You know what’s awesome? Going to Santonio Holmes’ web page to see where he talks about his relief efforts for Haiti and to read about how he’s giving back to his impoverished hometown. And then clicking the tweety link to see this as his latest tweet:
Let me translate: The night club is like a grocery store with hot babes sitting on the shelf, and I just bagged a bitch with boobs like fresh honeydew melons.
But it’s okay, you moms and dads that let your children look up to The Asshat all, “Asshat! Asshat! I want to be just like you when I grow up. Baggin’ bitches n’at.” They’re merely lyrics to a Lil’Wayne song.
It’s a great day for our hero, that he can openly talk about his penis on twitter for those kids who click there from his website.
Plus, he followed it up with this piece of prose that, quite honestly, touched my very soul with its lifting lilt and its manifestation of a sure grasp of the rules of spelling and grammar:
Excuse me, it’s my turn on stage here at Beat Poets N’At, and I’d like to use various tweets by our very own Santonio Holmes to build my poem:
Tone. Tone. His name be Tone. Asshat. [snap] Nuthn. No no, there be no thing. That makes a man feel better. [snap] Than a women. [bongo beat] He go shopping. He look up high. There be his bitch. Ready. Ripe. Ready. [snap] What it do, princess? Don’t. Don’t you dare. Don’t judge him ’cause he wears a uniform and a helmet. Courage. [snap] [cigarette drag] Who da heck u invite someone to a club and don’t pay ur half of the tab? [angry bong beats] Stop. Big homey, what da bizness is. Wezzy f go hard. [bongo beat].
That just took my breath away.
And no, I have no freaking clue on Earth what he means by “Wezzy f go hard.”
I think he invented his own language: Asshatish