The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross made Page Six!
PITTSBURGH Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger doesn’t want a handout from anyone — even a cute girl. Friday night, he was waiting for his car with a few teammates outside Chicago’s Underground club when a woman who onlookers said “had no idea who he was” noticed a $10 bill fall from his pocket and politely asked if he’d dropped it. A spy said, “Ben looked totally disinterested and reacted like ‘Who does this person think she is, talking to me?’ Then one of his friends said, ‘I know how much this guy makes, and, trust me, he doesn’t need that money.’ ” They climbed into the car and drove off, leaving the speechless girl $10 richer.
There are two ways to read this:
1. Benny is a superficial, ego-maniacal, ridiculously rich man-whore who looks at ten dollar bills like you and I look at a peso.
2. Lies, all lies! First, how did the onlookers know she had no idea who he was? Did she scream, “SIR, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE HELL YOU ARE, BUT YOU DROPPED TEN DOLLARS, MISTER PERSON THAT IS UNKNOWN TO ME!” Did she call him Fred? Did she say, “Hey, are you a valet here? Someone dropped ten dollars.”
Second, imagine you’re Benny and you’re getting in your car and after a night and also, well, YEARS of women throwing themselves at you in all manner (which, what the hell, women of the world?! Do you ever look at his face? And his chins?), a woman comes up claiming you dropped ten dollars. Your choices are A. take the ten dollars from her and look like a selfish prick for claiming ten dollars that you can’t even be sure you yourself (ding!) dropped or B. Say, “No, that’s not mine, thank you.” or C. Ignore her. While B would have been the wise option, Benny went with C and made Page Six.
Sure, he chose wrong and sure, his friends, if represented accurately, sound like major hanger-oning douchebags, but yeah, maybe I am kind of defending Benny here. This whole Page Six post screams of my brother’s uncle’s sister’s dog’s vet’s mother’s priest heard from his gerbil’s sister’s owner’s friend’s janitor …
I’m giving the Duke the benefit of the doubt.
I’m stunned, too.