What They’re Really Thinking: Stayin’ Alive edition.

If that game doesn’t convince you that God is a Steelers fan, I don’t know what will.  When Derrick Mason dropped that pass in the end zone, I turned to my brother-in-law and I said, “Did you see that? That was divine intervention.  An angel of mercy smacked that ball out of his hands all, ‘NOT ON MY WATCH, LOSER!'”

What madness that game was.

Penalty-riddled football-follies madness.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk that I’m a mom trying to walk in do-me boots with one child on my hip and I got no time for talk, so let’s get right to it.

1.  First, it appears Jeff Reed is growing a porn ‘stache, too!

Add to that Benny’s serious stache:

and the Ravens coach was all, “I OBJECT TO THIS DISTRACTION!”

It is a distraction.  It’s hard to look away from that much bow-chicka-bow-bow.

2.   Jeff Reed.  You know, I’ve got nothing bad to say about our main skeeve today. Well, that’s not entirely true.

Let me say that he has overcome that early-season fluke of a game in which he missed what was it, sixty field goals? It seemed.  He has since been incredibly accurate at what is his job.  Kicking field goals.

If only he didn’t always look so ridiculous and so, you know, eyes-slammed-shut whenever he has to make a tackle.  But he did push a runner out of bounds yesterday, so well done, Skippy.  If I were a gameshow host, this would be the part of the show where I reveal the sluts behind door number 3.

3.  Forced fumble aside, James Harrison taking the 15 seconds or so to roll Ray Rice over just so he could jaw at him really left a bad taste in my mouth.  I prefer sportsmanlike conduct from my Steelers.

This might be just because I’m a woman though because this conversation happened exactly as I’m going to write it:

Me: “Did you see that?  James Harrison is such a punk ass.”

BIL: “What did he do?”

Me:  “He turned Ray Rice over off of his stomach and onto his back just so he could get all up in Ray’s face and jaw at him.”

BIL:  “That’s awesome.”

4.  Receivers! Mike Wallace continues to impress me.  I mean, did you see him jump up, spin around in the air, and pull that ball out of the sky while he was running full speed ahead?  Amazing.  Plus, his catch set up the Santonio Holmes touchdown.  And speaking of Santonio, the thing I like about the Asshat is that he is superb at gaining additional yards after he makes catches.

5.  There was also that game-saving catch by some guy named … wait … I gotta go find it.  Here we go.  Grisham.  Tyler Grisham.  I have no idea who Tyler Grisham is.  Did he just show up in the locker room and throw on a Steelers uniform topped with his own personalized jersey?  Where did he come from?  I don’t even think he knows.

But his catch set up Jeff Reed to score what would become the winning points.

6.  The penalties.  Without them, we lose.  Two touchdowns called back because of them, and an interception that would have dramatically changed the outcome of the game.  MVP for this game is clearly the Ravens’ own Frank Walker.

The Ravens would lay the blame on the refs while the Steelers point fingers at the Ravens for being giant stupid-heads, particularly with the late hit penalties. There’s no excuse for those.

All I know is that it seemed like the Ravens were doing everything in their power to muck this game up.

7.  Steelers went into the half leading by 10, then ended the third-quarter tied at 20.  This was the point in the game that my sister Pens Fan said, “Here we go.  Second half collapse anchored by a fourth-quarter of defensive fail.  I need more alcohol.”

But instead, the defense has suddenly come alive.  THEY CAUGHT AN INTERCEPTION, YOU GUYS!  I can’t remember the last time that happened, but I’m pretty sure it was Troysus that did it, so I’m going to say seven or eight games ago.

The defense shut out the Ravens in the fourth quarter along with a little help from their friends, the refs, the Ravens, and the angels of football mercy. Nevermore! Testify!

8.  Yes, we probably shouldn’t have won that game, but we did.  And like Mike Tomlin said:

“Style points, we’re way past that.  We’re just trying to stay alive.”

Well, mission accomplished, Coach!

Yes, we know, Santonio.

I’ve already posted the playoff scenarios that would get our slightly undeserving boys (gasp!) into the playoffs, but they all begin with one very important fact.  We’ve got to beat Miami first.  And normally, I’d be all, “Miami?!  Miami?! You’ve got style.  Blue skies, sunshine, white sand for miles.”  Wait, no, that the Golden Girls ditty.  I’d be all, “Miami!?  Done.”  But this year, a win against Miami is not guaranteed, so let’s just focus on the Dolphins for now and let’s focus on actually beating them with some freaking dominance.  You know, by like seven points or something ridiculous like that.

Finally, I can’t caption this picture with the words I want to because my father reads my blog and he will call me first thing in the morning from Texas where he is visiting Tina Fey, and he will lecture me sternly and would read me several scriptures, and then he will put my mother on the phone and she would do her “UNITED STATES OF AMERICA” guilt trip all the while Tina Fey would be in the background laughing her ass off.

But, I’m not saying a word.

This is me, taking the high road.  The giant, freshly showered high road.





28 Comments

  1. Paul
    December 28, 2009 11:22 pm

    NOW, I can sleep! Thank you and goodnight!



  2. Carpetbagger
    December 29, 2009 12:02 am

    Ha! Ravens suck it. But I did see that Sandra Bullock movie, “Precious”, about their left tackle. It was pretty good.

    My wife has a new saying: “What in the name of Tyler Grisham is going on in here?” It makes me laugh.



  3. Heather
    December 29, 2009 12:56 am

    I think if there was a caption to the pic that remains uncaptioned, my response would definitely be “That’s what she said.” Love it!



  4. Politicalpartypooper
    December 29, 2009 1:01 am

    God a Steeler’s fan? Maybe.

    But the Packers are the only team he REALLY cares about. God already gave you your Super Bowl victory, against Green Bay. That’s as big as it gets for you guys this year, and hey, it’s nothing to sneeze at.

    On February 7th, 2010, you’re going to be able to say, “We beat the team that won the Super Bowl!”

    That’s going to have be enough for you, this season.

    Yes, I’m still a Brett Favre fan, and I still hate the Vikings. Don’t ask me how that works. But it WAS nice to see Favre do well tonight, and still watch the Viqueens lose to the pathetic Bears.



  5. bluzdude
    December 29, 2009 1:14 am

    I submit the following caption:
    “The cameraman pulls out his long lens for this one”



  6. GoBobbo
    December 29, 2009 1:25 am

    The Golden Girls reference… OMG!! YES!



  7. Chris
    December 29, 2009 3:25 am

    Bluzdude….4 words for you.

    diet
    pepsi
    on
    laptop



  8. No Princesses Here
    December 29, 2009 8:45 am

    OMG. Golden Girls “Miami” jingle. That definitely set my day off on a good note.

    I’ve somehow become BFF’s with the only respectable Ravens fan in existence. Now I get to keep a little pride AND a free lunch next week. Thanks Steelers (and Ravens)!



  9. Sooska
    December 29, 2009 9:15 am

    My husband says Tyler Grisham is indeed a guy who just showed up one day (off the practice squad.) I too had never heard of him and I thought I paid attention. Apparently not 100%.

    About God being a Steelers fan: Last week I saw a piece on KDKA where one woman on the streets of Pittsburgh said “Jesus is a Steelers fan.”

    Or whether you’re a murderer…I got hysterical when the announcers said Ray Lewis had Rice over to his house for Christmas and gave him a Bible. A BIBLE!!!! (ask your dad about that will you?) No wonder they lost.

    @Carpetbagger: not “Precious,” but “The Blind Side” unless you were being facetious, in which case, you’re right. Precious victory.



  10. Monty
    December 29, 2009 9:21 am

    Someone should tell Santonio that a kid in my high school broke his neck trying to do that.



  11. PA Girl in VA
    December 29, 2009 9:37 am

    Murderer – FUNNY (and too true)! I’ll be laughing all day about that and this entire post. Thanks, Ginny!



  12. one-eyed dick
    December 29, 2009 9:38 am

    @ Politicalpartypooper: maybe God used to care about the Pack, but not anymore. You failed to capitalize His reference in “…only team he (sic) REALLY cares about.”

    He hates that…

    Am still confused by the Favre “love/hate” thing. You eat a bad batch of cheese curds or something??



  13. chrys
    December 29, 2009 10:29 am

    Love this post, Ginny.. :)

    I, for one, cannot wait for the day Ray Lewis retires. It drives me nuts that he is not in prison!! blaahhh I think he may be the one big reason why I hate the Ravens.. other than the mis-matched purple uniforms and helmets.. Why don’t the purples match? :P



  14. bucdaddy
    December 29, 2009 10:35 am

    I don’t think Reed “pushed” a guy out of bounds as much as he threw up his hands all “Don’t hit me don’t hit me PLEEEEEEASE don’t hit me” and the return guy just kind of ran into him.

    As to whether God is a Steelers fan, I’ll relate this recent conversation with my mother.

    I may have mentioned here somewhere lately that I had a bout of cancer, the kind that, fortunately, was fairly easy to deal with. When I told her things were looking pretty good post-surgery, my mom said something about God answering prayer. I said, why waste an answered prayer on me, why not use it on some little kid with leukemia?

    She said, “I don’t care about anybody else.”

    I think she was joking … maybe.



  15. bucdaddy
    December 29, 2009 10:37 am

    Oh yeah, Sunday my mom also said, “I hate the Ravens.” I said why? And she gave me the answer moms always give their kids when the answer is unanswerable: Just because.



  16. Scott
    December 29, 2009 11:20 am

    A year and a half later, and the PittGirl obsession with Santonio’s schlong still burns brightly.



  17. unsatisfied
    December 29, 2009 11:31 am

    for that last pic, here ya go:

    “you’ll shoot yer eye out, kid.”

    (I know, it’s from a different movie — and, yes, I know it’s 4 days after Christmas….)



  18. Ginny's Dad
    December 29, 2009 12:22 pm

    Sooska says that Ray Lewis gave Rice a Bible. Only God can read his heart and mind, but maybe he has repented for his past mistakes. Of course owning a Bible doesn’t make you a Christian. You have to live your life according to the words written in it.

    I don’t care for Lewis’ antics on the field and his trash talking, but he does come to play. Maybe he will become a preacher when he retires.



  19. PA girl trapped in VA
    December 29, 2009 12:50 pm

    I don’t know what it is but whenever we play the Ravens I am on my knees, praying, nail bitting, cursing and screaming. People…Ginny is right. GOD is a Steelers Fan. The football Gods were on our side this Sunday. All the freakin penalties against the Ravens were crazy and usually they are on us for some reason. At the Steelers bar where I watch all the games here in VA, we are convinced that the announcers hate the Steelers and the refs hate us as well. Sunday it actually looked good for us, for once.

    Ginny…You’re right about Ray Lewis. I also can’t stand him which is why I must hate the Ravens as well and maybe because they are our rival team may have something to do with it. You’re dad nailed it though, his antics on the field and the trash talking is more than I can take.

    So I will end with a BIG thank you to the Ravens for all the HUGE mistakes they made, the refs for seeing them (finally) and Jeff for the 3 points that put us up to win the game. *muah* Thanks to all.



  20. pghfaninphx
    December 29, 2009 2:36 pm

    @Carpetbagger – you made me laugh out loud. For reals.

    And the Santonio pic is just screaming out for an asshat reference… because his head is bowed and looks like it’s missing. :P



  21. Vivian formerly NYLuvsPitts
    December 29, 2009 3:41 pm

    That Hines Ward can sure take a picture. He’s got good angles. He knows where the camera is at all times. He catches the light well. And of course the smile.



  22. Bojack
    December 29, 2009 7:22 pm

    #8 Wow! DMX fan!! :-)



  23. Pensgirl
    December 29, 2009 8:28 pm

    That win had nothing to do with God, and everything to do with the Ravens’ inability to control their dirty nature for a full 60 minutes. The Ravens are the Flyers of the NFL…cheap shots are embedded into the team DNA. You don’t need God to help you when the other team is so completely willing to shoot itself in the foot.

    Regarding the uncaptioned photo…I don’t think a caption is at all necessary (although there have been some good suggestions). It pretty much speaks for itself!



  24. Pittsburgh Tom (now back in da burgh)
    December 30, 2009 12:30 am

    In honor of Jeff and Ben, I’m shaving my beard down to a porn mustache.

    Last year I had a playoff beard. This year, it’s a playoff porn mustache.



  25. sillywalter
    December 30, 2009 1:26 pm

    Does Ben think he’s attractive? I wouldn’t touch him with a caber.



  26. Megan
    January 1, 2010 6:40 pm

    Thanks for adding ‘murderer’ to Ray Lewis’ picture!!!!!



  27. Yikes
    May 17, 2010 3:27 pm

    Phew – As for ben, I wouldn’t kiss him with your mouth. Vomit…