The Devil wears a hoodie.

If you’re wondering what needs to happen for the Steelers to make the playoffs, according to the NFL, any ONE of the following:

1) Steelers win and Houston loses or ties, and New York Jets lose or tie.

2) Steelers win and Houston loses or ties and Baltimore loses or ties.

3) Steelers win and New York Jets lose or tie and Baltimore loses or ties and Denver loses or ties.

Surprisingly no mention of sacrifices to angry football gods or even mass outbreaks of the swine flu.  So, voodoo people, please begin directing your hexes and evil eyes and strange brews toward New York, Houston, Baltimore, Miami and Denver.

However, keep this in mind, the Bengals and the Patriots have already clinched, so they very well may throw their games in an effort to keep the Steelers from the playoffs.

So, if you’re a Steelers fan, you need to root for your team to beat the Dolphins. And you need to root for Bill Belichick and Marvin Lewis to go for a win.

In other words, we’re screwed by the cowardice of The Devil and Marvin Lewis.

I predict our season ends on Sunday when the Patriots and the Bengals lose on purpose, just like the Colts did yesterday in a glaring display of scaredy-cat-ness, or when the Patriots win and the Bengals, who play later in the day, realize nothing can come from a win, so they’ll throw their game.

Either way, Steelers playoff chances are resting in the hands of too many enemies for us to be very hopeful, and that is their own stupid fault for their level of play this season and I don’t think any amount of voodoo can fix that.

But whatever, stab ’em if you’ve got ’em.





41 Comments

  1. Carpetbagger
    December 28, 2009 2:45 pm

    Cinci and NE are tied for the 3 and 4 seed. Can’t imagine they will tank it. I think they’d both rather go to San Diego (3 seed) than Indy (4 seed).

    But still. The NFL gods are cursing us for losing to Cleveland, Kansas City, and Oakland, and they are making us cheer for the Bungles and the Hoodies. Could anything be more awkward and painful? To make things worse, I’m pretty sure that everything is going to come down to a long Skippy Reed field goal attempt. The gods would enjoy that.



  2. Bojack
    December 28, 2009 2:46 pm

    A boy can dream…….. :-)



  3. Steelerslover
    December 28, 2009 2:50 pm

    You said everything I’ve been thinking all day but have too sad to say out loud. :( GO STEELERS!



  4. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    December 28, 2009 2:56 pm

    I’m with Carpetbagger on both the Bengals and Patsies. Going to San Diego is probably more preferable for both so I expect both teams to play it out. Steelers fans also need to be hoping Oakland pulls it out because that could lead to us getting a higher seeding if the gods decide to bless us with the most favorable outcome.



  5. Scott L
    December 28, 2009 2:56 pm

    It may look bad on paper but we will be in. The football gods will smile upon us come Sunday.



  6. Pensgirl
    December 28, 2009 3:00 pm

    Belichik will go for the win. His track record is such that not only will he go with his starters, he’ll keep them in even after he needs them. That’s just the way he is.

    Lewis is a tougher call. He’s not only weighing his team’s overall interest in knocking out a division opponent, but I’m sure he’s also recalling how we broke his QB the last time out (unintentionally no matter what they say). I could see him going the “resting my starters” route.

    But if the other teams don’t cooperate and we don’t get in, that won’t bother me. That’s what happens when you underperform.



  7. Margie
    December 28, 2009 3:20 pm

    I love it when you post a picture of Friar Tuck from up der in New England. I start with the smoke coming out of my ears, then the curse words come out of my mouth. There is no one in the NFL that I dislike more than him.



  8. red pen mama
    December 28, 2009 3:25 pm

    *puts hands over ears*

    lalalalalala I can’t hear you.

    in all seriousness, I have so much to do anymore and so little time in which to do it, and I know I will be stoned by the Steeler faithful, I may even be blocked from commenting on this site, but it will not break my heart at all if the Steelers don’t make it into the playoffs.

    Besides, they do not control their own destiny, as is pointed out here, and that simply cannot bode well.

    peace,
    rpm



  9. MN
    December 28, 2009 3:37 pm

    I’m still in utter shock that the Colts’ coach purposely tanked that game yesterday! I bet Peyton still has steam coming out of his ears!



  10. butcher's dog
    December 28, 2009 3:38 pm

    Forget Cleveland, Kansas City, and the first Baltimore game. Forget Skippy’s case of the duck-hooks in Chicago. Turn two CLANGS into pfffttts (Limas Sweed in the end zone on a sunny autumn day in Cincinnati and Joe Burnett against Oakland) and we’re sitting at 10-5 and talking about seeding. I’m guessing both will be back, at least for training camp, but the damage has been done. Now we just have to live with the results.

    Cincy/Jets are the final game of the regular season, played on Sunday night. By then any and all will know what needs to happen and the seeds may very well be solidified. Don’t hold your breath, anyone.

    Let’s hope next year the Steelers secondary is not the place 10-point leads go to die.



  11. Sooska
    December 28, 2009 3:43 pm

    Marvin Lewis hates the Steelers with every fiber of his being. I think he would do anything to have a hand in helping the Steelers not make the playoffs.



  12. Monty
    December 28, 2009 3:44 pm

    Yes, Jim Caldwell can eatadick. But there is no way the Pats or Bungles won’t try to spank a team they may meet in the playoffs. Too much mojo at stake.



  13. Facie
    December 28, 2009 4:19 pm

    When I read your post title from my blog list, I immediately knew what (or rather, who) your post was about. I bet most Burghers did too.

    When your team has won two Super Bowls in four years, it is not so difficult (at least for me) to root for the enemy. Still, all things considered (i.e., the five-game losing streak), if it does not work out, I will be okay with it. Not happy, but okay.



  14. Joe K.
    December 28, 2009 4:50 pm

    The scenario for the Steelers to get are not all that outlandish, all of those teams are capable of losing. But they have to win first!



  15. Pa-pop
    December 28, 2009 5:31 pm

    History lesson for all you young whippersnappers: On the final weekend of the 1989 season, the Steelers needed to go to Florida and get a win to make the playoffs. They also needed one-fourth of the the remaining teams in the AFC to lose. All of this was scheduled for Christmas Eve.

    Santa delivered. The Stillers dispatched Tampa Bay 31-22, and the three teams that had a chance to tie Pittsburgh with 9-7 records all lost: Colts, Dolphins and Raiders. The last set of keys to the playoff kingdom were awarded to the Black and Gold.

    BTW, all of this happened after 51-0 and 41-10 blowout losses to the Browns and Bengals respectively at the start of the season.

    It’s either gonna be a twenty-year cycle of joy … or a karma boomerang. I’m going with the former.



  16. Lisa J
    December 28, 2009 5:46 pm

    Hubby and I were at dinner last night and just couldn’t help himself, he had to check the scores. Him: “WTF?? The Colts are throwing the game. In some interview somewhere Payton Manning said given the choice he would choose to NOT face the Steelers in the playoffs, and now he’s not playing. They’re scared and throwing the game to knock the Steelers out. WTF??”. Me: “how’s your dinner? Put the phone down”. So I guess teams purposely throwing games to keep the Steelers out is a popular thought.



  17. Jeff
    December 28, 2009 6:28 pm

    WTF is wrong with you all. (1) I’m a Patriots fan (2) I love the city of Pittsburgh (3) I hate the Steelers and think their fans are ignorant (4) this post proves my point. The Patriots ALWAYS try hard. They are the anti-Colts and wouldn’t lose on purpose ever. Also, 3/4 seed positioning won’t matter, the Colts are beatable and weak and have a weak secondary (something that Steelers fans must easily recognize).

    Virginia, I’ve been a big fan for a while now, always share your posts with people to relay how I feel about the city of Pittsburgh and I’m a bit ashamed and offended by the idiocy of that post.



  18. Jeff
    December 28, 2009 6:31 pm

    Also on a more calm note, I found this article http://www.profootballweekly.com/2009/12/17/the-colts-exit-strategy proving my long stated point that even if you blow a chance to go undefeated (which is LAME) RESTING DOES NOT GUARANTEE BETTER PLAYOFF PERFORMANCES… it just doesn’t work. Colts are going down early.



  19. Virginia
    December 28, 2009 6:33 pm

    Jeff, the Patriots have been caught cheating in order to win. Is it really that far of a stretch that they might not have the scruples to play to their full capacity when instead they could lose and have a bit easier run back to the Super Bowl? Seems possible to me.

    Also, you shouldn’t take everything I say so seriously.

    Regardless, sorry to have ashamed and offended you with my idiocy.



  20. mb
    December 28, 2009 6:35 pm

    Hey Jeff – – 1) Steeler Fans are some of the nicest in the NFL – guess you never made a road trip to maybe Baltimore, Cleveland or Cincinnati 2.) New England and their coaches are CHEATERS – hmmm. 3.) Who has 6????? Not NE!



  21. Jeff
    December 28, 2009 6:41 pm

    Okay, well I think the cheating stuff was overblown, since taping was allowed, and it’s the access during a game which is questionable and supposedly they didnt have access (if they did, it’s terrible and definitely cheating). The Stealers won quite a few Sueprbowls with steroids in the 70’s and their 2006 (I think that’s the year) championship team doctor was implicated again in HGH stuff, so I dont think they are the moral high ground of the NFL. The idea of Belichick losing on purpose is inane though. He is arrogant and thinks he can beat anyone/anywhere and doesnt care who he plays.

    As for my somewhat inappropriate comments about Steelers fans, some jerk kept saying in 2005 that the Steelers could NEVER lose to the Pats in the playoffs (after beating us in the regular season without Corey Dillon). Anyway, he bet me $20, failing to recognize that ALL teams have weaknesses and can be beaten. So I kinda hold a grudge. I always think of it as Steeler fans being overconfident and Eagles fans being fatalistic.

    I’ll go ahead and not take the few posts I don’t like too seriously as I do love your work. I just bristle a bit because I dont think Belichick is as bad as people think.



  22. Jeff
    December 28, 2009 6:43 pm

    Steelers are cheaters too. And their fans are NOT nice. I was there four years, and absolutely LOVE the city, but not impressed by the football knowledge of their fans.

    I readily admit Patriots fans are TERRIBLE though… obnoxious/rude/ignorant/etc…. all Boston fans are, and I am a bit ashamed of my hometown area



  23. Politicalpartypooper
    December 28, 2009 7:29 pm

    ummm…Jeff?

    Maybe you ought to quit while you’re only a little behind here. They just registered a thermal bloom in Pittsburgh. Ginny might be lighting up the nuke…be careful ;D



  24. Politicalpartypooper
    December 28, 2009 7:31 pm

    Also just wanted to say thank you to all Steelers fans and their team. My Packers defense finally woke up, and discovered they didn’t have to sleep walk through the rest of the season.

    Also, the Throw Back Jerseys have to go.



  25. L-A
    December 28, 2009 7:39 pm

    I hate the Patriots and Tom Brady with a fervor more fervorous (whatevs) than Skeeve’s love for sluts, BUT when I discovered this tidbit of info earlier today, I thought that Cincy would throw it to keep us out, but I never thought that about New England. They have pretty much a brand new defense this year and the only way they’ll get better and be ready for the playoffs is for them to play to win. Oh, and Belichick is the devil.

    With all that said: GO STEELERS! GO OAKLAND! and PATS! and (gulp) BUNGLES!



  26. bucdaddy
    December 28, 2009 7:43 pm

    Butcher’s dog: A Ravens receiver wide open in the end zone keeps his eye on the ball for two seconds and nobody in da ‘Burgh is talking like squeaking into the playoffs is any kind of achievement. I thought y’all had higher standards than that anyway. Even if they make it, the Steelers should be like Notre Dame and decline the invitation.

    And while I’m at it, Jeebus did the refs hose the Ravens. I better never hear a Steelers fan whine about a call ever again.

    Also: Baseball fans don’t need advanced math degrees and computers just to figure out who makes the freakin’ playoffs. Just one reason baseball is better, even when it means watching a team that sucks.

    OK, commence the hate. I can take it.



  27. JenOH
    December 28, 2009 8:21 pm

    “baseball is better, even when it means watching a team that sucks” I’m with you bucdaddy!



  28. Paul
    December 28, 2009 10:08 pm

    Call me a blasphemer if you must, but I’m almost hoping that the Steelers lose on Sunday. WAIT! Before you get all “WTF?!?!? Kill that guy” on me, let me explain. First and foremost, better draft round pick. Secondly, if we don’t make it into the play-offs (which is realistic)I’m really really REALLY hoping that Tomlin will crawl off of Arian’s nuts and finally FIRE that fat, useless sack of shit. I feel as though we’re in desperate need of a new offensive coordinator. While we’re at it, a new Special Teams coordinator too. With all of that said, I would love to see our beloved team crawl from the depth of regular season hell into the 6th seed and have a chance of redeeming themselves and getting that 7th. But, I like to stay grounded in reality. I’ll be waving my towel and screaming “THROW THE BALL YOU FUG BASTARD!!!” like a man insane on Sunday…I can just see the good of both sides of this coin. Also, Belichick is totally evil incarnate!



  29. NW Joe
    December 28, 2009 11:10 pm

    @ Jeff, doubtful that the Steelers were the only team doing roids in the 70s. Also, does the name Rodney Harrion mean anything to you? Not to mention that Brady has some interesting phone numbers in his rolodex. And you can couch spygate however you want, but it was cheating.

    Pittgirl, I don’t think teams tank a game on purpose. Teams with bad records may play backups to get a higher draft choice (the Pens did this to get Lemieux). Teams may rest players prior to the playoffs but the Bengals and Patriots have bigger issues to deal with than thinking about purposely tanking to keep a team out of the playoffs that has given up 1,000 points in the 4th quarter, no matter how much these teams may despise the Steelers.

    NE will play its starters to get the 3rd seed. They don’t want to face Indy unless they have to. The Bengals may rest their starters because they will likely not have anything to play for. Doesn’t mean they won’t beat the Jets even if they play the backups. The Jets are 8-7 for a reason.

    I think the Steelers have a reasonable shot at the playoffs. The Texans are not a playoff team and will demonstrate this with a loss to the Pats. The Ravens are 2-5 on the road, are beat up (esp. after yesterday) and have to fly to the coast. This adds up to a 19-17 loss.



  30. Jeff
    December 29, 2009 12:54 am

    Unfortunately, anyone who saw the Pats/Saints game will realize that the Texans can beat the Patriots, simply because Wilhite spends more time watching WR’s sprint into the end zone than ESPN.

    PS… my only point was that everyone cheats. I hate Harrison and anyone who brings disgrace to the Patriots, the same way I’m sure Steeler fans must hate Jeff Reed, Santonio Holmes, and the dbag whose dogs keep attacking people’s pets.

    Last note before I leave the post alone, Ginny (promise). My bitterness against the Steelers comes from Hines Ward running his mouth that they were a better team than the Patriots, even after the Patriots kept beating them in AFC title games. I guess I should let that go before I visit for the marathon… good luck all this weekend.



  31. NW Joe
    December 29, 2009 1:46 am

    Jeff, I am not quite sure why you think you know football. Of course, anybody can beat anybody. I just don’t think the Texans are going to beat NE. They could I just don’t think they will.

    I hate Osama Bin Laden. I hate murderers. I hate rapists. I don’t hate people that do things that don’t hurt anybody else. Holmes and Reed may be idiots just like Rodney Harrison but I don’t hate Harrison, Holmes or Reed. I don’t hate Brady. I don’t care enough about them to hate them. Reed and Holmes have made big plays that have helped the Steelers win. The Steelers winning makes me happy. Happy as I was when I believed that Lambert, Harris and Blount walked on water? Of course not. As an adult, I understand that athletes are human and humans make mistakes. You wish that your heroes are perfect but that wasn’t true before we knew that Babe Ruth wasn’t exactly an altar boy. It isn’t true now. The only difference is we feel we have the right to know these things. Cost of fame and fortune.

    As Tiger Woods has shown, for everything we know, there 10 times as many things that we don’t know.

    Take sports for what they are. A way to get away from the pressures of life, be with friends and family and have a good time. Whether Skippy Skeeve picked up a slut after the game the other day really doesn’t bother me. It has no effect on my life. He kicked the game winner and really that is pretty much all that matters.



  32. Chris
    December 29, 2009 3:30 am

    NW Joe….excellent post.

    I still hate Bill Belichik.



  33. Jeff
    December 30, 2009 8:15 am

    NWJoe… of course I (and most everyone else) agrees with your pontificating post. I do throw the word ‘hate’ around too much trying to rile up football fans, when in reality, I’m much closer to the old guy who complains about spoiled above the law players making too much.

    I didn’t really talk much about ‘football’ or if I know ‘football’… just kinda spouted randomly about 1) dealing with Steelers fans for four years and 2) the Patriots for the first time in years have plenty of cornerbacks but no last line of defense. And as for knowing football, I know it more from an X/O’s perspective. It is about recognizing weaknesses and exploiting them with your strengths. For instance, I think AZ will exit early because they have unsound defensive strategy, blitzing an inaccurate running QB (Vince Young) allowing him to run and play to his strength. So I don’t like being told I don’t know football, because I didn’t really talk football.



  34. Jeff
    December 30, 2009 8:18 am

    I re-read your post Joe. I don’t think I can divorce myself from athletic feats, and the personalities that perform them. To me, I can’t respect the cheaters, the idiots, the dbags, even when their debauchery doesn’t relate to their jobs at all.



  35. sillywalter
    December 30, 2009 1:19 pm

    I kinda agree with Jeff about Steeler fans. Not all are obnoxious jerks, but that last game I went to was nothing but drunk, “what’s a first down?”, eff-this, eff-that, “we must get to play-offs even though we’re not that good” HOARs. Sorry, fans. I’ve been here all my life and never felt so embarrassed. Also, fair-weather fans are the worst. My favorite player of all time? Jack Ham. I’d bet my house, my Pontiac, and my job he didn’t do steriods.



  36. NW Joe
    December 31, 2009 12:38 am

    Jeff, something tells me that if you knew what your ‘heroes’ are doing, you wouldn’t be able to be a fan of too many athletes.

    I am not condoning these actions but do you really think that there is a difference from one team to another. You can’t hate everybody. Every team has steroid users, baby momma abusers, etc…

    Sports are entertainment. What these people do when they are not entertaining me does not concern me enough to hate them.

    Where would I draw the line? A specific number of DUI’s? One steroids suspension? If he only slapped the significant other instead of punching her?

    James Harrison hit his wife. Dan Rooney indicated there were extenuating circumstances. Are there ever extenuating circumstances when it comes to domestic violence? All I know is he made one of the greatest plays in SB history. The Steelers may not have won without it. And I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that he was on the team to make that play.



  37. Bojack
    December 31, 2009 5:38 am

    Bill Belichik is a cheating, putrid, piece of steamy camel shit who

    needs to be kidnapped and tortured by Al Quaeda.



  38. Jeff
    December 31, 2009 9:29 am

    Well at least Bojack is more prone to hyperbole than myself…

    NWJoe: I know (better than most) exactly what these players are doing (certainly not my heroes, people like Tom Starzl are heroes of mine). I feel the same way about entertainers as athletes, and I don’t think it’s that I care about what they do, so much as it bothers me that others are ignorant or don’t care. I know that most of these people aren’t great guys, or are at least susceptible to the temptations and pitfalls of their chosen profession. For me it’s the US Weekly/ESPN/TMZ attitude of idolizing entertainers and having people in my life always talking about them, living vicariously through them, and having these people play an undue role in their personal lives, that bother me. For (person) to be following certain celebrities she adores, and having these people become a part of her life, and worshipping them AND their flaws (not in spite of their flaws, I think it shows a bit of loss of touch of reality.

    Next time your daughter (or friend’s daughter) acts like a slut or son does steroids or hits his girlfriend, you’ll see why I get so angry at the lack of accountability of people in the public eye, and the worship they are given.



  39. Bojack
    December 31, 2009 12:09 pm

    What hyperbole?? No hyperbole!!!!

    I MEAN IT!!!! BELECHIK IS CAMAL SHIT!!!!!



  40. Jeff
    January 3, 2010 3:10 pm

    Do I get an I told you so? Regardless of how the game ends, the Patriots are playing to win. That’s what you do. Unless you are the Colts, then you rest everyone and think that the winning edge doesn’t matter, and proceed to lose your first playoff game.



  41. Bojack
    January 3, 2010 5:04 pm

    @ Jeff-

    Are you a glu-sniffer too?????????????

    Those “lay-down” pussies!!!!!!

    Putrid pieces of steaming camel shit!!!

    No hyperbole!!

    If I could give Belichik to Al Qeada (if they wanted more camel shit) I WOULD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!