All right, you pigeon lovers, and I’m looking at YOU, Sally Wiggin, you might want to bloop-bloop-bloop to the next post because it’s about to get all MWAH-HAHAHAH LOOK AT THE FRIED PIGEON up in here.

I’ve been on the receiving end of so many awesome pigeon emails over the last two weeks that I cannot hold back any longer.

1.  First up! Considering the hate mail and comments I get for even JOKING about kicking, tasing, beheading, or dewinging pigeons, I am going to assume that all the people who wrote, filmed, and starred in this commercial for Subaru are now dead at the hands of PETA:

I never knew what those hood openings on those kind of cars were called, but from heretoforeeverthereafter, I shall call them pigeon-suckers.

My next car is going to have a world-class pigeon-sucker on the hood. And I’ll bait that sucker with stale french fries.

(h/t Dave)

2.  The Subaru Pigeon-Sucker car is not to be confused with the Ford Sportka Pigeon-Swatting car.

(h/t Liz)

3. I guess what I need is a hybrid car. A car that sucks the pigeon into the pigeon-sucker, beheads it, and then swats the remains onto the street.

I’m going to be a billionaire.

[runs to the patent office]

4.  I see you there. You, there. The one writing the “You’re starting to be disturbing” comment.

5. Here’s a headline that is NOT FAKE and not from a fake news source:

Awesome parts of the story:

• The pigeon is being held under armed guard, because you can never be too careful with pigeons.
• “Officials directed that no one should be allowed to visit the pigeon, which police said was possibly on a ‘special mission of spying.’” But did he get his one phone call?
• The pigeon is being held in an air-conditioned room. God forbid he break out into a sweat and PETA release a strongly worded press release about the inhumane treatment of pigeons by India.
• “Senior officers asked to be kept updated on the situation three times a day.” Oh, to hear those updates. “Yeah, just letting you know that the pigeon shit.” “Me again, pigeon shit again.” “The pigeon is refusing to eat the stale french fries we gave him. I think he might be starving himself.” “I know you only asked for three updates, but I thought you’d like to know that the pigeon shit again.”

(h/t Lori, Andrew, Nancy, Kamie and all the peeps on twitter who sent me the link)

6. And finally, feast your eyes on this!

That’s not a chicken wing. Look closely. See the head looking up yonder to the sky? See the eye?

Reader Sarah was served this fried pigeon dish twice while visiting China and wrote to me, “Imagine my delight in seeing the agony in their beady little eyes.” And you guys thought I was disturbing.

Also, do you suppose this is what they do to pigeons who are executed for spying?

Category: The Damn Pigeons | June 9, 2010 | |

24 Responses

1. L-A Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 5:02 am

   pigeon or not, i couldn’t eat anything that still had it’s head. especially when it looks like it’s calling for its mama. yech.

2. spoon Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 5:35 am

   rpm, is it smiling at you *CHOP*

3. Jennie From The Block Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 8:18 am

   Um – don’t mean to be a wet blanket – but that photo is NOT a pigeon, it’s a duck! Have any of you ever seen a pigeon with a beak that long? God help us all …

4. bucdaddy Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 10:02 am

   Yes, right after the 183rd waterboarding.

5. Cindy T. Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 10:19 am

   I think I saw ANOTHER pigeon spy under my car at Giant Eagle last night. Not dead. Just sitting there looking at me. Just looking.

6. NW PA Joe (formerly NW Joe) Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 10:34 am

   Sarah was served pidgeon twice?? I am assuming it was the only choice on the menu. Did she eat it twice?

7. NewBurgher Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 10:45 am

   Ginny you should know, that in light of my son’s recent “Mary Poppins” non-stop-going-on-3-weeks festival, every time the pigeon scene at the cathedral comes on, all I can think of is you. And grimace as the pigeon’s crawl all over the old woman, who is begging people to feed them for just a tuppence.

   Though her words are simple and few,
   Listen, listen, she’s calling to you:
   “Feed the birds, tuppence a bag,
   Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag.”

8. Pa-pop Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 10:54 am

   #6 – This is what happens when pigeons try to practice yoga.

9. Elmer Fudd Says:
   June 9th, 2010 at 11:18 am

   Pigeons spying for Pakistan?.. Does this mean the pigeons are the new Terrorists? Maybe we need to sick the Pittsburgh Bomb Squad on their asses..At least they would be blowing up something worthwhile..

10. Monty Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 11:25 am

    @ elmer — They suspect he is a member of Al Cloaca. Osama bin Shitten.

11. Elmer Fudd Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 11:44 am

    It would make a great story for the six o’clock news..Ross Guidotti reports a pigeon was spotted in station square this afternoon..The Pittsburgh Bomb Squad was alerted and the pigeon was cornered against a curb and a small explosive device was used to disable the pigeon..Nearby a woman dancing alone in the street was heard to exclaim..MWAHAHAH!!

12. SpudMom Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 11:49 am

    Ginny –

    Have you ever been to the Spy Museum in D.C.? One of the things I learned upon visiting this great institution is that pigeons regularly acted as spies during WWII. We would strap cameras to them and send them flying over enemy lines to get photos and they were trained to come back. I think it might have been passenger pigeons before they went extinct. I’d have to google to be sure.

    So this is not the first I’ve heard about Pigeon Spies!

13. SpudMom Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Ha! I found some more info!

    Pigeon Camera

    (WWI, US) Since the earliest days of espionage, homing pigeons have been a spy’s best friend. Distinguished by their speed and ability to return home in any weather, pigeons carried precious, tiny cargo high above enemy lines. Pigeons outfitted with tiny cameras were released over military sites. As the birds flew, the cameras continuously clicked away, snapping pictures to be developed and interpreted when the pigeons reached their destination.

    And if you go to this link and scroll down about halfway you can see a picture!

    http://www.spymuseum.org/press/images.php

14. red pen mama Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Now I’m no pigeon lover, and I’m a vegetarian, so I find that last image muy disturbing. I just can’t see eating something that seems to be looking at me!

15. Rob Carr Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I asked Cirrus our African grey parrot about this post. Her response was “Yeah. Right.” I’m not exactly sure how to interpret that, but she does love to eat chicken. My guess is pigeons probably taste like chicken.

    On the other hand, you really ought to stop and watch the pigeons and their graceful flights. They’re very intelligent…probably moreso than some local politicians and football players.

16. bluzdude Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Chinese pigeons must have the biggest heads I’ve ever seen.

17. bucdaddy Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    spoon,

    Chinese turkey, heh.

    “Deck the haw wi bow of horry …”

    (And what’s with this “You’re posting too fast. Slow down” stuff?)

18. Rob Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    BTW your site looks nice on the iPhone.

19. LaReina Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    How do interrogators make a pigeon spy talk?

20. Virginia Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Jennie from the Block,

    Check this photo out of a fried pigeon. Looks the same: http://hungerhunger.blogspot.com/2008/09/hong-kong-day-3.html

    Interesting.

21. red pen mama Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    @spoon: u r mean.

22. Politicalpartypooper Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Subarus rock. The only thing that would have made this commercial better was if the driver had a mullet.

23. johnaz6312 Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 7:51 am

    Every car should be equipped with a “pigeon sucker” and be standard equipment. Would keep the people in PETA off the roads as well!!

24. That's Church » IT’S AN ACTUAL THING! Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    [...] how I showed you that car commercial and then decided that those open sucky things on the hoods of some cars will now be called [...]