Bring back that magic.

Remember how Ron Cook suggested that the 2009 Dapper Dan  Sportsman of the Year Evgeni Malkin is the next Jaromir “I’m Dying Alive Wah” Jagr?  Well, actually, remember when he suggested it and then said he’s not ready to suggest it even though he just suggested it?

Here’s Malkin talking to the press this weekend:

“The fans and the people of Pittsburgh have been like family to me,” he said. “It’s my second home.”

Sounds like a guy being buried alive, for sure.

Ron accused Malkin of whining and not handling his slump properly.  Guess who has scored in each of the last seven games?

“I had a couple meetings with the coaches and they helped me change my game to get me back to the level I was at last season,” Malkin said. “Now I feel very good out there.”

Seriously, when is Ron Cook going to apologize for that rash column?

Also, don’t freak out, but it looks like Mr. and Mrs. Malkin will be in town for quite a while after the Olympics.

Malkin’s parents, Natalia and Vladimir, may be on hand for the banquet. They’re coming from Russia to see him in the Olympics and will stay for the remainder of the NHL season.

Sparkly jeans of bedazzled hockey magic for the win!

And I can’t end this Penguins post without mentioning that MARIO FREAKING LEMIEUX WANTS TO BUY THE BUCCOS OF SUCKITUDE!

You know what?  It would work and you know it would because Mario is Midas.  Penguins before he came?  Bleh.  After? Gold.  The Penguins before he bought them?  Meh.  After?  Diamond-coated gold!

Problem is this, Nutting will never sell the team because even after 17 years of losing, they’re still a profit-earning team, which is in direct violation of the law of the universe that says Sucky Product = No Profit.

And that’s REALLY in violation of the law that says 17 Years of Sucky Product = Torches and Pitchforks.

Where is the angry mob?!


  1. Political Party Pooper
    February 1, 2010 10:12 am

    Please, please, please do not let anybody who knows what they are doing buy the Pirates, arrrrghh! They are the only team my Brewers can beat regularly. If they start getting better, oh noes! We suck again!

  2. Shane
    February 1, 2010 10:27 am

    We need to start picketing the Buccos ticket windows. Simple signs saying “Mario YES Nutting NO” and offer to burn the money of anyone wanting to buy a Buccos ticket since it has the same effect.

  3. butcher's dog
    February 1, 2010 10:30 am

    Sadly, no one can fire an owner. It’s nice to dream, though. We maybe be careful what we wish for, though. All the “synergy” the reports are talking about between the ‘Guins and Bucs will probably include a dedicated cable station, offered at more cost to all of us, of course. It’s not all win-win for the fans, but it sure beats hell out of what we have now.

    If it happens, we can also hope Ron Cook’s press pass gets suspended in both venues.

  4. Sooska
    February 1, 2010 10:37 am

    Bad idea UNLESS they just do what Nutting does and suck the money out of MLB revenue sharing and put it into the Pens. Continue the Buccos of Suckitude as a Cash Cow.

    Where are those G20 security forces now? Break them out to protect PNC Park offices from the torch and pitchfork wielding Burghers.

    as for Geno – he was sensass in the SO yesterday. He skated in on the goaltender so slowly the crowd (chanting GENO GENO GENO) thought he was going to just fall stop and fall over. What moves. He froze that guy solid.

  5. CrashJK
    February 1, 2010 11:08 am

    GENO RAWKS !…Ron Cook outta be cleaning our Alterate Captain’s sweaters after every game. I’m so proud of Geno’s able to learn the language and not shy away from the media these days…makes his presence even bigger on the ice, imho. And welcome back Mom & Dad Malkin…we miss those in crowd shots during the FSN boardcasts….

    Go Pens….Charlie says “Do it!”

  6. Pensgirl
    February 1, 2010 11:18 am

    Ron Cook is just a bitter old man who got his knickers in a twist because Geno doesn’t like to talk to the media. We fans could give a shit if he ever speaks again. Players slump; they get over it. Geno Magnito’s a beast, and he’s easy as hell to root for (like everyone else on that team).

  7. unsatisfied
    February 1, 2010 11:44 am

    if nutjob actually decides to sell the succos to lemieux and burkle, I will be the first guy down at the corner of federal and general robinson with some boxes and a van.

  8. Joe K.
    February 1, 2010 12:40 pm

    It’s been a long couple of seasons and slumps are inevetible, good to see Geno lighting the lamp again. Now, if we could work on some way to sign Jagr away from the Russian league in time for the playoffs . . .

  9. Magnus Patris
    February 1, 2010 12:47 pm

    Sidney Crosby bobblehead night at Pirates games; Mr. and Mrs. Malkin racing in the pierogie race; all Penguins’ season ticket holders would be required to buy Pirates season tickets; the possibilities would be endless!

  10. bucdaddy
    February 1, 2010 1:15 pm

    I love ya, Ginny, but Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick, there is so much wrong with that post I cannot let it pass. I’ll just hit two of them.

    Let me put up some numbers for you:

    2005-06 58 points, 5th place
    2004-05 Lockout/SALARY CAP
    2003-04 58 points, 5th place
    2002-03 65 points, 5th place
    2001-02 69 points 5th place

    Anyone see anything in that record that indicates the Lemieux/Burkle ownership knows how to build a winner without a salary cap in place (and without getting lucky in the lottery and scoring Sidney Crosby)? In fact, they dealt off most of their expensive (read: better) players in that time. They started out bad and got progressively worse.

    Lemieux doesn’t really have any money. Burkle has tons of money but won’t throw it away stupidly. Baseball, you may have noticed, does not have a salary cap. The idea that suddenly the Pirates would have a $150 million payroll under L/B is sheer fantasy. If Burkle wouldn’t spend on the Penguins without a cap, why would he spend on the Pirates?

    As for Bob Nutting, why should he sell his stake in the team now, when the value of the franchise is low, when in 2-3 years it could be worth twice as much? Ever hear of “buy low, sell high”? That’s what Burkle and Lemieux are hoping to do. And why would they do that if they didn’t think their investment was going to multiply in value soon? They would do that if they liked the direction the Pirates were headed, liked the decisions being made now, and thought that in a few years THEY’D be the ones with a franchise worth double or triple what it is now, thanks to someone else’s work.

    Which is EXACTLY why the Bob Nutting yinz keep eviscerating would be a fool to sell now, to anyone. Yinz want to argue that Nutting is all about the money, he’s cheap, he doesn’t care, and then you think this cheap SOB who’s all about the money should sell his team at a low? Are you kidding me?

    Stick to hockey. You seem to understand it. The few Pirates fans left know a good thing coming when they see it.

  11. Jayknee
    February 1, 2010 2:28 pm

    i love that bucdaddy used “yinz” and “eviscerating” in the same post.

  12. DG
    February 1, 2010 3:12 pm

    I must admit, when I saw Malkin take the ice for the SO, I thought, “I love you Geno, but oh no.” So glad he got it.

  13. Lauren
    February 1, 2010 3:30 pm

    I don’t want the Pens to have anything to do with the Pirates or baseball in general. The Pens are able to spend to the cap now, and with the new arena next year should be able to continue that in the future. The last thing I want to hear is “We can’t sign Crosby/Malkin because some baseball player that’s pretty average is making $20 million per season and the money’s not there.”

  14. Kelli
    February 1, 2010 3:30 pm

    Thank you, Bucdaddy. That is exactly what I’ve been trying to get across to folks, mostly to no avail.

  15. Dan (Not Onarato)
    February 1, 2010 4:07 pm

    How does one say “Cookie can suck it” in Rooski?

  16. buttercup
    February 1, 2010 4:33 pm

    Ron Cook is the worst sportswriter in Pittsburgh. Someone needs to relieve him of his “enter” key, stat. Ridiculously frequent paragraph breaks do not an exciting column make.

  17. Pensgirl
    February 1, 2010 5:33 pm

    Bucdaddy, your assessment completely ignores the whole previous-ownership-running-the-team-into-bankruptcy thing. But they told us to our faces they were going to have to ice bad teams for awhile to get their financial house in order, and they told us to our faces they needed a salary cap and a new arena deal. They also promised if they got what they were asking for from everybody else, they’d be competitive again by 2009. They signed players to complement their core of draft picks from those bad years and more than beat their timeline. They also paid back every single creditor (which NEVER happens in bankruptcies) and did so ahead of schedule.

    I’d say they know how to do shit the right way.

  18. butcher's dog
    February 1, 2010 5:42 pm

    Bucdaddy has a huge point concerning the salary cap. No cap, no hockey team in our town now. Having said that, even Pollyanna would be cautious about the “direction” of our Buccos today. They’re on a treadmill. We were going to keep oh so many people who were parts of the rebuilding, only to let them go again. Anyone really think McCutcheon, Alvarez, et. al. are gonna stay here 20 years? If so, I have some vacation land (undeveloped) in central Florida to sell you.

  19. bucdaddy
    February 1, 2010 7:00 pm


    But what I keep hearing is how Burkle has $3.2 or $3.5 billion (with a B) dollars, as if when he gets his hands on the Pirates they’ll be matching the Yankees dollar for dollar. He had the chance to do that for three years with the Pens when there was no cap. He could have jacked their payroll up to $250 million and kept Kovalev and the decent players they had. He did not. Instead they let the team plummet until it was the worst in the league, until their attendance was the worst in the league, and then they hit the jackpot twice. They finally got their cap and they landed Crosby.

    If you want to say that blowing up the team and hitting bottom for three years was part of the Master Plan, well, good. Cause that’s exactly what the Pirates have been doing the past two years and everybody is bitching about it.

    And, yes, the Pens are a well-run franchise now (though people like to forget that Mario played footsie with Kansas City to strong-arm an arena deal, not that they didn’t deserve it after what the Pirates and Steelers got, but I wonder how they like him in K.C.). I wish every team in pro sports had their PR and marketing arms, for instance.

    But the notion that if L/B ran the Pirates they’d do it with any less regard for the bottom line than Bob Nutting, that they’d blow up the payroll and sign Albert Pujols etc. for $30 million a year, is laughable. They didn’t do it with the Pens when there was no cap. Why should I think they’d do it with the Pirates?

  20. t3chb0y
    February 2, 2010 12:02 am

    “If you want to say that blowing up the team and hitting bottom for three years was part of the Master Plan, well, good. Cause that’s exactly what the Pirates have been doing the past two years and everybody is bitching about it.”

    I would like you to check your math a bit… 2 years?!?!?! :)

    (I agree with your statements otherwise)

    How quickly we forget about Mario and KC…

  21. Lauren
    February 2, 2010 9:18 am

    @Bucdaddy The writing was on the wall several years in advance that there was going to be a labor stoppage in 2004 for the NHL and in all likelihood a salary cap would be implemented. From my understanding of the situation, the Pens didn’t want to be bogged down by a lot of huge contracts coming out of the salary cap–hence the reason they let Kovy, Straka, etc. walk. The year they came out of the lockout, they signed several larger contracts (Gonchar, Palffy) within the confines of the spending limits, while other teams struggled to make previous contracts signed under the uncapped system fit into the new cap system.

    That being said, a salary cap saved hockey in the sense that revenues generated did not match up with a non-capped system. Not too many owners want to be a part of a league where top-tier talent cost $20-30 million per season and gate/TV revenues made profit for teams paying that talent difficult, at best. Baseball is not in that situation, mostly because of the Yankees, Red Sox, and luxury taxes.

    Comparing the two sports is like apples and oranges. Baseball isn’t getting a salary cap anytime soon. I don’t see how L/B’s thriftness in hockey can be compared to how they would run a baseball team. I still don’t want any of that Pirate suck to rub off on the Pens.

  22. bucdaddy
    February 2, 2010 10:51 am

    Lauren, OK, that was informative. Thanks. Don’t know if that justifies putting the fans through five years of terrible hockey, but you make sense.


    You DO understand the current management structure has been in place for just two years, right?