This weekend is one of the best weekends of the year in Pittsburgh because it is [fist pump] ANTHROCON 2010! [rocker kick] [cat-like wrist lick/ear rub] Meeeeeow. Woof woof. [fishie lips].
I heart Anthrocon so much because it bring thousands of Furries, as they are called, to Pittsburgh to parade their fursuits and furheads and tails and ears and scary scary dead soul-sucking eyes through the streets of the Burgh.
Do I understand Furries? Hell no.
And you know what they say, “If you don’t understand it, mock it.”
It’s not that I’m mocking their choice to prance around wearing a wolf’s head with Barney’s body, I’m just drawing attention to the weirdness of it.
That’s right. In this PC world where it’s wrong to label things and people that are different as weird, I’m hacking a hairball in the face of the PC Police and I’m calling Furry behavior weird.
I’m sorry. If you want to play the harmonica while jumping on a trampoline in a Wonder Woman suit, I’ll say, “Hey, that’s weird!”
If you walk down the sidewalk naked, I’ll say, “That’s weird! And illegal! And ARE YOU RUNNING LIKE A PENGUIN?! BUSTED.”
If you go to every single Buccos home game of the season, I’ll say, “That’s weird, you weird masochist.”
If you are in the grocery store rubbing cantaloupes on your bare belly while singing “I Adore, Mi Amor,” I’ll say, “That’s weird. I wonder if that’s a ripeness test. Wait. ARE YOU RUNNING LIKE A PENGUIN?! BUSTED.”
Weird isn’t so much wrong, as it is, you know, weird! Out of the ordinary. Not normal behavior.
And do not tell me that Furries don’t know how weird being a Furry is. They have to.
And don’t tell me they don’t want attention.
They walk down the street dressed as the love child of a wombat and Iceburgh and call themselves names like FoxyRoxyBooBooSaur and have dogpiles and zoos and furry raves. That’s a CRY for attention. And it’s WEIRD!
And I effing love it. I’m not the only one. Check out Kiss Morning FreakShow Mikey’s furry freestyle rap!
In addition, Twitter is amazingly fun if you follow the #ac2010 hashtag.
Psst, Artie. Maybe it’s ’cause you’re dressed like a purple CareBear.
Let’s take a look at some pictures that have come out of the Internet since the Furries started showing up in Pittsburgh yesterday, shall we?
Come away with me Burghers, on a super trippy trip that requires no LSD. Just your eyeballs and the acceptance that some things, you can’t unsee. You can click each picture and it will take you to their sources.
The lovechild of Lady Gaga and a cheetah!
Narnia meets The Smurfs meets Satan meets Andy Warhol!
Shit. Run, camera guy! He’s using the Force!
Or, he’s in the very first beats of a boyband dance.
This just in … I’m still terrified of birds.
That’s what The Hulk would look like if he ate Woody Woodpecker. True story.
That picture comes from @woodysworldtv‘s Twitter account and he has TONS of awesome Furry pics from today. Go see!
Weird. I thought animals sniffed each others butts in greeting.
This also just in. I’m now terrified of bunny rabbits, particularly ones that look like they have furry silver penises glued to their foreheads where the unicorn horn should be.
On twitter, @horsecave caught this furry in action, with TRAINING WHEELS ON ITS TAIL!
If you were blind and you asked me to describe what I was seeing and this Furry walked past us, I’d say, “Well, what we have here is an albino horse. Wait, no, an albino crocodile. Wait, no, a pink-eyed white wolf-horse with antlers and Pamela Anderson’s weave. Wait. I think that might be the baby of that flying dragon thing from The Never Ending Story. Wait. THAT THING IS RUNNING LIKE A PENGUIN! BUSTED.”