I wipe my ass with your measly fifties.

The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross made Page Six!

PITTSBURGH Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger doesn’t want a handout from anyone — even a cute girl. Friday night, he was waiting for his car with a few teammates outside Chicago’s Underground club when a woman who onlookers said “had no idea who he was” noticed a $10 bill fall from his pocket and politely asked if he’d dropped it. A spy said, “Ben looked totally disinterested and reacted like ‘Who does this person think she is, talking to me?’ Then one of his friends said, ‘I know how much this guy makes, and, trust me, he doesn’t need that money.’ ” They climbed into the car and drove off, leaving the speechless girl $10 richer.

There are two ways to read this:

1.  Benny is a superficial, ego-maniacal, ridiculously rich man-whore who looks at ten dollar bills like you and I look at a peso.

2.  Lies, all lies!  First, how did the onlookers know she had no idea who he was?  Did she scream, “SIR, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE HELL YOU ARE, BUT YOU DROPPED TEN DOLLARS, MISTER PERSON THAT IS UNKNOWN TO ME!”  Did she call him Fred?  Did she say, “Hey, are you a valet here?  Someone dropped ten dollars.”

Second, imagine you’re Benny and you’re getting in your car and after a night and also, well, YEARS of women throwing themselves at you in all manner (which, what the hell, women of the world?!  Do you ever look at his face?  And his chins?), a woman comes up claiming you dropped ten dollars.  Your choices are A. take the ten dollars from her and look like a selfish prick for claiming ten dollars that you can’t even be sure you yourself (ding!) dropped or B. Say, “No, that’s not mine, thank you.” or C. Ignore her.  While B would have been the wise option, Benny went with C and made Page Six.

Sure, he chose wrong and sure, his friends, if represented accurately, sound like major hanger-oning douchebags, but yeah, maybe I am kind of defending Benny here. This whole Page Six post screams of my brother’s uncle’s sister’s dog’s vet’s mother’s priest heard from his gerbil’s sister’s owner’s friend’s janitor …

I’m giving the Duke the benefit of the doubt.

I’m stunned, too.

(h/t Lori)





12 Comments

  1. Princess of Quarterbackolonia
    February 2, 2010 9:46 am

    I heard that his “friends” were a couple of the O-line.



  2. Political Party Pooper
    February 2, 2010 10:15 am

    Ginny,

    He doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt here. Any self-respecting single man would have said, “Well, I am not sure if that $10 bill is mine, but if you’d like, how about we talk it over back at my place?”

    Which all leads to the question, is Ben gay? (pun totally intended)



  3. Duncan
    February 2, 2010 10:16 am

    Careful, you keep that up (definding him and his double chins) and I’m gonna think you like him…



  4. Karen
    February 2, 2010 10:25 am

    Or maybe, option E, is that he didn’t want innocent bystanders to think that he whored himself out for a measly $10. Payment due on the street.



  5. Pensgirl
    February 2, 2010 10:25 am

    Given the events in Benny’s life over the last year, he’s probably still operating on “once bitten, twice shy.” I am guessing he is extremely careful about what women he engages with at all, even just conversationally.

    Musta been a slow news day in Hollywood.



  6. bucdaddy
    February 2, 2010 10:43 am

    Like you and I look at a peso.

    Really?

    *Googles “peso,” image, looks at it*

    Wow! You’re right. I looked at a 500 peso note and all I could think was, “That looks Canadian, and their money’s worth, like, 1/100th of ours now, right?” So you’re entirely …

    What?



  7. chrys
    February 2, 2010 12:35 pm

    LMAO!! Benny is a butt-monkey!! What ever happened to him being a religious/spiritual human being?? Even if this isn’t true.. yeah.. he’s still a douche!



  8. tw
    February 2, 2010 12:59 pm

    This WAS a slow news day…especially for Benny. He must be on his best behavior since the lawsuit thing b/c usually we hear about some really obnoxious behavior by now. He’s leaving us very little material lately…



  9. butcher's dog
    February 2, 2010 3:54 pm

    Is this, or is this not, three times this decade you’ve defended Benny, Dear Virginia? I know it happened twice in like two weeks fairly recently, but it may have been late ’09. Let’s hope so, because if I’m not mistaken three times is the quota for a decade. I’d hate to see you use all yours before Valentine’s Day.



  10. Different Brian
    February 2, 2010 7:26 pm

    For some reason I read that as “haircut”, not “handout.” It made the story much more amusing.



  11. Kacie
    February 2, 2010 8:58 pm

    She probably didn’t know who he was for realz. I didn’t have a clue who ANY of the Steelers were until I moved here 2.5 years ago.

    He was deep in Bear country. He was just another schmuck who might have dropped some money.



  12. Don
    February 3, 2010 7:22 pm

    Ben is always a gentleman. Let’s remember that according to court documents, he pulled out of the hotel slut and came on her belly.