USA! USA! USA!
Right now, about a mile from my house, my sister just read those last two words and is bundling up her baby to put her in the car so that she can come over here and beat the snots out of me for talking smack about her self-united husband.
This is the same sister, Pens Fan, who sent me this email last week, and I’m not making this up. Cut and pasted:
I will give you anything in the world if you can arrange for me to meet Sidney Crosby. K thanks. You rock :) Me and H are watching a tv show comparing sid the kid and Alex the great. I am in LOVE!!!!!
So you see, she is not just in love with him, she is in love with him to the tune of all caps and five exclamation points. That’s love.
Of course, I’m just kidding with the “Crosby sucks!” chant. I still love Sid. But yeah, last night I was rooting against his big-toothed grin. It kind of felt like I was booing at the baby Jesus, I gotta tell you. It goes against everything in my soul to want Sidney Crosby to lose but there I was yesterday, freaking the hell out over the USA/Canada Olympic hockey game and getting real scared each time Sidney approached the net.
Now I know how the the other teams’ fans feel when they play the Penguins. They keep one eye on Sidney Crosby at all times because they know if he gets the puck and he gets near the net with it, you have to hold your breath and send bad juju his way or he will score on your ass.
He’s fast, he plays hard, and he skates like his butt is on fire.
And boy, he sure can take a dive.
Okay, NOW I’m scared for my life.
I’m JUST KIDDING, Sister!