Dear Benny,

Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m writing you another freaking letter about a sexual assault allegation.

What in the hell is wrong with you?

And please, I don’t mean that as, “What in the hell is wrong with you that you sexually assaulted a young college student,” which, if you did, may your penis shrivel up and fall off.  No, I mean, “What in the hell is wrong with you that you do not take a stronger hold on the charmed life you have, but instead seem content to let it slip away as a result of your vices and/or gross stupidity?”

Am I saying you assaulted this girl?  No.

Am I saying you DIDN’T assault this girl? No.

I don’t think at this point we can truly take a side on the veracity of the claim.  There’s not enough evidence yet.  It’s possible she’s crying wolf.  It’s also possible that you are a perverted, sexually violent wolf.  If you want us to look at her and say, “Maybe she’s lying,” then you must also agree that we should look at you and say, “Maybe he did it.”

We don’t know.  We might never know.

But here’s what we do know.  With a sexual assault accusation already hanging over your head, be it true or false, you never should have put yourself in the position to have this new accusation thrown at you.  What this new accusation does is essentially take the first accusation, which was sinking under the weight of a less-than-stable seemingly opportunistic accuser, and shores that first accusation up.  Strengthens it.  Plugs some holes.  Gives it just enough of an injection of air to make us look at it again as it rises above the surface of the water. Hey look at that thing right there.  That thing I turned away from and said, nah, that’s just a crazy lady who wants money.  Look at that thing floating on the water.  It looks different now.

I don’t think there’s a one of us who isn’t looking at that thing with new eyes. That isn’t wondering if possibly, if maybe, just maybe, you have trouble taking no for an answer.

I get it.  You’re a man.  A wealthy young man.  Then go out to the bars.  Have a blast.  Buy a round for everyone in the place if you’d like. Laugh. Shoot pool.  Spend your money. Tip big. But for the love of God, don’t go anywhere alone with a woman you just met.  Don’t disappear to the bathroom with a 20-year-old you spent the night bar-hopping with. Hire a chaperon to be with you at all times when you’re out partying.  Don’t get drunk in public.  Don’t be a douchebag.  Don’t traipse around town with your posse like you’re Ed Hardy’s gift to our eyes.

You might ask, why do I have to live by these rules?  Woe is me that I have a target on my forehead and all the opportunistic money-hungry girls are aiming for it.   And who made me a role model?  Why can’t I just do what I want and drink and have some sex with girls I just met?  Why do I have to be so careful?

I’ll tell you why.  Because you run a football camp for kids.  Because you agreed to abide by the terms of the NFL’s Code of Conduct.  Because you are paid millions and millions of dollars and that should be enough money to enjoy your vices in private.  Because you have an entire football organization partially resting on your shoulders and it helps if you can keep those shoulders out of jail, or at the very least off of TMZ.

So what now?  Do you hold that same press conference where you enter the room with a heavy sigh and tell us with a wavering voice and tears in your eyes that you’re sorry for the “distraction” and that these allegations are completely 100% false and that you’ll fight them until the truth comes out?  I don’t speak for Steeler Nation, but I don’t want to hear it again. Save it for your family.

I don’t know.  I’m like, kinda done with you.  I can’t look at you the same.  Before, you were just a fug, gross schmuck who I heard lots of nasty rumors about, but who seemed to have a generous heart and who, despite a knack for holding on to a football way too long after the pocket collapsed, could capably throw well enough to win two Super Bowls.  Now, with this second accusation, you’re a fug, gross schmuck with less smarts than a dog turd and less self-control than a spastic colon, who might have actually sexually assaulted a woman and who hired Ray Lewis’ murder-rap lawyer to defend him.

Unless this accuser completely reverses course and admits you never non-consensually touched her, consider the rest of your public life asterisked and when we scroll down to the footnote it will say, “*Twice-accused of sexual assault. But he throws a hell of a fade.”

I can’t speak for others, but for me, no amount of football-tossing brilliance will ever erase the shadows this second accusation has cast over your character, or the very bright light it has shone on your stupidity, or the very permanent edits it will generate to your Wikipedia page.

Yours,

Me.





190 Comments


  1. Still A, Fan
    March 9, 2010 7:37 pm

    “I feel sorry for his parents, how embarrassed they must be to see what their son turned out to be. Every parents nightmare”

    this is what i just can’t understand unless he’s proven guilty.

    right. so if he didn’t do it, he has two super bowl rings, he does a ton for charity, he makes $110 million dollars, he dedicates tds to his deceased college coach and OH MY EFFING GOD HE WENT TO A BAAAAAAR…and it was TWO. A. M. AND HE WENT INTO THE GIRLS RESTROOM with a 20 year old…….GIRL. how on earth will he ever live it down?????

    ok, i can’t comment on this one any more until facts come out instead of white noise. i blame hardcopy.



  2. kevin
    March 9, 2010 7:53 pm

    Here , Here Ginny. What an absolute A$#Hole Little Bennie is. If it wasn’t for football, he’d be loading trucks somewhere. I take that back, I have admiration for the people who load trucks. You did this to yourself Bennie, Steeler Nation, your college alumni, and the city of Pittsburgh all are a little less proud of their allegience this week. By the way, what was your major Bennie? Was it communicataions? Nice Job you freakin’ moron! All I can say, is in Pittsburgh, Tiger Woods thanks you for garnering ink for all the wrong reasons. Ray Lewis Attorney??? Like the CO in Top Gun at the end of the movie when Maverick got his pick of assignments, “God Help Us”.



  3. Les
    March 9, 2010 8:04 pm

    I think a lot of you people need to read this, it may do you some good, if you can keep your minds open for that long!

    http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ms-trippintuesday030910&prov=yhoo&type=lgns



  4. Les
    March 9, 2010 8:07 pm

    From Terry “and according to more than one observer in published reports appeared to be ‘all over him'”?

    This is an article that mentioned one of those quotes:

    Friday, as news of the assault charges broke, one of the Milledgeville bartenders said the charges against Roethlisberger were “bullsh*t” and that “she was all over him that night…. wonder why he pursued??? she saw $$$ signs.”

    A bartender who said he served Roethlisberger told us:

    “He was as nice as any athlete that I have ever met. People were all over him, guys and girls. His body guards kept some people away to let him have a good time. This situation is sad and I feel for the guy. He was out having a good time just like everybody else and now this is blowing up.”

    http://deadspin.com/5487565/big-bens-night-out-in-millyvegas-what-the-bartenders-saw



  5. JJ
    March 9, 2010 8:16 pm

    re: #83

    ummmm right, because all of the “good things” Ben did/does – primarily making monetary “contributions” and participating in “fundraisers” – as previously mentioned, is pertinent? Because it should cause some to reconsider their opinion? Because it speaks to his credibility? Decency? Whether his heart was in the right place at the time, his efforts are all for not when he demonstrates this type of irresponsible behavior, to say the very least. What he should truly be most ashamed of, guilty or not, is the number of children – the very recipients of those donations, that look up to him and idolize him – who have gone to their parents over the last week and asked “Why’s everyone mad at big Ben?”

    I’ll praise Ben for the “good things” he does when he behaves like a responsible and deserving adult, grateful for the opportunities he has been afforded by our great Steeler Nation. If I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath or anything.



  6. Stan
    March 9, 2010 8:23 pm

    So JJ, you’ve already convicted him then? You know for a fact that because of an allegation he is guilty of irresponsible behavior? Got it!

    Yeah, keep that open mind.



  7. H
    March 9, 2010 8:27 pm

    @ Les – thank you for the Yahoo article link. I really wish more people would think like Mr. Silver, but alas, it’s much more fun to jump up on a moral high-horse and judge people based on rumors and preconcieved ideas.



  8. Les
    March 9, 2010 8:32 pm

    JJ, ummm, why shouldn’t it be pertinent? It is alot more pertinent than your speculation! Little full of yourself, arent’ ya?

    ummmm, so what do you do for your community?



  9. JM
    March 9, 2010 8:43 pm

    I don’t know any better than anyone else what happened that night, but here’s what I perceive about Ben:

    1) He’s like the college boy who, instead of trying to get a date with a woman on campus, keeps going home on weekends and hanging out at the jr high/high school dances hoping for some attention.

    2) He may just be incapable of conceiving of the possibility that someone ISN’T INTERESTED in him or his seductive self. Until he can really take in that possibility, wounding though it may be to his ego, he’s setting himself up for more situations like this.

    Compensatory bravado belies fragility and the reckless behavior pattern that Ben has demonstrated. He (and the rest of us) will be better off when he faces this and finally does something about it.

    Just sayin.



  10. tm
    March 9, 2010 8:44 pm

    So JJ, I guess under your, uh, reasoning, we should also discount that Ben bought the youngsters of that football team (and their chaperones) plane tickets, hotel accomodations and entry fees to play in the “Dog Bowl” in LA a month ago too. Afterall, it was only money he gave so big deal, right? It is more fun trashing him, huh?



  11. JJ
    March 9, 2010 8:45 pm

    I haven’t convicted him. I stated “guilty or not” implying that I don’t know, because I don’t. I think this post was perfectly written because it doesn’t presume guilt or innocence and neither do I. However, it is simply my opinion, that the choices that lead him to this situation were irresponsible, regardless of the outcome.



  12. Bojack
    March 9, 2010 8:48 pm

    I’m starting to think most of these outraged women
    condemning Ben before a shred of evidence is
    presented are simply venting pent up guilt and self-loathing
    for their OWN PAST DRUNKEN, SHAMEFUL, AND VILE RESTROOM-
    SEX EPISODES and they now want some sort of payback from
    a poor, hapless quarterback, merely on his quest for Mrs. right.



  13. Jennifer Rossi
    March 9, 2010 8:51 pm

    I loathe the day that our Steeler nation has become a mockery like the Ravens. Thanks a lot, Ben.



  14. Ken
    March 9, 2010 8:53 pm

    I don’t know tm, that sounds like a cool thing to do and maybe even a responsible adult thing to do,doing something for those kids they wouldn’t have done otherwise. But then I’m not an expert on what’s pertinent and what’s not. It’s only okay to bring up the bad stuff, helps the agenda much better.



  15. bucdaddy
    March 9, 2010 9:30 pm

    Who’s the “Asshat” NOW, bee-yotch? All I done was smoke some weed and show you my snake.

    Love,

    ‘Tonio



  16. L-A
    March 9, 2010 9:30 pm

    spot on, once again. now, i shall read the comments. hopefully, there’s no c-word today ;-)



  17. L-A
    March 9, 2010 9:44 pm

    interesting comments, once again. Was feeling one way, then Les kinda screwed with my head. Time shall tell.



  18. Sofa King
    March 9, 2010 10:01 pm

    Summer, at least Pierce presented supporting evidence to his assertions and didn’t just spout off at the mouth with ridiculously biased b.s. As a white man, I am fairly offended by your assertion that I am, apparently, part of the problem. I’m sure you think it’s justifiable to legally and systematically oppress young white men like me via Affirmative Action and other means as recompense for the injustices done to the ancestors of others in our society, despite the fact that my ancestors weren’t even here to take part in the oppression that I’m now paying for.

    Ben exercised bad judgment, no ones arguing that, but I, for one will withhold my judgment until all of the facts are presented. I am a die-hard, card-carrying member of Steeler Nation, but the holier-than-thou attitude and sense of entitlement displayed by some of the Steeler fans on this page have given me a little more insight as to why so many other fanbases despise us.



  19. JenOH
    March 9, 2010 10:37 pm

    He’s gross plain and simple. Seriously, who engages in any type of sex in a bathroom with all of those germs? {puke}



  20. tw
    March 9, 2010 10:48 pm

    Wow…this section has really taken a nasty turn. I can’t believe some of the posts I’m reading. Some here are acting as stupid as Ben. Now, I am not saying he’s guilty of either assault accusation…but I think it’s pretty fair to say he is not acting like a mature adult and his actions (late night bar hopping and turning up the libido) in the midst of a current allegation that is not yet resolved is not too bright to say the least. And as for this college student…we know absolutely nothing about her (or the situation) so I can’t believe I’m reading things here condemning her…you know NOTHING! And as for those blaming her for “breaking the law” being in a bar at age 20…seriously! Really, none of you ever went to a bar in college before you were 21..OMG! So i went and yes i drank at age 20…does that mean i was asking for it and would have deserved this backlash! Really…anyone who claims that is a hypocrite.

    So by the facts…
    Ben at the very least was drinking late at night and hanging with the college crowd…that is fact and yes is stupid beyond belief considering his present situation. This behavior (regardless the police outcome) affects his image, family, team, and city.

    The girl on the other hand…all we know for fact is that she was at a bar following Ben around. That’s it. If you want to bash her for being underage…shame on you, that’s pathetic. Just look in the mirror before you judge. Any other claims about her is not factual and stupid to assume.



  21. Tiffany
    March 9, 2010 11:09 pm

    @ Michelle, speeding is a crime too, but we still feel bad for people injured or killed in wrecks.

    Being in a bar, under or over 21, drinking or not, should not be considered “asking for it”. Next people will say, well she was dressed provocative, or dancing suggestively. SO WHAT. If he did it, not saying if he did or not, because lets face it we dont know, but if he did, he is the one to blame, not her.

    Jesus, havent any of you seen The Accused?



  22. Bojack
    March 9, 2010 11:19 pm

    Laying 5 to 2 odds the trollop was dressed in streetwalker attire
    which says- “Do me.”

    3 to 1 she she’s an excellent pole dancer also.



  23. Bojack
    March 9, 2010 11:25 pm

    I wouldn’t be surprised if she is a local pro “escort” working Craigslist.



  24. aunt penny
    March 9, 2010 11:41 pm

    Rumor has it that Ben is still down south, he’s visiting Tiger and working on his ….’swing’.

    Nice shirt Ben.



  25. attn_who_oar
    March 9, 2010 11:44 pm

    Ben is GUILTY in the eye of public opinion and Bloggerdom! only in America…. so sad.



  26. Michele
    March 9, 2010 11:47 pm

    Tiffany, I am not sure why you feel that vehicle accidents are comparable to sexual assault, but that is not my point. I am a victim of sexual assault. Do I think that the man was at fault? YES! Do I also think that I made bad decisions that put me in the situation to enable him to do what he did? YES! I just think it is funny that women all over the country are fighting for total equality, but yet refuse to accept any type of responsibility for choices that might have put them in a bad situation. Am I saying that any of us asked for it? NO! It is a crime that should be handled by the authorities, once a determination is made as to whether the actual crime took place.



  27. Politicalpartypooper
    March 9, 2010 11:52 pm

    If I were Ben, I would hope this girl’s father isn’t an ex-Ranger/Green Beret, or some big dude who listens to no reason when it comes to his daughter.

    Because, you see, hell hath no fury like a father who thinks his little girl has been wrongfully hurt. If this girl were my daughter, and half of what the report said was true, you’d all be burying Ben on opening day instead of watching him run around in tights.

    Bojack, you obviously don’t have a daughter. Tell you what…if he’s guilty, do we get to rape him with the broken end of a baseball bat? Never mind on that one.

    If he’s guilty, jail will teach him all about rape. Maybe we’ll get lucky and Anderson Cooper will do a live jail shot of Benny playing the tube organ.



  28. bucdaddy
    March 9, 2010 11:54 pm

    Just let me throw this out there: What’s the worst section of Pittsburgh? I don’t know, so let’s just call it Neighborhood X.

    Now let’s say that I, a wealthy white guy (play along here), put on an Armani suit and a Rolex watch and a diamond ring and fill my wallet with $100s and get into my Jaguar and drive to Neighborhood X at, say, 2 a.m. and park the Jag with the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition and go for a stroll down a dark alley near a crack house.

    And let’s say I get the shit beat out of me, get my wallet and watch and ring and car and suit stolen, and wind up naked and in the hospital.

    Now: Tell me I wasn’t asking for it.

    Hey! It’s a city street, and I am damned well entitled to walk wherever I want and wear whatever I want when I want.

    Just like you.

    Right, ladies?



  29. Virginia
    March 10, 2010 12:16 am

    Bucdaddy and Bojack,

    Well, then let’s say this.

    Let’s say I go to a night club. I wear a short skirt and do-me boots. I meet a guy who buys me a drink and we dance and start making out on the dance floor. I invite him back to my place where things start to get heavy, when suddenly I don’t feel right about it anymore. Perhaps something he said. Something he did. Or maybe just second thoughts on my part. I stop. I ask him to stop.

    Does that mean it’s okay for him to rape me because I “was asking for it?”



  30. Bojack
    March 10, 2010 12:54 am

    I was being outrageously facetious to point out the completely ludicrous notion being continually puked here that Ben was somehow at fault for being out at a bar– ergo–

    ‘HE was asking for it.’

    Get it?

    And, @Summer> very quaint ghetto-speak: “my bad”
    Are you a bleeding heart white chick apologist?



  31. IHaveKasparaitis
    March 10, 2010 12:59 am

    Rape and sexual assault is *NEVER* the victim’s fault. And you are hurting the people out there who have been violated mentally, physically, and emotionally by saying they asked for it. No one wants to be raped; no one wants their space violated in such a heinous way. She says no any time during the act, it means stop and you are violating them. Also, you are more at risked from being raped by someone you know than a stranger but risk is still there.

    If I was out having fun with my friends and someone drugged my drink, it’s rape. If I go with a guy, make out and don’t want to go further but he insists against my will, it is rape. It doesn’t matter if I am walking around in lingerie and hooker heels. It’s unwanted and no person who is assaulted should ever be blamed. There are kids get abused and sexually assaulted by adults they are supposed to trust; they aren’t to be blamed for the sick twisted jerks that get kicks out of having every bit of control over the other person. Sexual assault and rape can happen to anyone regardless of race, social status, marital status, income, lifestyle, and gender. (Many statistics show men are increasingly becoming victims of this but are afraid to admit it because of society saying men never turn down sex.)

    “We know that about 15 percent of these claims end in conviction” That’s because first the women are shocked by the ordeal don’t want to testify in front of the aggressor and the courts are lenient with the men who commit them. It’s not far to say by this statistic that has been analyzed a million times by people who care for victims, who are non-profit, that the victim feels they are in jail while the attacker holds the keys to their freedom. It is outrageous that you would even consider pointing fingers and saying all the allegations that have been courageously brought forth are fiction, made up stories to smear someone else. No. Have you ever talked to women or men who have been sexually abused? Do you realize all the depressions and blaming that goes on and how much they fear the attacker again when he/she isn’t given a sentence deserving of someone who completely violated and destroyed their sanctity of mind and the purity they have. This victim is innocent until proven otherwise just as much as Big Ben is. I have defended Big Ben since the first interception he threw and the last ball he could have thrown away but lost yards, but I cannot look at him knowing victims, hearing their stories and think anything other than he’s dirty and disgusting. I don’t believe in it, and no one should tell me otherwise. You are giving more rights to the alleged attacker than the victim who is suffering enough duress by reporting it in the first place, to involve police, get a rape test, deal with the accusations that she’s a money-grabbing whore, deal with people judging her for bringing this to light, having to look him in the eyes and account what happened in court. I give the victim the benefit of the doubt any day. Any day. I am not saying Ben is guilty, the courts will decide, but to say she could have done anything to prevent this is immature, rude, and condescending. He could keep it in his pants, and he could listen to her saying no to his advances. What could she have done? Maybe she wore pants and a t-shirt, he approaches her, she says no, and he continues to grope her. Her fault? I think not.

    I don’t understand how you can sit here and blame someone who has had her private space exploited when she did nothing wrong. If the courts find him innocent, then we have another issue here with her tarnishing the little reputation gained by people who fight to protect victims of sexual abuse and assault. Either way, society needs to realize what all the victim suffers.

    [Sorry this was so long, I just really have issues with sexual assault and how society views it as the victim asking for it and not what controlling, manipulative creeps the victimizers are. Sexual assault is serious, and when I hear about it, I take the cases seriously.]



  32. Bojack
    March 10, 2010 1:00 am

    @Virginia-

    HELL NO. You are a happily married Mom, and the daughter of a Minister and a respected journalist, therefore a nice girl. Luv the mental pic tho.

    :-)

    ps- Did you ever pole dance?



  33. Michelle
    March 10, 2010 1:03 am

    This whole topic, and the comments that have followed it, just make me sad. I will not say whether or not I believe Ben is innocent or guilty, because honestly, I don’t know. I have not researched the issue, so I will not sit here and blindly run my mouth off for either side.

    What I will say, however, is that I really think people need to stop judging (on either side) without knowing the facts. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn’t and the girl was lying for some reason…unless you were there, or unless you are the person assigned to study and research the case, you won’t know for sure, now will you? I do not agree with, nor do I understand in any way, how some people are saying that, regardless of Ben’s innocence or guilt, they are done with him forever, that he is forever “tainted” in their minds. If he was innocent, why on Earth would you want to continue punishing the guy? If he was guilty though, I will understand, and you can stop reading this comment now.

    Anyway, being someone who adores and loves a particular singing superstar (who I choose not be name), I have seen first hand the massive damage that this type of blind judging can do to a person. When this individual was accused of very, very, very heinous crimes, people everywhere immediately said, “He is the Devil, and we hate him. We don’t care if he really did it or not, the accusation is enough.” Well, it turns out that the poor man didn’t do it. The evidence, or really the lack thereof, showed his innocence. However, and this is a BIG however, people didn’t care. Until the day he died (and even after the fact), people ran his name down with the horrible tags of a crime he never committed: Child Molester. Pedophile. Pervert. How do you think that felt to be him? To have people spit at him and mock him for the rest of his life because one person decided to destroy him for money? No matter what came out, or how many times he cried out, “I am innocent!”…nothing mattered. To the world, they had stuck their fingers in their ears and said, “No matter what you say, we will not believe you because we say you did it. Anything you say to the contrary is only you covering your tracks.” They would not even allow themselves to consider the possibility that what they believed was wrong.

    Keeping this in mind, I’d like you to take that example and apply it to this. For the rest of Ben’s life, he may very well have a tag attached to him (Assaulter, Rapist, whatever) that he may or may not have earned. Again, if he earned it, then that’s the end of that. I want to clarify, just in case, that I am in NO WAY trying to say that a girl EVER “deserves” to be raped. Okay? I’m a girl myself – why would I ever think that it’d be okay for a guy to rape someone? All I’m saying is, remember that there is a chance that maybe, just maybe, Ben isn’t the perpetrator here. I do know of females who are…how would you say…gold diggers? I know females who would do something (like sleep with a guy) and then lie about it to get something out of it (like money). It’s not like people like that don’t exist…I’m sure everybody has known at least one person like that in their lives.

    So, in case my point didn’t get across earlier: I am not saying Ben is guilty or not guilty. I will not speculate on it. What I am asking is for people to keep an open mind, and let the truth come out. If Ben did do what he is accused of doing, then let him suffer the punishments. But if he did NOT do what he is accused of, then you should not just say “Sorry, but you were accused of it, so I am done with you anyway, I don’t care if you really did it or not,” because that is highly unfair. That’s all, nothing more, nothing less. Just let the truth come out, and please judge accordingly.



  34. Maria in Pgh
    March 10, 2010 3:02 am

    As far as women “asking for it” because of how they dress, go to bars late, etc. I offer these Absolutely 100% Guaranteed Tips to Prevent Rape*:

    If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
    If a women is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
    If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
    If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
    If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
    If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
    If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
    If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
    If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
    If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
    If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
    If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
    Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
    Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
    Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
    Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
    Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
    Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

    *NOTE: I didn’t write this list — it’s been circulating on the Internet for years.



  35. Tiffany
    March 10, 2010 5:38 am

    Michele, while I am sorry for the assault you suffered, I find your logic flawed. Just my opinion. A relative was assaulted and molested as a child. She did nothing to encourage the behavior or put herself in a bad situation. Women do deserve equality, but that does not mean they have to take blame for crimes committed against them. Many woman are assaulted in their own homes, by people they know, and saying they “allowed it to happen, encourage, or enable the situation, just takes the responsibility off the offender. It is not a gender thing, in my opinion, it is a matter of logic. The offenders could be female, and I would say the same thing.



  36. Trish
    March 10, 2010 6:54 am

    @Michelle–it’s pretty obvious who you’re writing about, but I’d also note that after everything happened you never heard about him being around any children other than his own. He may have been eccentric but it doesn’t mean he was stupid.

    The thing that’s always struck me about Ben, long before all this reared up, is that he seems to have a massive sense of entitlement. I can still remember the draft and seeing his scowl as he fell further down–granted, he went number 11 which is still pretty high but before the draft most “experts” fully expected him to go top five. Why did he fall? Many cited his inability to take coaching or responsibility for bad decision-making. That got drowned out in the excitement of his first two seasons, but after that we’ve all seen numerous examples of those observations. He obviously enjoys being a very big fish in a very small pond, whether that pond’s in Pennsylvania or Georgia. Why go to Atlanta, a big city where no one would look at him twice, when he could go to a dinky college town and have everyone go OMG LOOK BEN ROETHLISBERGER!!11!? Not only that, but to bring his “bodyguards” and make a big show of having a “VIP” section? Attention whore much, Ben?

    However this turns out, Ben’s rep is ruined. He can expect to hear catcalls of “Rapistberger” for the rest of his career. And all because he had to figuratively yell “look at me! Look at me!” Way to go, dumbass.



  37. Politicalpartypooper
    March 10, 2010 7:28 am

    @ Bojack,

    “I wouldn’t be surprised if she is a local pro “escort” working Craigslist.”

    That statement is you asking to have your teeth kicked in by one of her relatives.

    So…is it okay if they gang up on you and do that? I mean, all things considered, you DID ask for it.



  38. tehamy
    March 10, 2010 7:29 am

    I’m sorry, but this discussion has turned into far more than a discussion about Ben and his current issue. Personally, I am appalled that there are people out there that believe that a woman “asks” to get raped or sexually assualted. It doesn’t matter what a woman does, says or wears. If at any point she decides that she no longer wants to participate in whatever sexual activity that is going on, that is her choice and forcing her to continue is sexual assualt.
    It is shocking to me that there a people out there who don’t believe or agree with that.

    I can tell you one thing for certain. Part of my job as a mother is raise my son in such a manner that he respects every person he meets. Part of that respect is to listen when a woman (or anyone for that matter) says “NO” to anything. Not, “well she said no, but did you see those 4 inch heals and skirt that barely covered her ass? She said no, but meant yes.” If my son grows up and shares the opinions of some of the “men” who have left comments here, I will consider myself a failure as a mother.



  39. Bojack
    March 10, 2010 7:58 am

    @PolPooper- lotta talk from you nutsack, take a Xanax

    @EVERYBODY who speed reads and doesn’t get the jist-

    (that’s JIST, with no “z”), (I digress)

    ^^^OF WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SAY FOR 2 POSTS NOW**

    MY point is, that for ALL OF YOU TO CAST NEGATIVE, (as in ‘he shouldn’t have been there,’ ‘poor judgement’, etc, LET ALONE
    a rush to judgement based on a false prior accusation is…

    now SLOW DOWN AND PLEASE CATCH THIS PART******

    EQUALLY, as in> = = = = =

    “AS bad AS:”

    *drum roll*

    “Saying she, (any she or he,) was ASKING FOR IT!!!!”

    (ever)

    Ta Da!!!!

    *takes bow*

    (Gawwd, swearing is SOO much more efficient )



  40. butcher's dog
    March 10, 2010 8:07 am

    Anyone else hoping the next post is about pigeons and how nasty they are for shitting on people? As Hamlet tells Horatio: Something too much of this.

    Ben’s weekend: yet another reason to love hockey (and hockey players). Give me the humble heroes any day.



  41. Michele
    March 10, 2010 8:08 am

    @ Tiffany

    That’s why in my original post, I stated in “certain” situations. This situation is in no way comparable to a child being molested or a woman raped after a break in or being pulled off a street.



  42. Tiffany
    March 10, 2010 8:17 am

    So women should just cower at home? A woman should have the freedom to go where ever she wants without the fear of assault.



  43. Scott
    March 10, 2010 8:19 am

    It amazes me how Pittsburgh idolizes its gladiators. Roethlisberger doesn’t get paid to be a pillar of the community. He’s jock party animal who’s used to females fawning all over him and has all the money he needs to defend himself when he has a lapse in judgment.

    He’s lucky he’s not a poor 28-year-old black man from Georgia, because if he were he’d be in the slammer now unable to make bail and praying for a decent public defender.



  44. Michele
    March 10, 2010 8:28 am

    @ Tiffany… REALLY? That is what you are getting. How about that is the same thing everyone seems to be saying about Ben. He is 28 and rich and should know better, so why didn’t he just stay home and stay out of trouble.



  45. Tiffany
    March 10, 2010 8:33 am

    Michele, I could give two shits about Ben. I am far more concerned about the permissions you are giving to men in general to blame women for the crimes men commit against them.



  46. Amadi
    March 10, 2010 8:40 am

    The whole argument of “she shouldn’t have been there, shouldn’t have been drinking, shouldn’t have been wearing that outfit, shouldn’t have been flirting, therefore she’s partly responsible” is valid only for those who are desperate to believe that the overwhelming reason why rape occurs is because some men just can’t “control” themselves when presented with opportunity and if women would just stop providing those opportunities, all would be well.

    We know that this is false. This is demonstrably false on its face, but it also brings up the question: why are so many men so very invested in trying to spread the blame for the behavior of rapists.

    No one has responsibility for anyone else’s actions. Women don’t make men rape them. They do not ask for it. By definition, it’s impossible. The ultimate responsibility for preventing rape lay with men, when they make the decision not to rape anyone. It’s not that difficult. You simply decide that women are entitled to the same respect of their bodies and bodily autonomy as you are, and treat them accordingly.

    As for Ben, comporting himself in a better fashion — not hanging out with college aged girls in a college town in college bars — would have been a good idea to begin with, but even more because of the earlier allegation. (And it would take a few pages to discuss the reasons why that first woman went the route of a civil suit and not criminal charges, not the least of which is the slut-shaming misogynistic responses that we’ve seen a glimpse of here.) When you have an air of suspicion upon you, you use a little wisdom and give up the bar crawling and the one night stands and the hookups and you don’t put yourself into circumstances where there can be any question that your partner(s) have given anything less than enthusiastic consent to whatever you engage in together. Can enthusiastic consent happen in a public restroom? Sure it can. Is enthusiastic consent usually followed by a trip to an ER for an invasive forensic exam and a police report? No, it’s not.

    This is a time when Ben should’ve manned up, looked at all that he represents and all the good that he does and started acting in a fashion that showed that he valued that. He should’ve done that after the first allegation. He should have done that after the pig-stupid motorcycle crash. He has another opportunity now, but now it very well may be too late.



  47. Bojack
    March 10, 2010 8:53 am

    @Amadi>

    Amadi wrote-
    “…Is enthusiastic consent usually followed by a trip to an ER for an invasive forensic exam and a police report? No, it’s not.”

    It IS if she’s looking for a $$$ payoff!

    refer to accuser “A”



  48. Sofa King
    March 10, 2010 8:57 am

    One of my good female friends is a rape victim, as was a girl that I dated a few years back, so I have seen firsthand the lasting scars that rape victims have to bear for many, many years. That being said, I am very sensitive to the fact that every false rape claim that is filed, whether it be with the intention of getting money, ruining one’s reputation, etc., denigrates real victims who are truly suffering.

    No one “asks for it,” as all reasonable men should abide by “no means no,” and should behave accordingly. That being said, I can imagine that sometimes there is occasionally some contributory negligence on the part of the accuser. When I was in my partying phase a few years back, it never ceased to amaze me how some women, after a few drinks or no drinks at all, would be willing to leave a bar with a complete stranger and entrust that stranger with their safety for the rest of the night. Most men that I know are respectable and wouldn’t take advantage, but women need to realize that there are a lot of a-holes out there with less noble intentions.

    Likewise, not all women have noble intentions, either. A few years ago, one of the regulars at a bar I was working at cornered me when I was getting off work and asked me to walk her home. Since she was friends with some of the staff and looked in poor condition to take care of herself, I agreed to. When we got to her house, I tried to leave her at the front door and she asked me to come in because it was dark and she didn’t feel safe. Again, I obliged, and before I could even get the light on, she had stripped down to just her panties and literally threw herself at me. I admit, I really wanted to get down to business with her, but I decided it wasn’t right, so I got up and left. What thanks did I get for acting respectably? She blew me off and acted huffy toward me every time she came in, and made jokes about me to her friends.



  49. 3weasels
    March 10, 2010 9:02 am

    Monday was “sports day” at my daughter’s school. She insisted that she was wearing her #7 jersey, I insisted otherwise. A meltdown ensued and the jersey is now in timeout.

    She eventually left the house in her Stanley cup t-shirt and Steelers running suit.

    I think it would have been easier if I could have explained why I didn’t want her to wear it. But that isn’t a conversation to have with a 4-yr old while getting ready to leave for school. Saying that he wasn’t nice to a girl would have been met with a lot of questions and not enough time to fully explain.