I refuse.

I refuse, do you hear me, Earthlings?  I refuse to believe that People of Walmart is real. I have too much faith in humanity to believe there exist a people that don’t know that you don’t go out in public with your back boobs hanging out of spandex.  That you don’t go out in public with a bared muffin top that would revolt Fat Bastard.

I refuse to believe this is even remotely a representation of our city or our fans:

Gah! I prefer Ike Taylor’s vagina-head to mullets and don’t even get me started on Kordell Stewart because I will totes break out the zit juice jokes.

Now, continuing our Pointless Season wrap-up, it must be noted that despite ESPN radio saying it was so, Bruce Arians was not fired.

Is not going to be fired.

He’s got sticktoitiveness and by that I mean, we are stuck with him and the run, run, pass, punt playbook.

We are not, however, stuck with Larry UNDO UNDO UNDO! Zierlein, the offensive line coach.

This is perfectly reasonable considering Benny was sacked 900 times this season.  So many times, in fact, that my father is of the belief that the entire O-Line hates Benny and purposely let him get sacked as many times as he did.

In addition, the special teams coach Bob Ligashesky was fired today, and again, rightly so because I’m pretty sure that somewhere in his contract it states, “We reserve the right to void this contract should the Steelers Special Teams become the laughing stock of the NFL, or punchlines to jokes about screwing in light bulbs, or riding the short bus.”

I haven’t heard the light bulb joke, but I bet it’s funny. ‘Cause it’s true.

(h/t Gina)





30 Comments

  1. Pensgirl
    January 7, 2010 2:21 pm

    They’d have to catch the light bulb first.



  2. butcher's dog
    January 7, 2010 2:40 pm

    It’s still about the players doing what they’re supposed to do. But maybe the new special teams coach will say, “Um…Daniel? Did you ever kick off before? Would you like to try?” That might represent a step in the right direction.

    The picture Ginny posed didn’t really show real WalMart people. None of them were in electric-powered chair-carts.

    Yeah, I know…I’m a mean, nasty, old man. So sue me.



  3. Sooska
    January 7, 2010 2:45 pm

    supposedly Bobby April wants to come back or soemone wants him back, or both (as special teasm coach.) yowzah!

    Last night I went to see The Chief at the O’Reilly with tickets I won through PG (puh-luss.) It was great and Tom Atkins should get Golden Globe or Golden Triangle or a Gene Kelly or something. Anyhow, amidst the myriad Steelers fans in attendance (dressed for a Steeler game I might add) was the guy who sat in front of me. He was sporting a tightly permed, graying, mullet. I have never seen so many non-gay men in pairs or threes at a theater.



  4. Dana
    January 7, 2010 2:48 pm

    My dad thinks the O-line hates Benny too! He thinks he was mean to them or didn’t pick up their tab at the bar or something so they conspired to allow him to get sacked, recieve numerous concussions, and be a human vegetable by the end of next season.



  5. Pittsburgh Tom
    January 7, 2010 3:01 pm

    I once went into a wal-mart wearing a suit and tie. Man, did I get strange looks.



  6. DG
    January 7, 2010 3:01 pm

    Peopleofwalmart is such good internet, though. Those mornings when you look at yourself in the office mirror, and go “Gee, this looked like it went together when I was standing bleary eyed in my bedroom”, just go to peopleofwalmart, and you are the snazziest of the snazz.

    My first thought when I heard of Ligashesky was, “Why did that take 4 days? – shouldn’t that have been a Monday morning, first order of business type of thing?”



  7. toni
    January 7, 2010 3:03 pm

    i invite you to my local wal-mart…you will become a believer, instantly…



  8. Jake
    January 7, 2010 3:11 pm

    I worked as a shift manager during my college years for a local Walmart (in a respectable suburb no less), and I can attest to the strangeness that collects there. People Of Walmart is not only a completely plausible sampling of the odd clientèle that mass retail gets, but also provides documented evidence of the abstract cases of humanity that most of society manages to avoid on a daily basis.

    So believe, Ginny, and be amazed.



  9. Alex
    January 7, 2010 3:25 pm

    Pittsburgh Tom:

    Once, I too, went to a WalMart in a tie, with a buddy of mine. One of the employees stocking shelves loudly wondered to her friend if we were gay.



  10. Martin Silenus
    January 7, 2010 3:29 pm

    I rarely agree with anything Smizik says, but his column the other day pointing out that the offense actually was more productive this year than last year was pretty spot on. It doesn’t make sense to fire Arians when shortcomings on D and special teams were such obvious problems. No doubt it would be nice if Arians would put a screen play in the playbook for those games when the opposing team is sailing through the offensive line like they have EZ passes strapped to their helmets.



  11. wckdcll
    January 7, 2010 3:49 pm

    I missed you all day woman!! Now I am going to look at “People of Wal-Mart” YAY!!



  12. Kristie
    January 7, 2010 4:12 pm

    Do these people with mullets go to a barber or hair salon, or are they using a Flowbee at home? I hope it’s the latter, because what self-respecting hair stylist would actually agree to cut/style a mullet? I don’t get it.

    Also, I don’t think Ben’s eleventy-billion sacks can be blamed on the O-line. He caused quite a few himself by holding on to the ball forever. Throw it out of bounds or something, sheesh!!



  13. bluzdude
    January 7, 2010 4:15 pm

    If they brought in someone else to replace Arians, we’d just be complaining about some other guy as soon as the Steelers go 3-and-out a couple times.



  14. WDOphoto
    January 7, 2010 4:17 pm

    They need to get rid of Jeffy Reed – that dirty drunken man-slut. With all the sick and disturbing stories out there about him and with his failure to kick the ball deeper than the 20 yard line why is he still employed?

    I know, before you say it – that was the game plan not kicking the ball more than 30 yards on each kick-off right? Well if his drunk ass could boot it down and out of the back of the end-zone we wouldn’t need to worry about the other 10 dudes out there staying in their lanes.

    He’s a disruption to the team, a hot mess, and he needs to go.



  15. butcher's dog
    January 7, 2010 4:31 pm

    I think we can color most of the unrestricted free agents gone, which includes Skippy and Casey Hampton. Steelers don’t let that stuff go through the last year if they’re serious about bringing people back. That said, Hampton could get the franchise tag. And dependable on field goals in Heinz Field as Skippy is, no one had heard of him when he was signed. There’ll be others.

    Something else to worry about is the potential uncapped year coming up in the NFL. Those of you waiting for the Pens bandwagon to stop by your house can chew on that for a while. Let’s all hope cooler heads prevail; the cap is why football and hockey work and the lack of one is exactly why baseball doesn’t work.



  16. CarolineFB
    January 7, 2010 7:11 pm

    I’m afraid the People of Walmart site is very real. My son works at Walmart (which has taught him life lessons no mother could) and for that reason he refuses to look at the site because it’s so real. Be very afraid.



  17. Different Brian
    January 7, 2010 7:33 pm

    How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two.

    The problem is, how do you get them in there?



  18. Steelman
    January 8, 2010 1:21 am

    I just realized the problem with Steelers this year. They had coaches named Zierlein and Ligashesky. Those are names for astrophysicists or cardiologists and not football coaches, Tomlin needs to hire guys named Block, Savage, Wall or Rockne. We need football coaches and not scientists and doctors.



  19. Great Scot
    January 8, 2010 1:33 am

    Oh the Peopleofwalmart is very real. My sister manages a salon in one and when not busy, they people watch to see what comes out of the hills. And Kristi, she won’t cut or style a mullet, will not even let her sons have them.



  20. HorseshoeBend
    January 8, 2010 4:15 am

    Heard we can thank your Duke of Gross/Earl of Fug (or is it Earl of Gross/Duke of Fug) for Arians staying. I just call him Sir Chinsley – the main attitude issue w/ team w/ regards to stats.

    Also I think those people of Walmart are relatives of Joe Dirt. There looking for prunes – Get in my belly.



  21. Princess of Quarterbackolonia
    January 8, 2010 8:40 am

    If I had screamed at the TV “Throw the damn ball, Ben!” one more time this season, my husband was going to disconnect the cable permanently.



  22. Bojack
    January 8, 2010 9:35 am

    HEY!!!!

    You mess with me, you mess with the whole trailer park!!!!!

    :-(



  23. USCMike
    January 8, 2010 9:37 am

    I too am unhappy that Arians is staying, but he needs to work with Ben on throwing the ball away (@ Princess has it right, I too was growing hoarse yelling at him) instead of taking the sacks (and the injuries).

    As for the O-line, the coach might have been fired, but I’m thinking some of the players need to be told that their jobs are open and they have to prove themselves in training camp, right next to the draftees and free agents I’d bring in to challenge them. Some of them, like Starks, acted like they were lost on Sunday afternoons and needed a GPS to find their location on the field.

    Oh well, go Pens! (I won’t mention the Buccos; it’s too early in the day to start the stomach acid churning…)



  24. Neesie
    January 8, 2010 9:39 am

    I spotted a Limus Sweed jersey at Dave and Buster’s last weekend. The guy had normal hair, but really….Limus Sweed?



  25. Proud Skippy Slut
    January 8, 2010 9:48 am

    @ WDOphoto-op:

    Mean people suck!!

    Don’t be a hater!! :-)



  26. funkeybaby
    January 8, 2010 3:00 pm

    Wow, your dad and my dad would get along great! I always roll my eyes at him when he goes off on how the O-Line is mad at Benny, but I guess he can’t be that crazy if other people’s fathers are of the same mind.

    3 out of 4 Burgh dads agree… the O-Line lets Benny get sacked on purpose.



  27. Cam
    January 11, 2010 2:58 pm

    But it’s when Ben is running for his life and holding that ball just a few more seconds that he makes those big plays that put points on the board….Did you watch Brady yesterday? He stands in the pocket like a stone and gets befuddled when he is rushed.



  28. Sofa King
    January 12, 2010 8:51 pm

    Ginny, if you still refuse to believe that People of Wal-mart is fake, just stop by the Wal-mart in Somerset the next time you’re in the area. You’ll change your mind pretty quickly.



  29. Sofa King
    January 12, 2010 8:53 pm

    God, the first time I comment in months and it makes no damn sense…I wish there was a delete button.

    “If you still believe that it is fake, just stop by the Wal-mart in Somerset…”