ tuna fish sandwich before the video. I mean, really?!? Don’t they have enough money that they can show a Christmas video without a commercial… for a tuna fish sandwich?

    This comment sponsored by Bread. Man, you cannot live with it alone. Paid for by the Bread Appreciation Council.



  6. Sooska
    December 23, 2009 5:15 pm

    Dick Lebeau always reads that to his D. This is from an article from 2005:
    LeBeau, who recites to his players “The Night Before Christmas,” during every holiday season (and whose dramatic rendition of the Clement Moore classic requires no notes), is 68 years old. But LeBeau, whose trim figure makes him appear far younger than what his birth certificate says, has connected with virtually every player in the Steelers’ defensive meeting room because of his rare ability to cross age lines.

    Perhaps we need Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen in the secondary. …wait. Not Vixen. Comet, yeah. Comet. It might distract Duke and Skippy.



  7. Monty
    December 23, 2009 5:56 pm

    I think that’s the first time I’ve seen Lebeau without a hat. He looks just like Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff, without the steroids.



  8. bluzdude
    December 23, 2009 6:12 pm

    I think the strategy is to lull the Ravens into a false sense of security.



  9. carpetbagger
    December 23, 2009 6:31 pm

    I believe Dick is so good at that because he was the second wise man at the very first Christmas.

    LeBeau’s Dorian Gray-like deal with the devil is coming up for payment. Sure, you will never age, but the league will figure out your schemes by 2009. Karma is a bitch.



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  11. calmdahn
    December 23, 2009 11:33 pm

    Apparently Dick read it to a significant portion of my family at my Great Uncle’s house last year. The connection? My cousin used to be the Steelers’ Controller. Of course I wasn’t invited. :P



  12. Ginny's Dad
    December 24, 2009 11:56 am

    Gin

    As you know, I fled to Texas for Christmas. It’s a big state so Max will never find me here. However, I may have to go underground when I return. Maybe if I bought him a Richard Simmon’s Exercise video for Christmas, all would be forgiven.



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