Wezzy what?

You know what’s awesome?  Going to Santonio Holmes’ web page to see where he talks about his relief efforts for Haiti and to read about how he’s giving back to his impoverished hometown. And then clicking the tweety link to see this as his latest tweet:

Let me translate:  The night club is like a grocery store with hot babes sitting on the shelf, and I just bagged a bitch with boobs like fresh honeydew melons.

But it’s okay, you moms and dads that let your children look up to The Asshat all, “Asshat!  Asshat!  I want to be just like you when I grow up.  Baggin’ bitches n’at.”  They’re merely lyrics to a Lil’Wayne song.

Whew.

Also:

It’s a great day for our hero, that he can openly talk about his penis on twitter for those kids who click there from his website.

Plus, he followed it up with this piece of prose that, quite honestly, touched my very soul with its lifting lilt and its manifestation of a sure grasp of the rules of spelling and grammar:

Excuse me, it’s my turn on stage here at Beat Poets N’At, and I’d like to use various tweets by our very own Santonio Holmes to build my poem:

Tone. Tone. His name be Tone. Asshat.  [snap] Nuthn.  No no, there be no thing.  That makes a man feel better.  [snap] Than a women. [bongo beat]  He go shopping.  He look up high.  There be his bitch.  Ready.  Ripe.  Ready. [snap] What it do, princess? Don’t.  Don’t you dare.  Don’t judge him ’cause he wears a uniform and a helmet.  Courage.  [snap] [cigarette drag]  Who da heck u invite someone to a club and don’t pay ur half of the tab? [angry bong beats] Stop. Big homey, what da bizness is. Wezzy f go hard. [bongo beat].

That just took my breath away.

And no, I have no freaking clue on Earth what he means by “Wezzy f go hard.”

I think he invented his own language:  Asshatish





41 Comments

  1. TheJim
    February 12, 2010 12:09 pm

    I’m a very blessed young man!



  2. Wendy
    February 12, 2010 12:17 pm

    And such a great role model for his own kids, too.



  3. Sooska
    February 12, 2010 12:22 pm

    Cool, Man. They could call him Daddy-O! any way you cut it.

    (Is it “Asshatish?” Or is it “Asshatian” like Italian or Russian. Or it could also be “Asshatese,” like Chinese or Japanese.)



  4. Elmer Fudd
    February 12, 2010 12:36 pm

    Hey Ginny, Here is Asshats rebuttal…translated http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6H0i1RAdHk



  5. Karyn
    February 12, 2010 12:42 pm

    is anyone else really annoyed with his grammar? Cause i sure am!



  6. Niccolle
    February 12, 2010 1:08 pm

    Just another reason why I come to this website every single day…Beat Poet brillllliance! Had me nearly snorting tea out of my nose.



  7. Hawk
    February 12, 2010 1:24 pm

    I am sure that THE Ohio State University must be very proud!



  8. Martin Silenus
    February 12, 2010 1:25 pm

    This is one of your best take downs in a long time, Ginny. *snaps fingers* Now if only we could get William Shatner to read it…



  9. Renatta
    February 12, 2010 1:38 pm

    i believe “wezzy f,” or as those with proper grammar would say “weezy f,” is rapper li’l wayne. i have heard li’l wayne “sing” in his “songs” the phrase “weezy f. baby.”
    as for the “go hard” part? yeah i don’t know.



  10. chrys
    February 12, 2010 1:49 pm

    Santonio is gross, but really, aren’t they all?? And by all I mean professional athletes.. It’s like they get all of this money and accolades, and they become stoopid. I don’t care what he does in his “spare” time, but please keep it off Twitter.. ewwwwww..



  11. Dan (Not Onarato)
    February 12, 2010 2:06 pm

    Didnt Matt Leinart of the Cardinals get in trouble for pics he posted on Myspace with him in a hot tub with college girls? Think “Tone” will hear anythig about it?

    You stay classy Tone….you asshat



  12. Scott
    February 12, 2010 2:24 pm

    Ginny, you be funny!



  13. LH
    February 12, 2010 3:06 pm

    Laughing out loud!!!



  14. Monty
    February 12, 2010 3:24 pm

    Sounds like he saw his shadow last week. Ten more inches of bad grammar.



  15. red pen mama
    February 12, 2010 3:52 pm

    This is going to sound suspciously like I’m defending the Asshat, but, guys: It’s Twitter. It’s not exactly the hot spot for inspiring, lofty thoughts and proper grammar. Even I fall into the habit of using “dude” a lot while tweeting.

    I do love the image of Ginny as a beat poet though.



  16. BethH
    February 12, 2010 4:03 pm

    I’m sorta with red pen mama (ooh, that sounds . . . something). I laughed (hard) at the post, and then immediately felt very, very old. Did you know he’s only 25? Criminy. If someone resurrected my thoughts from way back then, I’m sure I’d be embarrassed. Now, I’ll grant you that no one should have their kids look up to him, but isn’t that more asshattery by the parents, not #10? (snap….snap?)



  17. butcher's dog
    February 12, 2010 4:27 pm

    Don’t forget I got dibs on playin’ the bongos for that gig! I called that a long time ago.

    As a terminal curmudgeon, it’s my considered opinion that what passes for communication these days is a big sign that the apocolypse is finally drawing nigh. And no one who depends on language for a living (which means all non-pro athletes) is ever going to get anywhere until they master, and use, standard English. Simple as that.

    And finally, where has Mayor Luke Doggy Dogg been through all these pic postings and other stuff? I miss him/her!



  18. gunnlino
    February 12, 2010 4:55 pm

    @ Hawk….you rock buddy, only a few got it, but I thought it premier .
    As an addendum; And to think most of these football dimwits went to a big time university and flaunt that fact repeatedly.



  19. bluzdude
    February 12, 2010 8:25 pm

    I can totally see Ginny with the dark shades and a beret. And Do-me Boots, but that goes without saying.



  20. Julie
    February 12, 2010 8:28 pm

    I came for the BRESMA story and am SO glad I stayed.



  21. Drea
    February 12, 2010 9:54 pm

    Beat Poets N’At! Genius!



  22. PSUlovesKids
    February 13, 2010 4:00 pm

    As an English teacher, I have to disagree with red pen mama and say that twitter and texting and instant messenger are all destroying students’ abilities to form intelligent sentences when they need to. It’s sad.

    Obviously I’m not always using correct grammar in those places, but I know how to when I need to.

    BTW, anyone ever read Perezhilton.com? That site’s grammar and spelling are atrocious! And this is what kids are reading and looking up to, sadly.

    (I’m also 24 and not an old bag. I sometimes still want to tell kids to get off my lawn, though!)



  23. Janby
    February 13, 2010 8:10 pm

    @ Hawk, I wish The Ohio State University was proud enough to give me a credit for the years I spent there, clearly I’m using the English language incorrectly…. ;) But I’m not exactly an NFL caliber alumni, more of a cat owning librarian type. :)



  24. silicasandra
    February 14, 2010 12:06 am

    @PSULovesKids

    I’m 23 and an English teacher and I actually disagree about Twitter and texting destroying student abilities to form intelligent sentences…I think it’s more that this is all of the text they interact with (i.e., they need to read a larger variety of texts.) The rest of their media interaction is visual, so they don’t get enough exposure to text used in different ways.

    I actually really like texting and Twitter and think they have their place (you CAN get creative in 140 characters…but you have to work within the limitations, just like with formally structured poetry). The issue is that they don’t know how to codeswitch (knowing that in Twitter you can say “u” to save space, but that it’s not appropriate to use in an essay) – surprisingly, most non-standard English speakers know how to do this from a young age. It’s those WASPy suburban teenagers who seem to think of language as fixed.

    I still think the bigger issue with Mr. Asshat is general misogyny, not grammar, though of course that is a mild annoyance.



  25. Mayor Luke Doggy Dogg
    February 14, 2010 1:56 am

    Sheeeeit Ginny Gin..

    If tha Lukey ever sees yo’ fine ass in Giant Eagle, you best believe I’ll be tryin’ to bag that ass too!

    Santonio and Lukey representin’…

    We baggin’ asses like groceries in tha 2010.



  26. butcher's dog
    February 14, 2010 8:48 am

    OK, I’m a retired English teacher with more years of service (37) than either of my two young colleagues have on the planet. And it’s my considered opinion that the texting, tweeting, etc., only give today’s students an easy and lazy way out of having to form complete thoughts and express them in complete sentences having subjects and verbs that agree. The point about code-switching is valid, but is this switching taking place? Do teachers insist on Standard American English in all classroom interactions? I doubt it. But then, I’ve been retired for four years now, so the waters of decorum may be rising.

    Until then, PSUloveskids and silicasandra, please keep fighting the good fight and enlisting all those whom you can influence to fight it along with you. And together, please, let’s not stand for inadequacy.

    Finally, welcome back, Mayor Luke Doggy Dogg! I’ve missed you! Comic relief is always welcome.



  27. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 9:47 am

    Given that 36% of recent COLLEGE grads can not name the three
    main branches of the federal government, or even TWO rights
    specified in the FIRST amendment to the Constitution, (not some obscure law school question on the eleventh,) do you really expect any of them to know what a gerund is???

    I totally blame the complete lack of diversity among current college professors!! They are only concerned with radical left bullshit!!



  28. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 9:50 am

    PS- But I’ll lay 20 to 1 odds that 95% of them can deliver a canned BS explanation of the proof of “global warming!”

    Or what the US has done wrong!!!



  29. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 10:03 am

    @Mayor Dogg- Shiznit!! :-)

    @butcher’s dog- “…waters of decorum….. rising…”??

    Are you serious?

    The only thing rising currently in classrooms is product for Alcosan!!



  30. Summer
    February 14, 2010 10:25 am

    @Bojack:

    Legislative, Executive & Judicial.

    Also, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

    But I graduated from college eight years ago. Does that count?



  31. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 10:52 am

    @Summer-

    With an adjusted curve for your advanced age- 70% !! LOL

    Close, but no cigar!! LOL

    The 5 rights (freedoms) guaranteed US citizens are:
    1. No national religion, freedom of religion
    2. Freedom of speech
    3. Freedom of the press)
    (but not blogs if Napolitano and Holder had their druthers LOL)
    4. Right to peaceably assemble (think Pitt students G20)
    5. (This one everyone misses) The right to petition!
    (Napolitano and Holder don’t like this one either!!

    Also Summer, define a gerund! :-)



  32. Silica
    February 14, 2010 10:56 am

    @Bojack

    No, it’s not college professors. Every person who passes the eighth grade should know that.

    Absolutely school is too easy. But I think it’s too convenient for teachers to blame it on technology that has a legitimate purpose and could even be used in an artful way (TV and movies aren’t inherently evil, either – it’s just that a lot of it is really bad, but most books are also pretty bad, and you have to sift through to find the good stuff). It’s that schools, parents, and communities don’t challenge children enough (and I’m not talking about the rich suburban kids here, but pretty much everybody else). Our society values ignorance. Twitter doesn’t have to be a tool that promotes ignorance (I use it for much the opposite, actually).

    @butcher’s dog

    Research from my grad classes suggested that kids who speak another language than English in the home or a dialect of English not close to standard have a much better understanding of when to use “home” and “formal” language than kids who speak a dialect of English closer to standard (mostly middle-class and up white kids). Texting and the Internet are a new thing in terms of language impact and they haven’t made the adjustment yet. I think they will with time and effort.

    I still say Santonio’s biggest problem is not grammar but blatant sexism. I’d rather a nice guy who can’t spell than a complete Asshat who can – and I think our society would be better for that.



  33. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 10:57 am

    PS- Those 5 are in the First Amendment, heavy on the First part!!

    Life, liberty, and the pursuit of coke and hookers is in the Declaration of Independence!



  34. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 11:12 am

    @Silica & butcher’s dog-

    I passed thru high school during a “trendy” time when it wasn’t popular to specifically teach English grammar; then we got a new french teacher from a Catholic school (AKA The Iron Maiden)
    and when she started referring to conditional tenses n’at we were LOST!!! I learned what I know of English grammar in French class!! LOL

    I believe Latin should be made mandatory again, period!! SPQR :-)



  35. Carol
    February 14, 2010 7:43 pm

    Bojack…stick with redstate.com for sharing your political views. Whether you’re conservative or liberal is a personal choice- ramming your views down the throats of those of us coming to this site for Ginny’s great writing is truly offensive. There is nothing worse than someone intolerant of anyone whose views differ from their own. THAT is the biggest problem with our current state of affairs.



  36. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 8:13 pm

    @Carol-

    Kiss my ass!



  37. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 8:15 pm

    Luke Ravenstahl IS political Carol!!!

    IGNORANCE is political Carol!!

    Yours is the view of intolerance!!



  38. Carol
    February 14, 2010 8:30 pm

    Bojack. Thanks for not going to your usual use of the f-bomb. The exclamation points don’t make your argument any saner. Lukey is local and relevant, regardless of your politics.

    Oh- and no thanks on the ass.



  39. Bojack
    February 14, 2010 9:13 pm

    Carol-

    Don’t be a hater!



  40. Bojack
    February 15, 2010 9:07 am

    Here ya go Carol!

    I steadfastly believe in accountability.
    I believe in healthy skepticism.

    Climategate U-turn as SCIENTIST AT CENTRE of row admits: There has been no global warming since 1995

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1250872/Climategate-U-turn-Astonishment-scientist-centre-global-warming-email-row-admits-data-organised.html



  41. spoon
    February 15, 2010 11:02 am

    Did someone say they wanted f-bombs? I have a whole pocket full to unleash today