A few weeks ago, BurghBaby, which, I never know if I should call her BurghBaby, BurghBaby’s Mom, or Michelle, let’s go with Michelle.
God, first sentence and I’m already off on some side trail chasing a bunny rabbit. Back on path.
Michelle contacted me asking me if I wanted to participate in American Eagle’s 77 Kids Do Good Day, which meant showing up on the North Shore, hanging out with some super awesome bloggers, and giving stuff, including cash, away. General do-gooding hijinks, shenanigans, and tomfoolery on American Eagle’s dime?
So this past Wednesday, my son and I showed up in front of the Carnegie Science Center where Command Central for Do Good Day Pittsburgh would be. Most of the others were already there, as well as Mike Pound who was covering the story for the Beaver County Times. He got sunburned. Badly. Surrounded by moms and not a one of us looked at him and said, “Young man. You are burning! March inside right now and put some sunscreen on.” Bad moms.
Now, before I continue, I need to chase this little green froggy down this little side trail and tell you that I did not bring a camera to Do Good Day, because I don’t own a giant awesome zoomy camera that can be slung around my neck like all the other bloggers seemed to have. No, I have a piece of technological crap known as the Six Megapixel Digital Camera That Really Hates It When You Try to Zoom In On Something and Will Just Give You Blurry Pictures of Blurry Blobs. I think that’s the name. Google it.
Someday, I will have a better camera, but unless I wanted to shove my current crap camera into the pocket of my jean skirt and awkwardly pull it out to take pictures of awesome things that would be rendered into blurry blobs, I was going camera-less. Which I did. So this is me, stealing pictures from the other ladies who participated in said shenanigans. Clicking pictures will take you to their original source and I’ll also link you over to their kickass blogs. Let the poaching begin!
Back on track.
In addition to hundreds of backpacks for kids, that Michelle used American Eagle’s money to put together, in which they would find various ways they could use the contents to Do Good (letters to Veterans, Silly Bandz to give to their friends, etc.), we were each given a box of stuff and charged with one mission: Give it all away.
And there was a lot of stuff in these boxes! Candy, pinwheels, funny glasses, post-it notes, thank you notes … CASH.
Once the backpacks were given away, much to the delight of the children, I turned to my box and started clipping one dollar bills to a little sheet explaining what the receiver could do with their one dollar bill (pay the toll of the car behind them, patronize a lemonade stand, etc.), as well as a thank you card for them to use to thank someone in their life, and finally, all that I clipped to a coupon for 77 Kids, because hey, it’s their money.
All was well until the coupons started having sex.
My coupon stack was growing right before my eyes and like Grape Nuts, no matter how many I got rid of, I couldn’t get to the bottom. Coupon sex everywhere. Mating like rabbits. Having coupon babies by the litter and those new coupons were having unprotected premarital sex and were making grandbaby coupons. Michelle found it hysterical. I thought they should make coupon birth control.
Having exhausted a good portion of our giveaway items, we saved a whole bunch of dollars and Silly Bandz and headed for a walk from the Science Center, along the North Shore, all the way to Hyde Park.
Can I just say, giving people money is not always easy. Granted it’s just a dollar (no, American Eagle, I did NOT purposely put two or three dollars in a few of my bundles. Wink.), but some people look at you like you’re trying to hand them a screaming poopy baby. One man: “I don’t take money from women.”
But for the most part, Burghers loved the idea and I really hope most of them used their dollar(s WINK!) to do some good in some way.
Let’s look at pictures of my really atrocious humid-day hair!
Here are me and Cooper Monroe of The Motherhood watching illicit coupon sex.
Bow chicka bow.
Here are my cohorts in crime at Command Central, and there’s me giving disapproving looks to all the coupons for having so much sex.
This is Laura, another one of the Do Gooders who shall foreverhereafter be known as the Most High Priestess of Stickers.
We were given tons of Do Good stickers, (sticker sex is an entire other post), and I was all, “How am I going to get rid of hundreds of promiscuous stickers?!” Well, Laura is apparently so awesome and hot that getting a sticker from her is a big deal. Kids FLOCKED to her for stickers, but the rest of us trying to give a kid a sticker? REJECTED. So we gave them to Laura and she managed to get rid of EVERY sticker without throwing them in the trash. Long live the Most High Priestess of Stickers!
Here we are, in a photo taken by Jenna Hatfield, walking like a posse. We walked in slow motion and western music played in the background and it was high noon, pardner. As you can see, I’m still very much disapproving of the coupon sex.
Here I am, in a photo taken by Michelle, trying not to fall into the river while handing some kayakers (not a word) some money.
The word you’re looking for is “sexy.” “Bow chicka bow” would also work here.
By the time we reached the water area at Hyde Park, we were all sticky, sweaty, smelly messes, and the water was just what we needed. Here’s my son hanging out with the actual Burgh Baby and the adorable daughter of Gina from My Very Last Nerve.
By the way, Burgh Baby? Hates my guts. I could look at her and say, “You are the most beautiful princess in all the land and I would like to buy you a pony and a castle to live in,” and she would be all, “DIE.”
However, she loved my son for the simple fact that the boy can burp. I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP.
We were quickly the hit of the water area once word spread that those ladies down there have bags of Silly Bandz, because in case you didn’t know, Silly Bandz are kid crack. Boys, girls, four-years-old, twelve-years-old. It didn’t matter. They’d walk up to us all, “Psst. Yeah. [shifty eyes] I heard you have Silly Bandz.”
I had so much fun and if there is a job out there somewhere were I can just spend all day walking around Pittsburgh giving other people’s money away while preaching safe coupon sex, sign me up.
I am told I need to tell you that while I was engaged by 77 Kids and The Motherhood to take part in Do Good Day, this post was not sponsored by them, which I think you’ve figured out by now because somehow I don’t think they’d sponsor a post featuring kid crack and coupon sex.
Bow chicka bow.