Lukey. Lukey Lukey Lukey Lukey.
What is up? How are you? How’s Westwood? Things popping over there in your new digs?
DON’T MIND-ERASE ME! Everyone already knows you live there. Chill.
Lukey, can we talk about my blog here for a second? Here on this here That’s Church blog, I have giveaways on occasion. I’ve given away tickets, and t-shirts, and gift cards and other awesome stuff and every time I have a giveaway, my sisters Pens Fan and Princess Aurora (OMG, she HATES that nickname. I’ll never change it ever, Princess.) email me all, “I want! Can I? Please? All aboard the gravy train?”
And Lukey, even though they might only have a 1 in 400 chance of winning tickets to a party or a 1 in 1,200 chance of winning the tickets to the Steelers game, do you know what I say to them? I say, “Step off, bitches.”
Because I don’t want to have ANY appearance of impropriety. I don’t want my readers thinking I’m showing favoritism or rigging a contest so that my family can win it. Hell, I don’t even let my former (?) BUTLER Mike enter to win contests on my blog. I just don’t want anyone to ever look at me and have a question in the back of his/her head about my ethics, you know?
And it’s just a blog.
A silly little slice of Internet frivolity.
And then there’s you. The Mayor of a major metropolitan city. Appointing your FREAKING BROTHER TO THE ALCOSAN BOARD.
I mean, Lukey, REALLY? Can you honestly tell me that you searched high and low for the perfect person to name to that board and it just so happened that the perfect, most qualified person is your 25-YEAR-OLD BROTHER?
Know what you should have done, Lukey? You should have searched high and low. Really searched. With the interests of the board at heart, and if after you searched high and low, you really by some weird coincidence did land on the name Adam Ravenstahl as the perfect candidate, you should have kept looking.
In a city whose politics haven’t always been the most ethical, you are thumbing your nose at the people and voters who already have serious doubts about you and the hints of good ole’ boy politics wafting out of your office. You can’t be that arrogant, can you, that you don’t think people are going to care about this?
People are going to care! It looks bad! It’s a dumb decision! I don’t care that it’s unpaid. I don’t care if you really think he deserves it. I don’t care if your brother is the Dalai Freaking Lama. This should be your mantra: Unless my brother is VOTED into a position by the constituents, do not appoint him. To anything.
That’s it. Let THE PEOPLE choose your relatives if they so desire. Don’t go appointing him to anything, because again, it just looks bad. I can’t believe you don’t have people telling you this, saying, “Mr. Mayor, with all due respect, this will create lots of problems in your efforts to run a transparent and ethical office. I strongly recommend we find another candidate to nominate.”
Don’t you have those people, Lukey? Isn’t that what The Dread Lord is paid to do? To have the balls to get in your face and “strongly advise you?”
And please, don’t think I enjoy this. I truly and honestly don’t. I can’t tell you how much I wish you would just see the proverbial light and wake up to a morning where you make the choice to stop doing things like this. I wish you would wise up. I wish you would hire better people. I honestly wish we could be friends who share a mutual love for Pittsburgh, because you and I, we could be a force.
Long letter short: pull this nomination. It reeks of nepotism and it’s not doing your brother’s reputation any favors. Or yours.