It’s not every day you get to wake up to an article with this as the leading paragraph:
Just how did farm chickens end up inside campus buildings at Carnegie Mellon University last weekend? And who decided to paint them?
And the headline is straight Sherlock Holmes –The Case of the Spray-Painted Chickens.
So, let me sum this up for you:
Nine farm chickens found roaming various CMU buildings. CMU calls lady from a farm. Lady from the farm comes and gets the chickens to rescue them. Lady from the farm says some of the chickens have paint on them. Lady from the farm says this is cruelty to animals. CMU is being mostly quiet about it as they look into what happened. Two of the chickens are sick. WHY GOD, WHY?! And lady from the farm says:
“I would think if they’re serious about this and they want to get to the bottom of it, somebody would have called to inquire about how they’re doing,” she said.
“Do they want to keep these things quiet? Is it routine for a college to hide crime? I mean, I think it’s a crime,” she said. “I’d love to see this go public, because this … shouldn’t be tolerated at these schools or anywhere else.”
Oh sweet Lord. Listen. Except in the case of pigeons, I am against animal cruelty. I mean that.
They’re chickens with some paint on them! If the students had tortured these chickens, or burnt these chickens with cigarettes or strung these chickens up alive, I would be horrified. But that is not the case here.
What did she expect CMU to do? Issue a press release all, “Yeah, we just want to let the media know that we found some painted chickens on campus.” That’s almost as ridiculous as accusing CMU of covering up some chicken-painting crime ring like it’s Ben Roethlisberger’s thumb.
So now it’s gone public. What does the farm lady think will happen now?
Will CMU send flowers and “Get Well Soon!” balloons to the chickens? Does she think we the people are going to march on CMU demanding justice for the Chicken Nine? 23 million chickens get their heads chopped off every single day. Chickens are food or provide food in the form of delicious eggs.
Get over it. It was a prank. The chickens are alive. The students will be dealt with. Life goes on. I had eggs for breakfast and I’m having chicken for dinner.
Let’s gain a little perspective here before, God help us, PETA decides to get involved, because the last thing we need are batshit crazy naked women covered in paint, chaining themselves to —
Actually, that sounds kind of interesting.
Hey, PETA, they’re painting chickens over at CMU!