Here’s my earrings and pass the Vaseline. It’s on like Donkey Kong.

Dear MSN.com:

Here’s the thing, did you NOT read what I wrote in my latest Pittsburgh Magazine post:

I hear someone insult my city, and I tell you, the hairs on the back of my neck come to attention all, “PERMISSION TO SHOOT TO KILL, MA’AM?!”

Oh, permission granted. So hard.

Yeah, our quarterback has problems. Big ones. He is one man. He is not the Steelers and he is not Pittsburgh, and while we are divided in our opinion of what should happen with him, we know how to discuss those differences with maturity and with the best interests of the team and our city at heart.

Yeah, our baseball team got beat by a score of 20-0, and then I think also like 19-1 or maybe a 17-3 or maybe there was even a 41-6 beating by a T-ball team sprinkled somewhere in that week from baseball hell, but here’s the thing: That guy in the picture? Charlie The Very Manifestation of Suck Morton? Won a game for us just the other night! He’s brought his ERA down from an ALL SUCKY 16 to a MOSTLY SUCKY 10! And I don’t need Miracle Max to tell me that mostly sucky is not the same thing as ALL sucky.

And those “once-proud” Pirates? Won 11-1 last night and are currently in third place ahead of Houston, Chicago and Milwaukee, and are one game away from kicking Cincinnati out of second place and two games away from .500 ball.  This time last year? Next to the last place and a last-ten game record of one win and nine losses. This year is different.

We’re the city of the champion Penguins who are currently contending for another Stanley Cup, technology, culture, six Lombardis, the Most Livable title, beauty, bridges and light. One asshole quarterback and one mostly sucky baseball team do not diminish that awesomeness nearly enough for you to pair a Benny article with a Pirates article and slap the “pathetic” label on it.

Now here’s your blindfold and cigarette because the hairs are having some serious blood-lust and I believe they’ll be aiming for your donkey omelets.

Yours,

Me.

(h/t gina)





28 Comments

  1. Craig
    May 7, 2010 6:32 pm

    Preach it, sister. Then, ready, aim, you know the rest.



  2. Tiffany
    May 7, 2010 6:40 pm

    meow, kitty has claws!



  3. Luke Steelerstahl
    May 7, 2010 6:50 pm

    So your saying Pittsburgh doesn’t suck, but, ummmm, who’s the mayor of Pittsburgh again???

    Yeah, the Charlie Morton of mayors.



  4. bluzdude
    May 7, 2010 7:09 pm

    The City can sleep well at night, knowing Ginny is standing watch, ready to administer the smack-down to those that need it.



  5. BB
    May 7, 2010 7:46 pm

    SWEET JESUS!! A PRINCESS BRIDE REFERENCE TO MY MOST FAVORITE PART OF THE MOVIE!



  6. Gina
    May 7, 2010 7:54 pm

    I knew sending you the screen shot was a good idea. Well said Ginny!!



  7. Pensgirl
    May 7, 2010 7:56 pm

    I’ve been to plenty of other places and no matter what I’ve experienced I’d still rather be from Pittsburgh than anywhere else. Screw the lot of ’em if they think one idiot and one bad team are what define my city.



  8. Apple
    May 7, 2010 8:33 pm

    As if M(ostly)S(ux) can slap a pathetic label on anyone else.



  9. MiamiShyner
    May 7, 2010 9:23 pm

    I’ve been out of the state, out of the area, for almost 10 years now, but I’ll still fight for the Burgh till I die. Phooey on MSN (because what I really want to say is probably not fit for human eyes).

    Now, I must say that I thought that I knew what you were talking about when I browsed MSN and found this gem: http://tinyurl.com/22mauvf



  10. SC 'Burgher
    May 8, 2010 9:48 am

    Get ’em girl!



  11. PittGal in WI
    May 8, 2010 10:19 am

    They may be the Buccos of Suckitude, but they are OUR Buccos of Suckitude and we will love them to the end.



  12. Butcher's Dog
    May 8, 2010 2:35 pm

    Yeah, but the combination of baserunning gaffe (double into a double play?) and “I’m too cool to hold the tag on the sliding runner” made me think seriously of Little League. So I think, while the corner is in sight, we’re not around it quite yet. Still, I’m stickin’ with This Is The Year.



  13. Politicalpartypooper
    May 8, 2010 5:36 pm

    MSN still exists? I thought they went away with Zima?



  14. Pittsburgh Perambulations
    May 8, 2010 8:34 pm

    WOO HOO! You tell ’em! LOVE IT!



  15. Ray
    May 10, 2010 4:24 am

    Let Zema die in the sea of love girl!



  16. Ray
    May 10, 2010 4:35 am

    I thought i died and gone to pittsburg!



  17. Ray
    May 10, 2010 4:42 am

    Thinking about you Church lady that loves Pittsburg with all her heart. can you change my heart for a love of the pittsburg area?



  18. Ray
    May 10, 2010 4:57 am

    Say Virgina,only wanted to stay awhile,thought i died and gone to heaven, in heaven in theres no night.



  19. Ray
    May 10, 2010 5:07 am

    2nd internet boyfriend! IS RIGHT HERE GIRL!



  20. Ray
    May 10, 2010 5:31 am

    A friend is dieing,and theres nothing in this world i can do,still most of love is beside me,but they till me my friend of Pittsburg is dieing Virgina. My heart Virgina is wake to you girl of summer of 78



  21. Ray
    May 10, 2010 5:36 am

    New York City was left dead in tracks by Gay Hillary Clinton.



  22. Ray
    May 10, 2010 6:00 am

    New York City can you say it ain’t true Virgina that I ain’t leaving you.I’ll give anything to belive in you Vigina of the steel valley



  23. Ray
    May 10, 2010 6:02 am

    about me: that all I need to know girl your made of steel virgina.



  24. Ray
    May 10, 2010 6:08 am

    I give every thing I own just to belive in you Virgina!



  25. Ray
    May 10, 2010 7:13 am

    Pittsburg city, can you say it ain’t true can you tell me now before I’am leaving you.I’ll give anything i own to just belive in you. again



  26. Monty
    May 10, 2010 9:13 am

    Ray — three letters: T-R-O.



  27. Cassie
    May 10, 2010 3:59 pm

    Daaaaaamn. You go girl! And breathe!