The other day, I read some headline or news crawl or something that said basically, “Pirates something something at mid-season point.”
“Something something” was probably “continue to suck” or “suck” or “smell” or “can’t pull out of death spiral” or “are mired in consecutive losses” or “try to commit suicide” or something like that. I don’t recall.
Anyway, my thought when I read that headline or crawl was, “WE ARE ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE SEASON?! SON OF A MOTHER.”
This has been the longest season of baseball ever, because losing makes baseball boring and long, as if baseball wasn’t boring and long enough.
And the Pirates know all about losing:
They are currently … God … 28 wins away from .500 ball.
18 games behind first place.
They’ve lost their last 6 games and 7 of their last 10.
They continue to have the next to the worst record in MLB, thanks to the generous Orioles who must wake up every morning and say, “We suck, but we’re doing a great thing for those Pirates.”
But there is hope! Because while the rest of all baseball is tinkering their squads to make a run at meaningful Fall ball, the brizzilliant Buccos management have snagged the future of the MLB and signed him up!
Club officials announced that they indeed have signed the first Belarusian to a major-league contract, 16-year-old, right-handed pitcher Aleksey Lukashevich of Brest Zubrs’ baseball and softball club.
Dude just turned 16 on June 1.
First we had the two Indians who won the reality contest. Rajesh and Dingbat or something? Whatever happened to them? Let me find out. Hang on.
Breaking ball getting better now. i pitching 1 & 1/3 inning yankees and i getting 2 strikeout and two fly out. i giving no runs so this is good.
I hoping that i pitching good continue for Pirates. Dinesh and me hoping we going forward this season, but we just trying our best all times. All we can doing for this is trying best.
And now we’ve signed a Belarusian toddler. Fan-freaking-tastic.
Also, I have it on good authority that the Pirates have their eye on this guy, too: