The words are fake, but the suck is real.

Giant tip of my cute little hat to the boys over at the Kiss Morning Freak Show for this clip of Regis Philbin talking about how he wants the Pirates to win this year, and then Kelly Ripa takes that ball, drops it, picks up a football and runs with it in the wrong direction by turning the conversation to the Pittsburgh Air Mall.


YouTube Preview Image

Now, I would like to say three things.

1. This is still the year even though we lost yesterday because Charlie Morton spilled his suck all over the pitching mound.

2. Regis says, “Every time they get a good player, like Jason Bay, they lose him…”

Um, we don’t lose our good players, Reeg. The Buccos management is not running around the clubhouse all, “Have you seen Jason Bay?  Freddy Sanchez? Nate McClouth?  I left them right here and now they’re gone.  Check the closets!”

The management traded those good players away because the management has dollar signs for brains.

3. Let me be clear about this, my love for the Pirates this year in no way at all negates one little iota of loathing I have for the Nuttings and their special brand of baseball team mismanagement.  Suck doesn’t even BEGIN to describe them. We’d need to invent a new word. Let me do that right now. Hang on.  Suckharm. Suckerosive. Suckplosive. Diticklable. Despicsuckosity. Offensuck.

Pick one.

My hope is that the Pirates can win this year in SPITE of the Nuttings, because they sure as hell aren’t going to win because of them.


  1. Baba Wawa
    April 21, 2010 4:31 am


  2. lovesthenorthside
    April 21, 2010 4:35 am


  3. Gina
    April 21, 2010 9:46 am

    I like suckplosive and suckgusting.

    PS – Pittsburgh Air Mall = awesome.

  4. Bojack
    April 21, 2010 9:52 am

    I’d say amen BUT,

    playing the rookie (read: dirt cheap) lottery and hoping for a
    surprise standout, or a few which is the miracle you’re all hoping for, would only get the Bob Nutting& family of thieving hyenas salivating to sell the newly valuable players, and calculating new $$ to put in their family bank account, which will sadly let their line continue to procreate, instead of dying off which justice screams for!

  5. Tiffany
    April 21, 2010 9:53 am

    The new level of suck should be dubbed priesterism, as is Scott Priester.

  6. laurenhbg
    April 21, 2010 9:55 am

    Because I’m an anal-name-spelling-retard, the correct spelling of the shortened version of Regis, is Rege. I only know this because it’s my fiance’s name, as well as his dad’s. Don’t worry, I’m stopping this madness with our child, if we ever have a boy, much to his family’s chagrin.

  7. Bojack
    April 21, 2010 9:58 am

    Kelly Ripa, I’d hit it.

  8. Biggest Fan
    April 21, 2010 10:02 am


    Ginny, can you officially coin her word?

  9. Scott
    April 21, 2010 10:04 am


    Personally, I like “sucktastic”.

  10. Scott
    April 21, 2010 10:05 am


    Google bikini pics of Kelly Ripa and her belly button and you may feel differently. Very disturbing.

  11. empirechick
    April 21, 2010 10:09 am

    lovesthenorthside FTW!

  12. Bojack
    April 21, 2010 10:13 am

    BTW, Regis WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

    With revenue sharing Nuttings have TONS of $$$ for salaries!!

    They just bank it.

  13. Politicalpartypooper
    April 21, 2010 10:14 am

    I think you should run with “suckplosive”.

    It flows, the way “suck” should.

    Okay, I watched the entire game last night, just for you, Ginny. I thought you’d like a coach’s take on your team, and since I am a coach for my local high school baseball team, I’ll give it.

    First off, from observation and then research into your team’s stats, your defense blows. 13 errors in 13 games. Not good, at all. Extra outs cost runs, you can’t afford to give the opponent extra chances at exposing your suck. Good teams play good defense.

    Second, your offense is a junk pitcher’s dream. They are impatient, and you can get them out without throwing strikes. Every so often, your offense will absolutely bitchslap a good pitcher, but just from watching and again, looking at your stats, I can see that they struggle with “control” pitchers. I’d tell my pitchers to make them chase bad pitches, and more often than not, they would. They are too aggressive at the plate for the level of talent they put on the field. Give them a little seasoning and that will probably change. There is a lot of young hitting talent in your lineup, but they have to get on base more, and be more patient when they have men on base.

    Third: Although I didn’t think it was possible, your pitching staff sucks worse than mine. That’s hard to do, since the Brewers are currently worse than the pitching staff I coached last year. Remember, that is a high school staff that I paid nothing for. Which begs the question, why are our two teams paying more than $40 Million for the crap they are putting on the mound?

    Fourth: The Pirates have been blown out a number of times this year. Yes, some of it has to do with pitching. Some of it may have to do with being over-matched, although I think the more likely answer is that the second your offense gets down by more than a couple of runs, your team stops following their plan of attack, and “individuals” start looking for stats. That’s pretty common with a young team. But if that is their attitude, then you can imagine the danger of falling below .500 by a few games. They have to buy into their manager’s philosophy. The number of blowouts tells me they haven’t…yet.

    Even with all of that, the Pirates have enough talent to play .500 ball for an entire year. Good God, I wish we had your catcher. He’s Sasquatch! Who is going to fuck with Sasquatch?

    Zach Duke is a good pitcher, but we usually beat the snot out of him, and I don’t expect tonight to be any different. It’s not a talent thing. It’s more of a conditioned response at this point.

    At any rate, your team definitely can go .500. But they have to buy into their coach’s system, and they have to be more patient at the plate. A little better pitching would help, and better defense, too, but you go with what you have. Guys like Maholm and Duke aren’t youngsters anymore. They’ve been in the bigs for three years. It’s time for them to put up or shut up. No more excuses for “youth” with them.

    Good luck tonight! Go Brewers! ;)

    Pittsburghers, go see your Pirates! Fill those seats! If you fill your stadium, the good players will stay.

  14. Bojack
    April 21, 2010 10:14 am


    Wrong, as usual, Scroty-boy! I’d hit it!

  15. Scott
    April 21, 2010 10:23 am


    Fair enough. I like her too, but that belly button is very unusual. You have to admit. You’d have a bruise on your lower abdomen afterwards.

    Just looking out for you, buddy.

  16. hello haha narf
    April 21, 2010 10:29 am

    good thing this place is called that’s church coz i wanna scream AMEN

  17. Cassie
    April 21, 2010 10:35 am

    You got it Ginny. You got it.

  18. bluzdude
    April 21, 2010 10:56 am

    I like “suckagheddon.” It encompasses suckitude of biblical proportions and utter hopelessness. And Bruce Willis.

  19. bucdaddy
    April 21, 2010 11:13 am

    The management traded those good players away because the management has dollar signs for brains.

    Yes, and we were doing so well with all those good players too. What an insult to the fans! After all, look at our record last year! What was it again?

    Oh. Well, we traded all those good players away in the middle of the season, so we do I expect? Let’s look at the year before when we still had all those good players. Must have won the division, right? Or at least the wild card. What was our record in 2008?


    Wait, how is that possible? All those guys were SOOOO good and they lost 90-some games? Well, that had to be a fluke. Bet they were in the World Series in 2007, right? Right?

    *looks up 2007 record*

    Huh. Look at that. Jason Bay, Freddy Sanchez, Jack Wilson, all those GOOD players and … suck?

    Bad luck. Must just be really really bad luck. I’m going to look up the 2006 record now, I’m sure we had to be world champeens with all that talent aboard …

    What? 90-some losses?

    Well, I don’t care. It’s perfectly clear to me that our problem this year and for the future is that we didn’t hang on to all these good players who were certain to lead us to sweet sweet victory. Someday. When they were all 36 (in about three years). Yes! We should have held on to every one of them.

    “We finished last with you, we can finish last without you.” — Branch Rickey

  20. Bram R
    April 21, 2010 1:41 pm

    Hate the Nuttings, hate moneyball, hate the fact that MLB doesn’t have revenue sharing for broadcast revenue, but don’t hate the game.

    Thing is, the Nuttings are making a lot of us hate the game. Talk about sucking.

    Long ago the Congress of the United States granted Major League Baseball an anti-trust exemption because baseball was so cool and Americanny (actual words). Congress should leverage that power or break up their monopoly. I’m about ready for Vince McMahon to launch XLB, heck baseball could benefit from some cheerleaders and fistfights.

  21. Margie
    April 21, 2010 1:44 pm

    @Tiffany – love it!!!

  22. mindymin
    April 21, 2010 2:36 pm

    I like sucktastic or suckageddon….both are apt!

    Lets Go Pens!!!!

  23. unsatisfied
    April 21, 2010 3:14 pm

    seeing this exchange between reeg and kelly (really, who the hell other than scott is looking at her belly button?) makes me wonder why people think that the only good thing about pittsburgh is its airmall at the airport? I guess it’s because that’s the only thing they see — they don’t bother coming into town.

    too bad, they’re missing out…..

    as for the airmall — I have yet to buy thing 1 in any of the stores. and, I’m there all the time….

  24. GoBobbo
    April 21, 2010 5:01 pm

    Major props to Regis and Kelly for the Pittsburgh love.

    Ginny, I have a question for you… how can you support the team but say you’re separating that passion for the Pirates from the Nuttings, who own the Pirates?

    In order for change to happen, people have to stand firm and say, “We can’t support the team until the team supports Pittsburgh.”

  25. Bojack
    April 21, 2010 6:28 pm

    @ Bram-

    They DO have broadcast revenue sharing!!! That’s why the Nuttings are heinous!!

  26. Nate
    April 21, 2010 10:01 pm

    @Bojack: You’re just flat-out wrong on that one. Broadcast revenues aren’t shared, just gate and merchandise revenues. That’s why the Yankees can spend more on payroll and paying the luxury tax than they receive from gate and merchandise sales but still turn a profit – they get a boatload of unshared revenue from YES.

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