So yesterday was the 2010 Pittsburgh Marathon, which was by most accounts a rain-soaked good time of a success, if you don’t count the fact that the twitter updates coming from runners’ shoes were seemingly VERY far behind, so far behind that my cousin was done with the race about the same time his shoes tweeted at me that he hit mile 16. And if you don’t count the fact that the online runner tracking system froze up for a while, leading me to believe that my cousin was stopped at a medic station near mile 20 for a good 40 minutes.
And if you don’t count the fact that there was a microwave left within a few blocks of the finish line, causing the police to report the contents as a “suspicious explosive device” and then that it was indeed a pipe bomb.
I took to twitter in anger and used some potty words:
As did THE ENTIRE WORLD judging from the fact that for a time “Pittsburgh Marathon” was a trending topic with all major news outlets reporting a pipe bomb was found on the marathon trail in Pittsburgh.
I planned a very strongly worded open letter today to whoever would dare do such a thing in “my city” and lambasted that person for making all the wrong choices in life and HOW CAN YOU LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR?! HOW DO YOU PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN AT NIGHT?! DO YOU ALSO SHOOT JOLLY LEPRECHAUNS FOR FUN?!
So today, we learn that it was not, in fact, an explosive device of any kind.
The bomb squad X-rayed the microwave and found contents “that were definitely questionable and highly suspicious,” Cmdr. Kraus said, though he wouldn’t elaborate. The bomb squad used a robot to dismantle the device and render it harmless. A small boom was heard around 10:45 a.m., and remnants of ravioli could be seen near the detonation site.
I would like to say two things.
1. “Remnants of ravioli” might be the best thing printed in the P-G in a long time. It brings to mind a team of CSI: Pittsburgh investigators standing over tiny ravioli bits marked with evidence numbers all, “It appears from the sauce striations on this particular noodle that the explosion was traveling approximately 50 miles an hour when the meat byproduct exited the pasta pocket. These ravioli were murdered.” I hope they then covered each of the ravioli remnants with tiny white sheets. In slow motion.
2. “Remnants of Ravioli” would make a kickass band name.