Lo, he comes with clouds descending!

Pedro “El Toro Salvador” Alvarez has been called up and will try to negate the suck that is the Buccos of Suckitude, starting tonight.

He is hopefully to the Pirates, what Sidney Crosby was to the Penguins … The Suck Destroyer. And to hear the media and the blogs and me inside my head talk about it, you’d think he truly is coming as the savior of Pittsburgh baseball.

Fingers crossed.

If you know it, sing it with me, Burghers!

“Every eye shall now behold him …”

Don’t know that one?

How about this one?

“Got my hands up, they’re playin’ my song.

Yeah, I’m gonna be okay.

Party in the USA!”


  1. bluzdude
    June 16, 2010 10:13 am

    The sound you don’t hear is me not holding my breath.

    I just hope everyone doesn’t suffocate the kid with unreal expectations. Give him a little time to get accustomed to The Show, before griping that he’s not batting .350.

  2. bucdaddy
    June 16, 2010 10:19 am

    Unfortunately, Collier is right today:

    When Pedro comes, will Zach Duke suddenly have major league stuff?

    When Pedro comes, will Ryan Doumit suddenly have defensive skills?

    When Pedro comes, will Pirates baserunners suddenly refrain from running into outs?

    When Pedro comes, will Pirates hitters go to the plate in critical situations with some semblance of confidence rather than tangible anxiety?

    When Pedro comes, will McCutchen, for as well as he’s playing, suddenly remember to throw to the correct base?

    To paraphrase Chuck Noll: The Pirates have many problems, and they are great.

  3. PA Girl in VA
    June 16, 2010 10:22 am

    Wow, if he’s that good, ya gotta ask: How long ’til the Buccos trade him?

  4. Sean
    June 16, 2010 10:22 am

    What’s the over/under on when they trade him to the Nationals or Cubs?

  5. Shane Brown
    June 16, 2010 10:34 am

    If Pedro sees his shadow during his first major league at bat it means 6 more years of losing for the Buccos.

  6. Michael Hasko
    June 16, 2010 10:53 am

    For a slightly non-poppy version of that song at the end of your post, I present this:


    I look at it this way, you can’t get much worse, what’s not to lose by trying something new. It’s a small thing to get hopeful about, but it’s there.

  7. ManInBlack
    June 16, 2010 10:56 am

    One good player isn’t going to help this team. The MLB is littered with good players that were former Pirates. Alvarez will come up, play for a few years and be traded away, just like Giles, Bay, Ramirez, and every other decent player the Pirates have had in the last 20 years.

    Sadness abounds.

  8. Matt
    June 16, 2010 11:00 am

    Like bucdaddy said, one person will not turn off the suck. Makes me wonder, what fans will cry for next when he doesn’t work out? I can’t wait to see what happens when these supposed good players want to be paid big money.

  9. Al
    June 16, 2010 11:24 am

    Comparing Pedro Alvarez to Sidney Crosby is like comparing Jim Varney to Marlon Brando.

    Both fine actors, but you just aren’t going to get the same result.

  10. gunnlino
    June 16, 2010 11:24 am


  11. bucdaddy
    June 16, 2010 11:47 am


    He could work out great, he could hit 25 homers and be rookie of the year and still not make nearly as big a difference as most fans think he will. There’s a measure of performance called WAR, which stands for Wins Above Replacement. It’s meant to quantify how many more wins your team would theoretically compile over a season if, say, Albert Pujols were your first baseman rather than Bobby Crosby or Jeff Clement (i.e., replacement-level stiffs, boderline major-league players).

    For the past four years Pujols, one of the greatest hitters I have ever seen, has averaged abou 8.7 WAR. That means if Pujols became a Pirate starting today and played every game the rest of the season, he’d elevate the team from the 55 wins it appears to be heading for to around 60.

    So: Everybody calm down.

  12. Dan (Not Onarato)
    June 16, 2010 12:43 pm

    18 straight wins starting tonight! This is the year!

    Anyone? Zober?

    I still think that there is a parallel between the Pirates and the movie “Major League” so dont be surprised if they have a cardboard cutout of Huntington in the locker room. Just sayin.

  13. unsatisfied
    June 16, 2010 12:52 pm

    bobbleheads! we got your bobbleheads!

    oh, and fireworks, too!

    just don’t mind the shitty home team down there on the field….

  14. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    June 16, 2010 1:04 pm

    Let’s go Bucs!

  15. naten53
    June 16, 2010 1:10 pm

    Dear Pirates, please bat Pedro Alvarez or Ryan Doumit behind Garrett F. Jones. He could use some protection from an actual good batter so he sees some pitches to hit. Also, to make yourself look smart John Russel, bat Walker, McCutchen, Doumit, Jones, and Alvarez in that order please.

    And for you nay sayers, yes I did look it up, every game this year. Garrett F. Jones batting average with Doumit hitting behind him is 0.296 and with anyone else is 0.236

  16. toni
    June 16, 2010 1:21 pm

    The only song I know is how do you spell suck??? P I R A T E S!!!! Pirates!!!! Yay team!!!!!

  17. Kathy
    June 16, 2010 1:35 pm

    Even two people will not kill the suck.

    I was at last night’s game and watched McCutchen steal 3 bases…it was like he recognized that he was the ONLY one capable of remotely performing like an actual MLB player and therefore it was all up to him. pathetic.

  18. PittinDC
    June 16, 2010 2:08 pm

    I mean, if Strasberg can do it for the Nats… maybe Alvarez can do it for us. Unlikely.. but it would be nice!

  19. Out of town
    June 16, 2010 4:00 pm

    Sweet, can you imagine how many prospects we can trade him for? We can get some really good ones what we can use to trade for even better prospects.

  20. CrashJK
    June 16, 2010 4:17 pm

    I for one am torn as to whether I’m buying an Alvarez #17 jersey or Tabata #31 jersey or Walker # 18 jersey…Yep ! I’m excited about the young blood…PLAY BALL !!!!

    and….LET’S GO PENS !

  21. Carol
    June 16, 2010 4:54 pm

    #3 Wow, if he’s that good, ya gotta ask: How long ’til the Buccos trade him?

    This. If he turns out to be worth something, he won’t be here long. After all, the Nuttings are in business here and when a decent player comes along, things are golden indeed.
    And people will still buy tickets.

  22. Shane
    June 16, 2010 5:01 pm

    Nats are 4-3 since Stasburg came up. 2-3 when he didn’t pitch, and 1-3 against major league baseball teams since 3 of the 4 wins came against the Buccos.

  23. empirechick
    June 16, 2010 7:21 pm

    LOL @ Shane Brown – as I write this @ 7:20 pm, the sun is bright and shiny, so I guess 6 more years of suck is on the horizon!

  24. PK
    June 16, 2010 8:44 pm

    Well, as I write this it’s 8:42 p.m., bottom of the 7th and the Suckos are down 5-1.

    How’s that hopey-changey thingy workin’ for ya? :)

    Sorry; bad mood today.

  25. NW PA Joe
    June 16, 2010 11:29 pm

    There are rumblings that Russell will be gone soon. So it appears the Pirates are serious about winning. LOL

  26. GoBobbo
    June 16, 2010 11:33 pm

    !!!! You just quoted Miley Cyrus! I just eeeked!

    I <3 that song!!!!

  27. oddmanout
    June 17, 2010 1:26 am

    Guess what…..they STILL SUCK!

  28. Slick Van Slyke
    June 17, 2010 10:02 am

    It’s hard for me to believe that with 18 (and counting) years to get it right, the Pirates management is still grasping. Yes, it’s exciting that the top three “prized” prospects have been called-up are now in the Show. Let’s see if they can do anything. If not, does management blow-it-up again and start over again? Not sure how much more of this I can take.

  29. bucdaddy
    June 17, 2010 10:16 am

    Umm, Slick, you know it hasn’t been the same management for 18 years, don’t you?

  30. Slick Van Slyke
    June 17, 2010 10:27 am

    @ 29: meet the new boss, same as the old boss…

  31. unsatisfied
    June 17, 2010 10:49 am

    btw — it’s 17 seasons and counting — not 18.

    though — since the succos are kicking so much ass at sucking so badly this season, perhaps we should just go ahead and round it up to 18.

  32. Slick Van Slyke
    June 17, 2010 10:57 am

    Considering they’re already 19 games under, have the second worst winning percentage in MLB and would seem to be firmly ensconced in last place in the NL Central, I don’t think I was going too far out on a limb by already giving them credit for the 18th losing season (and counting) in a row. Eight more losses and they’re half-way to 100!