A conversation with my self-united husbands.
- April 1, 2010
- filed under David Conrad, Matt Lamanna
David Conrad: Forsooth, you look different.
Me: Yeah, I had to go anonymous again, so, you know, back to the silhouette.
Matt Lamanna: Hot.
Daniel Sepulveda: You know, we were just saying yesterday that we don’t see Doug much anymore.
Me: Oh, did I forget to tell you? I self-divorced him.
David: You can do that?!
Me: Hell yeah. I mean, he doesn’t even live in Pittsburgh anymore. He can’t take very good care of me from … wherever the hell he went.
Daniel: Tsk. You know, the Bible says, “… until death do us part.”
Matt: Yeah, and Barney says, “We’re a happy family.” We could have worked it out with him.
David: Wait. The bible doesn’t say, “Until death do us part,” you fool.
Daniel: Yes, it does. Right near where it says, “Blessed are the peacemakers on Earth.”
David: Again, NOT THE BIBLE. That’s Shakespeare. You are infirm of purpose.
Daniel: Huh?
Matt: Shakespeare, Daniel. SHAKESPEARE. He’s taunting you with Shakespeare. Tell him [whispers in Daniel’s ear].
Daniel: YOUR BREATH STINKS LIKE CHEESE! Hah.
David: [eyeroll] The line is, “Thine breath stinks with eating toasted cheese.”
Me: I could go for some cheese. And can we get back to talking about me?
David: Forsooth, get your own damn cheese. I’m sick of these yahoos. You and me were just fine before they came along.
Daniel and Matt: “YAHOOS?!”
Matt: I have like sixteen doctorates!
Daniel: Like the Bible says, “A plague on your house.”
David: THE QUOTE IS, “A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES,” AND IT IS NOT THE BIBLE! SHAKESPEARE!
[Fist-fighting ensues. Daniel attempts to punt David.]
Matt: … and speaking of breath, dinosaurs are actually the predecessors of birds and therefore they breathed with an avian-like air-sac respiratory —
Me: I miss Doug.
SysCruncher
April 1, 2010 12:10 pm
Ummm, PG? Are you alright?
Kim Z
April 1, 2010 12:14 pm
A while back a friend and I did this quiz to see if people could identify Bible quotes from Shakespeare quotes. Most could not.
http://maeincarnate.livejournal.com/471302.html
Doug Mintkayvixzhveach
April 1, 2010 12:23 pm
As the bible says, getting my walking papers from the Bucs was the most unkindest cut of all.
DG
April 1, 2010 12:38 pm
It’s an entertaining place, there in your brain today.
Burgh Baby
April 1, 2010 12:40 pm
I’m sensing Zima might be an unnamed character in this tale.
Ecstatic Pitt Student
April 1, 2010 1:17 pm
I missed the silhouette. Now here’s a funny PittNews article about Lukey: http://pittnews.com/article/2010/03/31/april-fools-raven-stunned
bluzdude
April 1, 2010 1:40 pm
I thought you ditched Doug because his name was taking up too much room on the mailbox.
Big Bud Cowboy
April 1, 2010 2:29 pm
What did you do?
Summer
April 1, 2010 3:00 pm
I miss Doug Unprounounceable Name, too. I miss him a lot. Remember the socks? And the arms? MWROWR.
… hey, if you’re self-divorced, you don’t mind if I self-unite myself, do you?
Michelle
April 1, 2010 3:18 pm
Hahahah!
Carpetbagger
April 1, 2010 3:33 pm
So, no interest in the Jeff Clement application?
Cassie
April 1, 2010 6:32 pm
I’m with DG. A very interesting place.
HollyT
April 2, 2010 9:27 am
I miss Doug too. :-( He had a Twitter account there for a while. It was quite interesting. Now I don’t see it anymore. That makes me even sadder.
Amber
June 22, 2010 12:38 pm
The Bible also says: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” Galatians 6:7