A conversation with my self-united husbands.

David Conrad: Forsooth, you look different.

Me: Yeah, I had to go anonymous again, so, you know, back to the silhouette.

Matt Lamanna: Hot.

Daniel Sepulveda: You know, we were just saying yesterday that we don’t see Doug much anymore.

Me: Oh, did I forget to tell you?  I self-divorced him.

David: You can do that?!

Me: Hell yeah.  I mean, he doesn’t even live in Pittsburgh anymore.  He can’t take very good care of me from … wherever the hell he went.

Daniel: Tsk. You know, the Bible says, “… until death do us part.”

Matt: Yeah, and Barney says, “We’re a happy family.”  We could have worked it out with him.

David: Wait.  The bible doesn’t say, “Until death do us part,” you fool.

Daniel: Yes, it does.  Right near where it says, “Blessed are the peacemakers on Earth.”

David: Again, NOT THE BIBLE.  That’s Shakespeare.  You are infirm of purpose.

Daniel: Huh?

Matt: Shakespeare, Daniel. SHAKESPEARE.  He’s taunting you with Shakespeare. Tell him [whispers in Daniel’s ear].


David: [eyeroll] The line is, “Thine breath stinks with eating toasted cheese.”

Me: I could go for some cheese. And can we get back to talking about me?

David: Forsooth, get your own damn cheese.  I’m sick of these yahoos.  You and me were just fine before they came along.

Daniel and Matt: “YAHOOS?!”

Matt: I have like sixteen doctorates!

Daniel: Like the Bible says, “A plague on your house.”


[Fist-fighting ensues.  Daniel attempts to punt David.]

Matt: … and speaking of breath, dinosaurs are actually the predecessors of birds and therefore they breathed with an avian-like air-sac respiratory —

Me: I miss Doug.


  1. SysCruncher
    April 1, 2010 12:10 pm

    Ummm, PG? Are you alright?

  2. Kim Z
    April 1, 2010 12:14 pm

    A while back a friend and I did this quiz to see if people could identify Bible quotes from Shakespeare quotes. Most could not.

  3. Doug Mintkayvixzhveach
    April 1, 2010 12:23 pm

    As the bible says, getting my walking papers from the Bucs was the most unkindest cut of all.

  4. DG
    April 1, 2010 12:38 pm

    It’s an entertaining place, there in your brain today.

  5. Burgh Baby
    April 1, 2010 12:40 pm

    I’m sensing Zima might be an unnamed character in this tale.

  6. Ecstatic Pitt Student
    April 1, 2010 1:17 pm

    I missed the silhouette. Now here’s a funny PittNews article about Lukey: http://pittnews.com/article/2010/03/31/april-fools-raven-stunned

  7. bluzdude
    April 1, 2010 1:40 pm

    I thought you ditched Doug because his name was taking up too much room on the mailbox.

  8. Summer
    April 1, 2010 3:00 pm

    I miss Doug Unprounounceable Name, too. I miss him a lot. Remember the socks? And the arms? MWROWR.

    … hey, if you’re self-divorced, you don’t mind if I self-unite myself, do you?

  9. Cassie
    April 1, 2010 6:32 pm

    I’m with DG. A very interesting place.

  10. HollyT
    April 2, 2010 9:27 am

    I miss Doug too. :-( He had a Twitter account there for a while. It was quite interesting. Now I don’t see it anymore. That makes me even sadder.

  11. Amber
    June 22, 2010 12:38 pm

    The Bible also says: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” Galatians 6:7