BIEBERFEVER GAG-A-MAGGOT!

All right, I know that to some of you, my music tastes seem to be two steps away from Wayne Newton or perhaps three steps away from Barry Manilow or four steps away from screeching cats, but I think I speak for a bunch of you when I say, ah, hell.

If you thought it was bad when Hannah Montana came to town, well, this might clear things up:

Hannah Montana : sore throat  ::  Justin Bieber : Ebola

It is going to be bedazzled tweeny-bopper madness. Tickets are going to sell out five seconds before they go on sale because all of the ticket agents will have used their smarmy computer programs to buy them all up in bulk before any child has a chance to get them. Then there will be a bidding war of epic proportions on Craigslist and parents are going to go on the local news and talk about how evil ticket agents caused lifelong disappointment for their 7-year-old daughter Briekatieanna.

Do you know that Justin Bieber fans have such control on twitter that Justin Bieber could tweet, “My poop had corn in it today lol,” and twitter’s trending topics list would look like this:

  • Justin Bieber
  • Bieber
  • Justin
  • Bustin
  • Jieber
  • Poop
  • Corn
  • #OMGILOVEJUSTINBIEBER
  • #TWITPICYOURPOOPCORNJUSTIN
  • #BRAZILLOVESJUSTINSPOOPCORN
  • #IWOULDEATJUSTINSPOOPCORN

No lie.

Conversely, guess who is OPENING the Consol Energy Center?

Paul McCartney, a man who at one time could claim that there were millions of girls all around the world who would have gladly taken pictures of his poop corn, but who now has legions of fans of women who are ten years away from needing Depends to catch their poop corn.

This post got weird. I apologize. I think it might be BieberFever.

Maybe there are lots of young Paul McCartney fans, but I’m too young to really have any emotional connection to him or his music. God, it felt good to write that sentence.

What I’d like to know is when is Bryan Adams coming to Consol? Clay Aiken?

Okay, I’m kidding. I can’t stand Clay Aiken. He’s no John Tesh.

What?!





57 Comments


  1. LaReina
    June 5, 2010 12:14 pm

    Stephanie, “camel toe popping leotards” is now my favorite phrase EVER.



  2. unsatisfied
    June 5, 2010 12:54 pm

    @44 — some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.

    and, what’s wrong with that?



  3. unsatisfied
    June 5, 2010 12:55 pm

    camel toe popping leotards = great band name.



  4. Burghgal
    June 6, 2010 5:35 pm

    Thank God Bieber or whatever it’s name is or GagGag isn’t ruining our new arena by opening it. I will see McCartney, BB King and Jackson Browne this summer and I’ll be 47 next week. McCartney is a tremendous performer and not a gimmick.



  5. Mark
    June 7, 2010 11:50 am

    BRB. Got to go change my pants. Just peed them from laughter.



  6. Jayne
    June 7, 2010 10:40 pm

    After suffering through The Spice Girls, Britney, New Kids etc while my niece and nephew were younger, they have managed to finally have some musical taste. They listen to the Beatles, Chicago, Buffett, etc and they are 14 and 18.



  7. Rizky Bieber
    February 1, 2011 3:21 am

    i have a white watch like him!! i love him soooo much! FOLLOW @RIZKYLOVESJB :)