- April 23, 2010
- filed under Ben Roethlisberger, Evgeni Malkin, Penguins, Pirates, Random, Steelers, The Damn Pigeons
1. Happy Friday! It’s a beautiful day here in sunny Pittsburgh.
So, here’s a parenting tip (some of you might want to bloop-bloop-bloop), don’t ever give your three-year-old a princess dry-erase board with a dry-erase marker as a “potty prize” because if you think your little Princess of Terror will ONLY draw on the dry-erase board … SHE WON’T, I TELL YOU.
She will scribble thick black lines all over your pale yellow living room wall, your off-white baseboards and yes, her own little terrorist body, in the ten minutes you try to write a post thinking the silence is good news.
Which, second lesson learned. Silence is never good news when it’s coming from the Princess of Terror. Treat silence like an air raid siren.
2. There is a $15,000 diamond hidden somewhere in downtown and Henne Jewelers is having a text-hint scavenger hunt in order for one lucky Burgher to find it.
I bet a pigeon ate it already. So while the rest of the city follows the clues, I’m just going to keep my eyes out for a pigeon screeching in pain while trying to poop out a ten-carat diamond.
3. Brilliant headline from the P-G
Oh, what the heck ever.
The NFL and the Steelers and Benny’s supporters can try to place the blame for Ben’s recent behavior on addiction or a disorder or a disease, but I’m going to stick the blame squarely where it belongs. On Ben. Douchebaggery is NOT a disorder. It’s a choice.
Some of the Brewers apparently discussed how they could keep the game from getting further out of hand, and steps were taken. Manager Ken Macha replaced his entire heart of the order late in the game, and third base coach Brad Fischer had the stop sign up at every turn.
I mean, OUCH.
5. My latest post is up over at the magazine site, “I don’t drive on diaper-wearing bridges.” Which I find is a good rule of thumb when deciding which bridges are safe to drive over.
Next week, the curling column will be posted and also some more amazing curling pictures of me flat on the ice and even some VIDEO of me falling on my butt. Prepare to point and laugh.
6. I am ashamed to admit that I somehow fell asleep early in the third overtime of the Pens game last night. I know. I’m ashamed to be seen with me, too. I don’t care if the next game goes eight overtimes. I will prop my eyelids open with toothpicks if I have to.
Let’s go Pens!
7. I have a few awesome giveaways being lined up for you guys. More on that hopefully next week.
8. Here’s a site I’ve just started visiting, Living Pittsburgh, whose goal it is to make living and playing here in Pittsburgh affordable. I particularly like how they provide an evening’s itinerary for you and a date for certain days of the week. Check out Terrific Tuesday in the Cultural District for an idea.
9. Reader Zack shared with me this email he received from a vendor after placing an order with said vendor on the day Ben’s suspension was announced. The vendor took notice of the “Ship to” city.
Here you go! Based on what happened today we will offer a “Big Ben” Special, free shipping on this order to your location! Hope your QB gets it together, he is a great athlete. We would love to help you out here, please let me know if there is anything else we can do.
I bet that’s not what Ben Roethlisberger means when he refers to a “Big Ben Special.”
10. Let’s end this week on a fantastically positive note. Four baby peregrine falcons hatched atop the Cathedral of Learning and this is important to note because falcons eat pigeons.
I decided to check out the Aviary’s live Cathedral Falcon Cam to see the baby pigeon-destroyers for myself, but all I saw was the Mommy falcon or maybe it was the Daddy falcon, sitting in the box and occasionally frantically shifting his/her weight around to scoot the babies back under her belly all, “If you do not stop that bickering I will turn this thing around and show you what a cloaca can do, AND IS THAT DRY ERASE MARKER ON MY BELLY?!”
It was like that for HOURS every time I checked the camera, which I kept up live on the MacBook. Then I was in my kitchen trying to convince the Princess of Terror that children do not pee on floors when I heard birds screeching and I realized it was coming from my computer and [gasp!] BABY FALCONS!
I got there in time to watch the babies eat what I assume was a pigeon that their mommy/daddy tore limb from limb.
It was the most beautiful, spiritual thing I’ve seen since that dead pigeon in front of Las Velas.
I took some screen caps for you!
I raise my Zima to the four newest members of my army.