And his crown shall be made of Pez.

A Penn Hills high school student has become a YouTube sensation to the current tune of over 700,000 views for being the giantest, most painfully stupid attention-whoring doofus in, quite possibly, all of the land of Doofi.  The King of Doofi.  The Free Ruler of all Doofi.  The Most High Muckety Muck of Doofi.

What he did was worked his ass off all winter by shoveling walks, saved $500 to buy an iPad, then smashed the iPad with a baseball bat and put the video on YouTube.

Because he’s a PC and this is his way of showing his loyalty to the PC? No.

Because he’s an anarchist sending a strong message against corporate greed and fat-catness?  No.

Because he wanted to be the first person to break an iPad?

CIRCLE GETS THE SQUARE!

Now, you might say, but Ginny, it WORKED!  He’s a YouTube sensation.

So?

Is he going to get a job on MTV because he’s that doofus that broke an iPad for no reason?

Is he going to get a reality show where he buys expensive stuff and smashes it?

Is he going to get a recording contract or a movie role?

Lasting fame? Respect?

No.

He’s gained one thing: Fifteen minutes of getting to claim, “I bought an iPad, smashed it with a bat, and like, a million people watched me do it.  And then I had to go to bed because it was a school night.”

Andrew Stockey was lucky enough to interview him during his 15 minutes of fame and here’s a snippet:

“So, you took $500 of your own money and bought the iPad?” WTAE Channel 4’s Andrew Stockey asked, “and smashed it right on the sidewalk, and that didn’t bother you at all?”

“Yes, well, kind of, it did, but not really. I like doing it. It was fun,” Kocott said.

Online, Kocott is being called an “Apple hater,” but he said he loves the iPad.

“I love it,” Kocott said.

“You love the product but you smashed it just so you could be the first to do it?” Stockey asked.

“Yep,” Kocott said.

[blink]

Long live the King of Doofi.

This in-your-face wastefulness in the face of world poverty is why some people hate America.

Now I’m going to sit here and wait for this kid’s family and friends to email me all angry-like and tell me what a charming young man this 19-year-old high school senior is and how dare I call him the King of Doofi.

Hey, if the Annoying Burgher crown fits …

And besides, I bet he can have some raging royal parties with the Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross, even though Benny briefly considered a hostile takeover of Doofi.





34 Comments

  1. Sooska
    April 6, 2010 9:45 am

    Ginny, you are so right. His parents and the Penn Hills SD must be proud for raising and “educating” such a principled genius. He isn’t even espousing a philosophy or creating or destroying for artistic expression or for science; he is just an idiot with money. There is no point to it. geez. It doesn’t even make me mad that he is so dumb and now famous. It makes me sad this happened here.



  2. Carpetbagger
    April 6, 2010 9:51 am

    Be nice. This guy will be handling your 401K some day, while driving his BMW to Oakmont C.C. with HEDGE FUND on the license plate.



  3. Monty
    April 6, 2010 9:52 am

    I agree — it’s really annoying he destroyed it.

    I’ve been trying to get one for a costume party I have this weekend. I’m going as Verne Troyer holding an iPhone.



  4. j
    April 6, 2010 9:53 am

    I can only assume that there’s a reason why he’s 19 and still in high school. Namely, that he’s an idiot.



  5. J-
    April 6, 2010 9:54 am

    Too bad he wasn’t even the first. Daniel Tosh did this on his show Tosh.0 on the commedy channel in the January/February time frame.

    I hope this idiot enjoys his 15 minutes.



  6. Tiffany
    April 6, 2010 10:15 am

    Be nice, he will probably be Mayor of Pittsburgh someday.



  7. Martin Silenus
    April 6, 2010 10:16 am

    Will he get a grant for performance art? Yes!



  8. Jake
    April 6, 2010 10:18 am

    “This in-your-face wastefulness in the face of world poverty is why some people hate America.”

    I don’t know… Do you see how much stuff they burn and destroy while conducting random protests in the rest of the world? Yeah, this may have just been a publicity stunt, but it doesn’t really meet the waste extravagance of dumping truckloads of peaches on a Belgian highway.

    Besides, it’s his money – why do we care what he did with it?



  9. bucdaddy
    April 6, 2010 10:18 am

    Damn, j beat me to it. I was all set to post:

    Most people get out of high school at 18. Just sayin’.

    On the other hand, he was out clearing snow from sidewalks all winter while your city officials rode out the blizzards partying at Seven Springs. Maybe if this kid lived on the block where the gentleman died, the gentleman wouldn’t have died.

    So, don’t forget who the REAL Doofi are.



  10. bluzdude
    April 6, 2010 10:21 am

    I think this one deserves at least a “BLLLLLLLLLLLL”.

    Any spawn of mine that wasted 5 bills like that would discover some severe reprocussions for doing something that assinine.

    Then I’d have to nominate myself for a World’s Worst Parent Award, for raising such a mutton-head.

    I can just see the letters from the College Admissions Offices…

    “Dear Pinhead,
    Are you freakin’ kidding me?
    Better look into a JUCO, genius.

    Signed,
    The University You’ll Never Ever Attend.”



  11. bucdaddy
    April 6, 2010 10:31 am

    Kid also did his part to help spur the economic recovery. Steve Jobs won’t go homeless for at least another day …



  12. Cathy
    April 6, 2010 10:40 am

    @tiffany – we in Pittsburgh can only hope he stays out in the suburbs we already have our own immature man/boy mayor- thanks



  13. Patrick
    April 6, 2010 10:48 am

    I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. If he got the Best Buy warranty, he could smash a hundred of them and they’d just replace it with another one for free.

    So he walks into best buy, buys an Ipad. Gets the warranty, walks out. Gets his camera and smashes his Ipad to pieces. Walks back to Best Buy, gets his new Ipad, uploads the video to YouTube and he’s an instant celebrity. If he gets a few million views, someone who is a bigger idiot than he will pay him to do something else because he’s gotten recognition. Plus, he still has a fully-functioning Ipad.

    That is assuming he’s that smart, unlike the person who put up a completely serious reaction to someone elses April Fools joke, then took it down when she realized she’d been punked.

    Or maybe he’s just an idiot.



  14. Kathy
    April 6, 2010 10:52 am

    I don’t know him. But if I did, I’d deny it. You nailed it on the head – a thing like this is one of the reasons people hate us. Wouldn’t it have been more awesome if he’d worked his ass off all winter, raised $500 and donated it to Doctors without Borders or BRESMA? He was just a few brain cells and some concern for others away from Awesome Burgher.

    AND FINALLY – he probably ISN’T the first guy to break one. I’ve got to think one or more was broken during testing at Apple. Here’s your sign.



  15. Joe K.
    April 6, 2010 10:55 am

    As a quasi-Luddite, I love it. He worked for the money, so what do we care? It’s pure self-expression. I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks about it and he shouldn’t either. The rest of the world hates us because of our Bill of Rights, which gives us FREEDOM, of which this action is a great example. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Constitution: life, liberty, and the pursuit of smashing iPads.

    Smashing iPads could be a good band name.



  16. Politicalpartypooper
    April 6, 2010 11:07 am

    What a waste of a perfectly good baseball bat.



  17. Cassie
    April 6, 2010 11:17 am

    At least it was his money and not his parent’s money. And I guess it’d be safe to say that he knows the value of a dollar?



  18. Pa-pop
    April 6, 2010 11:20 am

    $500 would be 20 new friends for Kate and Peter’s Memorial Project. [sighs and shakes head]



  19. mike
    April 6, 2010 11:32 am

    I’m sure there are plenty of kids / families at the Ronald McDonald House who would have loved to have access to that ipad. And Andrew Stockey would have had a much more interesting reporting assignment. And the kid would still have gotten his 15 minutes of fame.

    That could have been a hell of a story…local kid shovels snow…saves his money…buys ipad…donates it to charity…gets acclaim…receives full ride to local college for his initiative and drive…starts program at said local college to put high school kids to work to raise money…

    Eh.



  20. Cindy T.
    April 6, 2010 11:40 am

    This prompted the lyric to start running non-stop in my head…the children are our future…aaauuuuggghhhhh



  21. Michael Hasko
    April 6, 2010 11:47 am

    This kid did a silly thing, yes.

    But as a Pez collector, I take offense to likening my plastic candy dispensers to a crown for this clown to wear. Obviously, the comparison needs to be a gaggle of Beanie Babies that compose his crown. Dare I say, a flock of pigeon Beanie Baby crown…

    Sorry, had to get away.



  22. one-eyed dick
    April 6, 2010 11:55 am

    The kid needs to think big. No, BIGGER! Beating an iPad to death on a sidewalk is so—–pedestrian…..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAl28d6tbko&feature=player_embedded



  23. Cnik
    April 6, 2010 1:23 pm

    Apparently his parents smashed their condoms outside of the drug store instead of using them to prevent this morons birth.



  24. toni
    April 6, 2010 2:37 pm

    It’s stuff like this that makes me crazy. I ride the bus with one of the sweetest people I ever met in my life…he’s like 21 years old and his dreams are as big as he is ( and he is 1 BIG dude). He’s working his butt off…he goes to school and he’s in the field of fashion. The kid was so excited because he was accepted to go to some prestgious fashions school in London whose name I forget.

    Kid needs to buy a serious camera and a laptop. He’s asking everybody he knows if they hear of anything please let him know and he’s not asking for freebies…he’ll work for it…maybe they need a fashion show or something?

    Here’s somebody thats trying really hard to live and work his dreams….and then we have the IDIOT above. I have no clue what an ipad is but if your just gonna smash $500 dollars into a pulp…I got a kid that could really use a laptop to plan for his future.



  25. Trisha
    April 6, 2010 3:46 pm

    Wow.. I’m sure non-profit organizations like the Make-A-Wish Foundation, Big Brothers Big Sisters, Tickets for Kids, or any of the other amazing organizations in this city would have appreciated a $500 donation from a high school student.. lame.



  26. Jen
    April 6, 2010 4:10 pm

    urbandictionary.com should add a link to his video under the word “douchebaggery.”

    The funniest part is how proud he is of himself. Way to go, kid, you really accomplished something.



  27. Matthew C
    April 6, 2010 7:07 pm

    Yay, self-righteousness? C’mon people, I’m willing to bet all the money in my pockets, against all the money in your pockets that every single person condemning this kid did something at least as stupid and/or wasteful when they were 19. He made the money, he should be able to do whatever he wants with it without being castigated for it.



  28. Critic Extraordinaire
    April 6, 2010 7:45 pm

    Look up the word douchebag in the dictionary, and you’ll find that this kid’s picture is now there instead of Herb Pope’s.



  29. Meck
    April 6, 2010 8:58 pm

    have you ever seen “will it blend” on youtube? unfortunately there are popular shows where people get expensive stuff and destroy it. sigh.



  30. Incredulous
    April 6, 2010 11:24 pm

    I’m not just furious at his stupidity, but also at the lengths the local media covered it.

    KDKA ran a short clip from Youtube. Still too much.
    WPXI did a story on it. Waste of time.
    WTAE and Stockey? Joke.



  31. Michael Sorg
    April 7, 2010 4:29 pm

    @Meck Yes, but the difference is Will it Blend actually is a method for them to sell a product (the blender). This kid has no redeeming value to this video. He’s gotten his thousand of hits and that’s it. If he had more going on, he could parlay the exposure into something that would actually benefit him (and make his $500 back). I don’t know if even those Youtube ads will make that back.



  32. Grover Cleveland
    April 7, 2010 9:22 pm

    $500 woulda bought a lot of condoms at Costco. He’s enouraging disease



  33. Anonymous
    April 7, 2010 10:03 pm

    “This in-your-face wastefulness in the face of world poverty is why some people hate America.”

    When considering the impact to global poverty, is a fully functional iPad that much less wasteful than a smashed one?

    The rampant consumerism that creates a demand for what is basically a $500+ toy is why some people hate America (and the West in general).

    Nonetheless, this kid seems like an idiot.



  34. Mermanda
    April 9, 2010 2:49 pm

    J, I was about to say the same thing. Poor kid. Daniel Tosh beat him to it by about two months!