As you know, my four sisters and I often email back and forth, occasionally allowing my parents in on the threads, but only those threads that don’t talk about SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL.
One of the threads we did not include my parents on recently — avert your eyes, boys — was a thread about bikini waxes. Specifically, one sister, who shall remain nameless asked us other sisters if we’d ever used an at-home bikini wax kit, did it hurt, and how long did it last? She said she was asking for her “friend.”
I am aware that if the phrase Too Much Information had not yet been invented, that it would have been invented today after this post, but I’m sharing anyways because IT IS FUNNY.
So, after some back and forth in which three of us chimed in with our opinions and experiences, Tina Fey chimed in with:
I have an actual friend who had one and she said that for a week afterward her female parts looked like an angry bald man. Do with it what you will.
ANGRY BALD MAN. LOL.
One of the threads we DID include my parents on was our annual email discussion about what we will each be cooking for our night to cook at the family beach extravaganza in North Carolina.
For about, oh, 8 years now, Tina Fey has always made the same thing — bechamel pasta with prosciutto. Proscuitto is pig and my father hates eating pork. So each vacation when it was Tina Fey’s night to cook, my father would sit there and pick the pork out of his pasta like a toddler picking individual oregano flecks out of spaghetti sauce. Just begging for a time out and a forfeiture of dessert, that one.
This year, things will be different:
Tina Fey: So I’m calling the faux Italian meal for vacation. I’m making ravioli lasagna. No piggy meat, Dad!!! Let’s start planning, people!!
Me: David is cooking our meal, but I am making Peach Crisp with Maple Cream Sauce for dessert because, well, I can and it doesn’t suck. YAY.
Princess Aurora: We are making bacon wrapped pork loin with a pork au jus sauce. With a side of cracklins. And for an appetizer pickled pigs feet. Be sure to suck in between the toes for the most flavor!
I heard my father fall out of his chair, from two miles away.
And my parents were CERTAINLY not included on the thread about how teens these days are way hotter than they were when we were teenagers, that included this gem about one of the four of them:
I’m sure a cougar with a hole in her skull that her brain is poking out of which thereby puts pressure on her ear drum giving her an inner ear imbalance thus leading to dizziness and an overwhelming desire to puke during sex is a total turn-on for 18-year-old guys.
My sisters are bonkers.
God love ’em.