Hiding from my enraged sister.

USA!  USA!  USA!

Crosby sucks!

Right now, about a mile from my house, my sister just read those last two words and is bundling up her baby to put her in the car so that she can come over here and beat the snots out of me for talking smack about her self-united husband.

This is the same sister, Pens Fan, who sent me this email last week, and I’m not making this up.  Cut and pasted:

I will give you anything in the world if you can arrange for me to meet Sidney Crosby. K thanks. You rock :) Me and H are watching a tv show comparing sid the kid and Alex the great. I am in LOVE!!!!!

So you see, she is not just in love with him, she is in love with him to the tune of all caps and five exclamation points.  That’s love.

Of course, I’m just kidding with the “Crosby sucks!” chant.  I still love Sid.  But yeah, last night I was rooting against his big-toothed grin.  It kind of felt like I was booing at the baby Jesus, I gotta tell you.  It goes against everything in my soul to want Sidney Crosby to lose but there I was yesterday, freaking the hell out over the USA/Canada Olympic hockey game and getting real scared each time Sidney approached the net.

Now I know how the the other teams’ fans feel when they play the Penguins. They keep one eye on Sidney Crosby at all times because they know if he gets the puck and he gets near the net with it, you have to hold your breath and send bad juju his way or he will score on your ass.

He’s fast, he plays hard, and he skates like his butt is on fire.

And boy, he sure can take a dive.

Okay, NOW I’m scared for my life.

I’m JUST KIDDING, Sister!





36 Comments

  1. bucdaddy
    February 22, 2010 9:46 am

    Is it the huge red lips women love? He has the biggest lips I’ve seen on a man since Jagger.

    Just to temper your jingoist enthusiasm a little and be the wet blanket I often am: I wonder if Sid would trade his Stanley Cup ring for an Olympic gold medal? And if he wouldn’t, why should I care about what amounts to a second-rate all-star game?

    Mrs. Daddy and I were in a bar last night and on the TV was a show about the 1980 Miracle team, showed a lot of clips and interviewed the particulars, and I was explaining to her why people still remember that game against the Soviets and why they made a movie about it and why people still talk about it and devote TV shows to it 30 years later, and the thought came to me:

    Nobody is going to make a movie about Sidney Crosby winning a gold medal. In two weeks no one is going to much remember or care who won, much less 30 years from now.

    There will never be another Miracle. There CAN never be another Miracle. And that’s a damn shame.

    I hate the Olympics.



  2. NewBurgher
    February 22, 2010 10:01 am

    @bucdaddy – weird, was just discussing same issue with my husband last night as they were showing the final moments of the Canada/USA game. What a pity that they scrapped sending the college kids and instead now send the millionaire pro’s. It just doesn’t mean squat now and never will again.



  3. Chelly
    February 22, 2010 10:08 am

    Is it just me or does it give anyone else the creeps to see Sidney in that red uniform?

    it just ain’t right…



  4. Duncan
    February 22, 2010 10:09 am

    That was one of the best hockey games I’ve watched in a LONG time. I was on the edge of my seat more than not. I thought the Canadian team played better than the USA’s team but just couldn’t get the shots past Miller. And let me say Miller played lights-out fantastic!



  5. PittinDC
    February 22, 2010 10:14 am

    I agree about Miller – one of the first things I said after that game was that I did not want to see him in the playoffs!! Great win for Team USA though!



  6. red pen mama
    February 22, 2010 10:19 am

    @bucaddy, I’m not all hot and bothered over Sid, but I even told my husband last night (I think I’m paraphrasing another That’s Church reader here): His lips should be bronzed. Man’s got a pretty mouth.

    Anywho: I wonder if the USA/Canada rivalry (or USA/Sidney Crosby rivalry) isn’t going to lead to some cold beds around town. I was rooting for USA last night; hubs was rooting for Canada. It wasn’t pretty. I wouldn’t begrudge Sid a gold medal, but the Olympics brings out the patriot in me.

    Awesome game last night. I have never seen such lightning fast hockey.



  7. red pen mama
    February 22, 2010 10:21 am

    Also: I agree with other points here. There will never be another Miracle. The Stanley Cup is the highest hockey honor; a gold medal is all well and good to have for your country, but I don’t think it would surpass a Cup.



  8. bucdaddy
    February 22, 2010 10:27 am

    Glad it’s not just me, yinz-all.



  9. Pens Fan
    February 22, 2010 10:32 am

    Oh sister – I am on my over right now! Ha I was actually cheering for USA but was happy Sid scored a goal. So it all worked out. USA won but my self united hubby scored a goal. All is good in my world :)



  10. MN
    February 22, 2010 10:43 am

    What a great game! That will go down as one of Ryan Miller’s best and one of the grittiest performances by Team USA ever! WE BEAT CANADA AT “THEIR GAME” IN THEIR HOUSE! Woo Hoo!!!!!!



  11. Jen
    February 22, 2010 10:51 am

    I think Sid is physically more attractive than the average guy, but I don’t think there would be as much infatuation with him if he had a different personality. His professionalism, his poise, and his relationship to the community are all so very attractive in a young man. I don’t think the ladies would like him so much if he were drunk, urinating in the street, and picking fights with cops and paper towel dispensers. Well, not the same ladies…



  12. GoBobbo
    February 22, 2010 10:57 am

    I couldn’t — and didn’t — root against him. I was all about Team Canada because of him. I felt icky even considering rooting against Sidney.



  13. Craig
    February 22, 2010 11:11 am

    I’m with GoBoggo, Sid has expanded my sense of nationalism. Why can’t Canada just adopt us? We could be on their health care plan and they are very polite, we could use both of those things.



  14. Carpetbagger
    February 22, 2010 11:18 am

    Canada: America’s hat.



  15. Jagoff
    February 22, 2010 12:05 pm

    @BucDaddy

    If by second-rate all star game, you mean one where the players actually play like it matters, I’ll take it any day. I spent the entire game on the edge of my seat.
    Honestly, I’d bet that Sid would trade in his Cup ring for a Gold medal. Playing for his country means more to him than playing for Pittsburgh does. Get over it.



  16. spoon
    February 22, 2010 12:05 pm

    I didnt cheer against sid but I didnt cheer for him either. Its USA or bust baby!

    Will someone please tell Eric Staal that this isn’t street hockey and you can’t jump on someone’s back. Silly kid.

    Brodeur will be one of the great goalies but lets be honest now, no way should he be starting.



  17. Just A Simple Man
    February 22, 2010 12:08 pm

    Like everyone has said the “Miracle’ factor is different now with the pro’s playing. However with Hockey being part of a Canadians fabric of life this was a a miracle in it’s own way.
    Yes it’s hard to root against Sidney and when he usually touches the puck he scores, even for the USA. Rafalski’s slap shot from the right point 41 seconds into the game deflected off Crosby’s stick and past Brodeur. Sad for Sid but go USA!



  18. Joe K.
    February 22, 2010 12:36 pm

    Sid was -3 yesterday.

    So who do Burghers root for when Canada plays Russia? Sid or Geno & Gonchar?

    Did anyone see Ovechkin’s hit on Jagr? He totally wiped out Jagr which led to Malkin’s goal.



  19. unsatisfied
    February 22, 2010 12:44 pm

    bucdaddy — I get what you’re saying. I remember watching that miracle game when it was broadcast and knowing how special that win was. with amateurs. with no-names. who had no chance of winning.

    no, we’ll never, ever have that again.

    that all being said — that game last night was OFF THE HOOK. (do people still use that?) brian rafalski and jamie langenbrunner were all over the place. the dive that ryan kesler made on that empty net goal that sealed it was insane. and, all ryan miller did in goal all night was stand on his head, making big save after big save.

    I know it was a premlim round game — but, it really made me enjoy olympic hockey again — for the first time since ’80. and, any mamby pamby who watched ice dancing instead missed out.



  20. Joe K.
    February 22, 2010 12:59 pm

    I wish I could have seen the game. I apparently don’t have MSNBC anymore, I didn’t know this until yesterday, which tells you how much I ever watched MSNBC.

    BTW, you can pencil in Canada vs. Russia this Wednesday, Canada only has to beat Germany to get there.



  21. Monty
    February 22, 2010 1:17 pm

    You couldn’t recreate the Miracle again even if we go back to amateurs. Unless Al Qaeda launches a sick hockey program and becomes a juggernaut for the next two decades. They would have awesome playoff beards.



  22. bluzdude
    February 22, 2010 1:36 pm

    Last night’s game was highly entertaining. And yes, I rooted for Sid to do well. The US for the WIN, but I wanted Sid to play well. I know that rightly or wrongly, he’ll shoulder the blame if the Canadians don’t win gold.

    What was weird was rooting for Russia over the Czechs in the early game. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before, but I felt I had to support Geno and Gonch. (and pretended that Ovie wasn’t there. Bet Jagr can’t say the same though).

    I, for one, want to keep seeing the NHL players play. I think that each country should send their best players, regardless. Yeah, it was fun to see our kids bushwhack the Soviets back then, but things change. People change. Intrest rates fluctuate. So unless every other country sends their kids, I’m all for making it the best of the best.



  23. Kevin
    February 22, 2010 2:14 pm

    Some of the best Hockey I’ve seen since, well, I guess last May & June. You can’t manufacture desire, it’s apparent when players have it, and even more so when they don’t. Here’s to all the Pens playing lights out and coming back to the Burgh healthy and rejuvinated. By the way, I despise Ovechkin more today thatmn yesterday!



  24. Kathy
    February 22, 2010 2:17 pm

    The game was awesome, but who else was ready to kill the color commentators for all of the “X’s” and arrows all over the screen as they tried to explain hockey to people who have never watched it before??!?!?



  25. bucdaddy
    February 22, 2010 2:42 pm

    Ginny! Monty made me snork again!



  26. CrashJK
    February 22, 2010 2:56 pm

    You lost a reader…sorry, SID is the reason the Pens won the 2009…I’d support him on any team…don’t get too excited yet USA fans…a few tweaks on Team Canada (and a victory over Team Russia with Ovie the Gr8T) and they’ll be some heads turning and arses puckerin’ on the USA bench (ok, not Free Candy Orpik -nothin’ scares Brooks)…see ya’ll next Sunday night…center ice, Gold Metal…we’ll see who stands on the top of the podium



  27. Bojack
    February 22, 2010 3:06 pm

    Canada-

    The country that provides the Caribbean with overweight
    middle-age men in Speedos!!

    Make it stop!!



  28. butcher's dog
    February 22, 2010 3:23 pm

    This all sets up for two Penguins to return from the Olympics royally pissed. Canada and Russia will meet in the quarter-finals, which means either Geno and Gonch or Flower and Sid will come home with a major burr up the ass. Let’s hope that all flows into a long run in the playoffs this season.



  29. Just A Simple Man
    February 22, 2010 4:18 pm

    When…if…Canada gets past Germany, it’s Sid vs. Geno. Now, who do you route for in that one?



  30. Carpetbagger
    February 22, 2010 4:23 pm

    “This was tremendously tremendous.” –MSNBC commentator Ed Olczyk.

    Ah, hockey speak.



  31. Joe K.
    February 22, 2010 4:47 pm

    Tremendous analysis by Edzo!



  32. unsatisfied
    February 22, 2010 5:21 pm

    @bluzdude — ‘scuse me, do I smell a “top secret!” reference? nice.

    hey, any one catch roenick and milbury going at it the other night between periods of one of the games (geez, I can’t remember….) I thought that they were gonna drop the gloves….



  33. SC 'Burgher
    February 22, 2010 6:26 pm

    @ Just a Simple Man – going to have to go for North America vs. the rest of the World. Geno included.



  34. cmd_45
    February 22, 2010 8:31 pm

    I have yet to see Sid’s big grin at all this Olympics. He is very serious and feeling the pressure, I believe!



  35. PA Girl in VA
    February 22, 2010 9:31 pm

    @unsatisfied – Yep, that was “Top Secret” alright! One of the funniest movies evah! So, for the record (because I know everyone cares :o), I’m rooting for the US to bring home the gold and will be perfectly happy as long as Canada comes out ahead of Russia. Can’t stand Ovie’s punk a$$. I’m just sorry that Geno & Gonch have to get caught up in all that.



  36. CrashJK
    February 23, 2010 9:19 am

    @unsatisfied…I’ve been watching Roenik & Milbury “debate” between periods and games all week…I know Milbury dislikes the Penguins, anyone watching NBC or Versus coverage hears it all the time. Even Eddie “Chip on my Shoulder” Olczyk can’t let go his hate on the ‘Guins…
    I’m hoping Roenik decks Mike Milbury before these games are over…

    Now, for the Thursday night Canada vs Russia game (we KNOW Canada wins tonight over Germany, eh !)…We can expect Dr. Emery to SQUEAL even more while calling the game of Sid vs. Ovie…he’ll blow a gasket by the 2nd period…