The last pep talk before anchors aweigh

I’m here to share a truth with you.  A truth as valid as “Death and Taxes” or “What goes up, must come down” or “Pigeons are hell-borne” or “at least once in your life, you will find a gray hair the same day a zit forms on your forehead” and that is this: On any given day, anyone can beat anyone.


David can beat Goliath.  Ye Yang can beat that man-slut Tiger Woods. The USA boys can beat the USSR men.  A mouse can elude a snake. The Raiders can beat the Steelers. Butler can beat Syracuse. Jack Sparrow can beat the Kraken. Daniel can beat Johnny. The humans can beat the aliens.

On any given day, regardless of who is laughing and mocking, the Pittsburgh Pirates can beat any other team in Major League Baseball.

We’re not asking for the playoffs.  We’re not asking for the pennant.  We’re not asking for a dynasty. We’re not asking for anything more than this: win one more game than you lose.  That’s it. We just need “any given day” to happen ONE MORE TIME than it does not happen.

And that is something that hasn’t happened for seventeen years.  That’s roughly six thousand days.  Six thousand days this city has been saddled with a team that can’t win just ONE MORE TIME than it loses.  Six thousand days of hopes being crushed, optimism being squashed, bubbles being burst, parades being rained upon and bobbleheads having their noggins violently ripped off by angry fans.

It must end here. Now. This season.

Forget the management.  Forget the greedy owners. Forget the fireworks.  Forget the bobbleheads. Forget the hooplah.

Remember the fans. Remember the history.  Remember the fundamentals.  Remember the love of the game.  Remember the passion.  Remember this … any given day.


Anchors aweigh.


  1. Bob
    April 5, 2010 9:54 am

    For God’s sake, men, do it for Alyssa Milano. If for no other reason in the world, just do it for her and that shirt….

  2. bluzdude
    April 5, 2010 10:04 am

    If the Buccos bite it again this year, it won’t be from the lack of inspirational speeches!

    Maybe you should appoint a new Self-United Husband from their ranks, to replace Dougie.

  3. toni
    April 5, 2010 10:23 am

    This is pitiful….most fans ARE talking play-offs and pennants…what are WE talking about? Winning ONE game more that we lose…sorry Ginny, I’ve jumped the bandwagon and I’m not coming back. I think it’s to the point now I wouldn’t come back even if they were headed to the play-offs or going for the pennant.

  4. Kim Z
    April 5, 2010 11:01 am

    I hate to burst your bubble, but Alyssa Milano shills all MLB gear. Here’s a pick of her in Cubbie blue:

  5. Jeff
    April 5, 2010 11:08 am

    Technically, it’s winning two more games than you lose :)

  6. REARless
    April 5, 2010 11:10 am

    I would bet the 401K that they end up with the worst record in baseball. They will be worse than last year.

  7. Politicalpartypooper
    April 5, 2010 11:14 am

    Good luck Pirates’ Fans! I have you penciled in for 78 wins. Not bad, all things considered. You’ve got good young talent.

    Having said that, you can all cheer on your Pirates, while distantly cheering on my Brewers to win the division. After all, who here really wants to see the Cardinals or the sCrUBS win the division? Did I even need to ask that?

    Also, my Brewers should automatically have your respect and patronage.


    On a rainy day in Milwaukee, you can sometimes even hear the “n’at” at the end of his sentences. He fits in. He drinks beer, likes bratwurst, and hates the Cubs.

    Thank you, Pittsburgh, for loaning us Ken Macha until we win the World Series.

    Don’t forget to get into the pool we are starting to pick the date and inning when Prince Fielder hits the river in Pittsburgh on the fly with a dinger.



  8. unsatisfied
    April 5, 2010 11:18 am

    please, pass the bowl yer smokin’ over here…c’mon, don’t bogart it!

  9. Scott
    April 5, 2010 11:22 am

    Russell Crowe has a Ben-esque doughiness to him…

  10. Jim Paek is my hero
    April 5, 2010 11:31 am

    Hell Ginny, with that speech I’m ready to go storm a castle, or even better, storm Nutting’s Office and take him prisoner.

  11. Michael Sorg
    April 5, 2010 11:42 am

    A swear. I’m looking for a reason to like baseball again. And I get way to excited for the beginning of Pirates season for some reason. It must be because of when I got the Parrot’s autograph when I was 5…

  12. Monty
    April 5, 2010 11:48 am

    You want to reverse the curse? You need to get Sid Bream, Barry Bonds and Spanky LaValliere in the same room and sacrifice a pigeon to Jobu.

    This kind of shit didn’t happen when the Pirate on the logo was clean shaven and looked like Healthy Elvis.

  13. Pa-pop
    April 5, 2010 12:00 pm

    PITTSBURGH (AP) – Pittsburgh Pirates manager John Russell shocked the baseball world today by starting nine chickens recently signed from Carnegie Mellon University. The move ruffled some feathers among the regulars. One pitcher who requested anonymity commented, “How does he expect them to throw up goose eggs?” Another player said, “I expect we’ll see a lot of fowl balls.” Meanwhile, owner Bob Nutting was delighted by the move, saying, “We signed these guys for chicken feed.” Rumors are now circulating that Pittsburgh may consider dropping its Triple A minor league affiliation with Indianapolis in favor of shifting it to the Toledo Mud Hens.

  14. Matt
    April 5, 2010 1:30 pm

    We few senior readers owe our gratitude to youngters like you who can light up opening day with inspiration and hope, despite never having seen a winning baseball team. Another reason to love my home town. (Along with the fact that Steve Blass — before he was Steve Blass — randomly rented the house next door in the summer of 1967, and once played catch in the front yard with a star-struck 13 year old!)

  15. Kathy
    April 5, 2010 1:35 pm

    Well, the Pirates were my National league team when I was growing up so I’m in for $5. Of course, my team forever – the Oakland A’s – may give you an idea of how my teams have been doing lately…

  16. Martin Silenus
    April 5, 2010 1:39 pm

    Opening Day and the Buccos are STILL in contention!

  17. one-eyed dick
    April 5, 2010 1:48 pm

    Monty @ #12:

    You could never fit Bonds and Spanky in the same room together, let alone a third guy. Between Bonds ego and Lavalliere’s girth, you’d need a large, open, empty space–like PNC Park on Day 2 of the 2010 season–to get them together.

  18. Angry Mongo
    April 5, 2010 1:55 pm

    Bottom of the 2nd and it’s 2-0 LA. Let’s just give up now and save ourselves the Charlie Brownesque hope.

  19. JennyMoon
    April 5, 2010 2:14 pm

    Lets Go Bucs!!!

  20. John Franco
    April 5, 2010 3:30 pm

    A 3-run pinch hit double by Ryan Church on Opening Day… now THAT is Church!

  21. DG
    April 5, 2010 3:39 pm

    I cannot believe that you have me checking freaking baseball scores, but I am. That’s all I need – another sport to actually follow.

  22. Carpetbagger
    April 5, 2010 3:39 pm

    I say a ten-game improvement this year: 72-90. Then, 82-82 or better in 2011. Then, who knows? But if the Marlins (twice), Diamondbacks, Angels, Rays, and White Sox can win a World Series, anyone can.

    Meanwhile… it’s 101 years and counting for the Cubs. 17 years? Cry me a freakin’ river.

  23. Craig
    April 5, 2010 3:51 pm

    All’s I;m saying is, “Let’s Go Bucs!”

  24. Just A Simple Man
    April 5, 2010 4:25 pm

    Oh no LA has the tying run at the plate…

  25. Natural Red
    April 5, 2010 5:35 pm

    You need to go to the park and deliver a speech before every game- look at the results! 11-5 win. Go Bucs!!

  26. unsatisfied
    April 5, 2010 5:57 pm

    they used up all of their offense in one game.

  27. northside15212
    April 5, 2010 9:01 pm

    Actually, Alyssa Milano isn’t “shilling” for anyone but herself –she’s the designer/owner of the NCAA/MLB/NFL/NHL-licensed line of team/logo wear for women (which she’s wearing in the photo) and has been doing it for several years now. She is, however, supposedly starring in a new sitcom set in Pittsburgh.

  28. bucdaddy
    April 5, 2010 10:35 pm

    “It must end here. Now. This season.”

    It won’t, but the day is coming.