A Penn Hills high school student has become a YouTube sensation to the current tune of over 700,000 views for being the giantest, most painfully stupid attention-whoring doofus in, quite possibly, all of the land of Doofi. The King of Doofi. The Free Ruler of all Doofi. The Most High Muckety Muck of Doofi.
What he did was worked his ass off all winter by shoveling walks, saved $500 to buy an iPad, then smashed the iPad with a baseball bat and put the video on YouTube.
Because he’s a PC and this is his way of showing his loyalty to the PC? No.
Because he’s an anarchist sending a strong message against corporate greed and fat-catness? No.
Because he wanted to be the first person to break an iPad?
CIRCLE GETS THE SQUARE!
Now, you might say, but Ginny, it WORKED! He’s a YouTube sensation.
Is he going to get a job on MTV because he’s that doofus that broke an iPad for no reason?
Is he going to get a reality show where he buys expensive stuff and smashes it?
Is he going to get a recording contract or a movie role?
Lasting fame? Respect?
He’s gained one thing: Fifteen minutes of getting to claim, “I bought an iPad, smashed it with a bat, and like, a million people watched me do it. And then I had to go to bed because it was a school night.”
Andrew Stockey was lucky enough to interview him during his 15 minutes of fame and here’s a snippet:
“So, you took $500 of your own money and bought the iPad?” WTAE Channel 4’s Andrew Stockey asked, “and smashed it right on the sidewalk, and that didn’t bother you at all?”
“Yes, well, kind of, it did, but not really. I like doing it. It was fun,” Kocott said.
Online, Kocott is being called an “Apple hater,” but he said he loves the iPad.
“I love it,” Kocott said.
“You love the product but you smashed it just so you could be the first to do it?” Stockey asked.
“Yep,” Kocott said.
Long live the King of Doofi.
This in-your-face wastefulness in the face of world poverty is why some people hate America.
Now I’m going to sit here and wait for this kid’s family and friends to email me all angry-like and tell me what a charming young man this 19-year-old high school senior is and how dare I call him the King of Doofi.
Hey, if the Annoying Burgher crown fits …
And besides, I bet he can have some raging royal parties with the Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross, even though Benny briefly considered a hostile takeover of Doofi.