What made me spew coffee this particular morning.

So yesterday was the 2010 Pittsburgh Marathon, which was by most accounts a rain-soaked good time of a success, if you don’t count the fact that the twitter updates coming from runners’ shoes were seemingly VERY far behind, so far behind that my cousin was done with the race about the same time his shoes tweeted at me that he hit mile 16. And if you don’t count the fact that the online runner tracking system froze up for a while, leading me to believe that my cousin was stopped at a medic station near mile 20 for a good 40 minutes.

And if you don’t count the fact that there was a microwave left within a few blocks of the finish line, causing the police to report the contents as a “suspicious explosive device” and then that it was indeed a pipe bomb.

I took to twitter in anger and used some potty words:

As did THE ENTIRE WORLD judging from the fact that for a time “Pittsburgh Marathon” was a trending topic with all major news outlets reporting a pipe bomb was found on the marathon trail in Pittsburgh.

I planned a very strongly worded open letter today to whoever would dare do such a thing in “my city” and lambasted that person for making all the wrong choices in life and HOW CAN YOU LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR?!  HOW DO YOU PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN AT NIGHT?! DO YOU ALSO SHOOT JOLLY LEPRECHAUNS FOR FUN?!

So today, we learn that it was not, in fact, an explosive device of any kind.

The bomb squad X-rayed the microwave and found contents “that were definitely questionable and highly suspicious,” Cmdr. Kraus said, though he wouldn’t elaborate. The bomb squad used a robot to dismantle the device and render it harmless. A small boom was heard around 10:45 a.m., and remnants of ravioli could be seen near the detonation site.

I would like to say two things.

1. “Remnants of ravioli” might be the best thing printed in the P-G in a long time. It brings to mind a team of CSI: Pittsburgh investigators standing over tiny ravioli bits marked with evidence numbers all, “It appears from the sauce striations on this particular noodle that the explosion was traveling approximately 50 miles an hour when the meat byproduct exited the pasta pocket. These ravioli were murdered.” I hope they then covered each of the ravioli remnants with tiny white sheets. In slow motion.

2. “Remnants of Ravioli” would make a kickass band name.





34 Comments

  1. bucdaddy
    May 3, 2010 9:32 am

    So would “Mutilated Mostaccioli.”



  2. efw_west
    May 3, 2010 9:52 am

    whatever happened to common sense?



  3. bucdaddy
    May 3, 2010 9:54 am

    9/11



  4. Bojack
    May 3, 2010 9:58 am

    So some student living downtown (Art Institute or Pgh Culinary)
    doesn’t get their old microwave to the dumpster the GENIUSES of Pgh PD decide it’s a bomb!!

    Give me a F’ING break!!!!

    Of ALL the cheezy, stupid ways to:
    A) Justify their toy budget
    B) Toot their own horn

    NYC bomb = real explosives
    PGH ‘bomb’ = old raviolis + idiots

    Great job Lukey!! Nate!!



  5. Tina
    May 3, 2010 10:28 am

    Okay …. first of all I am seriously relieved that in fact nobody was in danger at all. That is what counts in the end.

    After making that point, I just cracked down laughing sooo hard. I have a very visual way of imagination and could clearly “see” the ravioli CSI operation!

    I just need to call my folks and ask if they want to start the “Remnants of Ravioli” band project with me. I am thinking of some retro punk style fun stuff ;o)



  6. USCMike
    May 3, 2010 10:35 am

    Having been across the street from the suspected bomb, awaiting my daughter’s arrival at the finish line, I literally started laughing when the police and Army folks started pushing us away. One of them said “The police think the microwave sitting on the sidewalk is a bomb”.

    I told my wife that I believe in erring on the side of caution, but who was supposed to clear the route prior to the race? And they didn’t notice this threatening microwave? Stuffed with ravioli?

    On top of that, how do you X-ray a microwave and ‘think’ that there’s suspicious material when it’s food? Did these ravioli contain batteries, wire and C4?



  7. bluzdude
    May 3, 2010 10:46 am

    So instantly, the charges go from terrorism to littering?

    I heard Al-Queda in Pakistan claimed responsibility.



  8. Ben
    May 3, 2010 11:07 am

    After all of the tension about this, I ran across that ravioli comment independently this morning and cracked up. You’re so right about the CSI bit, but we’re forgetting the important question: What would the lame Horatio one-liner be?

    “Looks like this pasta’s… *SUNGLASSES* …overcooked”

    “Looks like we’ll need an APB… *SUNGLASSES* …for Chef Boyardee”

    “You can tell it’s done… *SUNGLASSES* …because it’s sticking to the wall.”

    @ USCMike: It’s likely that they couldn’t x-ray the microwave very well, due to the shielding that’s in there to prevent your microwave from microwaving you. You can see the wire mesh portion on the inside of the window.



  9. Stef
    May 3, 2010 11:15 am

    They obviously didn’t do a good job to clear the route because when we went to pick up my husband’s packet on Saturday morning when the kids were running, the microwave was sitting on the sidewalk. We laughed because it was right outside the bus station – someone coudn’t bring it on the bus. What a hoot!



  10. Bootsie
    May 3, 2010 11:23 am

    I hear you Stef. The microwave was there on Friday morning! I saw it on my walk from the Strip to my office on Penn. I laughed & thought the same thing as your family. It is also kind of funny, that a beautiful new building/transportation center wouldn’t have security roaming the perimeter at regular intervals not to mention a clean-up crew.



  11. Carpetbagger
    May 3, 2010 11:43 am

    Jack Bauer could have told them: “That’s not the right call!”



  12. Carpetbagger
    May 3, 2010 11:45 am

    McGruber said he could defuse it if he just had a shoe string, a pierogi, and (BOOM)



  13. Bojack
    May 3, 2010 11:56 am

    Lots of suspicious microwave-owner types boozing and conspiring at Firehouse nearby Sat. nite, just sayin’!



  14. L-A
    May 3, 2010 1:07 pm

    LOL @ Ben



  15. Police Fan
    May 3, 2010 1:51 pm

    What a shame! I think the Pittsburgh Police should be commended for their response to the Suspicious Package. Obviously someone notified them and thought it was suspicious, responding officers agreed, and called for the experts.

    Think about the world we live in. Think about the war in Iraq, Terrorists, Home Grown Terrorist Groups….and the like. Do you really think they would put a Bomb in an obvious package that says “Hey, by the way I am a Bomb, be very Careful!!!”

    That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard of.

    All of you Yinzers who think that all of the BS you see on CSI is real, well I won’t say what I really think of you, Ill just be polite and say that you are not the brightest bulbs in the Bunch.

    Talk to a Veteran, Talk to an Explosive expert, they all know that people who place bombs in different areas dont make it obvious, they want a “Special Person”, such as yourselves, to walk over and pick it up, then bang!

    I commend the mayor and the chief for allowing the Bomb Squad to do their jobs!

    To those of you who think that this was a waste of money to the taxpayers, and a way to use “Toys” as “Bojack” says, the next time you see the Bomb Squad respond to a Suspicious package call, offer your services to walk down and open up the item.

    I’m guessing none of you naysayers would even consider it!!!!

    I do only agree with one thing that USCMike said, I do agree the area should have been “Swept” better so something like this doesnt happen, but that’s about it.

    Thank God for the Men and Women in Blue, and those who serve our Country Oversea’s because without them people like you all wouldn’t have the freedom to spout off all of this BS when you know nothing about the subject you are talking about!!!!!

    Apparently in Pittsburgh, your dammed if you do and most definately dammed if you don’t!!



  16. Kathy
    May 3, 2010 1:59 pm

    @ police fan: My husband is a police office and SWAT officer in addition to his regular duties, so I feel I have the background appropriate to respond to your comment. If you cannot find the humor in the fact that the bomb squad blew up a microwave, and it contained nothing but ravioli, then you need to loosen your collar just a notch.

    I understand the police needed to do what they did, but at the same time, that microwave sat where it did for two days, so someone missed the ball on this one. In the meantime, its okay to laugh at the headline — believe me, the guys on the force are making fun of their own who blew up the ravioli — you can count on it!



  17. Elmer Fudd
    May 3, 2010 2:22 pm

    I guess Chefboyardee does sound a little muslim..



  18. toni
    May 3, 2010 2:24 pm

    Only in Pittsburgh. And I say that with a huge smile on my face. NYC, Oklahoma City, they get the real nutjobs that set out to murder. We get remnants of ravioli. Thank God! I LOVE the Burgh.



  19. bucdaddy
    May 3, 2010 2:43 pm

    Chicken Jihad from CMU is behind this. I could tell you how I know, but then I’d have to microwave you.



  20. Sooska
    May 3, 2010 4:17 pm

    FIRST THOUGHT was “Remnants of Ravioli” what a GNFARB!!!! (great name for a rock band)

    SECOND THOUGHT- the only thing that would have made it more Yinzer was if it had been pierogies. “Remnants of Pierogies” just doesn’t have quite the panache as RoR though I admit.

    Are they sure the device didn’t (1) fall off a truck setting up food stalls for the runners (if there are such things) OR (2) fell off a garbage truck? OR (3) fell off a restaurant truck of some kind? …just wondering…

    “CSI-Pittsburgh” was one of the funniest things the DVE Morning Show ever did. If you haven’t heard try to find it..you will laugh your ass off.



  21. Sooska
    May 3, 2010 4:46 pm

    of course, my first thought is your last point. that’s what I get for not reading clear to the end. I got excited and started laughing and writing before I was done reading. fail.



  22. RedInDaBurgh
    May 3, 2010 5:19 pm

    I didn’t even know about the “ravioli incident” until after I got home from the race. From that perspective it’s good that this misplaced microwave caused no major negative impact on an otherwise fantastic ‘burgh event.

    I also was disappointed in the TweetMyTime alerts. A day after the race and I’m still waiting for the post that I actually finished!



  23. Craig
    May 3, 2010 5:29 pm

    You had me at ‘ravioli’ I’ve gotta go find some, to bad they don’t do fresh ravioli down here, or maybe they do, where’s the Ravioli App?



  24. Padzman
    May 3, 2010 6:16 pm

    LOVE LOVE LOVE all this ravioli conversation but just gotta say…
    Marathon + Pittsburgh = TOTALLY AWESOME!!!



  25. Still A, Fan
    May 3, 2010 7:59 pm

    when i first read that, i thought it was you writing a parody…lol.

    well, still, if it was chef boyardee…..i’ve heard that it can cause explosive episodes.



  26. Elmer Fudd
    May 3, 2010 8:18 pm

    I think when the robot looked in the window on the microwave and saw that white hat on the picture of the chef on the can, They probably thought it was a turban..



  27. Monty
    May 3, 2010 11:56 pm

    Casey Hampton must be pissed that the Fuzz detonated his lunch box.



  28. Shelly
    May 4, 2010 12:15 am

    yes, it is funny. Still in the same light, due to the NYC one they decided to err on side of caution. It better to do that then have something seriously happen.

    We are dealing with people’s lives here, granted NO one bothered to remove the microwave, I doubt anyone watched it 24/7 either. It was suspicious being out there. Why it was NOT removed is for them to deal with. I am glad they erred on cautions side. I had friends running in that marathon, I would NOT want anything to happen to them or anyone else. We are in the days we seriously need to pay more attention to things like that.



  29. Bojack
    May 4, 2010 7:12 am

    So, from now on whenever a bored and stifled cubicle worker
    needs to break the chains on a sunny Friday, just leave a pizza
    box with 1-2 slices left, taped shut, in the lobby, and say-

    “Hmmm, looks suspicious to me!” and BINGO! Early start to the weekend! :-)



  30. Bojack
    May 4, 2010 7:29 am

    So, let’s say you sign up for the Marathon, or the Half Marathon or relay, way back in January. You’re not a runner, not in shape, but you have great intentions and your New Year’s resolution was to get back in shape and be in marathon-shape by May 1.

    But you don’t train, you don’t even get off of the couch, instead you’ve spent the next 5 months eating Cheetos, Haagen Daaz, and watching sordid TV reality shows. Race week comes and you don’t have a prayer of even completing your piece of the relay, BUT, you’ve been boasting about your training and stamina to all of your cohorts!!

    What to do???

    Pgh PD show get subpoenas for of all the non-finishers’
    Body Mass Indices!



  31. toni
    May 4, 2010 4:27 pm

    Bojack…you were the kid in my grade school that kept pulling the fire alarm in late May/early June so we could get out early, aren’t you?



  32. Bojack
    May 4, 2010 5:24 pm

    @Toni-

    I have no recollection or knowledge of the event(s) you mention.



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