If that game doesn’t convince you that God is a Steelers fan, I don’t know what will. When Derrick Mason dropped that pass in the end zone, I turned to my brother-in-law and I said, “Did you see that? That was divine intervention. An angel of mercy smacked that ball out of his hands all, ‘NOT ON MY WATCH, LOSER!'”
What madness that game was.
Penalty-riddled football-follies madness.
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk that I’m a mom trying to walk in do-me boots with one child on my hip and I got no time for talk, so let’s get right to it.
1. First, it appears Jeff Reed is growing a porn ‘stache, too!
Add to that Benny’s serious stache:
and the Ravens coach was all, “I OBJECT TO THIS DISTRACTION!”
It is a distraction. It’s hard to look away from that much bow-chicka-bow-bow.
2. Jeff Reed. You know, I’ve got nothing bad to say about our main skeeve today. Well, that’s not entirely true.
Let me say that he has overcome that early-season fluke of a game in which he missed what was it, sixty field goals? It seemed. He has since been incredibly accurate at what is his job. Kicking field goals.
If only he didn’t always look so ridiculous and so, you know, eyes-slammed-shut whenever he has to make a tackle. But he did push a runner out of bounds yesterday, so well done, Skippy. If I were a gameshow host, this would be the part of the show where I reveal the sluts behind door number 3.
3. Forced fumble aside, James Harrison taking the 15 seconds or so to roll Ray Rice over just so he could jaw at him really left a bad taste in my mouth. I prefer sportsmanlike conduct from my Steelers.
This might be just because I’m a woman though because this conversation happened exactly as I’m going to write it:
Me: “Did you see that? James Harrison is such a punk ass.”
BIL: “What did he do?”
Me: “He turned Ray Rice over off of his stomach and onto his back just so he could get all up in Ray’s face and jaw at him.”
BIL: “That’s awesome.”
4. Receivers! Mike Wallace continues to impress me. I mean, did you see him jump up, spin around in the air, and pull that ball out of the sky while he was running full speed ahead? Amazing. Plus, his catch set up the Santonio Holmes touchdown. And speaking of Santonio, the thing I like about the Asshat is that he is superb at gaining additional yards after he makes catches.
5. There was also that game-saving catch by some guy named … wait … I gotta go find it. Here we go. Grisham. Tyler Grisham. I have no idea who Tyler Grisham is. Did he just show up in the locker room and throw on a Steelers uniform topped with his own personalized jersey? Where did he come from? I don’t even think he knows.
But his catch set up Jeff Reed to score what would become the winning points.
6. The penalties. Without them, we lose. Two touchdowns called back because of them, and an interception that would have dramatically changed the outcome of the game. MVP for this game is clearly the Ravens’ own Frank Walker.
The Ravens would lay the blame on the refs while the Steelers point fingers at the Ravens for being giant stupid-heads, particularly with the late hit penalties. There’s no excuse for those.
All I know is that it seemed like the Ravens were doing everything in their power to muck this game up.
7. Steelers went into the half leading by 10, then ended the third-quarter tied at 20. This was the point in the game that my sister Pens Fan said, “Here we go. Second half collapse anchored by a fourth-quarter of defensive fail. I need more alcohol.”
But instead, the defense has suddenly come alive. THEY CAUGHT AN INTERCEPTION, YOU GUYS! I can’t remember the last time that happened, but I’m pretty sure it was Troysus that did it, so I’m going to say seven or eight games ago.
The defense shut out the Ravens in the fourth quarter along with a little help from their friends, the refs, the Ravens, and the angels of football mercy. Nevermore! Testify!
8. Yes, we probably shouldn’t have won that game, but we did. And like Mike Tomlin said:
“Style points, we’re way past that. We’re just trying to stay alive.”
Well, mission accomplished, Coach!
Yes, we know, Santonio.
I’ve already posted the playoff scenarios that would get our slightly undeserving boys (gasp!) into the playoffs, but they all begin with one very important fact. We’ve got to beat Miami first. And normally, I’d be all, “Miami?! Miami?! You’ve got style. Blue skies, sunshine, white sand for miles.” Wait, no, that the Golden Girls ditty. I’d be all, “Miami!? Done.” But this year, a win against Miami is not guaranteed, so let’s just focus on the Dolphins for now and let’s focus on actually beating them with some freaking dominance. You know, by like seven points or something ridiculous like that.
Finally, I can’t caption this picture with the words I want to because my father reads my blog and he will call me first thing in the morning from Texas where he is visiting Tina Fey, and he will lecture me sternly and would read me several scriptures, and then he will put my mother on the phone and she would do her “UNITED STATES OF AMERICA” guilt trip all the while Tina Fey would be in the background laughing her ass off.
But, I’m not saying a word.
This is me, taking the high road. The giant, freshly showered high road.