Finally, we hear from Benny and this time, he did his darndest to express remorse and to convince us that he realizes what a blessed life he’s living:
“The commissioner’s decision to suspend me speaks clearly that more is expected of me. I am accountable for the consequences of my actions. Though I have committed no crime, I regret that I have fallen short of the values instilled in me by my family. I will not appeal the suspension and will comply with what is asked of me — and more.
“Missing games will be devastating for me. I am sorry to let down my teammates and the entire Steelers fan base. I am disappointed that I have reached this point and will not put myself in this situation again.
“I appreciate the opportunities that I have been given in my life and will make the necessary improvements.”
Even if you never raped a girl in your life, I would just like to point out to you that furnishing alcohol to minors is a crime and guess what, walking around a public space with your penis hanging out of your pants is ALSO a crime.
You need to watch Law and Order on occasion so that you too will know when you’ve committed a crime.
Also, the Mullethawkenberger is a crime against our eyes.
I am, as I knew I would be, having a hard time giving a pigeon’s cloaca about this guy and anything he says.
Pretty sure I’m going to have to uses Lolcat captions on every What They’re Really Thinking picture of him this season. Only way I’m going to get through it.