It’s hot these days in Pittsburgh.
I love it.
94 degrees today and the A/C in my car is dead. I drive around in 94 heat with my windows down, letting the nice soupy air blow in my face, scalding my lung tissue.
Today, I swear, my kneecaps were sweating.
I love it. I’m hoping the pigeons start bursting into flames soon.
It’s not Arizona, Vegas or Baghdad where it’s 125 degrees every day. It’s only ninety three measly degrees.
I love it.
Because it is not snowmageddon. It is not five feet of snow. It is not a tiny bit cold. No chill. No fresh breeze. Just stagnant, hot, smelly, humid air.
I love it.
Ask me again in August, but right now, I love it.
I will however admit that the heat has apparently driven everyone at the Post-Gazette absolutely mad.
They had a reporter cover the story of a kitten being rescued from a storm sewer in South Park.
One very small, very frightened kitten was rescued from a storm sewer in South Park today after more than four hours of effort by three animal-loving residents, four professional plumbers, municipal public works employees, an animal control officer and the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation.
God, I hope they then tried to interview the kitten. Maybe they did. How else did they know he was “frightened?”
“When the plumber was calling your name trying to coax you out, why didn’t you just come?”
“Meow meow merl meow nom meow hiss.” Which translates roughly to, “First, my name is not ‘Kitty’; it’s Joe, and also, I’m a cat. I don’t ‘come when called.'”
“What was going through your mind during your ordeal?”
“Meow meow merl murl meow meow hiss [lick] meow mew.” Which translates to, “I tell you, that was some frightening shit.”
Proof #2 that everyone at the P-G has lost their everlovin’ minds:
A suggestion under THIS headline:
That’s right, Burghers. The Post-Gazette just told us girls to put our bras and panties in the freezer for eight hours before wearing them. And tomorrow morning all the ladies in the Burgh are going to be walking around with some VERY cold privates and some VERY perky breasticle regions (tm mindbling).
Are you feeling left out, boys? Don’t! Because the Post-Gazette has a suggestion for YOU!
What’s less than underwear, you ask? Well, I got out my calculator and did the math and I found out that the answer is NAKED!
Hey, someone stop by the Post-Gazette in the morning and let me know if they really have gone mad. You’ll know by all the pointy boobies and rampant nakedness.