We all agree that downtown parking rates are ludicrous, right? I mean, you pull in and the machine takes your arm off at the shoulder and spits you out a ticket with the words “CHA-CHING” printed on it, and then you’ve got to give your leg to a different machine in order to get your car out. And God help you if you lost your “CHA-CHING” ticket, because then you have to offer up your first born. Also, come Friday, all of Alco’s garages are increasing by $1 or $2 per day, so you’d best get to growing some extra limbs, commuters.
Rich Lord, who I’ve just decided needs a nickname, explores the impending privatization of the city-owned parking lots and wonders if downtown parking prices will become even MORE ludicrous, considering the private garages are the most expensive and considering the lot operators laugh in the face of tax decreases, pocketing the difference instead of passing it on to limbless, weeping motorists.
Go read it if you’d like, but here’s what really made me all BLLLLLLLLLLL:
The Parking Authority has agreed that the financial services firm Morgan Stanley will lead the effort to engineer a long-term lease, and will get $3 million from the proceeds of any deal. The authority is in the process of picking another consultant that would be paid around $600,000 to assemble data for prospective lessees.
Okay, I will let go of the $3 million fee to engineer the lease, but $600,000 to “ASSEMBLE DATA FOR PROSPECTIVE LESSEES”?!
I’m imagining my thinking here is very simplistic, possibly too simplistic, but what data do the lessees need that the current owner, meaning The City of Pittsburgh, doesn’t already have?
They’re your garages, City. You own them. Don’t you have all that data on them? Don’t you know how many cars enter your garages? Don’t you know how much money you’ve made over the years on those garages? And can’t you assemble the data and makes some national comparisons and even include some snazzy charts and graphs? And don’t you already have data on commuters and the numbers of cars entering the city and all that jazz that lessees might want? Can’t you put it together for them? Or at least have someone do it for less than over half a million dollars?
Six hundred thousand dollars … TO ASSEMBLE DATA.
I want to see this data when it is all assembled, and not only do I want each binder to be trimmed in solid gold, I want every bullet point to be a diamond. And so help me God, if I find ONE SINGLE SPELLING ERROR in that $600,000 report I will use an eight-inch knife to spear that report to a dead pigeon and I will leave it on the steps of the City County building for Lukey to find.
Lucky for him, there are lots of $1,000 trash cans around to discard the mangled carcass.