Jeff Reed versus Joes on the Street

Let’s talk about the Steelers a bit today because I just love the comments and emails I get all, “God, did Jeff Reed/Ben Roethlisberger turn you down once in a bar and that’s why you’re such a raging bitch to them?”

Yes! Yes! That is exactly what happened. It’s not that they are jerks who continuously make horrible decisions, thereby tarnishing the great Steelers name and making it hard for me to cheer for them. It’s not that they’ve together been accused of half a dozen crimes, some as horrific as rape.

It is simply that I wanted to get me some of that, and I couldn’t. And because I’ve never met a dead horse I didn’t want to beat.

I feel so much better now that the truth is out.

Know who else probably wanted to get him some of that and couldn’t, because that’s the only reason he would order both of them to behavioral evaluation? Roger Goodell.

Jeff Reed revealed today that after he was cited for getting belligerent with officers when they tried to deal with The Great Public Urinator Matt Spaeth, the NFL ordered him to undergo an evaluation in light of his prior offenses as well.

Skippy Skeeve says:

“I’ve been to doctors, too, and psychologists and I take it seriously,” Reed said. “Because if someone thinks it’s that important to do something like that, then I treat it like that.”

You guys, I’m so sorry. But for some reason, reading the way Jeff orders his words or something. It gives me a little chuckle. I get what he’s trying to say, but hee. Eloquent, he is not.

Because, you know, he turned me down that one time at Diesel when I was all, “Hey, how’s about you and me hop in the Mom Dorkmobile and I show you what’s under this turtleneck and the tank top I have on under this turtleneck. I hope you’re cool with nursing bras because, sweetie, it’s laundry day.”

“Everybody in their lives no matter who you are, or what job you have or if you’re a professional athlete or a Joe on the street, everybody’s had their share of stuff they’ve got away with,” Reed said. “And everybody’s had their share of getting in trouble for what may seem not as prominent as people think it is. …

Is this English? I’m seriously trying to understand what he’s trying to say. Of course my judgment might be clouded by the fact that he refused to give me an STD when I REALLY REALLY WANTED ONE, just so that one day I could say, “See this mouth sore? Jeff Reed gave me that. BAZINGA!”

“How you deal with it and how you respond like any adversity, whether it’s on the field or off, is what kind of person you are.”

What a proverb!

“I probably do two (team-related appearances) a week in season and out of season but you don’t hear anything until I get in trouble,” Reed said. “It’s always ‘What a bad guy’ and stuff like that and that’s what bothers me. You don’t get attention for the positive things you do, but one little thing happens and it’s huge.”

Dear Skippy,

I have news for you. The WHOLE WORLD operates that way. Sure when people do something freaking awesome like donate a million bucks or save lives, we might hear about it. But for people? Regular humans? These “Joes on the street?” You don’t really hear about their volunteer activities. You DO hear about it when they steal or get caught with drugs or run naked down the Parkway East. That’s just the way life is for us normal folks. My father and my mother are amazing people. My dad donates so many hours to a young boy he mentors. My mother will not hesitate to help anyone at any time. Ever. They are generous. They volunteer. They are good people. You’ve never heard about them. But golly gee if they go all Bonnie and Clyde on some Sheetz stores? You’re gonna hear about it.  Welcome to real life where millions of people do good things and get zero recognition for it. If you don’t want us to hear about the bad shit you do, don’t do bad shit. The end.

Love,

Me.

P.S. Okay, next time you’re in Diesel, I’ll be the chick wearing capris and a pigeon t-shirt and carrying an ENORMOUS purse full of crayons and pull-ups and baby wipes. I’ll wink at you across the room and lick my lips. You better make your move, buddy, because those mouth sores aren’t going to sprout themselves.

(h/t NorthSide15212)





40 Comments

  1. Kevin
    June 4, 2010 11:05 am

    Jeff Reed is a tool. Two team related appearances a week? Call me crazy but isn’t that like, I don’t know, part of your job?



  2. bucdaddy
    June 4, 2010 11:10 am

    He’s right. You NEVER hear about all the good things Hitler did. It’s always “murdered 12 million people” and “invaded and ransacked several minor countries.” Guy can’t catch a break.



  3. USDog
    June 4, 2010 11:15 am

    In summary: You do good things because they’re good and right – not to get recognition for them.



  4. Jaime
    June 4, 2010 11:16 am

    Wow. His words simply inspire me…to thank my Catholic School nuns for teaching me proper English! Here I thought that diagramming sentences was pointless!



  5. bluzdude
    June 4, 2010 11:23 am

    Jeff is just holding up the longstanding conventional wisdom that kickers have a hard time with English as a second language. (His first might be “Martian.”)



  6. Monty
    June 4, 2010 11:27 am

    I don’t know why he’s complaining. Goodell gave him a free pass for the time he put on the Jimmy Carter mask and robbed the bank with Bodhi.



  7. Roxy
    June 4, 2010 11:28 am

    I love your writing style! Always an intresting read thank you :)



  8. JennyMoon
    June 4, 2010 11:29 am

    OMG freakin’ hilarious.



  9. JennyMoon
    June 4, 2010 11:31 am

    #2 and #6 HILARIOUS!



  10. NW PA Joe (formerly NW Joe)
    June 4, 2010 11:49 am

    Again, let me see if I have this straight. An athlete that plays at the highest level, who will be making the average of the top 5 individuals who plays his position in the world this year and probably has pretty much gotten whatever he has wanted throughout his life feels privileged.

    Is that the point of this rant?

    Next you will tell me there is gambling in the casino.



  11. gunnlino
    June 4, 2010 11:50 am

    Many, many people who donate, volunteer, do good things and give of themselves, do it because they want to. Most don’t require being recognized because what they do is the right thing.

    And they have far fewer resources than a professional football player.



  12. Virginia
    June 4, 2010 12:02 pm

    NW PA Joe,

    Wait! I thought you said previously that my constant ragging on the Steelers had “made this one tired blog.”

    So glad to see you were able to stick it out. I’m warning you now that I’m planning a Benny post. Be strong.

    V.



  13. Beatrice
    June 4, 2010 12:04 pm

    I’m laughing about the tank top under a turtleneck. I wear that combination all winter. Must be a 30-something mom thing. And, I just bought two new pair of capri pants this week. :)



  14. DG
    June 4, 2010 12:07 pm

    Just imagine the post-football career this guy is going to have, what with that intellect and command of the English language. Just kick the ball, Skippy, and don’t talk.



  15. NW PA Joe (formerly NW Joe)
    June 4, 2010 12:11 pm

    Uhh? That was the point of my comment.



  16. Virginia
    June 4, 2010 12:13 pm

    Oh, I see. So you mean it this time?

    Okay, bye now.



  17. NW PA Joe (formerly NW Joe)
    June 4, 2010 12:23 pm

    Oh come now. Just because yor posts on the Steelers have become somewhat tiring, doesn’t mean I don’t get a laugh from most of what you write.

    And just because something is tired doesn’t mean I stop reading it. If most people stopped reading tired writers, most PG columnists would be unemployed.



  18. SpudMom
    June 4, 2010 12:31 pm

    NW PA Joe –

    If a) you don’t like Ginny’s Steeler posts and b) it was obvious from the title alone that this was another Steeler post then why did you feel the need to read it much less comment on it?

    You can actually only read the parts of the blog that interest you and ignore the rest, you know. And even if you wasted 5 minutes of your precious time reading something you deemed “tired” why did you then waste more of your precious time commenting?

    I fail to understand.



  19. NW PA Joe (formerly NW Joe)
    June 4, 2010 12:37 pm

    @Spudmom

    Who said anything about my time being prescious. The fact I have the time to comment on blogs such as this one is a clear indication that I have way too much time on my hands.

    I think I need a new hobby. I would ask for suggestions, but this is a PG-13 blog at most :-)



  20. Joe K.
    June 4, 2010 12:39 pm

    Next time I’m at Diesel I’ll get the DJ to play some Lady GaGa so you can move it in your capris.

    My God this is the longest Steelers off-season ever. When’s kickoff?



  21. Kevin
    June 4, 2010 12:56 pm

    I’m more burned out from this off-season than Santonio Holmes’ blunts. . .



  22. Carpetbagger
    June 4, 2010 1:02 pm

    I’m seeing a book deal here. Possible titles:

    All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Traning Camp

    Tuesdays with Skippy

    The Five People You Meet in Diesel

    Tequila Shooters for the Soul

    Can’t wait until he’s on Oprah!



  23. Monty
    June 4, 2010 1:11 pm

    @gunnlino —

    In drag voice:

    Money can’t buy you claa-aassssssss.
    Elegance is lear-hearnnnnnnnnned.



  24. SpudMom
    June 4, 2010 1:43 pm

    Monty FTW!

    But you forgot the “mah friend” on the end. ;)



  25. Heather
    June 4, 2010 1:50 pm

    @Carpetbagger – “The Five People You Meet in Diesel” haha! lurve!



  26. L-A
    June 4, 2010 1:55 pm

    best. post. and comments. ever.



  27. red pen mama
    June 4, 2010 2:10 pm

    I just want to thank you for finally setting the record straight.

    Also, I noticed while I was down here on the floor that my cube needs to be vacuumed.



  28. PAgirlstuckinVA
    June 4, 2010 2:39 pm

    Ok… while most of this was funny, I do have some questions.

    1. When was “any given Steeler” accused of rape? I don’t remember reading about that. I remember someone with “accused of sexual assult” and the charges were dropped. So unless someone here knows more then I, please do tell.

    2. Why would it be hard to root for a “team” when only a few individuals act out? I don’t have a problem rooting for the Steelers and I sure don’t sit there any given Sunday and say, “wow, that Jeff, he sure got himself in a pickle last night”. I am thinking about winning and how are we going to do it.

    3. Who are we to question Jeff for seeing a Dr for his actions last year. I say good for him. I hope…he’s learned his lesson! Cause, I’ll always be his fan!



  29. Beth
    June 4, 2010 2:41 pm

    @ Monty – that was the most EPIC.COMMENT.EVER!!!



  30. Beth
    June 4, 2010 2:41 pm

    The Bodhi one, I mean.



  31. NewBurgher
    June 4, 2010 2:43 pm

    Love love this. I read your blog because you employ my favorite communication style – your sarcasm has me rolling almost every time. And I have to laugh, that anyone would actually seriously accuse you of ragging on them because they might have turned you down once, as if any decent woman would ever want anything to do with one of those manwhores. That pic is so grotesque lol and the nursing bra reference — just killed me. Truly, as someone already said, one of your best.



  32. BeauJacques
    June 4, 2010 4:00 pm

    Sheesh!!

    It’s not like he had sex in a nightclub bathroom
    or anything of that magnitude!



  33. Kat
    June 4, 2010 4:12 pm

    This is totally off topic, but based on that picture, if Skippy looks like that now, what’s he going to look like when he’s 50? Dude maybe needs some sunblock and a liver transplant.



  34. Lizzy
    June 4, 2010 4:25 pm

    Dude you just made all my thoughts of how hot Jeff is go SWOOSH down the drain – Mouth Sores – ECK! Thanks, I needed that :-)



  35. Cathyfc
    June 4, 2010 4:55 pm

    Thanks for a great Friday afternoon laugh out loud moment…. :-)



  36. Matt
    June 5, 2010 10:37 am

    Very funny post, but all you really needed was the picture and the first line of his quote: “I’ve been to doctors, too, and psychologists, and I take it seriously.”

    Paging Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard.



  37. BZ
    June 6, 2010 10:02 am

    I’m not gonna defend Jeff Reed’s misadventures off the field as I definitely think he is a clown, but I do have to dispute this post somewhat. You are critical of him for saying that he does do some good things and that lots of people don’t get recoginized for that…but if Daniel Sepulveda or the Penguins do some charity work there is a post about that.

    I know you think he is a slimey scuzball and his speaking skills are um, well, a little lacking, but I would love for you to actually cover something positive he does just for the sake of being fair to him. Just a thought…



  38. NMSteve
    June 6, 2010 10:47 pm

    Interesting BZ. I think that would be a fair challenge for a writer of Ginny’s talents. It is possible to to write a post about Jeff Reed that truly is positive.



  39. gunnlino
    June 7, 2010 10:45 am

    Monty…
    Thanks for that, I appreciate being brought back to reality now and then.



  40. Mark
    June 7, 2010 11:49 am

    I say Ben’s new name should be “Ben Rapelistberger”