Surprisingly, for someone as wussy as me, I have a pretty high threshold for pain. I think it comes from having my mother brush the knots out of my wet hair for 10 years or so. I think it also comes from a failed epidural during the birth of my first child, which resulted in all of the pain that should have been felt all over my abdomen, being localized to one spot of piercing knife-stabbing hell … for hours. THAT resulted in me screaming like a howler monkey and according to my husband, saying the F word repeatedly to the nurses who were trying to help birth my baby. I don’t recall that.
Now, you’re saying, how is howler monkey screaming and cruely yelling at nurses a manifestation of a high threshold for pain? I’ll tell you how. Because anyone else would have committed suicide by leaping from the hospital window.
So, pain. I can deal with it for the most part, except when it is on my foot.
Foot pain? A hang nail? A corn? A bee sting? An ouchie? A toe cramp? A — God help me — BLISTER?!? Pass the OxyContin so I can crush a few into the NyQuil.
And that’s why I marvel especially hard at this …
What. In. The. Hell. kind of bionic shit is his foot made of?
Surgery — that implies scalpels, cut flesh, blood, more scalpels, and thread, right?
Severed tendon — that implies OWWWWWWWW!
So I Google Image searched “severed tendon” and here’s a hint for you, don’t Google Image search “severed tendon” unless you’re undead, because it’s seriously bad enough that you might need to put a shot of vodka in the OxyContin/NyQuil cocktail.
And remember two years ago when it was revealed that Sid played the playoffs with a broken foot?! The only thing I could possibly do on a broken foot is scream in pain and yell the F word at people.
Long story short: Hockey players are truly the toughest athletes in the world and they might be bionic.
But they’ve also never birthed a baby.
Let’s go Pens!
p.s. Do NOT Google Image search “epidural” or “foot corn” either.