Why, yes. Yes, indeed, that is a man wearing a headband made from the wings of an actual pigeon.
It is the creation of a London-based designer, and this pigeon-wing headdress can be found in her … wait for it … Vermin Collection.
That’s right. Vermin. Ver. Min. Not “cute little peace-representing birds” and not “God’s creatures.” Vermin. A noun defined by Webster as, “Evil sons ‘a bitches.”
I looked it up.
In addition to pigeon-based designs, the designer sells rat bow ties, white rat coin purses, and other VERMIN-based accessories, all in prices ranging from $150 to $3,000.
Now, my first thought was [gag] and that was immediately followed by my second thought, which was [swallow down the mouth throw-up].
My third thought was, “WHO WOULD WEAR A TAXIDERMIFIED PIGEON WING ON THEIR PERSONAL PERSON?!”
And then … [light bulb].
Think about it. If there was a man or a woman standing on the sidewalk offering you something, and I mean ANYTHING — an iPad, a half dozen pumpkin spice lattes, a million dollars, a million diamonds, fresh Zima, 500 shirtless pictures of Tyler Grisham, ANYTHING, and that man was also sporting a necklace made of severed human ears, would you even think about approaching him?
And for that reason, while you’re saving your pennies for an iPad, I’ll be saving mine for this:
Failing getting the $3,000 together for that, I can always practice home taxidermy and just spray an entire can of Aqua Net onto a pigeon wing and then super glue it to a hair comb. I just need it to keep long enough for the pigeons to see it and run to Satan all, “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?! That PittGirl bitch done lost her mind. I. Quit. [throws down ninja stars in disgust and storms out].”