SNOWPOCALYPSE Random n’at.

1. DID YOU LIVE?!  DID YOU EAT YOUR PETS?!  DID YOU SURF THE GIANT WAVE OF SNOW?!

All kidding aside, holy thundersnowing fog-freezing blizzard, Mother Nature!

What was predicted to be 6-10 inches of snow turned out to be the fourth worst snowstorm in Pittsburgh’s history.

As my friend said:

Somewhere, Jeff Verszyla is hunting my friend down, Demetrius Ivory is playing it cool, but he’s already made some phone calls in retaliation, Joe Denardo is digging out his nunchucks, and Julie Bologna is all, “Does this look sparkly enough?  Is the puce clashing with the magenta or is maybe the fuchsia polka dot pattern clashing with the maroon stripes? Maybe I should take the leopard-print cami off?”

I kid.  I love the weather people here in Pittsburgh.

Forecasting weather is not an exact science, so just once, wouldn’t it be awesome  if a weatherperson got up in front of a very confusing looking map and said, “Guys, I just don’t know.  I DON’T FREAKING KNOW!”

2.  I ran out of milk on Saturday and believe you me, the irony was not lost on me.  That’s what I get for making fun of people who panic. I think God hexed me for that because a gallon of milk usually lasts me a few days, but this magic gallon of milk was gone in double time.  Well played, God.  Well played, indeed.

3.  But if you think Pittsburghers panic, those in Washington D.C. go batshit crazy.

4.  Speaking of batshit crazy, but in a good way, I adore this AccuWeather.com meteorologist that Tall Cathy at 96.1 found:

YouTube Preview Image

SNOOOOOOOOOW DAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

5.  A conversation:

Me: You need to shovel the grass.

Him: QUE?!?

Me:  The grass.  When you’re done digging my truck out and shoveling the sidewalk, I need you to shovel a space in the grass for the dogs to go.

Him:  You want me to shovel the grass?!

Me: They haven’t pooped in a day and if you don’t shovel them a space to do it, they’ll poop in the house.

Him: They better not if they know what’s good for them.

Me:  Would YOU poop if it meant you had to stand naked up to your genitals in snow?

Him: [blink] [walks away]

Me: [calling after him] Hey!  Say focus for me!

I win.

6.  My son, yesterday after getting in the car after a Super Bowl party.

“My favorite season is Summer, then Spring, then Fall.  When are we going to Mexico?”

7.  Do you ever watch Bridezillas?  That show that showcases brides who scream things like, “MY LIPSTICK IS BLEEDING, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” or “MY BOUQUET WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SIX BIRDS OF PARADISE AND FIVE WHITE ROSES YET I SEE SIX WHITE ROSES AND FIVE BIRD OF PARADISE.  I WILL CHOKE A BITCH!” or “DIE, FATHER!  YOU TOO, SISTER MARY CLARENCE!”

Here’s a nice contrast to that. A Pittsburgh bride whose winter wedding was thrown into chaos by a storm.  She maintains her calm and keeps things in perspective.

I love everything about the article.  I love her family.  I love her Dad.  I love her.  I love how beautiful she looks with her new husband.  I love the military aspect of it.  And I really want to see her diamond snowflake necklace.

Hugs to her.

8.  Mayor Lukey was stranded in the Laurel Highlands where he was celebrating his 30th birthday.  Too bad he wasn’t around to see just how badly he lost the war against snow.

9.  Good news!

SNOW SEX!

That sounds … cold.  And shrively.





    29 Comments

    1. Jessica @ How Sweet
      February 8, 2010 12:29 pm

      So glad you posted about that wedding – that is awesome.



    2. Redhead Mom
      February 8, 2010 12:41 pm

      The bridal story was perfect- the last part about the perfect day actually brought tears to my eyes. I think the fact that she is an ICU nurse has taught her the priorities in life. I hope they have a long and happy life together.
      PS- The snow sex headline made me laugh out loud!



    3. Beth
      February 8, 2010 12:49 pm

      I made fun of the panickers too. Guess what I ran out of? Hint: it wasn’t bread or milk.

      That was a long, cold walk to the grocery store Saturday morning.



    4. Carol
      February 8, 2010 12:50 pm

      I read the wedding story in the PG, sitting on our sofa sniffling and saying Awwwww. So sweet. I wish them all good things.



    5. facie
      February 8, 2010 12:50 pm

      I made fun of my mom, who lives in Indiana County, because on Thursday she was all freaked out about losing her power. I told her we would probably only get four to six inches of snow and to chill. Joke was on me. No power for over 30 hours. I have learned my lesson.

      Your son’s comment was awesome. And I too loved that wedding story.



    6. dand
      February 8, 2010 12:59 pm

      I never understood why milk is considered a beverage necessary for survival. What’s wrong with beer (and water?) — they last a hell of a lot longer.



    7. spoon
      February 8, 2010 1:01 pm

      The only thing better than Bridezilla is Toddlers & Tiaras. Its where Bridezillas go in 4 years.

      I had a neighbor start drinking around 6 am Saturday and killed about 17 Miller Lites by the time he finished that afternoon. He may have been loaded and passed out in a chair made of snow but his walks are pristine. He even shoveled his grass.



    8. MN
      February 8, 2010 1:15 pm

      What a beautiful wedding! She definitely has the right perspective on what is truly important in life. I wish the newlyweds all the best, that their time apart is short, and he makes it back safe and sound. The world needs more of this kind of story!



    9. cathy
      February 8, 2010 1:16 pm

      And did you survive without Milk?



    10. SpudMom
      February 8, 2010 1:17 pm

      You know, I grew up MI and this is a lot of snow, even for me. It’s a lot more fun from the perspective of a kid than it when you’re an adult trying to dig out. ;)

      @dand – milk is a necessary beverage if you have small children in the house. Otherwise, bring on the beer!



    11. Craig
      February 8, 2010 1:21 pm

      Wonderful from first to last. I do miss the snow, even the blizzards. Is it just me or is there something a bit disconcerting about an airman wielding a sword?



    12. Sooska
      February 8, 2010 1:38 pm

      We totally used to shovel a patch of snow for the dog. He refused to walk on the streets in this kind of weather. He weighed 50 lbs. so I couldn’t exactly carry him around like I saw people doing with small non-dog dogs today.

      My Giant Eagle is completely out of all brands of ice cream, ice cream snacks (NO KLONDIKES!!) and popsicles,and yogurt. Is that snow storm food? Everything else is well stocked.

      Snow sex? Is that as good as snow ice cream? (bowl of fresh snow, sugar, vanilla, cream. mix.)eat.)



    13. Mary
      February 8, 2010 1:47 pm

      We had to put our dog down last August after 14 years. I woke up Saturday thankful to not have to shovel a poo path.

      Our neighbor’s dog made the dry spot under their kids’ trampoline her personal bathroom.



    14. Lauren
      February 8, 2010 1:54 pm

      Nice story about the bride. Just FYI though, she probably couldn’t of canceled it if she wanted to, he only has a certain amount of time on leave and they don’t make weather-related exceptions/extensions.



    15. Moe the Dog
      February 8, 2010 1:54 pm

      I cleared a path across the deck, down 10 steps and an area in the yard. Then Moe (the Dog) walked out about 2 feet, peed on the deck, came straight back to the door and went back to bed for about 6 hours. I envy him.



    16. one-eyed dick
      February 8, 2010 1:57 pm

      Here’s a Pittsburgh story for you: my Dad still lives in the old family two-story in N. Versailles (used to be East McKeesport before we got all uppity) that he’s been in for 60 years. He will be 93 in May, but still in pretty good health. For a 92-year old who lives alone.

      Sat. morning, he prepared to do battle with the front sidewalk and steps, only to discover that person or persons unknown had already cleared the snow, leaving him but a dusting. He asked a neighbor, who assured him that it was not her, but possibly a neighbor kid who lived down the street.

      Some time later, there was a knock on the door. A woman whom he did not know (but found out that she lived several houses away) asked if he was alright or needed anything, as she was checking on people in the neighborhood. He did not, thanked her and watched as she went to an elderly woman who lives alone next door.

      How many other places would people–veritable strangers–do things like this?

      Down here in Sarasota, “neighbors” would just call the Homeowner’s Association and report you for not having your sidewalk shoveled within the timeframe specified. And if you knocked on a stranger’s door to check on them, they’d call the police because they would assume that you were just casing their house for a future burglary…..



    17. Lisa
      February 8, 2010 2:02 pm

      My husband had the same reaction to the “shovel out the snow” thing. I just made him carry the dog 10 feet through 4 foot drifts to put her under the porch a few times-and voila! he dug her a path and a room just off the porch-which, btw, she wants expanded.

      Also, at least one of the local channels are showing a “we forcasted this so you could plan ahead” commercial-“we rock” sort of thing. Last I heard we were to get 4-12 inches. THAT is not forcasting THIS so we could PLAN FOR THIS.

      Also, we ran out of milk and WORSE-half and half for my coffee.



    18. Kathy
      February 8, 2010 2:15 pm

      Okay, Mr. Weatherman is a loon, but I wish there were more like him.



    19. ScareHouse Scott
      February 8, 2010 2:20 pm

      One of my favorite(and most popular) ScareHouse characters ever? “UnHoly Matrimoana” She was the ultimate Bridezilla: yelling at customers because of their poor shoe choices, lack of presents, and general lack of respect. She would yell things like “This is my day!!!”
      It’s scary (and funny) because it’s true…



    20. Jen
      February 8, 2010 2:32 pm

      I think Lukey and the boys are “stranded” because they haven’t kicked the keg yet. Happy Birthday Man-Boy!



    21. Political Party Pooper
      February 8, 2010 2:41 pm

      in Two Rivers, WI, if we got 24″ of snow, school would definitely be open the next day…even if it was a Saturday. We like to crush our kid’s spirits.



    22. bluzdude
      February 8, 2010 2:43 pm

      Snow sex means you don’t know how long it will last or how many inches there will be.



    23. Heather
      February 8, 2010 2:59 pm

      LOVE the story about the grass! My dad called on Saturday to tell me that my mom, who is an adorable, 4’10” tiny little dynamo, had to dig through the doggy door for their 2 dogs to get outside. Once she dug a path, my dad went into the fenced in dog corral and took the snow blower to the yard to make a patch for their babies!



    24. Beth
      February 8, 2010 3:09 pm

      @bluzdude – I’m glad I’m the only one in my department who made it in today cause I just snorted…loudly!



    25. Bram R
      February 8, 2010 4:05 pm

      1. I think Julie Bologna is stylish and hot as jack cheese, I don’t care what anybody says. I think she’s wasted on the weather, though. She needs to be on the red carpet! Holding a microphone!

      That Jim Kozek, though. Oustanding. Sports Center meets the Weather Channel, with a dash of Don Rickles. Potent. Does this mean we’re going to get to watch more video of this FOREVER?? I might as well just move to DC, and know the weather all the time!!



    26. bucdaddy
      February 8, 2010 7:46 pm

      “Maybe I should take the leopard-print cami off?”

      Mmmm, yes, Julie. Yes you should.



    27. Michael Armbrust
      February 8, 2010 8:31 pm

      ok, so not funny….We lost power on Friday night at 9:30 pm. I had just got home after 4 days in the hospital. I have no car, the buses weren’t running and I have no family in the area. I had now power or heat for 54.5 hours. I was lighting and heating my living room with sternos and candles. This was bad!



    28. KD
      February 8, 2010 10:29 pm

      I too was cursed by the Snow Gods for laughing at all of Pittsburgh, the media, ect…until, on Saturday, I realized I was out of wine. And, Wine and Spirits was closed. All of them. Lesson learned…Never be stuck in a storm without wine.



    29. Nick
      February 12, 2010 1:23 pm

      Good: 24 inches of snow on a Friday night + a case of Magic Hat = awesome attempt at sledding.
      Bad: After breaking off pieces of my Kiddie Cart and destroying some large pieces of Tupperware, we discovered there is absolutely nothing in my house that constitutes a sled.
      Ugly: When the snow finally melts, there’s going to be a graveyard of failed sled parts in my back yard.

      Good: If it’s going to be cold, at least the snow makes everything look like a beautiful ski resort.
      Bad: Ski resorts don’t have to declare states-of-emergency like we do.
      Ugly: Seeing a National Guard Humvee in my little Penn Township is like a bad zombie movie instead.

      Good: All of this snow shoveling is making my back muscles revert to their rippling rowing-crew days.
      Bad: When the plows go by my house (infrequently), they keep catapulting snow back in my driveway.
      Ugly: I feel like Sisyphus. (Hint: This not an STD)

      Good: I’ve gotten awesome at emergency-brake slides.
      Bad: The Toyota is begging for mercy by showing me a Check Engine light.
      Ugly: The Fast and The Furious 7 – Pittsburgh Drift.