That’s what she said.

I can’t decide which is my favorite local news story this morning.

Maybe you can help me decide.

Is it this story in which Channel 11 took a bunch of those ridiculous Shake Weights to a local gym and had the ladies try them out?

You’ve seen the Shake Weight, right? The exercise doohickey that makes it look like you’re, you know. YOU KNOW.

Right.

Well, well WPXI’s Robin Taylor, who I have never heard of before in my life, managed to create LOCAL NEWS COMEDY GOLD when the women testing the product said things like:

“The more you do, the more you feel it.”

“It doesn’t hit the spot.”

” You start breathing a little heavier. You sweat a little bit.”

I have to give major major kudos to Robin Taylor for keeping a straight face while shaking the Shake Weight and giving her news report. I know I’m like twelve-years-old because I’d have been all [giggle] [giggle] [ROTFLMAO].

And queuing up in the number two spot of hilarious local news stories, we have this gem out of Apollo.

A serial burglar wasn’t fooled by one couple’s security system – an inflatable doll they say had protected their home for years. The Eckmans in Apollo put the doll which has Raquel Welch’s face on it and a wig on the couch next to a window when they leave home.

They used a blow-up doll. With Raquel Welch’s face on it. I have searched the Internet and I and I cannot find a place selling a Raquel Welch Blowup Doll. So did they buy a regular blowup doll and put her face on it and if so, WHY? If this was for security reasons, maybe they want a slightly more threatening face? Like Steely McBeam’s?

You have to watch the video because Ken Rice somehow manages to keep the Eyebrows of Genuine Concern in place while introducing the story.

It gets better:

“It looks like she’s reading and she sits here as long as we’re gone and then when we come back we say, ‘Hello Alice, we’re back,'” Jane explained.

ALICE?! What’s wrong with Raquel?

The story itself is really sad. I mean, the couple lost some really treasured things, but I just can’t get past THE BLOWUP DOLL.

I guess I’m going to choose the Shake Weight story as my favorite for the day, because in that case, no one lost anything.

Except their dignity.

Also, six million dollars is the sum I would pay to see KDKA’s consumer reporter Jim Lokay profile the Shake Weight in a “Does it Really Do That?” segment.





26 Comments

  1. Jagoff
    July 16, 2010 9:34 am

    The shake weight is such a scam. I’ve been doing that since 6th grade, so I should be ripped. I guess my weight isn’t big enough.



  2. Jessica @ How Sweet
    July 16, 2010 9:37 am

    I have to go with the doll story. Freaky.



  3. BeauJacques
    July 16, 2010 9:50 am

    I’ve been using the Raquel doll to ride in the HOV lanes for years!

    I just returned from Vermont where I did see, along with real maple syrup and wonderful cheeses, an inflatable sheep for sale………..uh…….



  4. Dan (Not Onarato)
    July 16, 2010 9:52 am

    Now what would be really freaky is if you used the Shake Weight in front of the Racquel Welch blow up doll.

    Yeah that was SOOO uncalled for. Im sorry

    Now Im just trying to figure out what Horatio from CSI Miami would have to say about that….



  5. bucdaddy
    July 16, 2010 9:53 am

    There really isn’t much going on in your town, is there? You could use for a good earthquake, a tsunami, an oil drilling platform explosion, even … I dunno, graft and corruption and incompetence at the highest levels of the mayor’s office and in Harrisburg. Would KD’s “reporters” even begin to know what to do? Or would they just run in circles shouting “Breaking news! Breaking news!” until they fell over and broke their hair?

    Man, this shit makes Mike and Edye look like Edward R. Murrow.



  6. Virginia
    July 16, 2010 9:58 am

    “Broke their hair.”

    LOL



  7. BeauJacques
    July 16, 2010 10:01 am

    Bucdaddy is right.

    This parking lot/ parking meter sodomy that Lukey is trying to lube up (not listen to residents) should be front page- almost daily!

    Already struggling downtown businesses will get destroyed.



  8. bluzdude
    July 16, 2010 10:34 am

    Maybe they just bought a hot blowup doll and decided it looked like Raquel, in retrospect.

    And I REALLY want to know what the burglar though of “Alice”.



  9. Pittsburgh Tom
    July 16, 2010 10:47 am

    SNL already made fun of the shake weights in a fake commercials selling dvds of the shake weight commercials to guys.



  10. SteelCityPride
    July 16, 2010 11:15 am

    I live in close proximity to the Apollo area and I am not at all surprised by Raquel. It sounds exactly like something the elderly in this area would do. Although most people protect their homes with a gun and a big dog – when you go on vacation you have to trust that your neighbor with his gun and his big dog will protect your house.



  11. Carpetbagger
    July 16, 2010 11:40 am

    I find it amazing that the theives didn’t swipe Raquel! You know, for the “after party.” For security, of course.



  12. Monty
    July 16, 2010 11:44 am

    @ Bojack — “ride in the HOV lanes” is now my new favorite euphemism for scratching the itch.



  13. Pa-pop
    July 16, 2010 11:59 am

    VANDERGRIFT, PA (AP) – Reports of blowup burgler in Kiski Valley leave authorities deflated.

    AP 07 16 11:59 EDT



  14. Magnus Patris
    July 16, 2010 12:23 pm

    Man, I wish I thought of this when I was single, “Yes, I’m buying this blow up doll for HOME SECURITY, not for any weird, sad, lonely sexcapades. By the way, where do you keep the KY? You know to help keep the burglars away!”

    Also waiting for the “Bewb Master” to come out; you know for exercising our muscles.



  15. Angry Mongo
    July 16, 2010 1:36 pm

    I go with the shake weight for the simple fact that they own up to the stigma.

    I’m sad that WTAE didn’t do their own tests. Andrew Stockey could bookend the segment with a Freudian slip.



  16. CrashJK
    July 16, 2010 3:42 pm

    If anyone wants to know the origin of
    “That’s What She Said”….here you go…

    http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/3kfx

    I love Megan Mullally….



  17. Politicalpartypooper
    July 16, 2010 5:02 pm

    I feel confident in stating that if the Raquel doll had been using the shake weight when the burglar entered, nothing would have been stolen, except maybe a few hand towels.



  18. empirechick
    July 16, 2010 5:24 pm

    Thanks, CrashJK – that made my day!



  19. Leila
    July 16, 2010 5:56 pm

    Just spreading the word about failed reporter Robin Taylor, who is a disgrace to real journalists everywhere:

    Philadelphia residents are seething over the fact that reporter Robin Taylor had the chance to save 100+ animals from neglect and squalor, but instead chose to discourage tipsters from reporting the abuse to the media.

    Nutshell:
    An entire neighborhood has campaigned since August 2009 to have a South Philadelphia home inspected. The smell of feces, urine, and decomposition on Earp St. was so bad that neighbors have not been able to open their windows for an entire YEAR. Multiple dogs were heard barking and cying, yet not one animal was ever seen outside of the home. In October 2009 the Philadelphia City Paper wrote an article confirming that the odors emanating from the home were enough to make you vomit. Unable to provide the city with the “probable cause” needed to search the home (you can’t get a warrant based on smell- no matter how bad it is), neighbors enlisted the help of Robin Taylor, who was then employed by Fox Tv Philadelphia.

    Robin contacted the woman who lived at the home, and was told by the woman that the neighbors were lying about the smell because they did not like her and were just trying to harass her. She claimed to have 4 dogs and denied there being any unsanitary conditions at the home.

    Had Robin simply googled the address she would have seen the numerous websites and news sources that had confirmed there was something “rotten” at 739 Earp St. Had she visited the street herself, she would have realized that the smell was detectable up to a block away.

    Instead of doing her job, Robin sent the tipsters nasty e-mails accusing them of slandering a nice old lady. She told them to never contact Fox again, and said that if the neighbors continued to complain about the house she would report them for harassment and press to have them sued for slander. Many neighbors stopped contacting news stations at this point.

    2 days ago, 100+ animals were recovered from the squalid home on Earp St, where the feces in every room reached up to 3 feet high. The animals were malnourished and sick. The city removed 3 dead rotting dogs from the home, and stated that there may be more buried under the mountains of feces which stretched from wall to wall. The head of the PSPCA described it as the “worst hoarding situation and filthiest home [he has] seen in 20 years on the job.”

    Story and links are available here: http://leilathegoodrat.blogspot.com/2010/07/exposed-liars-hoarders-failed-reporters.html

    Screw Robin Taylor. She is nothing more than a vapid, mean-spirited mannequin who couldn’t investigate her way out of a paper bag.



  20. still a fan
    July 16, 2010 6:19 pm

    the blow up sheep is most likely a “love ewe”



  21. johnaz6312
    July 17, 2010 1:57 pm

    I laughed my butt off when I saw “the Wine rack” that Cassie shows on her link above. Better then the shake weight or the Raquel Doll Put together. Absolutley Hilarious!! And It was Sold Out too!!!



  22. johnaz6312
    July 18, 2010 1:10 pm

    Hey Cassie!! Thanks for the info on the “Beer Belly”!! Amazon has a distribution center out here in Phoenix in the West Valley. I should have it in about a day!!!



  23. Steverino
    July 19, 2010 11:45 am

    MORE BREAKING NEWS FROM WPXI! Honestly, the crap they put on under the guise of “news” is laughable. It’s not news, it’s swill to get people to watch after the next break so they can sell commercial time for Preparation H. Any resemblance between TV news and real journalism would be a fluke.