Yeah, I’m really late with this. There was a glitch in the Matrix: the season ended and I’m very MEH about the Miami game because it was all for naught.
But let’s talk about it anyway so that we can wrap this season up and start focusing our collective sports butt-slapping energies on the Penguins, who could clearly use our mojo these days, and then on the Pirates, who could clearly use new ownership, management, players, money, bats, talent, exorcists, etc.
Did anyone else do any of the following during the game or was it just me?
a. Regularly scan the sidelines for any glimpse of Tyler Grisham.
b. Watch the score ticker on the bottom of the screen way more than you used to because you wanted to see how our playoff chances were faring.
c. Give a little [sigh] when you briefly spotted Tyler Grisham.
d. Really really really wish you were in Miami where their snots aren’t in a constant state of frozen due to this:
God bless Jeff Verzsyla for just laying it all out there for us. IT’S GOING TO BE ENDLESSLY COLD! NO END IN SIGHT! COLD AND COLDER STILL! REPENT NOW! BE SAVED! SIT AND SPIN!
Brr.
Let’s really talk about the useless game.
1. Mike Wallace once again comes through with a BIG. GIANT. POINTS-EARNING. PLAY! This a 54-yard touchdown that made me go do some more research into this man to find out what he looks like without a helmet on his head, and I discovered, yummy.
Incidentally, my husband met Mike Wallace yesterday when he was fortunate enough to visit the Steelers with a few journalists visiting from Mexico City. He tells me that Mike Wallace was “amazing” with him and the journalists. Ridiculously nice, cracking jokes, shouting “AMIGOS!” when he learned they were from Mexico, and then making sure his faux-hawk was nice and pointy before gladly getting his picture taken with them. The same attitude was evident in LaMarr Woodley as well. In fact, my husband said every Steeler they met was awesome with them, save for one, but we’ll just assume that Hines was having a bad day and leave it at that. Maybe he couldn’t find his blue binky or something.
2. Pat White went up against Ike Taylor and got knocked the eff out. Immediately. Rag doll.
I appreciated how quickly the Steelers sideline realized he was out and motioned for help. I appreciated how truly concerned everyone seemed. I appreciated Benny seeming affected by the injury.
I did NOT appreciate Ike Taylor removing his helmet to show us that he let Junie B. Jones cut his hair.
WTF is that on his head? A map to buried treasure? A vagina?
I don’t know.
But I think Vagina-Head is a good nickname for someone.
Vagina-Head also had a crucial interception that helped us win this game that meant nothing. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
3. Speaking of, these are the only two pictures of the cheerleaders the NFL posted for this game:
Someone get that girl a black and gold hand-crocheted tampon, STAT.
Also, that photographer REALLY loves his vagina-hunting job. Geez. Can’t you just hear him? “No bajingo. Delete. No bajingo. Delete. BAJINGOS! Publish.”
4. After weeks and weeks of run, run, pass, punt, run, run, pass, run, run, pass, run, run, pass, field goal, run, run — well, I should stop because I’m totally leaking the Steelers’ offensive playbook here. Anyway, on Sunday, the Steelers tried the gadgetiest gadget play that ever gadgeted.
Benny, the quarterback, tossed the ball to Santonio, a wide receiver, who then threw a long bomb down the field into Parkway rush hour traffic to Mendenhall, a RUNNING BACK.
Quarterback tossing to a wide receiver who throws long to a running back in traffic = interception. Every time.
I give them credit for trying something different, but that was akin to a play in which Benny lets the ball get snapped to Max Starks who runs the ball for six yards and then hands it to Tyler Grisham who strips his shirt off before running backwards ten yards where he then throws the ball BACK to Benny who spies an open Mike Tomlin who catches the ball and punts it to the end zone where Jeff Reed is waiting to score the touchdown. You know what? That’s brilliant. I’m going to call that play TYLER GRISHAM IS YUMMY.
You’re welcome.
(Update: Offensive Coordinator, Bruce “Run, Run, Pass, Run, Run, Pass” Arians was fired today is rumored to be fired this week. That’s because he doesn’t have the Tyler Grisham is Yummy play in his playbook. Bye-bye, Bruce.)
5. LaMarr Woodley has been turned into a Sack Monster which is useless now that we’re not in the playoffs.
6. Heath Miller did ballet-worthy moves to stay in bounds to score a touchdown, which was useless now that we’re not in the playoffs.
7. Meh.
8. Oh, I can’t even pretend to care anymore. I’m sorry. The season is over and nothing that happened at this game really meant anything. It didn’t. I can’t even bring myself to finish hunting through all the pictures to find the perfect one to LOL caption with, “I can haz golf nao?”
Yes, go golf, Steelers. Enjoy the off-season and for the love of Myron, come back this fall understanding that football games don’t end in 45-minutes.
Everyone needs to come back hungrier.
Except the fat people, Benny.
Everyone needs to come back angrier.
Except the babymama beaters, Santonio and James.
Everyone needs to come back stronger, healthier, and faster, and for the love of God, Tyler Grisham needs to just come back.
We won. Season is over. Hockey is now.
Let’s go Pens.
And ye scurvy dogs of suckitude.
Arrrr.
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Jessica @ How Sweet Says:
We thought the same thing when we saw Ike’s head. WTF?
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Bojack Says:
Looks like TG has starter love handles adipose!
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butcher's dog Says:
Does anyone else besides me, vindictive and bitter old man that I am, hope with all their hearts that Cincy and Baltimore get smoked like a couple of hams this weekend? Yeah…that’s what I thought…most of you. You read it here first; no need to thank me.
Um, ladies? Tyler’s pic? No body hair and little or no arm hair? Are we looking at chemicals God didn’t intend for consumption here? Just curious.
As for the Pens, please no Steeler videos at home games. No Tomlin pep talks. The big boys have done enough for the communal mojo already without sharing the “wealth” to our guys on skates.
And finally (for now) yesterday Our Buccos hired a mental conditioning coordinator for the organization. I couldn’t possibly make this up.
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mis Says:
Tyler Grisham looks like someone – an actor I think and I can’t put my finger on it and it is driving me nuts!!!!
Bye bye Bruce – don’t let the door hit ya.
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Kathy Says:
The Junie B Jones reference made me laugh out loud at my desk!! Only a mom would think about that — I love it!!
Go Pens!!!
And, don’t forget, Go Pitt Basketball — March Madness is just around the corner!!
Kathy
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Martin Silenus Says:
I have to admit I really enjoyed watching the Jets smack the Bengals into oblivion on Sunday night, knowing that the outcome of that game had no impact on our chances. I will probably root for the Jets just because of Faneca.
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Jaime Says:
Wallace is SUPER YUMMY!! YUM YUM!
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Sooska Says:
Tyler Grisham looks 12. no thanks.
Ike Taylor’s head looks like a failed French bikini wax. Wrong end, Ike! (but that should come as no surprise. to SteelerNation.)
RE: the supposed firing of Arians. When is the parade? I know it is snowing and freezing ass cold but I know 300,000+ folks who will show up downtown to celebrate.
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e$ Says:
did they really fire BA????? don’t toy with us Ginny! Sweet baby jesus let it be true!
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OldNorthSider Says:
No, the Steelers did not fire BA. Ben loves him. Kenny Anderson retired. So far, that’s the only assistant coach that left the fold.
Plus, Ike’s new do was a tribute to New Orlean’s 9th ward…not politically correct to compare the 9th ward to a vagina.
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Sooska Says:
@e$: ESPN radio’s Ken Laird is reporting BA will be fired by Thursday. may or may not be true.
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Ashley Says:
Tyler Grisham shirtless always makes me smile!
LETS GO PENS!!!! -
unsatisfied Says:
the interwebs sez that the firing of PA is “planned” — not definite.
the QB coach, kenny anderson, DID retire today. so, he’s gone.
personally, I think letting go BA is a scapegoating kind of move. if MT didn’t like his play calling, he could have vetoed it.
interesting how no one seems to be calling for dick lebeau’s head. not that they should, but just sayin’ — considering how the D was one big bundle of suck this year, as compared to the O.
I will thank you for posting that pic of the cheerleaders, though — it kind of makes up for the lack of ali mo skin in your previous post.
but, now that you’ve gone and mentioned the hand-crotcheted tampon again, I’m surprised that those ladies aren’t back on here, going all hateful on you.
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e$ Says:
sooska- thx! we should all pray to the gods of quarterbackylyonia (sp.? does it matter?) that it is so…
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Monty Says:
I really hope that is a maxi-pad poking out in #3. Otherwise, we have another Einhorn/Finkle situation in Miami.
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JennyMoon Says:
OMG Monty I just laughed out loud hysterically at my desk! Awesome!
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Jen Says:
Dan asked who chewed on Ike’s head. And seriously those cheerleader pictures are just ridiculous.
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Erin Says:
Oh I laughed out loud obnoxiously after your cheerleader comment. I then had to explain to my office mate what was so funny that I couldn’t breath. She didn’t even chuckle. Oh people from Cleveland.
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bluzdude Says:
If Wallace continues to excel, maybe he can have some personalized shorts like ‘Tone.
I’m wondering if the actor that “mis” is thinking that Grish looks like is a younger, thinner Matt Damon.
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beth Says:
You didn’t need to find a picture to tell you Mike Wallace is yummy. You could have just asked me. If you could find him shirtless I would love you forever.
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Politicalpartypooper Says:
I love how the cheerleaders are all trying to smile, but can only manage a wide “jeeeeezus, it’s freaking cold out here” grimace.
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TBD Says:
Banjingo and shirtless TG in the same post… awright, we’ll call it a draw!
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Summer's Kiss Says:
She’s a walking advertisement for Always. A pad with wings, when you’re wearing something that skimpy – really?
By the by, just heard that BA is indeed fired.
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Winsome Lily Says:
I suddenly want to watch more football.
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bucdaddy Says:
“WTF is that on his head? A map to buried treasure? A vagina?”
Brad Pitt’s beard?
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unsatisfied Says:
January 5th, 2010 at 3:39 pm“I will thank you for posting that pic of the cheerleaders, though — it kind of makes up for the lack of ali mo skin in your previous post.”
And That’s Church!
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Mayor Luke Doggy Dogg Says:
Gotta love tha NFL promotin’ coochie shots…
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AModelCitizen Says:
re: d. Really really really wish you were in Miami where their snots aren’t in a constant state of frozen due to this:
is that graphic real??? if so that is the FIRST time I’ve ever seen “sits and spins” in a usable, non-cable, format.
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chrys Says:
I also wondered WHT was up with Taylor’s hair. My hubby and I just looked at each other and were all like “WTF is that”.. I totally love the Junie B reference.. we read those books often.
I’ve been listening to my hubby bitch about Arians for the last 6 games now..LOL! I’m sure he has already heard about a possible firing and come home feeling vindicated. LOL!
Those cheerleader shots are just wrong, but when you have grown women wearing uniforms like that.. well you are going to see some ugly things.. I’m kinda hoping it’s just ner “panty hose”.. ick!
The way I see it, the Pens get better when the Steelers aren’t, so.. thank God Steeler season is over! Also, it sucked being pregnant during this season.. I couldn’t drink the loses away..
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Still A, Fan Says:
I laughed out loud at Ike’s hair comments. My wife asked me what was so funny. Well played. You said June B Jones….I was thinking iCarly blindfolded makeover.
BA should be fired. WHen you need to run out the clock and it’s 3rd and 1 after runs of 5 and 4 and you throw a deep pass on 3rd – you should be fired.
Also, we need to squash the LeBeau talk. It’s the players, plain and simple. He’s missing Troy and people forget about Aaron Smith who is also a monster at his position in the 3-4. Add to that William Gay starting and it’s not Dick’s fault. He can only coach what he has. It was personnel depth that bit us, not bad coaching on defense. Bruce has been making dumb calls since he’s been here. LeBeau has done nothing but excel until this year. Give the man a break. There is a reason the defense was bad this year and nobody is blaming LeBeau. There are some pigs you just can’t put enough lipstick on.
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pghgeorge Says:
I thought I was watching the same exact game every week. Except against the losing teams, where I thought I was watching the last week’s game in reverse with the planet spinning backward and the rivers flowing the opposite way, and Tomlin was busy eating a Rita’s Ice, and Ben looking for a razor and Gaye all penlaty me, and Skippy all….oh nevermind….et al.
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Summer Says:
OMG, more TG, yes pleasez!
And I feel so bad for that poor cheerleader. You KNOW she didn’t go to work expecting a zoom lense up the crotch.
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Mulrooney Says:
MY mom said that BA was out
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Chris Says:
My family too let out a collective WTF at Ike Taylor’s hair. Perhaps you can do some further research into that for us? I’m wondering if it’s the Map from a recent Dora the Explorer episode??
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Cassie Says:
Wow. That photo (not the chick one, however that was interesting, too.) was hot. HOT.
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facie Says:
Those photos for 3 remind me why I am so glad the Steelers don’t have cheerleaders. However, I did like the Flashdancers (The Maulers’ cheerleaders). Somehow they were okay.
Thanks for the rest of the eye candy, though!
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Angela (Steel51_Guins29) Says:
Ginny, I love you. I had to read much of that out loud to other half because it was THAT funny.
The only good thing about no playoffs/SB hopes is that now I can use my weekends to work on my upcoming Steeler wedding to other half. We are, no joke, doing a black & gold theme w/ black bridesmaids dresses and gold vested/tied groomsman; my engagement ring is a three-stone with a blue diamond/yellow saphire/red ruby; our bands are celtic; and we are honeymooning in Ireland. We are so Steelers it make Baltimorons (we live here now) cry. Baltimore is so losing to the Pats, BTW.
Agreed TG is the YUM, MW is the YUM (oh & our ring bearer will have a MW-like faux-hawk!), and BR loves cheesecake like CH loves fluffernutters.
I will miss shouting “SLUTS FOR SKIPPY!” everytime Jeff puts one through the uprights. =(
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Jmat Says:
Dick LeBeau is the guy that should be fired.
That was some defense he coordinated.
Alas I suppose he is an untouchable no matter how awful his defense is. -
NW Joe Says:
The Steelers will be back. With a healthy Troy and Aaron Smith, they are one of the best 3 or 4 teams in the AFC.
The bad taste from this year will linger and drive them next year. HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!
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Vivian formerly NY Luvs Pitts Says:
@ Jmat
You are right the defense messed up this season. -
SusanV Says:
This may have been the funniest WTWRT I’ve read yet! My husband and I were literally snorting our chili out our noses.
And I also thought the same thing about Ike Taylor’s head.
Those are some LOVELY cheerleader shots. Wow.
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HorseshoeBend Says:
(4) Mis – think blue lagoon – Christopher Atkins ikes. Hope Tyler GrizzleHam has more talent than that.
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Clementine Says:
Tyler’s abs are fantabulousnomnom and thank you very much! If that’s the result of the “ikei” program, I think Benny needs to check it out. Pronto. Maybe they have some cheek crunches he can do.
And I just typed a comment about that pantyliner cootchie pic, but I had to erase it. Too disturbing. Anybody ever watch Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team? Kelli would’ve kicked that gal off the squad by now.
RIP Steelers 2009 Season. I’m done with you.
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Jill Says:
@mis Grisham has a Ryan Kwanten (True Blood) vibe about him.
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CrashJK Says:
Welcome all bandwagon Pens fans…watch your step was you board the LET’S GO PENS bus, don’t trip on your Stillers scarf as climb on. Please have all Mellon Arena ticket takers on the lookout for Tomlin and keep his bad mojo arse out of the Arena. Note to Troyus – the Pens play hurt until they can’t move and need surgery, then they are back in two months (ie – Kunitz). ymmv…
LET’S GO PENS
PS – and the Stillers SO NEED some Cheerleaders – yummy stuff.
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Magnus Patris Says:
Hi honey, whadja do at work today?
Well I had a staff meeting, submitted my expense reports and had to Photoshop the maxi-pad out of a cheerleader crotch shot. Pretty typical day in the office. -
Monty Says:
For anyone curious about where that cheerleader went wrong…
http://www.ehow.com/how_2285166_handle-period-cheerleading.html
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bucdaddy Says:
“the Pirates, who could clearly use new ownership, management,”
I can live with you calling them the scurvy dogs of suckitude because, well, they are. And this year’s team will suck too, maybe a little less than last year but it sure doesn’t look like a winner.
But they just GOT new ownership and management just two years ago, and those people appear to have a plan in place, a plan that doesn’t at the moment include throwing tons of money at washed-up ballplayers in a futile attempt to appease the fans, like the PREVIOUS ownership and management did. And when you inherit a team with a system as bad as the Pirates’ was two years ago, maybe you should get a little more than two years to show what you can do before people start calling for your head on a pike?
I know they suck. We know they suck. I understand that. But calling for new ownership and management (wait … it occurs to me that maybe you were joking … nah, prolly not) at this point is ignorant of the direction and progress the present ownership and management are taking and making.
Cut ‘em a break.
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efw_west Says:
I guess I don’t understand what Bruce Arians had to do with losing 4th quarter leads against the Raiders, Chiefs, etc. I know it may be considered sacrilege, but why isn’t LeBeau under more scrutiny?
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LaReina Says:
oldnorthsider: >>>>not politically correct to compare the 9th ward to a vagina.
How about a anus?
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toni Says:
I second the Christopher Atkins “Blue Lagoon” look alike for Tyler.
Here’s a link to pic:
http://nashsmom.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/christopher-atkins-blue-lagoon-photograph-c10103280.jpeg
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Pa-pop Says:
1. Re Mike Wallace, we can truly say, “God bless his pointy little head.”
2. No reasonable person under the circumstances would look at that particular shot of the Rorschach test on the back of Ike’s head and come up with “9th Ward.” While I commend the Louisiana native’s commemoration of the devastated New Orleans neighborhood, it looks more so to me that Stevie Wonder rather than JBJ does his hair.
3. My guess is that some inventive R&D type at Kimberly-Clark will see the pic of that high stepping cheerleader and develop the world’s first made-to-order PMS pad … in this case, PMS stands for Pantone Matching System. Curiously ironic.
4. To borrow a line from Special Agent Booth of “Bones,” hairless wonder Tyler is apparently “highly evolved.”
For shits and giggles last night I watched my DVD of Super Bowl XIII (Steelers 35, Dallas 31) and an incredible thing happened at the start of the broadcast. I heard the voice of Myron. Really. Right there in the middle of the NBC broadcast was Myron explaining interesting match-ups to Jack Fleming. NBC play-by-play announcer Curt Gowdy later apologized to a worldwide television audience and explained the Steeler broadcasters were on the same frequency as one of the network’s other audio feeds and that they had no control over it. In this coming winter of my football discontent, it was great to hear Myron again.
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Kristie Says:
@ Monty – I just snort-laughed at my desk! Love that movie.
Also, did no one else notice the Asshat’s personalized shorts? In case anyone forgets who he is. *eyeroll*
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Summer Says:
Another thought … went to the Ikei Underground site, where they have the before/after photos of Tyler, and even his hair is bigger in the after photo. Something to think about, guys.
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Princess of Quarterbackolonia Says:
TyG(eeerrrrr)…. oh, my my… giving my devotion to Ben a run for its money
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Michael Armbrust Says:
I’ll take me some Tyler! Mhmm
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unsatisfied Says:
offensive line coach larry zierlein: fired.
offensive coordinator bruce arians: NOT fired.
so much for that….
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northside15212 Says:
efw_west Says:
January 6th, 2010 at 10:33 am
I guess I don’t understand what Bruce Arians had to do with losing 4th quarter leads against the Raiders, Chiefs, etc. I know it may be considered sacrilege, but why isn’t LeBeau under more scrutiny?Agree with the first part, but not the second. Arians didn’t get fired and shouldn’t be fired –the offense was very productive, and for the most part, consistent, despite a few questionable calls. The defense surrendered five 4th quarter leads, all games which the Steelers inevitably lost. Nonetheless, put in the proper perspective, i.e., the loss of Troy and Smith, our defensive scheming was limited. Troy covers up a lot of ground out there in the secondary, especially on those long passes. Come to think of it, I think the last play Troy made this season was a tackle for loss against Cincy, a sort of nod to his awesome-ness. I think what I learned most about this year is that the ball takes funny bounces and sometimes, they just all run together on the same team. We were one dropped interception by a rookie from being in the post-season…I can live with that. The Steelers have been good to me.
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bucdaddy Says:
northside15212,
I’ll see your rookie’s dropped INT and raise you a Raven’s dropped certain TD pass.
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calmdahn Says:
I got a good look at it during the game, and I am pretty sure the message shaved into Ike’s hair is “HARD”, which is pretty fitting considering the way he knocked that Miami QB the eff out.
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Still A, Fan Says:
re: efw_west
what people fail to understand about 4th quarter leads is not giving the ball back to the opposition. that’s the offense’s job. it’s not all defense. how many times this year did we have a lead with 6 or 7 minutes to go? mendenhall had a good year. years ago they would just feed bettis and run the clock out. that’s my entire point up above. in some of those games, he would come out throwing on 1st down with a slight lead and minutes on the clock. it’s just plain stupid. every running play kills precious seconds by the boatload when protecting a lead. there’s a reason cowher won a ridiculous number of games when having a 4th quarter lead and only losing 1 or 2 of them over a very long stretch. now, granted we don’t have the OLs that cowher had. mendenhall also isn’t jerome bettis. however, i never once saw them make a committment to kill the clock. NEVER. read my initial comment again – throwing that pass on 3rd and 1 against the Ravens was so statistically stupid with what was on the clock it was mind boggling. yes the offense scores points, but that’s in spite of arians, not because of him….look at the talent out there. when they are at their most dangerous, no huddle, it’s ben calling the plays. everybody wants to talk about troy but nobody seems to get that aaron smith is a HUGE loss on d as well. we were 9-7 without 2 core players and lots of 4th quarter losses with small margins. you bring those two back and they can beat anybody. arians put together the offense, but his play calling is totally random and doesnt seem in sync with down and distance. we used to do what we do on offense and not adjust or overthink because we did what we did so well, we didnt care if it was predictable. people couldnt stop it. i’m not even saying we have to do that all the time. but for myron’s sake, with a 4th quarter lead, PLEASE ATTEMPT to shove the goddamn ball down somebody’s throat until they prove they can stop it.
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Summer's Kiss Says:
Apologies for saying that BA was fired – that’s what I’d heard. My bad.
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Steelman Says:
As much as Big Ben makes my eyes spew out blood when he holds on to the ball too long, he had a remarkable year considering he tied Aaron Rodgers with the most sacks, 50. Peyton Manning (10 sacks) and Brady (16 sacks) would not have put up better passing stats if they had our O line protecting their butts. If BA gets fired, I believe Ben will benefit from someone who is creative and imaginative in designing and calling plays.
PS- Jets are going to beat the Bengals again.
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northside15212 Says:
Gotcha, Bucdaddy; and a kickoff return or two. I’m not going to quibble over a few “questionable” calls on the part of Arians, though my favorite was the 3rd and 1 against Cleveland on the first series. Our “O,” by and large, got the job done. Period. And when they didn’t, it was poor execution, not the guy standing on the sidelines with a clipboard in his hands. I think the problem with our “O” line is recognition –they simply cannot figure out opposing schemes and hence, the “O” line coach was given his walking papers.
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Still A, Fan Says:
i dont know about that. if you could rewatch all 50 sacks, i would bet that the league average were “real” sacks and the rest were ben holding and praying. i dont blame ben or the line for those. you have to take those if you want the good that comes out of his scrambles. it would be nice if sometimes he threw them away.
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Kathy Says:
3. Ewwwwww….You’re telling me the photo guy didn’t notice? Yeah, right.
