I was never here.

It had to happen eventually, right?

I mean, I’ve pissed off enough people, groups, and animals that eventually one of them had to issue a pounding-fist-on-the-table “SWEEP THE LEG AND TAKE HER DOWN” decree.

  • The mayor probably hates me more than he hates his thinning hair, but no, as far as I know, it wasn’t him.
  • Santonio Holmes hates me more than he hates proper spelling, but, not him.
  • Ben Roethlisberger hates me more than he hates good personal hygiene, but, not him.
  • Benny’s Fug Bunnies hate me more than they hate Benny’s hos, but, not them.
  • The Dread Lord Zober hates me more than he hates kittens and rainbows, but, not him.
  • Scott R. Priester hates me more than he hates smiles and laughter and joy, but, not him.
  • Jeff Reed hates me more than he hates a prude holding an empty paper towel dispenser, but, not him.
  • Pigeons hate me more than they hate everything in the universe, and they’ve already attempted for years for take me down, but I don’t fear them any more than I fear everyone else I just named on this list.  As in, I don’t fear them.  Show me an army made up of Luke Ravenstahl, Santonio Holmes, Ben Roethlisberger, Fug Bunnies, the Dread Lord, Scott Priester, Jeff Reed and a flock of pigeons and I’ll show them my Death Taser 2000x.

But PETA?!  The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals?  Those are some seriously scary, whacked out sons of bitches who will strip me and paint me with the blood of all of the pigeons I’ve ever murdered, before coating me with stale french fries and stringing me up the Mellon flag pole to be pecked to death by evil knowing bastards.

And THAT’S why I’ve gone anonymous again.  Pulling my mask back on.

[Jedi mind trick hand wave]

You never saw me.





35 Comments

  1. cheld
    April 1, 2010 9:14 am

    i thought i was having a flashback episode….



  2. Sooska
    April 1, 2010 9:21 am

    April FOOL. LOL. good one.



  3. Pittsburgh Perambulations
    April 1, 2010 9:23 am

    *ahem* Cute April Fools, Ginny.



  4. SysCruncher
    April 1, 2010 9:24 am

    NOOOO! Even switched your Twitter name back to PittGirl. Nice touch. lol

    All hail PG (again)

    Virginia, who?



  5. Carpetbagger
    April 1, 2010 9:37 am

    I’m with you! It’s turn back the clock day. I’m rocking the Neil O’Donnell jersey today.



  6. gunnlino
    April 1, 2010 9:38 am

    Wait…Wait….who was that masked woman ? Did she leave a silver bullet ?



  7. Jen
    April 1, 2010 9:46 am

    Happy April 1 :)



  8. BIGGEORGE
    April 1, 2010 9:56 am

    Well, If you ever really need help, just send me a ticket from Sarasota to Pittsburgh. I am 6’1″ 300lbs of gorilla. Besides that I know things… painfull things, chemical things, flammable things.

    If that isn’t enough I will talk to my buddy rocco and he has a big family!!!



  9. Tim
    April 1, 2010 10:10 am

    Love your blog(s).
    Can’t believe Scott hasn’t showed up to rain on your parade.
    :-)



  10. PittGirl
    April 1, 2010 10:13 am

    Tim, I blocked Scott from commenting several months ago. Shortly after BRESMA. If you’d like to read how he feels about me, he’s my most faithful commenter over at the Pittsburgh Magazine site where he continues to spread the love.



  11. Cassie
    April 1, 2010 10:14 am

    I was SO confused this morning. Bravo.



  12. jf
    April 1, 2010 10:17 am

    I kept checking the website address to see if I typed something wrong and thought you were serious until I checked the “About Me” link and saw the strike out … brilliant!



  13. Beatrice
    April 1, 2010 10:20 am

    That is great. Between you and Topeka, I’m just having a ball at my desk this morning!



  14. TheJim
    April 1, 2010 10:24 am

    Animals are delicious.



  15. Steve In Denver
    April 1, 2010 10:37 am

    I’m making all kinds of meat on Pita, er, PETA bread for dinner today. Maybe even some Awesome Possum.



  16. Craig
    April 1, 2010 10:38 am

    I so hope that this is not just for today.



  17. Bojack
    April 1, 2010 10:38 am

    I usually point out some piece of animal SKIN that
    these morons almost always own and wear!

    i.e.- wallet, purse, shoes



  18. Beth
    April 1, 2010 10:50 am

    You totally had me. Happy April Fool’s Day, PG/Ginny! Oooh, sorry…I just gave away your identity again.



  19. Tim
    April 1, 2010 10:55 am

    Oops. Cassie, Pittgirl, I was turned around too . . . thought I WAS at your (other) Pittgirl site.



  20. Michelle
    April 1, 2010 10:58 am

    Hah, that was brilliant :) Must say I enjoyed seeing the old masthead again though (woohoo, David Conrad!)



  21. elysianfantasy
    April 1, 2010 11:00 am

    Ahh…this layout brings back such fond memories! Too bad Sonni Abatta’s no longer in Pittsburgh. And that pic of her totally counts for the male readers’ eye candy for the day. Now where are the Tyler Grisham pics? Or that shirtless Hal Gill one?!!! *drool*



  22. Woy
    April 1, 2010 11:23 am

    I still think you are Sonni Abatta.



  23. Bald Truth
    April 1, 2010 11:44 am

    Pigeons are delicious in a PETA.



  24. Donncha
    April 1, 2010 11:48 am

    Ken — Good one. You totally fooled us by posing as a woman from the suburbs with a Mexican restaurant.



  25. bigslacker
    April 1, 2010 12:26 pm

    Have we ever seen PG & Sonni Abatta in the same room?



  26. capplesnapple
    April 1, 2010 1:01 pm

    Did you know Santa bites the heads off pigeons to absorb thier strength and uses the excess blood to dye his clothes?



  27. KGC
    April 1, 2010 1:22 pm

    PETA? That reminds me, I’d like to have big juicy Prime Rib soon.. medium rare.



  28. bluzdude
    April 1, 2010 1:38 pm

    I was going to say “the cat’s already out of the bag”, but thought better of it. I don’t want the PETA people looking at me for putting cats in bags. I quit cat-bagging ages ago.

    Note: No cats were bagged during the writing of this comment.



  29. Just A Simple Man
    April 1, 2010 3:22 pm

    P eople E ating T asty A nimals… that PETA?



  30. HappyBurghTroll
    April 1, 2010 3:56 pm

    peta are serious whacko terrorists. I for one hope they have not threatened you and this is an april fools joke. I’m a dog show person and people under their influence have actually gone to dog shows and attempted to poison the dogs because its better to be dead than domesticated and exploited. H$US is just as bad.



  31. mfj
    April 1, 2010 4:04 pm

    #11: Holy god, R Scott Fitzpriester is still around. I just checked the Pittsburgh Mag site and you’re right, he is there on every page. Boy, what I wouldn’t give for a peek inside the Shutter Island that is Scott’s brain.



  32. KGC
    April 1, 2010 6:25 pm

    OK. That’s enough. Just admit this is an April Fool’s joke.. It is, isn’t it? Isn’t it?



  33. steeler_tom
    April 1, 2010 7:42 pm

    You got me! F**k! You really got me……. Slapping my forehead……. dang……..



  34. Thee Dude
    April 3, 2010 11:13 pm

    Who do you think you are, some sort of Jedi…waving your fingers? Mind tricks don’t work on them, only moneeyy.