Know what we don’t talk about enough around here? Little Debbie Swiss Rolls.
Boy are those delicious.
But besides that, we don’t talk enough about the Buccos of Suckitude and they’re down there in sunny Florida talking like THIS IS THE YEAR. They believe! Look at them up there, just doin’ the twist like they’re trying to screw themselves into the ground.
And you know me, every year I start out telling you guys, “THIS IS THE YEAR!” and I spend March and April forcibly pulling you kicking and screaming onto the bandwagon with me and then June rolls around and I’m watching you jump off with nary a tuck or a roll or a thought for you own safety as you try to abandon the suck as quickly as you can, and then by August, I’ve bonfired the bandwagon and rolled her into the Mon and I write a rant on here wherein I use the word “suck” about 80 times. Every. single. year.
Here we are, staring down March and an 18th season of being losers and the laughingstock of professional sports, and Burghers? THIS IS THE YEAR!
Let’s do a wave, starting with you there on the left in the pants.
But I’m not the only one convinced this is the year.
Coonelly told the players on hand in Pirate City that this will be the group that “turns this franchise around.”
“We are in no way, shape or form willing to sacrifice 2010,” he added. “In fact, that was one of the points that I made to the players [Tuesday]: ‘Don’t let people tell you that the Pirates have a great future, but it’s not today.’ Today is our future. 2010 is the beginning of the next dynasty of the Pirates, for me.”
You guys, you guys, stop laughing. First, who are these optimistic people telling the Pirates they have a great future? Is it you Tony Robbins?
It could totally happen. This could be the year! This could be the beginning of … A DYNASTY!
Where’s that wave? You there in the glasses, drinking the diet soda! WAVE!
Even Brandon Moss thinks this is the year!
“I know they brought in a lot of guys. I want to be on this team. And I want to be a main part of this team. And I want to be here when we turn this around, you know?”
Is he talking about turning the Hokey Pokey around? NO! Is he talking about turning the beat around? NO! This ball player who I’m pretty sure batted .100 last year, is talking about turning this stinkin’ sinkin’ scurvy-riddled ship around and sailing it away from the sucking, Dyson-like pull of Davy Jones’ locker and toward A DYNASTIC FUTURE!
If this was August and I was being my usual late-summer negative self, I’d say something like, “So, if he wants to be here when they turn the team around, he might want to look into cryonics.”
But it’s February. Almost March. April awaits. I’m going to start the year off positively, convinced that that twisting group of guys up there are the Pirates capable of corking the suck.
Who’s hopping up on the bandwagon with me?!
Anyone? Anyone? Zober?